Battle Beast Files – Series 2, Part 1

Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!
Series 2, Part I!

Number: 29
Name: Icky Iguana
Japanese Name: Iguanamons
Ruler of Country: King of Onomis
Position: Special Demolition Soldier
Weapon Name: Monsaberer (Brass Lightning-shaped Sword)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Iguana (Lime Green w/ Orange Armor)
A big freaking lime neon green lizard. Icky daringly wears orange with his lime body, knowing full well the fashion faux pas he’s creating. That’s why they call him Icky! For some reason Japan has given him a plural name with Iguanamons, but the “mons” is included in his Monssaberer weapon name. I guess they are referring to Olympus Mons, the highest point on the planet Mars. Hopefully, because “mons” also means “a mound of fatty tissue covering the pubic area in women”! That would make Iguanamons one of the dirtiest Beast names out there. (But not the dirtiest, he’s in Series 3!) Icky wasn’t that fascinating, sadly for him, and never did much. I managed to get two of him for some reason, and the one that lost an arm I painted dark blue, but this was while I was 12 or so, so it’s sloppily done. Still, for a one-armed messy blue Iguana, he still looks more like a winner than Icky himself. Take that, Icky! Icky is the King of Onions. Huh? Oh, Onomis. There, too!
Number: 30
Name: Armored Armadillo
Japanese Name: Brown Gyro
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Eras
Position: Land Armored Soldier
Weapon Name: Gyroder (Brass Double-Bladed Scythe)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Armadillo (Brown w/ Purple Armor)
Armored Armadillo is sort of an oxymoron. He was a manly man, wearing Purple Armor that bordered on pink. I’m guessing his double-sided weapon had some sort of gyroscope-related attack where it spun around or something, thus giving him the “Gyro” theme he had in Japan. Brown Gyro is not a cool name, either. You’d think he’d have a neat name, but instead Armadillo just balls himself up and hides from the world. His armored skin was a protection most Beasts couldn’t best, so Armadillo made it near the top tier numerous times, but the fact that he’s just an armadillo kept him out of the winners’ circle. I had two of him as well, one of which got a nice black paintjob, I guess he’d be Black Gyro! Armadillo is the Emperor of all Eras of Battle Beast history, or just a country named after a unit of time in plurals.
Number: 31
Name: Jaded Jag
Japanese Name: Power Jaguar
Ruler of Country: King of Aluchian
Position: Land Offensive Adjutant
Weapon Name: Jag Spear (Brass Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Jaguar (Yellow w/ Blue Armor)
Jaded Jag is so jaded he can no longer fight for his country. Jaded was burnt out by all the propaganda, all the cries of “For Fire, For Wood, For Water, and For Beast Star!” Jaded got sick of standing for the national anthem and posing for propaganda posters. Jaded got tired of the endless wars in impossibly small countries like Rabihos and Petora. Jaded felt betrayed by all the talk of loyalty and patriotism, but when he returned home, he was abandoned by the government. Jaded ended up living in the streets, unemployable due to post-traumatic stress disorder. Luckily, Jaded was helped out by a friend. A friend in need is a friend indeed, and Jaded Jag’s friend was his longtime brother-in-arms, Jaded Leopard. Jaded Leopard may just look like Jaded Jag in red armor, but he’s a whole different cat. A cat who looks out for his fellow felines. Jaded Leopard helped Jaded Jag get the therapy he needed, and now Jaded Jag ain’t so jaded, but he keeps the name, to remember.
Number: 31
Name: Jaded Leopard
Japanese Name: Power Leopard
Ruler of Country: The Other King of Aluchian
Position: Land Offensive Adjutant
Weapon Name: Leopard Spear (Brass Spear)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Leopard (Yellow w/ Red Armor)
Jaded Leopard is just a red repaint of Jaded Jag. I renamed him Leopard because I wanted both armor colors, and he could easily be a different Beast. For some reason, the Red version is considered the common version, but when I was growing up, the blue one was everywhere, and the red took me forever to find. The Jaded paint variations and the Mole paint variations were the most commonly known variations, since they are the most obvious. So Leopard is Jaded Jag’s closest friend, and is the only reason Jaded Jag hasn’t gone down the dark road of despair to the big emptyness beyond.
Number: 32
Name: Humungous Hippo
Japanese Name: Strong Hippo
Ruler of Country: King of Ganborujia
Position: Amphibious Transportation Unit
Weapon Name: Aqua Hippo (Brass Crested Axe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Hippo (Gray w/ Blue Armor)
Hippos are one of the most feared animals in Africa. Humungous Hippo, unfortunately, is just an average Beast on the fear factor, possibly leaning toward “cute” status. The problem is he looks too much like a Hungry Hungry Hippo. That should have been his real name, anyway. Hippo was packaged with the Shocking Shark base in Japan, thus justifying his Amphibious Transportation Unit title. When not transporting units, he’s the King of Ganborujia, known for it’s delicious mangoes and it’s ridiculously long name.
Number: 33
Name: Major Moose
Japanese Name: Wave-Moose
Ruler of Country: King of Eras
Position: Supersonic Mountain Combatant
Weapon Name: Wave-Mooser (Brass Antler Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Moose (Brown w/ Light Blue Armor)
Major Moose and Colonel Bird are the military ranked Beasts. They sit in their war room and come up with strategies to send hundreds of young Beasts to their deaths. Thanks to kickbacks from the Military Industrial Complex, Major Moose can retire a millionare. Too bad for him Pirate Lion won’t let him retire, and is forcing him to personally lead a land assult on a heavily fortified base. Alone. At twelve noon. Dressed like a clown. Armed with three tomatoes and a carrot. Who’s making money now, Major? Seriously, this guy is the Supersonic Mountain Combatant, which sounds ridiculous, and even his weapon is called a “Wave-Mooser” meaning it might shoot sonic waves or something. Just ignore that it looks like a menorah.
Number: 34
Name: Delta Chameleon
Japanese Name: Green Chameles
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Onomis
Position: Camouflaged Offensive Soldier
Weapon Name: Magna-Leon (Brass Two-Tined Battleaxe)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Chameleon (Green w/ Blue Armor)
Here he is. The main villain from the Blackthorne Battle Beasts comic. Delta Chameleon. Just called Chameleon by Blackthorne, probably because his real first name is the delta character, not delta spelled out, and they thought he was just called “Chameleon”. In the comics, Chameleon could change his symbol to either Fire, Wood, or Water at will; and masterminded the villain characters, basically plunging the world into a land of chaos and destruction. With his camouflage ability, Delta would be a formidable opponent. Usually set up as a hidden warrior who was hard to see during playtime, he was easily exposed by throwing mud or flour on him, allowing the main character Beasts to defeat him easily. Delta was usually one of the bad Beasts, on the playground, in the comics, and in Japan (being a Decepticon) making him a universally recognized Evil Mastermind of Evil Evilness. He’s so bad, he probably uses the Powerglove to play Super Mario Brothers 3. Delta plays by his own rules, and even defies the Beasts on his side, working against them if it’s in his own interest. He is a rival of Puzzelcolor, and craves stealing his Shield Battler for himself. One day he will succeed, but how many Beasts will be hurt in his attempt?
Number: 35
Name: Kickback Kangaroo
Japanese Name: Jungaroo
Ruler of Country: King of Chibara
Position: Jumping Combatant
Weapon Name: Garoorang (Brass Boomerang Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Kangaroo (Gray w/ Aqua Armor)
“Jumping Combatant”? Way to stereotype. The wonder from down under, the king of the ring, Kickback Kangaroo will hop his way into your heart! Like all kangaroos, Kickback enjoys boxing, hopping, boomerang throwing, and kicking it with his homies. Kickback is not to be confused with Laser Beast Kickback (a grasshopper) or the Insecticon Kickback (an Insecticon). Perhaps Kickback should get a less common name. Like Kickbutt! Kangaroo has a boxing glove over his left hand, allowing him to punch his way to victory. Kangaroo was a cool Beast, and was always near the top of the heap fightwise. His boomerang sword allowed dramatic moments like him throwing the sword, getting cut down by a foe, and then the sword spinning back and impaling the foe in the back. This made good imaginary cinema for 9 year olds.
Number: 36
Name: Octillion Octopus
Japanese Name: Red Octo
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Tamalaham
Position: Sea Mine “Explosives” Soldier
Weapon Name: Octo-Anchor (Brass Double-Headed Arrow Spear)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Octopus (Red w/ Blue Armor)
Red Octo manages to have another unimaginative name from Japan. Far more interesting is that Octillion Octopus was bought by my sister, and she subsequently made Octopus into a girl. So whenever I see Octopus, I think of her as a her. So she is the Emperess of Tamalaham. She is an Explosives Soldier. She is a Decepticon. What is with the name Tamalaham? It’s like Lama-rama-ding-dong! Maybe it’s named after the President Tamalaham Lincoln. Octopus’s got 8 arms, thus being an octopus. Exciting, but Octopus was outclassed by Cutthroat Cuttlefish as far as the tentacle-brigade goes.
Number: 37
Name: Wolfgang Walrus
Japanese Name: Sea-Iron
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Chibara
Position: Underwater Maneuvers Unit
Weapon Name: Sea Saber (Brass Harpoon Axe Weapon)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Walrus (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
The child prodigy who became the greatest composer of the Classical age. The apparent simplicity and clarity of his music belies its enormous difficulties, and he is especially famous for his piano concertos, operas, string quartets and wild sense of humor. Oh, wait, that was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart! Wolfgang Walrus is a Battle Beast who isn’t full of blubber, despite being full of blubber! Wait, that doesn’t work….but we’ll go with it anyway! Ruling Chibara with Kangaroo (that is an odd pairing) Walrus is a tusk above the rest. Wolfgang Walrus has brilliant white tusks, unlike his brother, Ludwig. Wolfgang further shows off his pearly whites by added white highlights to his armor, thus bringing out his brightness more. Wolfgang earns $51,500 a year from Crest doing advertising.
Number: 37
Name: Ludwig von Walrus
Japanese Name: Sea-Iron
Ruler of Country: The Other Emperor of Chibara
Position: Underwater Maneuvers Unit
Weapon Name: Ludwig von Sea Saber (Brass Harpoon Axe Weapon)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Walrus (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
This is the Grey-tusked version of Wolfgang Walrus, his brother, Ludwig. Ludwig is not a big believer in Oral Hygiene, thus he has never cleaned his tusks. Ludwig vows to only clean them when “the enemies of my people are vanquished forever!” As new enemies keep popping up, Ludwig’s tusks have taken the same dirty-grey color as he is. Ludwig’s main distinction from his brother is his green eyes, which he gets from their father, Johann Sebastian Walrus. Ludwig has, in turn, added green highlights to his armor, where his brother uses white. They weild identical weapons.
Number: 38
Name: Powerhouse Mouse
Japanese Name: Scout Mouse
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Ganborujia
Position: Special Reconnaissance Soldier
Weapon Name: Scousaber (Brass Sword)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Mouse (Gray w/ Red Armor)
Mickey’s little brother Powerhouse fell into a timewarp and emerged on Plant Beastia. He was at first shunned, but soon learned the Way of the Warrior and became a great fighter. Soon, he developed Beast Symbol powers, and designed his weapon, the Scousaber. Powerhouse was always greedy and looked out for himself, despite Mickey’s teachings. He turned to the dark side, and joined the Decepticons. Powerhouse’s skill of sneaking around came in handy during many important battles, such as the Battle of Bison Hill, and the Battle of Bodonia. Powerhouse took over leadership of Ganborujia, but it cost him his left hand, which has been replaced by a shovelhead. This new hand aides Powerhouse in digging tunnels beneath enemy bases, furthering his sneaky ways.
Number: 39
Name: Dragoon Raccoon
Japanese Name: Dark Raccoon
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Madora
Position: Explosives Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Dark Fire (Brass Pinetree-Shaped Glaive)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 2
Species: Raccoon (Tan w/ Green Armor)
Dark Raccoon is an actual good Japanese name. Amazing. Too bad it doesn’t make much sense, as Dark Raccoon is an Autobot, aka a good guy! Maybe Dark means something different in Japan. Dark Raccoon likes to blow stuff up, just like real raccoons. Dark Raccoon would blow more stuff up, but he’s too busy washing his food before he eats it. He washes his food all the time, constantly. He misses fights, important events, epic battles, the birth of his firstborn son, everything, because he must wash his food. He even forgets to defuse bombs because he has to wash his food, the resulting explosion killed Slasher Seahorse’s father, turning him evil.
Number: 40
Name: Antic Anteater
Japanese Name: Power Nozzle
Ruler of Country: King of Tamalaham
Position: Vacuum Offensive soldier
Weapon Name: Nozzle Arm (Brass Three-Pincered Club)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 2
Species: Anteater (Red w/ Aqua-green Armor)
Power Nozzle? Now that’s two cool Japanese names in a row! Japan seems fixated on Anteater’s oral ability, christening him a Vacuum Offensive soldier. This is because he sucks! Wait, not that kind of suck. He does the non-sucking sucking. Anteater shares rulership over Tamalaham with Octopus, as that country like rulers who are red. Anteater’s greatest nemesis was Attacking Ant, and they fought a duel for three weeks at the top of Mount Madora, until Anteater plunged his club into the skull of Attacking Ant, slaying him. Anteater performed the Ritual of the Twelve Nights, fasting over his defeated foe except for the pieces of Attacking Ant that he ritually ate. This gave Anteater added powers, which aide him in battle. Attacking Ant’s brother, Avenging Ant, vows that he will bring the killer of his kin to justice. For the time being, Antic Anteater is still large and in charge.
Series 1, Part IISeries 2, Part II

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

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