[adrotate banner=”7″]Like the rest of Planet Earth, I’m a big fan of 1970s movies about girls with supernatural powers that they use to slay their enemies. Thus, RiffTrax’s new VOD, Kiss of the Tarantula, is simply a must-get. Not only does the heroine get her revenge with an army of tarantulas that she controls, but there’s also a creepy uncle! Unfortunately, there isn’t a giant spider made out of an old VW Beetle, so this can’t be the best spider movie ever. But it’s the best spider movie where the spiders are controlled by a teenage girl ever!
Did you ever watch the movie Carrie and think, “hm, pretty good, but her creepy home life wasn’t nearly creepy enough”? Then boy, have we got something for you!
Meet Susan. She’s just like any other troubled teen, except her dad is an undertaker, their house is a mortuary full of corpses, she’s got a sleazy uncle who’s around a little too often, and a room full of pet tarantulas who do her bidding. And what’s her bidding, exactly? Revenge murder against those who’ve wronged her, of course! And how exactly do the tarantulas kill her enemies, given that tarantulas are really not that dangerous to humans? Well, they… um… you’ll just have to watch the movie and see if you can figure it out, because we really can’t.
Some of the slowest murders in film history, a final sequence so drawn out that the first time we screened it we were in tears (the laughing kind of tears, mostly), and middle-aged teenagers galore! Time to pucker up for your Kiss of the Tarantula!