Bone Alone is not a porn film, but a Talking Dog Home Alone from Asylum!


Merry Christmas, you filthy animals! Asylum is back to take that literally, by giving us what we’ve all be craving – a Home Alone ripoff that features talking dogs! Bone Alone looks so much like Home Alone from the trailer, that this will be a Christmas classic for years to come, even featuring completely unrelated terrible sequels made decades later.

Bone Alone follows a similar plot to Home Alone: Bone the dog is a bad doggie and is forbidden from going to grandma’s house for food, so he’s left home alone. Where a bunch of thieves break in, and Bone must defend his house with all his doggie powers. Which involves lots of traps that Bone is somehow able to put together despite having no opposable thumbs. Also he talks, and there are other talking dogs, so Bone isn’t really alone. Why Bone doesn’t just yell at the burglars is a mystery. Kevin Sorbo shows up with a “dog catcher” uniform on, and is exploded. Now we know why Bone was left alone — he’s the Unabomber!

Perhaps this will spawn an entire genre of dog-themed mockbusters of popular films. A Jurassic Bark that doesn’t make you cry, anyone? Bone Matrix? Commandog? I demand all these films be made. By Christmas!

Also I lied, Bone Alone IS a porn film, but it’s a different Bone Alone!

Bone Alone

A real title

Bone Alone

Hi, my name is Bone. Kevin McBone

Bone Alone

This is the scene where Bone tricks the burglars into thinking multiple dogs are home

Bone Alone

Dumping food products on thieves is a Home Alone tradition

Bone Alone

Even Hercules can’t defeat Bone

Bone Alone

This is amaze-dog!

Bone Alone

This dog’s devil voice is my favorite part of the trailer

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!