Tokyo Ballistic War – Cyborg High School Girl VS. Cyborg Beautiful Athletes Vol.2
aka Tokyo Ballistic War Vol.2
Written by Takashi Misumi
Directed by Eiji Kamikura
Tokyo Ballistic War Vol.2 is here to answer all the questions we had at the end of Tokyo Ballistic War Vol.1. Like “Huh?” and “What?” and “Stop talking to me about Tokyo Ballistic War Vol.1! I’m calling the cops, creepo!” Okay, maybe the last one is just what people around me say as they frantically back away and spray mace, but the story continues. Zen Pictures gets creative, breaking the narrative from the original, as it was about taking down overpowered cyborg athletes, it’s now about saving your friend from fates worse than death. And taking down overpowered cyborg athletes on the side.
All your favorite cyborg devices are back, along with a few new surprises. They clearly wanted the final battle between Ai and Megumi to pack an emotional punch alongside the CGI cyborgial punch. Though Zen Pictures does include all the Zen Pictures tropes, so you fan service and torture fans have your cake as well. But please eat it at a different spot, this is the cool kids table.
As interesting as these films are just for their existence in the middle of a cottage industry of specialized cheap films, they don’t possess enough individual specialness to shine outside of their little corner. But they do make good role models in their little world. If the Tokyo Ballistic War films do anything, I hope they inspire the other Zen Pictures films to aspire higher and better, perhaps paving the way for a true crossover film, or at least helping to build future great filmmakers.
When last we left the world of Tokyo Ballistic War, Ai had run out of energy and been kidnapped! And now let’s have 6 and 1/2 minutes of recapping! After all, how else are we going to fill up 60 minutes of film???
Koumoto declares he’s going to rip apart Ai Asaoka and rebuild her…but as evil!!! Thus begins the long torture sequence where he uses an industrial welding drill to try to take her apart. It whirs like a drill, sparks fly, and the patented Zen Pictures torture whining goes on and on. Holy phallic explosion, Batman! I think Freud saw this film and it’s what killed him with a brain explosion! Koumoto rips off her limbs and installs a computer virus program which is totally not just a memory card with something glued onto it. This will make her evil. EVIL!!! Of course, we know it’s not permanently evil because she’s not wearing a goatee, the true sign of evil.
Megumi awakens back in the JSA lab and wants to become a cyborg to rescue her friend, but Gondo can’t make her one because of CO2 regulations. Wait a minute, the prior film was all pro-green movement, and now this film is anti-green movement?
Instead, Megumi puts on a battery powered arm enhancers – a claw and a laser gun, and then goes to fight evil Athlete-roids DNJ-03 (Kyoko Yamaguchi) and DNJ-04 (Hitomi Oka)…who kick the crap out of her! Megumi is captured, so it’s flogging time for her! SHe’s chained up in the center of the room and Koumoto whips her with a cat-o-nine tails.
Ai bursts in…Megumi is happy and Koumoto is frightened…until Ai pulls a mixed drink out of a compartment in her leg (buh???) and gives it to Koumoto. Because she’s evil. EVIL!!! He laughs. Ai is DNJ-05 now. Ai then beats Megumi with an iron rod. She does that for so long and so hard that Megumi’s id falls out of her pocket. Ai picks it up and experiences flashbacks of their brief friendship in the prior film. Let’s pad this thing more!
The flashback works, Ai breaks free and gets her memory back, grabbing Megumi and escaping. So all it takes to bring back a friend is to show them a bad ID picture of yourself? But she physically saw Megumi, why did the picture of Megumi trigger things? Was it the JSA logo? Who knows.
Outside, Athlete-roids Kyoko Yamaguchi and Hitomi Oka challenge them to a battle. Ai fights, and a running gag seems to be Megumi getting repeatedly blown up by bombs lobbed her way. Will Megumi ever duck?
Kyoko Yamaguchi whips out her cans because she’s got some sort of weird chest armor that then appears. Kyoko Yamaguchi also now has giant rectangle smashers on her hands that remind me of M.U.S.C.L.E. toys. But this is all for naught, as Hitomi Oka gets burnt to a crisp and Kyoko Yamaguch gets tummy lasered through the head. It’s Megumi’s turn to get kidnapped as Koumoto then grabs her and runs off. Ai is out of energy again from the tummy laser.
Ai awakens at JSA base and gets a message from Koumoto to meet at an abandoned warehouse, so she rushes off. All these Zen Pictures films feature abandoned warehouses, so I can only assume that every abandoned warehouse in Japan is full of goons battling cyborg schoolgirls.
Megumi is there, and now she’s an evil android! Oh dear, it’s almost as if the film is repeating itself! And so the battle begins where Megumi runs through every weapon each of the prior athlete-roids used while kicking Ai’s butt with each one.
Ai must blow the limbs off Megumi to make her be friendly and destroy the evil virus program. I’m not sure how that works, why not try rebooting Megumi with a floppy disk in her mouth? I guess blasting a big hole in the middle of her does the job. Megumi is now good again, but Koumoto planted bombs all over the warehouse and everything is going to explode. Oh no! Will the girls get out in time??? The two hug as doom approaches…
A news broadcasts hints the two survived and saved people. I guess that’s one way to save on the budget, just have the news recap events off camera. Koutomo Gisuke is arrested for weapons smuggling charges, and then released for no evidence, and then died in a car crash. This is how you do budget cinema, people! When the money runs out, a narrator wraps up the story. I do find it great that some people are so concerned with integrity in sporting events that they would create a film about people so concerned about sports integrity that they’d fight to the death.
Rated 6/10 (skull-chip, thigh drink, knee missile, bad chip, electroface, eyeball communication)
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