Godzilland (Review)


Godzilland

Say kids, what time is it? It’s Godzilland time! YAAAAYYY!!

Wait, what the frak is Godzilland? Godzilland was a morning show for the kiddies that aired in Japan around the time Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla 2 came out. Besides that, I know nothing about the show except for this sample episode that will get documented here. There is little to no information about this show anywhere (at least in English) so join TarsTarkas.NET as we sail into uncharted territory! March of Godzilla 4 had to have some crazy surprise, now didn’t it?

The best part of Godzilland is the stylized cartoon kaiju

They are all over the opening sequence, we have larva Mothra, that human who we will see is the host, Mechagodzilla, Anguirus, Rodan, Baragon, Gigan, Godzilla, Moguera, Mechagodzilla, Mothra egg, and more Mechagodzilla

All of those Mechagodzillas probably mean that film either is about to or just came out. The inclusion of Moguera might indicate they already are working on SpaceGodzilla, but might not as SpaceGodzilla is MIA in the opening credits.

King Ghidorah, Mothra as a Moth, and Mecha-King Ghidorah show up in this frame

The top Kanji translate to “bouhan” which means “an exciting adventure” And Godzilland sure is!

Here is our host, I think his first name is supposed to be Russell but I might be wrong.

Russell hangs out with four Japanese chicks who are big Godzilla boosters

They are the Godzilla Chicks (a name I made up for them) and in the beginning Russell asks them questions from a pile of cards.

Interspacing animation time!

Holy Godzilla vs. Bambi, Batman!

The computer tells us all about King Ghidorah, Mechagodzilla, and other stuff.

Pass the eggs! Are all these monsters stoned?

COMMERCIAL BREAK!!

Buy our Pocky-like substance, Lucky! Or we will be even weirder Japanese people!

The most interesting commercial involves a rabbit and monkey collecting mushrooms…

Than a giant red guy yells at him!

That commercial was for candy.

Be the White Ranger with the White Ranger Sword! (or whatever he was called in Japan!)

More Super Sentai-ish stuff, I don’t recognize this toyline

“Daimugen”? This robot needs to lay off the Hostess Ding-dongs!

Godzilla is here to teach you!

Teach you about cheap site gags!

Okay, now the four Godzilla Girls are in school, with the host as the teacher

We also got this guy, who is some sort of doctor in the window.

Class is in session!

Let’s do haiku poems!

My poem is better

My poem has much honor!

Japanese girls laugh at silly gaijin Westerners

I enjoy haiku and Strike Witches!

Enjoy a nice video clip of Godzilla haiku!
[FLOWPLAYER=http://tarstarkas.net/movies/godzilland_clip3.flv,480,385]

This show is not a commercial. But buy these Bandai toys we are making poems about just by coincidence!

The story of Godzilla

Godzilla is crazy

Now Godzilla looks to be suffering from severe schizophrenia, he should be in psychiatric care not on a children’s show!

I’ll dameka you, Godzilla!

Surprise cameo from Mechani-Kong!

Tsuzuku? What the frak? I though we were done with that after we finished Godzilla Island! Those bastards!

And now the Godzilla News Network!

Frakking liberal media!

The news is mysteriously about the Godzilla movie just released in theaters…

This blatant commercialization sickens me to my metal non-soul!

Hey, Godzilla’s gotta eat, you jerk!

Just like any local news station…

No one cares about how children just learned violence solves problems.

Watch as the news becomes the news!
[FLOWPLAYER=http://tarstarkas.net/movies/godzilland_clip1.flv,480,385]

Children: Buy this Rodan Toy!

Cry and scream until Mommy buys you all of these Bandai toys!

Silly Godzilla, you can’t skateboard!

You are punished with a trivia question!

This is a tough one! Too bad they don’t tell us the answer!

Children, these toys are number one super star doki doki!

BabyGodzilla toyu desu!

Also buy our Godzilland sweatshirts, or Godzilla will hate you. You don’t want that, do you?

This sign says “Tora tora tora”

Because all you Japanese kids are fat, we gotta exercise!

Exercise you lard-butts!

Godzilla threatens to kick the butt of anyone who isn’t exercising!

Even these ugly Japanese children exercise!

Flight attendants exercise!

Even the dojo exercises!

Everyone exercise and conform! You bring dishonor if you don’t!

You can exercise also! Why you would, I don’t know…
[FLOWPLAYER=http://tarstarkas.net/movies/godzilland_clip2.flv,480,385]

Let’s talk to the Window Guy as the show closes!

Window Guy made a bad joke, so Russell covers him up and waves goodbye!

The show refuses to end without telling you about Bandai one more time

Also, Godzilla is smoking bubbles, including King Ghidorah..

Baragon…

Mothra…

Rodan…

And Mechagodzilla!

That’s it, so that’s all we got for Godzilland! Until more shows pop up online, this is all we will have. Kids seriously watched this? Anyone who thinks Japanese kids are more advanced than American kids just got a load of refutation thanks to this ridiculous program! Now we know Japanese kids are just as dumb as Americans, and their shows are just as stupid! Commercials disguised as TV shows are a universal concept. This one is nowhere near as fun as Godzilla Island was, but they can’t be all winners.

Please give feedback below!

Email us and tell us how much we suck!

Powered By DT Author Box

Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!