High School Ghosthustlers (Review)

High School Ghosthustlers

Senna Matsuda as Kyoko
Yuka Nakamori as Emi
Yuko Kitamura as Mayu
Directed by Yoshinori Nishikiori

High School Girls, Ghosts, penis monsters, live action hentai, Japan, if you like that stuff, here is a movie containing it. It’s campy trash, but it’s somewhat fun. And with three Japanese Models as main characters, it has plenty of eye candy to cover the boring stretches. After a slow opening, quickly interswitched with a high school girl jumping to her death, and then Kyoko is bungee jumping while Mayu and Emi sit talking. They are members of the Supernatural Phenomenon Research Club at their school. Their club is sponsored by Mr Shimada, who tells Emi, Kyoko, and Mayu that people this was part of a series of suicides and people are talking about the school being cursed, and he wants the girls to investigate. Of the girls, Kyoko is most interested in supernatural phenomenon because she wishes to see her dead grandmother again. Emi is the daughter of some sort of monk that performs exorcisms, and has some psychic powers. Mayu is basically there to fall down and ghosts to catch, and uses a ghost detector that looks like a toy gun. But the brave Mr. Shimada now has three high school girls wandering around an empty high school at midnight knowing that many high school girls have recently killed themselves. Around 12:30, they hear piano music, which turns out to be the weird janitor. As Kyoko and Emi go to the bathroom, Mayu gets attacked by scissors which cut off part of her clothes (oh, the horror :P). It is, naturally, the weird janitor, and Kyoko and Emi show up to help, and the Janitor tries to hypnotize Kyoko to kill herself, but she just beats the crap out of him. And he was responsible for the other girls’ deaths, so now the trio are heroines.

Next case, Ouija Boards (or Angle Boards –I think they meant Angel– or Cupid Boards) are becoming very popular at another high school, and a teacher there, Yuki, has asked Mr. Shimada for help, which he is more than happy to provide in the girls, since it will allow him to get more time to talk to Yuki. They first walk into a female student taking advantage of a male student. According to Emi, spirits don’t like getting called up for fun and are now getting ticked off and causing trouble. Emi’s dad has taught her some exorcism techniques, so she sets to work exorcising the demons. Some kite-looking ghosts vacate as Emi chants like a demon. Also, some stone is cracked open, that will be important to the plot later, so pay attention. Emi collapses, but eventually recovers (in case you were worried)

Mr. Shimada is happy, and they get more cases, and we are presented with a montage of places the girls have saved, complete with newspaper and magazine headlines such as “Ghost is a pervert” “Amateurs shouldn’t pray” and “Swamp Monster is happy” (thank goodness, I was worried about his depression)

Cut back to the exorcised school with the broken rock. Now girls are throwing themselves at anything with a penis. Yuki gets attacked by some sort of slug monster that looks just like a penis and balls….said creature goes up her skirt, and suddenly she’s gone into super-horny mode and starts coming onto a male student, who she sexes to death. The girls and Mr. Shimada soon show up, and Yuki takes him off to the gym to begin the sexing.

As The Trio walk the halls of the school, the Ghost Detector goes off near the ladies’ rest room. A girl exits, and inside is a male teacher, dead by sex. Kyoko and Emi are inside, and four penis slug monsters attack Kyoko. Emi repels them with her psychic powers. But everytime Emi and Kyoko are in the restroom, something attacks Mayu, who is now possessed by ghosts. Emi tries to blast her with more psychic powers, but it is ineffective, and Mayu tries to get it on with Kyoko. Emi talks to the ghost, and then tries again, and succeeds in getting rid of the ghost.

Yuki is still sexing Mr. Shimada, and is ready to sex him to death, but the girls bust in. Emi tries to save Yuki, but she cannot beat that ghost’s power, who then controls Kyoko and Mayu, and paralyzes Emi, when Emi’s Dad busts in and stops the ghost, but the ghost escapes. It turns out the high school was built on a former Red Light District, and is full of Erotomaniac Spirits, who are ghosts full of so much sexual desire they stay on Earth after they die. The main bad ghost here is Bunbei, who was sealed in the rock from earlier in the film by a passing monk years ago.

The Ghosthustlers suit up for battle, complete with combat fatigues bikinis and Emi’s monk costume with some paper streams on a stick. Emi is also armed with a talismans her father gives her. Mayu and Kyoko are armed with vacuum cleaners that suck ghosts in, cleanse their spirits, and send them off to the next world. They charge into the school and attack a long procession of silly looking ghosts. But the roof has become Tentacle Rape Central. Two girls cocooned up like from Aliens are rescued, but the king of all the penis monsters appears, and grabs Mayu (always Mayu, that girl must be made out of Monster Candy). Mayu is pulled into something that looks amazingly like the eggs from Aliens. Emi and Kyoko pull her out., but the monster emerges as well, and attacks.

The monster tricks Kyoko into thinking she is seeing her grandmother, which removes her from the fight. But she figures it out and begins to strangle the monster. Emi tries to exorcise again, and it looks like they win. But it’s all a trick! The monster returns for a second round, but Emi throws the talisman and KO’s the ghost. It dies, the school is saved, and no more penis monsters. Then the girls end the movie by making Mr. Shimada Bungee Jump.

Rated 7/10

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!