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Jade Dagger Ninja (Review)

Jade Dagger Ninja

aka Han shan fei hu

1982
Directed by Li Chao-Yung

There are no ninjas here. Jade Dagger Ninja suffers from being brought over to America in the middle of the ninja craze. The dubbing is comedic, with cartoon effects as characters go flying or go to the bathroom (yes that happens.) Some of the lines are laugh out loud hilarious, but I am certain some of them aren’t the actual lines unless Taiwanese cinema has taken to including English puns in their Chinese dialogue.

Jade Dagger Ninja is known by many names: Han shan fei hu, Jade Dagger, Forest Duel, Shaolin Fox Conspiracy, and the Wu-Tang Clan “Liquid Sword Collection” VHS Title Celestial Souljas.

The plot is pretty ludicrous, and most of it isn’t explained until the end (and then only if you were paying attention) so most of the time you will have no idea what is going on. The basic story is everyone wants the Purple Jade Badger, because it has an elixir that will make your kung fu super powerful. There is also a battle brewing between Sunset Villa and the Heartbreak Red gang. Throw into all that an upcoming wedding and Liu Hsiao-Feng arriving hoping the events will draw out the killer of his wife and you have a film with plots so deep you need a flowchart. Everyone has multiple names, which only makes it even more confusing. So you get our best guess from watching the film twice.

Liu Hsiao-Feng (Tien Peng) – The Flying Fox has been searching for his wife’s killer for three years. This leads him to get involved in the marriage of Aurora Liu and a battle between Sunset Villa and the Heartbreak Red gang. A pun master.
Aurora Liu (Doris Lung Chun-Erh) – Aurora is called the Sunset Fairy. Aurora Liu spends the entire film getting attacked by all sorts of evil people and getting rescued from every one of these evil people by Liu Hsiao-Feng, who she isn’t even engaged to.
Hao Yu Long (Tin Hok) – engaged to Aurora Liu and a big jerk. Spends most of the film fighting with Liu Hsiao-Feng even though Liu Hsiao-Feng has saved his fiancée like 2000 times. Then he turns out to be evil.
Sai Chu-Chu (Chin Meng) – A woman with an enormous libido and very extreme sexuality. Directly asks men she just met if they want to have sex. For some reason everyone calls her ugly, despite the fact she is the best looking cast member. Was raised by Madam Sheng after her parents were killed.
Governor Liu Tin Chi (Wang Hsieh) – Father of Aurora Liu, was engaged to Madam Sheng but left her to marry the dying daughter of a medic who saved his life. Keeper of the Purple Jade Badger. Is the Governor of Sunset Villa, which is the traditional enemy of the Heartbreak Red Gang.
Madam Sheng (Gua Ah-Leh) – The bitter ex-lover of Liu Tin Chi is now the evil head of the Heartbreak Red gang. Yes, it is an outlaw gang of people whose hearts have been broken. This is what happened in a world before LiveJournal and MySpace let you write bad poetry online.
Shen Liu Hen (Shut Chung-Tin) – Killer of Liu Hsiao-Feng’s wife three years ago, and has been pursued by Liu Hsiao-Feng ever sense. Was injured and lost his kung fu powers, but the Purple Jade Badger would restore him to a kung fu master. He is also known as Shining Death.
Heartbreak Warrior (Yun Zhong-Yue) – Also known as the Whirlwind Warrior and as Wai Yu-lin. This guy has too many names. A big fan of rape.
Master Cold Heart (Chung Wa) – Flute Guy! Flute Guy kills people with his flute. He also leaves a flower pin behind as his trademark in some sort of plot device that never got dealt with in the film as he dies halfway through. Where is Master Cold Stone Creamery?
The Incredible Hulk (Shut Chung-Tin) – HULK SMASH!! Shen Liu Hen drinks of the purple jade badger and transformers into the great green menace. Now we know what was in the purple jade badger – gamma radiation!

Challenge of the Lady Ninja

Challenge of the Lady Ninja (Review)

Challenge of the Lady Ninja

aka Nu ren zhe

1983
Directed by Lee Tso-Nam

The movie takes place in sort of a weird universe where it is World War 2 between Japan and China, but everyone wears 1970s fashion and there are 1970s Cadillacs. Due to the weirdness, I postulate that Challenge of the Lady Ninja takes place in the same alternate universe as Fantasy Mission Force. If you are familiar with both flicks, you will see that makes perfect sense, even if Challenge of the Lady Ninja doesn’t jump genres at the drop of a hat.

Thanks to crafty distributors, the film goes by several names. The version watched for this review is supposedly the uncut version dubbed into English on a widescreen VHS release. Whether there is a superior Chinese language version with subtitles I do not know. What I do know is this film is cool and has a chick kicking lots of butt, so it gains points from that alone!


Challenge of the Lady Ninja has been released under a bunch of names, see if you can find the name you saw it under!: Chinese Super Ninja 2, Never Kiss a Ninja, or Nu ren zhe.

Wong Siu Wai (Elsa Yeung Wai-San) – The last member of her band, only woman ninja – wu shao wai, ye hur band. At some points they call her Wu Shao Wei. See Elsa Yeung here also in Island Warriors and in several more films coming soon (or already here if you are reading this in the future!)
Lee Tong (Chen Kuan-Tai)- This traitor to China was fiancee to Wong Siu Wai. Don’t tell anyone the terrible secret of Lee Tong. Chen Kuan-Tai is still active in film today, and will be popping up again here soon.
Koloder (Peng Kong) – A jealous ninja who sees Wong Siu Wai as a threat because of her Chinese heritage. Becomes a bigwig in the Japanese war effort, which pits him against his ninja school rival once again. Peng Kong also was the action choreographer for Challenge of the Lady Ninja.
Chan Fung (Kam Yin-Fei) – Martial arts teacher, daughter of a famous master. The Japanese closed her gym, forcing her to do shows to earn money. Joins Wong siu Wai’s ninja school to fight the Japanese.
Li Fu Lang (???) – An angry girl, her father was murdered by Lee Tong and her home stolen, so she vowed revenge. She gets her chance by becoming a ninja under Wong Siu Wai. No one seems to know who played her.
Chan Yiu-Chen, aka Chi Chi (???) – Brothel Girl Miss Chan gets into the business by overhearing someone ask for girls who hate Lee Tong. Has master powers of seduction, to the point of ninja seduction. I have never seen anything like it in film. No one seems to know who played her.
Ron Yee (Yeung Hung) – One of the four bodyguards of Lee Tong. A Chi Kwan Do expert and weapons expert. Loves brothels, is rough in bed.
Ahn Lei (Yin Su-Li) – One of the four bodyguards of Lee Tong. A tae kwon do expert with no friends who is not adverse to do a little lady wrestling.
Yu Feng – (Sun Jung-Chi) – One of the four bodyguards of Lee Tong. A tribesman with no friends and strange weapons like spider webs and boomerang swords.
Yamamoto (Robert Tai Chi-Hsien) – One of the four bodyguards of Lee Tong. Has a goofy scorpion tattoo on his head. An expert with the Japanese sword and has a bad temper. Robert Tai is a prolific actor/director/action choreographer who worked on such genre classics as Shaolin vs. Ninja, Chinatown Kid, Devil Killer, and The Five Venoms. He is also responsible for Ninja: The Final Duel.
Skeletor (Himself) – Skeletor fights for the freedom of China from the evil Japanese. Even a heartless monster like Skeletor knows the Japanese are bad news, and he helps Wong Siu Wai at every opportunity. Which of the characters above is secretly Skeletor? Even I figured it out during his first appearance.

Young Flying Hero

Young Flying Hero (Review)

Young Flying Hero

aka Return of the Magic Serpent

1970HKMDB link
Directed by Tong Chim
Written by Poon Lui

Young Flying Hero is a rare Taiwan film. It is so rare I even wrote a Rare Movie Time!!!! post about the film, thinking I would never get to see it. But, rare Asian films have been falling out of the sky recently, and one of those films just happened to be Young Flying Hero! There are no subtitles except for permanent Chinese subtitles, so that’s no real help. But this is TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!

Young Flying Hero achieved semi-legendary status as hard to find among collectors, due to a painted poster that appeared regularly on ebay and some lobby cards with giant monsters. But hardly anyone could get a hold of the actual film. Thus, people began to wonder just what kind of monster action happens on screen. Having now seen the film, I can tell you it is actually a children’s film, with a young boy as the main character. The giant monsters appear briefly in the film despite their prominent place on the poster art, with less than five minutes of screen time at the very end. There are too few Chinese giant monster films (other notable films are the equally as rare (or even lost) Devil Fighter and rare War God.)

Taiwan fantasy is rapidly becoming one of my favorite subgenres because it can be both insanely bizarre but amazingly entertaining at the same time. There are about a dozen more Taiwan fantasy films in the pipeline, many of which are responses to the Shaw Brother’s epic movies. But I’ll save a history of those films for one of the other Taiwanese fantasy films, because I haven’t finished writing it yet. One interesting thing is the alternate title for the film is Return of Magic Serpent, which may be a reference to the Japanese film Magic Serpent!

Enough background, let’s get on with the show!

Brother (Pa Gwoh) – Our Young Flying Hero! The son of a family captured by the Evil Warlord, and trained by a mystical sifu who gives him flying powers. Then he frees the kingdom and becomes a bored kid general. His name might be Tee-Sho.
Sister (Hong Ling) – Sister of the Young Flying Hero and the maker of some food that wakes up the Sleeping Beauty. Doesn’t do much except get captured repeatedly.
Goofy Hair (???) – Goofy Hair is the son of the guy who turns in the family of our hero to the Evil Warlord. Unlike his father, Goofy Hair isn’t a greedy idiot, even if he doesn’t have the best hair stylist. He is the Piggy of Young Flying Hero.
Evil Warlord (Chiu Keung) – Evil Goofy Mustache Black Wolf symbol on outfit. He is so evil he takes over the kingdom, but doesn’t kill the rulers right away because of politics. Eventually, the Young Flying Hero kicks his Evil Warlord butt. He reminded me of Phantom of Krankor from Prince of Space.
Scorpion Guy (???) – Scorpion hat and dual claw blades that look like weapons straight out of Battle Beasts.
Centipede Guy (Yeung Fui Yuk) – Have you ever seen a dude with a centipede hat and a centipede weapon? Because you have now.
Spider Woman (Tin Mung) – Special power includes creating giant spider webs and the power to pull people into said spider webs.
Frog Guy (Lu Wei) – Has tiger stripe clothing but his hat is a goofy frog hat and the dude is fat like a frog.
Lizard Guy (???) – Has a snake-themed crown, lizardy weapons and a costume that looks sort of like scales.
Giant Frog (Himself) – He’s a big naughty frog who shows up and smashes some castles but he doesn’t have immunity to little kids flying down his throat and chopping stuff up. Is probably Frog Guy in Giant Frog form.
Giant Dragon (Himself) – A Giant Dragon shows up because we need giant dragons doing…stuff… and then he dies. Yeah. Way to be a dead giant dragon, Giant Dragon. Is probably the Lizard Guy in Giant Dragon form.

Deadly Strike

Deadly Strike (Review)

Deadly Strike

aka Shen long

1978
Directed by Juang Lung (as Huang Lung)
Written by Tsai Yung


Deadly Strike is a pretty good kung fu film. It follows a pretty average plot, but takes it and runs with it, making the entire film be a whole lot of fun. There is rarely a dull moment, and they only occur when setting up the next cool fight sequence. The basic plot involves a new sheriff taking on a gang of bandits, recruiting some prisoners to help him as the bandit thugs get tougher and tougher. It all plays out like a video game, and Bruce Li does a good new Sheriff who is eager to kick some bandit butt and save the people. And many people die. The plot sounds familiar, and the style is similar to films about the Old West. I am sure there are probably research appears on how old film Westerns influence films from all over the globe, but I am hardly an expert in the matter enough to give more than an outline. Taking basic stories and transplanting them to new settings is not a new event, and it continues to happen to this day in multiple directions.

The plot of the film necessitates that there is a great number of actors and memorable bit parts, so we will have one of the rather large Roll Calls that stretch throughout the film review. We have tried to identify many of the actors, but there is scant information and many are either best guesses or left blank for later. Some of the faces are familiar to fans of the 1970s kung fu film genre, so it is only a matter of time before everyone is properly credited. So we will start out with our main characters:


The Cops:

Captain Chen (Bruce Li) – Chen as his name is a guess based on what one guy said quickly that could be misunderstood as some other name. So we will call him Captain, as that is what everyone else does. Put a little captain in you? This guy is the best fighter in China, it seems, and the only hope to save the village from the bandits. Bruce Li previous fought on TarsTarkas.NET in New Guinea, so he is used to exotic locales.
Wu Tung (Tsang Chiu) – The lazy assistant to Captain, he soon grows into a good fighter and loyal companion, but he dies. That always happens. Stupid dyers, stop dying!
The Cook (Chiang Han) – The Cook has a black scar/mole/something that makes him stand out, but still ends up dead. That is what happens when you run off in the middle of a long quest!

The Prisoners:

Chow Quay Ah (Choi Wang) – Chow Quay Ah killed three men, but a flashback shows they were three men who killed two women. Chow Quay Ah was just enraged at how horrible of people they were. Has a son and a mother, but his wife has passed on. Choi Wang has been in dozens of films but hasn’t appeared on TarsTarkas.NET before.
Ni Gi (Lung Fei) – One eye – A knife expert who killed a corrupt magistrate for being corrupt. Makes sense. Doesn’t like to kill people who don’t deserve it. Lung Fei might show up again if I ever get around to watching my copy of Bruce Lee Against Supermen.
Wang Chow (Su Chen-Ping) – Wang Chow was arrested for stealing a magistrate’s mistress – he is hilarious! Does several gags throughout the film. Not the best fighter, but does what he can do to help. Su Chen-Ping has also been in a bunch of films, including Way Ching Killed the Dragon which I must track down.
Wei Gun (Li Min-Lang) – Wei Gun had three wifes, beat them all and one died. Whip user. Takes a shine to Yi Lin because that is the kind of guy he is. Ends up dead before the rest due to it. Li Min-Lang is somewhere in Island Warriors.
Yi Lin (Chu Lai) – The girl who is out for revenge for reasons not explained well. She will use her body to destroy the enemy. No, not by STDs, you pervs! Chu Lai was only in a few films.

The Villain:

Thug leader Fan Ta Hu (Sing Chen) – The deadliest villain of them all, Fan Ta Hu controls a vast network of bandits that raid villages at will, cause all sorts of problems, and have the local police too scared to fight them. Fan Ta Hu fights cobras to keep himself fast, and spends his fights high on drugs so he will feel not pain. Will soon learn you can’t mess with the Captain! See Sing Chen here in Bruce Li in New Guinea and Lady Iron Monkey.

Island Warriors

Island Warriors (Review)

Island Warriors

aka Yang yang jun

1981
Directed by Ulysses Au Yeung-Jun

An ancient kingdom of women fight for survival in the brutal sea, facing a rival male tribe as well as marauding pirates. Along the way they learn to love men and not be Amazons, but until then we have plenty of scenes of women fighting guys, which is the kind of thing I enjoy on my TV screen. There are things I don’t enjoy, namely castration, but as the film seems to think you have no ill effects besides turning gay it is less difficult to watch than films with blood spewing everywhere. Island Warriors is a Taiwanese production, most noticeable with the cast names in the beginning, and a few Taiwanese actors who pop up.

Most of the names are just guesses, thanks to the ambiguous credits and terrible sound quality from the VHS tape (Restored DVD for Island Warriors? Why bother when Into the Blue 2 and Bratz Babyz are taking their place on the shelves! EDIT – I guess now there is one!) The worst part of explaining movies like this with 18 or so main characters is setting up who is who. No matter how organized the beginning section is, half of the time I get confused and I’m the one who writes the review! The confusion is doubled when the credits fail to say who the actors play, and character names become guesses or nicknames given due to them never being named on camera. Oddly enough, it is also one of the best parts of explaining these films, as even if I am completely wrong it is the movie’s fault and not mine. Taiwanese films around this time are one of the worst offenders on having dozens of semi-famous people popping up in the film that I feel obligated to recognize, and mixed up with several different ways of translating Chinese names so you will see a familiar actor running around with a completely different name. So the Roll Call will be long, confusing, but the best we can get with what information we have. If you see something that looks like an error, or know more information, feel free to shoot me an email or drop by the message board. I had help through *Kung Fu Films* and the HKMDB

Queen Nadenwa (Elsa Yeung Wai San) – Queen of the island, and keeper of the tradition that men need to be purged. With the island under constant attack by pirates, no wonder. Queen Nandenwa rules with an iron fist, but isn’t unreasonable. Knows the island needs better defenses against the pirates. Elsa Yeung Wai San was in a bunch of kick-butt movies from Taiwan, including Fight for Survival, The Challenge of the Lady Ninja, Pink Force Commando and the semi-sequel Golden Queen’s Commando, Deadly Silver Angels, The Deadly Angels, and Golden Ninja Warrior. I mention those because I have copies of them and they will be showing up here, hopefully sooner rather than later.
Princess Jung Chi (Fong Fong-Fong) – The Queen’s Sister and easily swayed by handsome men from Men Island. She spends most of the film trying to hide Lu Tin Yi so he doesn’t get Bobbittized. Fong Fong-Fong was in Monkey War, but I don’t remember which part she played.
Princess Pan Hueng Chi(???) – Practices Virgin Kung Fu, a school not too common today. Is over 100 years old, then she dies due to loss of virginity. And you thought your first time was bad! She trains the troops on the island and generally beats up a lot of pirates.
Chen Chi (Ng Haau Ling) – Part of a lesbian couple with Su Chi. Chen Chi turned in the male lover of another girl named Yen Chi, causing him to be castrated and die. The two would later fight over it. Chen Chi is aggressively anti-male. She is probably cutting off someone’s wang right now. Her character name might instead be Ching Gei. Unbelievably, Ng Haau Ling may have made only one other film.
Fanny (Teresa Tsui Jun Jun) – Whip Girl who is among the most anti-male members of the island. Teresa Tsui Jun Jun was also in Pink Force Commando and the semi-sequel Golden Queen’s Commando
Su Chi (???) – Lesbian lover of Chen Chi, in the bath as Ping tries to seduce her. I have no idea who played her, it may be Yue Fung.
Unknown Prim girl (Mary Wong Ma Lee) – This unknown prim girl was present with most of the royal cast but never did or said much. She doesn’t even get a name said for me to misinterpret. Mary Wong Ma Lee shows up in Fantasy Mission Force as the leader of the Amazon Women.
Unknown Other girl (Hsia Kwan Li) – Another girl who never got a name, this one is a good fighter, but didn’t seem included in the big group of royal people. But with so many deaths by the end, maybe she got a promotion. Hsia Kwan Li was in Zu: The Warriors from the Magic Mountain
General (An actual tiger) – A Tiger who is Queen Nadenwa’s bodyguard. He thinks islands of women are Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-reat!
Ping Da Hi (Hui Bat Liu) – The guy who supplied a treasure map to a lost treasure on Women Island, then convinced two of his friends to go with him. They are all captured, and Ping Da Hi has to lie through his teeth to keep everyone alive. It doesn’t keep his crotch alive, as he is castrated for being too much like a horny guy. Hui Bat Liu is best known in the US for playing Stone in Fantasy Mission Force, he is also in Pink Force Commando and Golden Queen’s Commando.
Ha Li (Pa Gwoh) – called Dr. Ha by Ping Da Hi in an effort to save everyone’s lives. Thus the women think he is a real doctor, and he has several “humorous” scenes doing doctor things and bumbling into the right answer. Pa Gwoh is also in Wolf Devil Woman.
Chan Ping (???) – Is a Cannon Maker, but only in told-to-the-women-so-they-wouldn’t-die form. So not a cannon maker, but has to make cannons. Is almost killed when a cannon explodes, but is saved by sex. I got no clue who played him.
Pirate Leader (???) – Leader of the pirates who raid the island for fun and profit, then sell bootleg DVDs of them raiding the island under the name Spiderman 4.
Big Pirate (Cheng Fu Hung) – A rather large pirate who is captured by the women, then leads a breakout in search of treasure. Cheng Fu Hung also shows up in Fight for Survival, The Zodiac Fighters, and Fantasy Mission Force.
Wan Tin Yu (Yun Zhong Yue) – Men Island Chief and a wise leader. Doesn’t want animosity with the women. Helps them against the pirates.
Lu Tin Yi (Don Wong Tao) – Friend of Lao who falls in love with Princess Jung Chi after he goes to Women Island to complain of their constant castration, putting himself next in the queue for castration. Princess Jung Chi saves him.

Rare Movie Time!!!! – War God (1976)

War God (Chinese Title: Wang Yu or Guan Yu, aka Calamity) A 1976 film.
UPDATE: Read our review of War God here!
A Chinese film that seems influenced by tokusatsu/Daimajin films. The giant guy walking around is Guan Yu.
Several Photos ganked from here, which ganked them from somewhere else in the Circle of Ganking that is the Internet. Here is another site that has a review and photos (I am sure you are fluent in reading Chinese!)

Wang Yu 2
Wang Yu 3
Wang Yu 4
Wang Yu 5
Wang Yu 6
Wang Yu 7

More info:
Kaijuphile
Chinese Movie Database

A Babelfish translation of the plot:

Some people asked in I first two Jin’gang mentioned the Duke Guan fights the alien is any thing, do not suspect! Really has this piece, but the content said really I am not clear, because I have not looked, wants to look that could also not find Arab League Arab League…Isn’t that time has many this kinds to imitate the date to absorb the movie especially, has Hong Kong’s China to exceed others in ability, actually very definite is this piece of Duke Guan who Hong Kong or Taiwan shoot fights the alien (war-god), but also has the comparison later period pieces and so on big snake king who lucky pulls in accordance to the elder brother appears. However this piece of Duke Guan fights a piece which the alien is probably I most wants to look, the Duke Guan idol manifesting a spirit war invades Earth’s alien! Is really ? to lets the human think the backward somersault Arab League Arab League Arab League Arab League Arab League Arab League Arab League!!! Outside below the star monster’s picture looks not clearly…However is probably similar old dives the water carrier hard helmet to bring changes…I have mail a letter the Taibei movie material hall to inquire whether my friend does have this piece, but he is probably is disinclined to manage me, before there has the piece which one is also dazzles, is called the chivalrous person sika, is a person puts on the plum blossom road to dress up…, has looked the human bursts certainly out laughing! The bottommost has this chart playbill to supply the reference, what I knew at least is…The Taibei movie material hall should have this piece of sika…In brief! If war-god this piece some who do know to where some looked…Asks to inform me!

Arab League? Plus half of this translation is the guy trying to find the film, so that probably makes any effort by you or me not look that hot, either. I want to find this film, but as long as I don’t know if it still exists, I can’t add it to my top ten want list. Off to the “If it still exists” pile, which is sadly far too long already.

More photos!

war god 1
war god 2
war god 3
war god 4
war god 5
war god 6
war god 7
war god 8