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Sister Street Fighter

Sister Street Fighter (Review)

Sister Street Fighter

aka Onna hissatsu ken

1974
Starring
Etsuko Shiomi (Sue Shiomi) as Tina Long (Sister Street Fighter)
Sonny Chiba as The Street Fighter
Hiroshi Miyauchi as Lee Long
Emi Hayakawa as Emi Kawasaki (I Think)
Eva Parrish as Eva Parrish, Karate Champion of Australia

This is the third Street Fighter Movie, and Sonny Chiba returns, if but briefly, and not as The same character. The movie is really an Estuko “Sue” Shiomi showcase, and she deserves it, as Sister Street Fighter kicks the butt of anyone who stands in her way. Besides her popping up in most of the other Street Fighter movies as various other characters, this movie is supposed to have spawned a few sequels of it’s own featuring Sue Shiomi’s character, Tina Long. Or at least they are just other films that were labeled as sequels to this when released in America, I’m still tracking some down before I can find out. This is a very enjoyable romp, the action is continuous, the plot is as good as you can expect from a revenge flick, especially female revenge. Rescuing your brother also plays well, it beats the often used “wronged woman” cliché. The only downfalls are little Sonny Chiba screentime, and many of the villains are more cartoonish than Skeletor. Plenty of Sue Shiomi beating the crap out of dozens of men more than makes up for it, as does the random nudity thrown in by the supporting female characters.


Dungeons & Dragons 2 (Review)

Dungeons & Dragons 2: The Elemental Might

aka Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God


2005
Starring
Bruce Payne as Damodar
Mark Dymond as Berek
Clemency Burton-Hill as Melora
Ellie Chidzley as Lux
Tim Stern as Nim

Dungeons & Dragons was a pile of junk that ignored the franchise and featured some of the worst-acting heroes in that or this realm. The only saving graces were the villains, the wonderfully overacting Jeremy Irons and the overly annoyed Bruce Payne. The whole mess is something best forgotten, or so popular opinion was, until a low budget sequel crept up out of the darkness in 2005. Working on the previous movie yet setting it 100 years later, the film manages to be able to shed all the terrible elements that plagued the first installment, and also brings back one of the bright spots, Bruce Payne as Damodar. It puts together a real quest, a party made up of characters with different jobs and species, actually has interesting heroes, some of which shine in their roles, and even the limited amount of dragons are far superior to the massive dragon attack from the previous film. If there was ever a time a direct to video sequel deserved to be in the theaters while the original theatrical film deserved to rot on the bottom shelf at Blockbusters, we have reached that time. Are there problems? Of course, otherwise this review would be no fun! The problems are slight and many can be blamed on the prior film, both in established storyline and budgetary-wise. Nevertheless, this quest is far more perilous than the last, grab your +4 Goblin Sword and join me as we trudge through the jungle of Nabonga, fight the hordes of Furious Frog-g-gs, and attack the Lair of the Alone in the Dark King to bring back the Honor of the Dungeons & Dragons franchise!


Dragon Storm

Dragon Storm (Review)

Dragon Storm


2004
Starring
Maxwell Caulfield as Silas (aka Huntsman)
Angel Boris as Medina
Woon Young Park as Ling
Richard Wharton as Remmegar
John Rhys-Davies as King Fastrad (aka King Gimli)
John Hansson as King Wednesbury
Directed by Stephen Furst

In space, no one can hear you….dragon? Yes, Space Dragons. Space Dragons that invade the Earth. Not modern day Earth, but Carpathia in 1190 AD (The Carpathian Mountain Range area I am guessing) where the dragons fight a clan of Medieval Stereotypes as well as a low budget. But for the cheap price of under $1 million, this flick managed to do very well. Most of the money seemed to go to the special effects instead of things like extras or costumes, so most of the film makes you think that Europe only had about 100 people in 1190. Dragon Storm was directed by Stephen Furst, if that name is familiar to you, you may remember him from Animal House, as he played Flounder, but no one shows up asking for 10,000 marbles. It’s admirable how Flounder took what was obviously a ridiculous idea destined to be another forgettable made for Sci-Fi Channel movie and turned it into an actual enjoyable Sci-Fi film that reaches near the top of the list based on the action/monster scenes alone. The main character is rather forgettable, the supporting actors outshine actor Maxwell Caulfield without breaking a sweat, despite his desperate attempt to become the Aragorn of Dragon Storm, instead becoming dragon fodder. Because we need some more explosions, Dragon Storm contains a token Asian Guy from China who comes equipped with this magic powder….that explodes…. Also he knows kung fu. Besides Playboy playmate Angel Boris, the film’s main headliner is John Rhys-Davies, of Lord of the Rings and Indy fame. Considering he’s also starred in Chupacabra: Dark Seas and is making the Uwe Boll film Dungeon Siege at this moment, someone needs to learn how to say “No” once in a while. Enough of the actor’s problems, we’ll deal with him in the review. Now, onward to Space Dragon invasion awesomeness!

Wrestling Women Aztec Mummy

The Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy (review)

The Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy

aka Las Luchadoras contra la momia

1964
Starring
Lorena Velázquez as Gloria Venus (Loretta)
Armando Silvestre as Armando Rios
Elizabeth Campbell as Golden Rubi (Ruby)
Ramón Bugarini as Prince Fujiyata
Víctor Velázquez as Dr. Luis Trelles (Prof. Tracy)
Nathanael “Frankenstein” León as Fujiyata’s bald henchman

Mexico has a proud tradition of Los Luchadoros movies, from Santo fighting Martians to Blue Demon fighting Infernal Brains. Even the women get into the act, this is the second film featuring Las Luchadoras Gloria Venus and Golden Rubi, as well as the forth featuring the title villain, the Aztec Mummy (Earlier film Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy was featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000.) It’s the Mexican version of Aliens vs. Predator, except from the 1960’s and thousands of times better. Like most of the Mexican Wrestling movies, it’s got lots of campy fun. However, this film has a dark side that scars it’s appeal this day. There is a gang of villains in the movie who are an Asian gang. Being that Mexico has like 2 Asian people in the 1960’s, they are all played by Mexicans. So the villains are a yellow-face stereotype similar to anti-Japan films made during World War II. The Yellow-faceness can be argued that they didn’t give the actors false slanted eyes, such as horrible examples on Sean Connery in You Only Live Twice and John Wayne as Genghis Khan in The Conqueror, but they just had actors who looked vaguely Asian. Very vaguely. If you were drunk. And blind. And high on ‘shrooms. Barring that, the film holds together pretty well. Just view it for what it is, an artifact of the times. Sit back, relax, and pull a half-Nelson on your opponent while your tag-team partner distracts the ref so you can hit them with a chair.


She IS On Duty

She is on Duty (Review)

She is on Duty

aka Jambok-geunmu

2005
Starring
Kim Seon-a as Chun Jae-in (Jane Chun)
Nam Sang-mi as Cha Seung-hee
Kong Yu/Gong Yoo as Kang No-young
Kim Kap-su as Cha Young-jae
Kim Sang-ho as Detective Kang

Korea returns once again to TarsTarkas.NET with a Korean Cop Comedy with some familiar faces. Korean movies are consistently showing up with their “A” game, while Hollywood has been dragging their “R” game at best lately. You know it’s a bad year at the theaters when this only above average movie is still better than much of the dreck in theaters right now. A cop goes undercover in a high school, and it’s not Johnny Depp. There is no street to jump off 21 times or any of that nonsense. Main character Jane Chun is played by Kim Seon-a, who is a first timer here, though likely not a last timer, especially since one of her movies is called Happy Erotic Christmas, touted as the Korean American Pie with Reindeer sex. OK, maybe not any reindeer sex. But there could be… Also starring is Nam Sang-mi from Dead Friend, Too Beautiful to Lie, and Spygirl. Yep, we’ve done every movie she’s been in now, time for her to make more. Quickly, woman, quickly. Also reappearing is Korean Stud Kong Yu from Spygirl and My Tutor Friend. Happy day when Go-Bong is back! She is on Duty has some fun features such as the soundtrack, which sounds like it was taken from Riverdance. You feel like the characters should suddenly start dancing in sequence at various points in the movie. The Lord of the Dance would fit in perfectly here. It’s completely unique, because it’s too bizarre for anyone else to have tried. Some of the uniqueness takes away from the formulaic movie and enhances it, making it a better film.


Come Drink With me

Come Drink with Me (Review)

Come Drink with Me

aka Da zui xia

1966
Starring
Pei-Pei Cheng as Golden Swallow
Hua Yueh as Drunken Cat
Hung Lieh Chen as Jade Faced Tiger
Chih-Ching Yang as Abbot Liao Kung

Back in the day, Kung Fu women still kicked butt. Pei-Pei Cheng was one of those women, who helped blaze trails that modern action women march down every day. This film is one that helped inspire countless films after it, it transcends being simply a martial arts film, and becomes a great martial arts film. It’s not just the fights, it’s the costumes, characters, actors, story, and just overall feel of the film. Does it have flaws? Of course. They are fewer in number than most of the films that come down the pipe, but we shall have no inhibitions about pointing them out. A good time is to be had, come this way. Come drink this movie with us. (Boy, that sounds a lot better than the literal translation “Big Drunk Hero” which would cause us to invite you to become a fat drunk slob.)