[adrotate banner=”1″]If you live in San Francisco and haven’t been to the 4 Star Theater ever, SHAME ON YOU! But now you have the perfect chance to not live in the shadow of my contempt and go check out some of the Asian Movie Madness double features! You might even see me at some of the showings. Just walk up to random people and ask if they are me until I reveal myself. I might lie to you and say I am not me, so be sure to shake me until I agree I am who I say I am.
Now, on to the films:
5-12 – Deaf-Mute Heroine and Pursuit – Deaf-Mute Heroine looks pretty cool, I have an old VHS copy somewhere and am intrigued as to the free DVD offer. Pursuit looks like it will be just an average action flick, but maybe it isn’t. Never seen it.
5-19 – Temptation Summary and Dirty Doll – A Cat III film and a Roman Porno? I hope they broke out the rubber seats! Just kidding.
5-26 – Ong Bak and Golden Sand Sword – See how Ong Bak all began with the first Ong Bak. And Golden Sand Sword, what can I say except I’ve never heard of it, but if it has a sword made out of sand maybe it will be awesome.
6-2 – The Warlords and The Shaolin Temple – Two Jet Li films I never cared for. I’ll probably miss this one, but if you are a fan of huge-scale war epics, The Warlords might be your cup of tea. I didn’t finish it when I watched because it was too predictable.
6-9 – Clash and Iron Fan and Magic Sword – Clash is the only film out of Vietnam recently that I could just name and people would have vaguely heard of it. But I haven’t seen it or Iron Fan and Magic Sword. Could be a good action time.
6-16 – Lovers in Turbulent Days and Rorita Couple – a sexploitation double feature, with films to make sex feel dirty. I think Rorita is supposed to be Lolita in non-Katakana speak.
6-23 – The Host and Yang Zean – If you never saw The Host, then you missed one of the best Korean movies ever. And Yang Zean is so obscure yet sounds so awesome it must be fun. How many films about three-eyed people will YOU see this year? Five? Make sure this is one of them!
6-30 – Ip Man 2 and Tiger Cage 2 – Uh, oh, I’ve not seen the originals for either of these Donnie Yen sequels, so I will be totally confused.
7-7 – Torrid Wave and Sex and Zen III – That’s Sex and Zen III, not 3D!
7-14 – Chocolate and Crimson Bat: The Blind Swordswoman – See Chocolate on the big screen like it deserves! and see Crimson Bat: The Blind Swordswoman on the big screen like it probably deserves. I’ve heard good things but not seen.
7-21 – Red Cliff Part I & II – Good Lord, that’s a lot of Red Cliff! Make it a challenge to see the whole freaking thing without taking a single bathroom break! And remember when you go to the hospital after your bladder explodes, I didn’t make you do it, only suggested it!
7-28 – Lady Chatterly in Tokyo and Mariko – Lady Chatterly goes to Tokyo and has sex. Also another Roman Porno.
