Posts tagged "Tarsies"

2008 Tarsies Nominations

Once again it is awards season. And once again we are offering our own movie awards, the Tarsies, because we just don’t agree with any of the other awards out there! The Razzies this year have jumped on the “I hate Lohan” bandwagon, and although we are planning to get to I Know Who Killed Me eventually on this site, we aren’t about to make the focus of this award on attacking whatever tabloid actress/singer we can this year. Though the Razzies have been surprisingly not all terrible choices this year. This are real awards for real bad movies, not the kind of crap you expect mainstream masses to embrace.

tarsie2008

This year is the first year we will have an actual award picture as opposed to it being an abstract concept. So the Tarsie this year will be the Idol from Attack of the Beast Creatures! Why? Because we can! Enough with the jibber-jab, let’s get to the nominees!

Worst Movie

Next Nic Cage and the movie by multiple choice.
Epic Movie Recent Movies is a more accurate title, or more like Epic Failure!
I Know Who Killed Me Too terrible to not nominate, identical twins, clothes-wearing strippers, spontaneous limb loss, Lindsay Lohan.
Transformers “My Bad”, robots peeing, secret agent underwear, indistinct robots, confusing action, and a script that made the Bratz movie look thoughtful.
Who’s Your Caddy? For those of you who thought Soul Plane couldn’t possibly be more of an embarassment to black people…

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - January 25, 2008 at 3:27 pm

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2007 Tarsies Winners!!!

The 2007 Tarsies have arrived with the winners! Why announce now, instead of waiting until the Razzies or the Oscars? Because that’s the way we roll at TarsTarkas.NET!

Worst Movie
Wicker Man — Again: YouTube link. Nick Cage in a Bear Suit punching women and scaring children is the winner!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 1, 2007 at 8:23 pm

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2007 Tarsies Nominations

The Razzies are a disappointment to say the least. They’ve dropped all pretense of rewarding the worst of the worst, and nominated anyone they could to get into the scandal mags. Well, enough is enough. We need real leadership. We need real decisiveness. Therefore, TarsTarkas.NET has sprung into action, and started our own award. Named the “Tarsies” we strive to bring respect back to Bad Movie Awards. This is the second year straight, and we hope to go on until we outlive those Razzie bastards. So, without further ado, we shall begin with our nominations. The winners will be announced in a week or so, because we can’t keep the world in suspense for so long…

Worst Movie

BloodRayne Boll’s best film, but he’s finally recognized by the Razzies. For once worse things were projected this year…
Wicker Man All I got to say: YouTube link
The Marine The movie where everything explodes, even explosions!
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector The movie for people who marry their sister.
When a Stranger Calls I’ve coughed up things that can act better than main lead Camilla Belle.
Ultraviolet (Bonus Nominee) Stylized comic book turns into a complete mess, all flash and no pan.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - January 23, 2007 at 1:12 am

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2006 Tarsies Winners!!!

Christian Slater Alone in the Dark

After a slight delay due to real life doing real life things, here are the winners, as promised! The 2006 Tarsies will go down in legend. Maybe. Sure. If I remember to do them again next year. Or something. Just read on!

Worst Movie

Alone in the DarkYes, the obvious is the clear winner. Dr. Uwe Boll is a master of pain in celluloid form. The leads had the chemistry of toxic waste, the sex scene made me sterile, the pointless bullet-time was a leftover from his previous movie. The slaughter of the whole team for no reason was just bizare, not to mention badly cribbed from Aliens. The ending….my God, the ending….. I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than sit through this again!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 17, 2006 at 8:28 pm

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2006 Tarsies Nominations

The 2006 Razzies were a disappointment to say the least. They’ve dropped all pretense of rewarding the worst of the worst, and nominated anyone they could to get into the scandal mags. Well, enough is enough. We need real leadership. We need real decisiveness. Therefore, TarsTarkas.NET has sprung into action, and started our own award. Titled the “Tarsies” (as opposed to the alternatives Tarzzies and Tarscers) we strive to bring respect back to Bad Movie Awards. So, without further ado, we shall begin with our nominations. The winners will be announced in a week or so, because we can’t keep the world in suspense for so long…

Worst Movie

Alone in the Dark Uwe Boll’s tragedy of a video game adaptation.
Son of the Mask That dog tried to murder the baby! It’s FUNNY!
xXx: State of the Union This movie did so bad the director Lee Tamahori had to sell his body for money! (OK, that’s not why he did that, but still…)
Elektra “Some lessons can’t be taught, Elektra. They must be lived to be understood.” I’ve lived and now understand the harsh lesson taught here…
Cry_Wolf “Did you hear about all the murders on campus?” “LOL Who is this?”

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 7, 2006 at 12:52 am

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