For a Good Time, Call…
For a Good Time, Call…
2012
Written by Lauren Miller and Katie Anne Naylon
Directed by Jamie Travis
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Ladies, that’s not how phone sex works! Nevermind…
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People have finally figured out women can be funny. And by people, I mean Hollywood executives who bankroll films. In the wake of Bridesmaids showing female centric comedy written by and starring women could be both entertaining and profitable, we’ve begun to see a slow trickle of other female driven raunchy humor on the big screen. For a Good Time, Call… features a duo of ladies who run a phone sex line. They also have their own personal and relationship problems along the way, because we can only have so many scenes in a row of women moaning on the phone to guys jerking it. But there is plenty of that, and it’s hilarious.
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Let me tell you about wearing pants that go up to your armpit!
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Just gonna Skype into the next Infernal Brains recording session…
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The Campaign
The Campaign
2012
Written by Shawn Harwell and Chris Henchy
Directed by Jay Roach
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Meeting of the International Brotherhood of Serious Men
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Arriving early enough we aren’t sick to death of political commercials yet, The Campaign delivers solid laughs as it carpet bombs the political process. Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis pull no punches in the dirtiest campaign ever, but sadly what might just be a glimpse at the future. As the battle gets increasingly fierce, the antics get increasingly wild. And just you watch, some idiot candidate will copy something from this film. It will happen.
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What happens when you eat too much Curves cereal!
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Money rules politics, now more than ever. The Campaign does more to show the problems with the Citizens United verdict than any documentary. Comedians are one of the few brave enough to spit truth in the face of grand power, and the only ones to do it in a way people will listen. The Campaign uses actual political parties, which I thought would hut the film, but actually makes it a stronger piece. It manages to hit all sides of political excess and holds no punches. Director Jay Roach was fresh off of Game Change, a serious look at the 2008 presidential election and the Sarah Palin decision, giving him added insight that helped sharpen the knives here.
Basic political speak is taken to the woodshed, and you realize just how stupid some of the buzzwords sound when outside of the political framework. Dogs are declared unAmerican, the Chinese become scary words as the current job-taking enemy du jour, and everyone under the sun becomes the backbone of America.
And once again Tars has sold out, as this was a pre-release free screening that I scored tickets to.
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Snakes on a Campaign!
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Do it. DO IT!!!!
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The Babymakers
The Babymakers
2012
Written by Peter Gaulke and Gerry Swallow
Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar
The Babymakers is an uneven comedy that fits some gut-busting grossout scenes and witty banter among some awkward relationship interactions. It is a bank heist film, but the bank is filled with jizz and the goal is to knock up a wife, not get rich. So basically it’s Heat, except funny. Okay, it’s nothing like Heat. Some moments shine so bright they blot out the sun, and some moments leave you bored and wondering when the funny will return again.
If you are familiar with Jay Chandrasekhar’s prior work, you probably know what type of gross out humor to expect from an R-rated comedy of his. They will happen. And not to be left alone, fellow Broken Lizard member Kevin Heffernan is also there as Wade, one of the best friends of Tommy. Despite the cast reunion, this isn’t a Broken Lizard film, though it does feature some similar humor.
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Ruby Sparks (Review)
Ruby Sparks
2012
Written by Zoe Kazan
Directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris
Ruby Sparks is Manic Pixie Dream Girl meta as fuck. If you aren’t familiar with the term “Manic Pixie Dream Girl”, then you probably don’t read a lot of reviews written by indie writers who pretend they’re the only people who watch bad cinema. Which is good, your life is measurably better! But as a crash course, these Manic Pixie Dream Girls are chicks from indie films who who up and are all perky and adorkable and inspiring, oddly attracted to the bland and uptight male protagonist for reasons unknown, and then leaves by the end of the film for greener pastures, leaving the bland male slightly less bland and uptight. Manic Pixie Dream Girls run wild with their weirdo skirts and dresses (always paired with bright tights of mismatched colors), wild hair and giant blue/green eyes. Ruby Sparks asks the questions “What if a writer was able to create a Manic Pixie Dream Girl wholesale? And she’d do whatever he told her to?”
Stories of creating the perfect woman have been around since the earliest days. Most of those tales have the not so nice undercurrent that the woman’s ability to decide her fate does not exist. Heck, even in many Manic Pixie Dream Girl films, the girl has to be the source of inspiration and change for the hero. That’s her role, and maybe when the whole thing is over she’ll get to be happy, but they’re specifically made not to be happy unless they are fluttering from place to place like a butterfly.
Zoe Kazan not only looks the MPDG part, she has one of the required names, and she even wrote the script. But Zoe Kazan isn’t a MPDG, she’s a real person, a human being with hopes and dreams and drives and freedom. The exact things Ruby strives for, Zoe Kazan becomes the enemy and destroys it from within, by pointing out the absurdity as the fantasy woman is both torn down and built into a real person. It seems natural that Ruby Sparks was written by a woman, such as the fact that it deals with real relationship issues while only barely touching all the sick weirdo perv stuff Calvin could be making Ruby do.
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Snow White and the Huntsman
Snow White and the Huntsman
2012
Written by Evan Daugherty, John Lee Hancock, and Hossein Amini
Directed by Rupert Sanders
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Snow White and the Movie That Was Far Too Epic!
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No film has ever wanted to be Lord of the Rings more than Snow White and the Huntsman. And I say this as someone who has seen dozens of the LOTR ripoffs that sprang up like weeds in the direct to DVD market in the wake of the Rings trilogy sweeping the box office. From the exact same aerial shots in increasingly less-majestic lands, to elves and orcs and crap arguing about magic swords, to Dragon and Eragon and Curse of the Ring, to Dungeon Siege and any fantasy film that dared to try to copy shots and themes, we were awash in their wake. And now, years later, just before Peter Jackson brings us two Hobbit movies, Snow White gets her Lord of the Rings treatment. And it is bland.
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Now the Queen is trapped in that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode Frame of Mind!
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In a year where two Snow White films raced to the box office, Snow White and the Huntsman strayed behind Mirror Mirror in an attempt to cash in on that sweet summer money. And while Mirror Mirror was targeting 8 year old girls, Snow White and the Huntsman is trying to cast a wider net, aiming to get teens and tweens of both genders. With Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth bringing their box office clout, you would think this is a natural mid-range blockbuster. But thanks to the originality and just weird story editing, we’re left with a more vanilla adventure that seems like a script from fanfiction.net.
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What happens when you don’t eat Granny Smith!
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50 Shades of Grey was originally WHAT???
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Bob Hoskins, Brian Gleeson, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Eddie Marsan, Evan Daugherty, Hossein Amini, Ian McShane, John Lee Hancock, Johnny Harris, Kristen Stewart, Nick Frost, Ray Winstone, Rupert Sanders, Sam Claflin, Sam Spruell, Tars sells out!, Toby Jones
Dark Shadows
Dark Shadows
2012
Written by John Augus and Seth Grahame-Smith
Based on characters created by Dan Curtis
Directed by Tim Burton
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Needs more spires…
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The thing about Dark Shadows is it is the type of film that Tim Burton directing and Johnny Depp starring should make it a natural hit and an amazing cinematic experience. But instead things just don’t turn our right, in fact, they go pretty wrong pretty quickly. The dark and dreary atmosphere is unfortunately too familiar with Burton’s other works, even though it should stand out here. The plot is the weakest part, the whole jilted ex-lover out for revenge trope we’ve seen time and time again. Sure, it’s dandied up with all the spooky trappings, ghosts and vampires and witchcraft, but it’s nothing new. Unfortunately, that’s a big problem. Just reading through the plots for the series, there was a lot of things going on, most of which is ignored and discarded, though there are a few references. But what we end up with is bland.
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The Transylvanian version of The Help didn’t do as well
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Though the period setting of 1971 is largely used on a few jokes that fall flat and hippie murder (killing hippies is soooo Kent State…) it does help in giving some characters a distinct look as they’re dressed in period clothing as opposed to modern fashion (and it helps that retro looks are in and what old is new!) Beyond that, you’ll not even notice that it is set in the past and not modern day, the few times older technology is used, it’s not intrusive and it keeps things from getting diluted with cell phone videos of vampire action being uploaded to YouTube.
The film is not all bad, there are bright spots. The strongest aspects of Dark Shadows are the actors. Everyone is bringing their A games. But they got little to work with, and the film can’t be carried by performances alone. And remember that it’s Collins, not Cullen. Let’s not say things we can’t take back and have sparkle vampires starting to wander around…
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Three Stooges witchcraft
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Actual photo of the original test audience five minutes after the film ended…
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Alice Cooper, Bella Heathcote, Chloë Moretz, Christopher Lee, Dan Curtis, David Selby, Eva Green, Gulliver McGrath, Helena Bonham Carter, John Augus, Johnny Depp, Jonathan Frid, Jonny Lee Miller, Kathryn Leigh Scott, Lara Parker, Michelle Pfeiffer, Ray Shirley, Seth Grahame-Smith, Tars sells out!, Tim Burton
