Posts tagged "Star Trek"

Could The Purge BE any more The Return of the Archons?

Landru

“Without freedom of choice, there is no creativity. Without creativity, there is no life.” — James T. Kirk


Ethan Hawke has a problem, besides not living up to the legacy of Explorers. You see, now he lives in an alternate future where to fight overcrowding in prisons, the geniuses at the US Government set up a once-a-year 12 hour slaughterfest where all illegal crimes are legal. How this solves any problems at all is not addressed. Instead, we get a movie about a home invasion, that could have happened in any movie and doesn’t need a ridiculously stupid fantasy story as an excuse. But, whatever, dudes. Have your little home invasion movie. I’ll be watching The Return of the Archons, the Star Trek episode that has a similar plot but will be a bajillion times better!

Synopsis of The Purge:

Given the country’s overcrowded prisons, the U.S. government begins to allow 12-hour periods of time in which all illegal activity is legal. During one of these free-for-alls, a family must protect themselves from a home invasion.

If you want to watch the trailer, it is here.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - April 3, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Categories: Movie News   Tags: ,

Star Trek Tik Tok mashup


The Simpsons did it, and now MissSheenie does it to Star Trek.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 22, 2010 at 10:14 am

Categories: Misc News   Tags: , ,

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier – 209 – Worst Fears Part I

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier – 209 – Worst Fears Part I


2001 Official Site
Directed by Risha Denney

Not a cliffhanger! I don’t think I can wait another year to… Oh, wait, I don’t have to since the entire show is finished. That’s the power of procrastination! Laziness wins again. You can’t fight the lazy, because it won’t bother to show up to the boxing ring.

This is the end of Season 2, and what a magical ride it’s been. We had characters leave, die, and disappear. We’ve had new characters show up. We have the Grey invading multiple times. We got people with big ears. We got improved makeup effects. We got alternate universes and flashbacks. We even have Chimp Guy! Thus, it is the best season yet. But let’s get this episode out of the way!

Captain Ian Quincy Knapp (David W. Dial) – Still Angry! His brother was killed by the Dominion, and left Captain Knapp angry! Had a mysterious encounter during the Dominion War (The Dominion who killed his brother) with mystery aliens that made him angry, and now that he commands Deep Space 12 and the USS Excelsior he can take out his anger over his brother’s death with flaming kill-lasers. Did I mention his brother was killed?
Commander Elizabeth Shelby (Risha Denney) – Stop standing in Shelby’s way or I’ll kick your butt! Shelby’s back and being Shelby and stuff.
Dr. Henglaar (John Whiting) – Medical Doctor, Tellarite, and an actual interesting character. No longer wearing a pig nose and Muppet gloves thanks to John Whiting learning the magic of makeup effects. John Whiting rules. He’s really kosher.
Lt. Cmd. James Darwin (Cliff Gardner) – Darwin replaces Joseph Johns in doing whatever the hell it was Joseph Johns did. He’s sort of like an extra first officer for Captain Angry. Darwin was on the old USS Angeles show, so he is another holdover.
Admiral Nechayev (Renee Huberstock) – The best admiral ever is now a semi-main character, appearing in pretty much every episode and yelling at everyone. Renee Huberstock was a day player in several episodes in Season 1, now she has a permanent role, so they’ll need another person to play random background women. Will Captain Angry and Admiral Angry yell at each other? Heck yeah!

Guest Star Roll Call

Princess Illiana (Katie Moss) – Princess Illiana flees her homeworld which is under attack by the Grey, like they are every day for a million years or something. Then they want the Federation to send thousands of ships to defend their big ear culture in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, that will work! Illiana is a Tren’La, which is like a Cobra’La, except not at all. But she does have big ears, so big Spock gets all jealous. But Spock would never admit it, because he’s a Vulcan.
Aris (John Reynolds) – Illiana’s son who becomes friends with Artim and they pal around and become tactical geniuses who save the day. He’s got extra brains in those big ears. Or extra ear wax. That he uses to throw at people. The Ferengi regularly mock his tiny ears.
Commodore Cole (Jennifer Cole)- Oh, crap, I forgot to write up a bio of Commodore Cole! Oh, crap, I still didn’t write one and now this is published. Maybe next time!


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 3, 2010 at 8:33 pm

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , ,

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier – 208 – Cowards Death

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier – 208 – Cowards Death


2001 Official Site
Directed by Jennifer Cole

How dare you call me a coward??? I’ll kick your butt all the way to imploded Vulcan!

Captain Ian Quincy Knapp (David W. Dial) – Still Angry! His brother was killed by the Dominion, and left Captain Knapp angry! Had a mysterious encounter during the Dominion War (The Dominion who killed his brother) with mystery aliens that made him angry, and now that he commands Deep Space 12 and the USS Excelsior he can take out his anger over his brother’s death with flaming kill-lasers. Did I mention his brother was killed?
Commander Elizabeth Shelby (Risha Denney) – Stop standing in Shelby’s way or I’ll kick your butt! Shelby’s back and being Shelby and stuff.
Dr. Henglaar (John Whiting) – Medical Doctor, Tellarite, and an actual interesting character. Now with new and improved nose. He went to Space Dr. 90210. John Whiting rules. Miss Piggy has a poster of him on her wall.
Counselor Myra Elbrey (Barbara Clifford) – Betazoid, used to teach at the Academy. Survivor of the Grey attack on the USS Rutledge. Has a dog named Mr. Scott. Occasionally blonde.
Ensign Jenna McFarland (Adrianne Lange) – Half-Trill, Half-Human, all Navigation. I still don’t know if she has a worm in her belly. Is always there if you need the ship steered. Has amusing stories that she never gets to finish due to the plots developing. Her uncle’s name is Rufus.
Ensign Andrew Barrett (Tyler Bosserman) – Communications officer and brand new member of the third grade! Wooo!! A whole season later and he still has no character development. So let’s make something up. He is deathly afraid of oreoes, because an oreo killed his father. This is now canon.
Lt. Luko (Terence Schoshinski) – Who is this dude? – Luko is the replacement for Lt. John Martinez who is off doing…something…maybe they’ll explain it when he returns later in the series. Luko was on Voyager, so we know he’s used to being on ships run by morons. But he was also in the Maquis, so never trust him. As for a security officer, he gets shot and contributes to the death of a main character in his first appearance. Nowhere to go but up. Luko is a Bre’elian, which is funny because it rhymes with alien.


Guest Star Roll Call

Crewman Thalek (Beau Christian Williams)- An Andorian who is feeling blue. Because of crippling depression! He just needs to meet a nice Na’vi chick and settle down.


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 1, 2010 at 9:07 pm

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , ,

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier – 207 – Fire in the Heart

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier – 207 – Fire in the Heart


2001 Official Site
Directed by Dave Mason

Forget your Faith of the Heart, I got Fire in the Heart! Fire! Fire! That’s cool!. We have secret kids and things borrowed from a Next Generation episode. Plus a character’s hair is still obviously dyed. Which one? Well, figure it out! Do I have to do all the work for you? Pretend it’s a Slylock Fox or something. TarsTarkas.NET is promoting personal responsibility.

Speaking of personal responsibility, also guess which major character wasn’t being very responsible as to where he was sticking his p-due without a rubber raincoat! I hope he doesn’t get Space AIDS, which is like regular AIDS except aliens burst from your chest.

Captain Ian Quincy Knapp (David W. Dial) – Still Angry! His brother was killed by the Dominion, and left Captain Knapp angry! Had a mysterious encounter during the Dominion War (The Dominion who killed his brother) with mystery aliens that made him angry, and now that he commands Deep Space 12 and the USS Excelsior he can take out his anger over his brother’s death with flaming kill-lasers. Did I mention his brother was killed?
Commander Elizabeth Shelby (Risha Denney) – Stop standing in Shelby’s way or I’ll kick your butt! Shelby’s back and being Shelby and stuff.
Counselor Myra Elbrey (Barbara Clifford) – Betazoid, used to teach at the Academy. Survivor of the Grey attack on the USS Rutledge. Has a dog named Mr. Scott. Occasionally blonde.
Ensign Ro Nevin (Arthur Bosserman) – Science officer and Ro Laren’s brother. His hair is now more frosted than tiger-endorsed flakes!
Ensign Jenna McFarland (Adrianne Lange) – Half-Trill, Half-Human, all Navigation. I still don’t know if she has a worm in her belly. Is always there if you need the ship steered. Has amusing stories that she never gets to finish due to the plots developing. Her uncle’s name is Rufus.
Lt. Cmd. Robin Lefler (Joanne Busch) – Chief Engineer, and still dating Wesley Crusher despite the fact he ran off after last season. You may remember Lefler when she was Ashley Judd on the actual The Next Generation show. Has a bunch of laws that she will recite until you pull out a gun and kill yourself. Lefler’s Law Number 244 is “Recite laws until everyone dies!”
Lt. Luko (Terence Schoshinski) – Who is this dude? – Luko is the replacement for Lt. John Martinez who is off doing…something…maybe they’ll explain it when he returns later in the series. Luko was on Voyager, so we know he’s used to being on ships run by morons. But he was also in the Maquis, so never trust him. As for a security officer, he gets shot and contributes to the death of a main character in his first appearance. Nowhere to go but up. Luko is a Bre’elian, which is funny because it rhymes with alien.

Guest Star Roll Call

Traya (Crystal Huerta) – Captain Angry’s unknown daughter, Daughter Angry, who was secretly birthed by her now dead mother after Captain Angry was all “love ’em and leave ’em” or something. So they have a secret mission to rescue the child because I guess there is no Department of Child Services in the 24th century.
Chief Enan Kiril (Rob Caves) – A Trill guy on the bridge who is played by show driving force Rob Caves. Is there a worm in his belly? Let’s cut him open and find out. Where is my lightsaber?
Dr. Anderson (Suzy Kaplan) – Dr. Henglaar can’t possibly help everyone on the Deep Space 12/USS Excelsior crew by his lonesome, especially when he needs his regular mud baths. And then there is hiding from Deep Space 12’s meat processing plant, as they want to turn Henglaar into hickory-smoked bacon. Mmmmm….hickory-smoked bacon. So Dr. Anderson is the other doctor, the one who is related to Neo.


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 28, 2010 at 11:21 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , ,

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier – 206 – To The Stars

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier – 206 – To The Stars


2001 Official Site
Directed by Rob Caves and Jennifer Cole

This episode is special because it is filled with clips from the older series Voyages of the USS Angeles. Thus, I have to make a whole new second Roll Call, for the second time this season. This season of Hidden Frontier hates me. The next time we have a Very Special Episode of Star Trek: Hidden Frontier, can it please be about someone fighting space anorexia or high school space bullies instead of just having an entire new cast? Or how about an episode where someone is an alcoholic, you could call it To The Bars!

Captain Ian Quincy Knapp (David W. Dial) – Still Angry! His brother was killed by the Dominion, and left Captain Knapp angry! Had a mysterious encounter during the Dominion War (The Dominion who killed his brother) with mystery aliens that made him angry, and now that he commands Deep Space 12 and the USS Excelsior he can take out his anger over his brother’s death with flaming kill-lasers. Did I mention his brother was killed?
Counselor Myra Elbrey (Barbara Clifford) – Betazoid, used to teach at the Academy. Survivor of the Grey attack on the USS Rutledge. Has a dog named Mr. Scott. Occasionally blonde.
Ensign Artim Ibanya (Beau Christian Williams) – Because YOU demanded it, the kid from Star Trek: Insurrection with the CGI mouse is now a grown up main character! Wait, who demanded this? Someone did. And now we got it. His character is not as terrible as you might imagine, which is a shock to me.

OMG FLASHBACK Roll Call!

Fleet Captain Cole (Jennifer Cole) – Commodore Cole once was just a lowly Fleet Captain who no one listened to. Thus, they promoted her!
Lt. Jason Munoz (Jason Munoz) – Munoz is back despite not being really back and just being stock footage! Hooray!
Counselor Katie Moss (Katie Moss) – Kate Moss? It took her until the 24th Century to defeat her anorexia. Manages to get kidnapped as well, making her the supermodel counselor version of Harry Kim.
Artim (Beau Christian Williams) – I guess if I was part of the LA Star Trek fan club and had made these flicks for years, I would have seen Beau Christian Williams grow up before my eyes. Now I just see it on the internet.
Lt Tenenbaum (Jake Tenenbaum) – I don’t know anything about him, so let’s just as some lyrics from O Tannenbaum: O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, Your branches green delight us. They’re green when summer days are bright;— They’re green when winter snow is white. O, Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, Your branches green delight us!
Ensign James Darwin (Cliff Gardner) – Before he was Lt. Cmdr. James Darwin, he was Ensign James Darwin. Thus, here he is. Amazing, I know.
Dr. Henglaar (John Whiting) – Medical Doctor, Tellarite, and an actual interesting character. Ignore the fact he is wearing a pig nose and Muppet gloves…again! Because it’s a flashback, you see. John Whiting ruled even then. He can cure his own swine flu.

If they make me set up a THIRD brand new Roll Call this season I’m gonna…

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - February 27, 2010 at 1:38 pm

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , ,

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