13 Girls comes a haunting!

13 Girls movie

13 Girls stars Sadie Katz (who is always amazing!) as a detective investigating the suicide of a group of Catholic schoolgirls, which leads to a huge demonic conspiracy involving a plot to destroy all men. Shades of True Detective? Jim Towns writes and directs, he helmed Manhaters! and House of Bad previously. FilmThreat has a good interview with him.

Among 13 Girls‘ casts is Sam Aotaki, who is also a featured player in Asylum’s Asian School Girls. P.J. Soles and Dean Cameron have parts, and also Jenny Jones, Ginny You, Elizabeth Ouimette, and Erinn O’Sullivan.

From The Press Release:

Cameras will roll on Jim Towns’ new thriller 13 Girls this October, reuniting the writer/director of House of Bad with his leading actress from that film- blonde, whiskey-voiced Sadie Katz.

Katz will play a troubled detective trying to solve the group suicide of an entire classroom of Catholic schoolgirls. As she gets closer to the truth, she must face her own devils if she is to help thwart a demonic plot to usurp the world of Man.

Katz has most recently appeared in Chavez: Cage of Glory and Scorned, which she co-wrote. Other talent already attached includes Daniel Roebuck (LOST, The Fugitive), Jamie Bernadette (Reel Evil, Axeman at Cutter’s Creek, The 6th Friend), Erik Preston (Halloween 4- The Return of Michael Myers), William Christopher Ford (Karate Kid III) and Australian actress Stef Dawson (Wrath).

House of Bad, which Towns describes as a ‘haunted heist flick’, is due out in February through Osiris Entertainment. He is also in development on A Man with a Gun, starring Tony Todd, which he wrote and is also producing.

13 Girls will shoot in Hollywood and the South Bay area, and is being produced by Towns’ Shadow Kamera Films and through independent financing.

via the Official Facebook page

Hidden Treasures (Review)

Hidden Treasures

Hidden Treasures
Written by Tina Hawthorne
Directed by David Ashton

Hidden Treasures

Call me Poison Ivy because I basically am Poison Ivy.

Hidden Treasures is an interesting film, because the lead woman Elizabeth is manipulative over her former roommates/lovers, who eagerly go along with whatever weird junk she’s selling. They then drag their girlfriends into the mess, and commit a million sins that would end any relationship immediately. You have to take some of the scenes with a huge iceberg-sized grain of salt that anyone would go along with the shenanigans.

Initial premise aside, Hidden Treasures is an interesting “erotic thriller”, I use thriller because it’s not really any other category. We know Elizabeth is manipulative, but we don’t know how much, or if she’s even the most guilty party.

Hidden Treasures

I’m just gonna dig some shallow graves, nothing suspicious or anything!

Someone does know something about plants (I haven’t determined if Tina Hawthorne is the real name of the writer of the bulk of Mainline Releasing’s films), because in addition to some of the lingo straight out of wikipedia is some actual plant knowledge. Maybe it’s just watching this film while in the middle of reading a book that also has a character who mentions plants by their scientific names all the time (the book is Caliban’s War by James S.A. Corey), but I don’t really do that. But again, I can barely remember the common names for the different heirloom plants I have growing in my garden without saving the seed packets. It’s probably easier when you have someone you can talk plant shop with, but my wife and I are the only people we know who garden.

Sadie Katz’s character Cat is the plant enthusiast here, while Elizabeth Pierce’s father made his fortune in alternative medicine herbal plants and has a lush garden (tended by hunky gardener Jackson, who also knows a lot about plants.) Plants play into the plot with the characters continually talking about them. But there is also a bunch of missing jewels that Elizabeth’s late father somewhere on the property, which is the excuse she uses to bring in her old sex pals Mason and Chris. Judging by what happens next, its as if the characters are convinced the jewels are hidden on one of their bodies, because they keep getting naked and exploring around each other.

Hidden Treasures

Look, buddy, the title is a metaphor about relationships in addition to referring to the stashed away jewels!

It’s hard to break down Hidden Treasures because you have to believe that Cat and Rachel would put up with their idiot boyfriends dropping everything to go help out an old hot friend who they probably had lots of sex with. And neither girl is too pleased, Rachel is openly hostile, while Cat attempts to be positive but runs into interference from everyone, including her boyfriend Mason, but not Jackson. Hmmm…. But basically the lesson is don’t be a manipulative horror and don’t be manipulated by said horror.

Elizabeth Pierce (Michelle Maylene) – Elizabeth’s rich father just died and she gets two of her old lovers to come help her find missing secret jewels. She’s also sleeping with both of them and the gardener Jackson and her dad’s death is very very mysterious. See Michelle Maylene in Sexy Assassins, Cougar School, The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad, and Twilight Vamps Lust At First Bite
Cat (Sadie Katz) – Mason’s girlfriend who is dragged along to Elizabeth’s house, but is soon enthralled by all the rare and medicinal plants in the yard. Is not enthralled by Mason banging Elizabeth. Sadie Katz can also be seen in Birthday Sex. Credited here as Buffy Green.
Jackson (Chad White) – The gardener who has grown most of the rare plants at the house. Is also good at sewing his oats with two of the female cast members.
Mason (Seth Gamble) – Architect who is dating Cat, but is “friends” with Elizabeth from back when they were roomies. He is unfamiliar with common plant names and cares not to learn. Not a faithful man. What do you expect from someone named after a jar? Seth Gamble is also in Booty Hunter.
Chris (Ryan McLane) – Another of Elizabeth’s “friends” who spends his free time cheating on his girlfriend Rachel with Elizabeth. Yet he’s somehow the least worst of the two guys Elizabeth brings in. Ryan McLane is also in Naughty Reunion
Rachel (Alyssa Branch) – Chris’ girlfriend who is not happy with the weird scenario of bringing him and her to his old flame’s house, nor at her getting kicked out of rooms constantly by Elizabeth.
Cop (David Page) – He’s a cop!
Other Cop (???) – He’s also a cop!

Hidden Treasures

How could you take me to a house with a warped funhouse mirror??? Mom was right about you!

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Birthday Sex

Birthday Sex

Birthday Sex
Written by Tina Hawthorne
Directed by Austin Brooks

Birthday Sex

The best birthday ever!

Birthday Sex! We all know the song, we all jam it up on the radio, we all sang it ironically on our birthdays and then moved on to some other song. And now, Birthday Sex is also a softcore flick from our friends at Mainline Releasing, your home for movies that often have more to say than what they appear.

It’s Mia’s 25th birthday! Which is cool because she gets a parade of birthday presents that suddenly become terrible presents and her whole outlook on life changes and this birthday becomes the worst birthday ever that’s also the best birthday ever in the long run. Mia’s 25th is time for her to hit a crossroads, where much is made about how she suddenly wants to grow up and be responsible and boring, while her current boyfriend Tyler just wants to live life and party. Now, I’m not going to get into a big discussion about when it is okay to settle down and when you should still be up all night to the sun for good fun, because each person has their own journey in life. 25 is enough time to have had fun, and to be aware of yourself enough to know what you want in life, though that is far from a requirement at that age (and Lord knows I had no clue and am still winging it years later!)

Birthday Sex

GRRRR!! No one mocks my green earthenware tea set that matches my jacket and green apple paintings!

Obviously, Mia took the Jimmy Eat World line from Praise Chorus seriously, that “even at 25, you gotta start sometime” One wonders if she though no one liked her at age 23 when she was amused by tv shows. One interesting aspect that may be a coincidence or may be on purpose, is that the actress playing Mia has a butterfly tattoo, and later you see butterfly posters on the wall. Symbolically, the butterfly is the mature form, released from the cocoon, while Mia’s journey sees her growing up and becoming the mature form of Mia. She leaves behind her caterpillar boyfriend Tyler to go hang with the fellow butterflies and the flowers.

Packed in this crisis of lifestyle choices are Mia’s two friends, the party girl Kristen (who is crushing on Tyler) and the bitter Sara (who hates all men because she was dumped once!) Never fear, a love interest surfaces in nice guy Simon, but will he and Mia get together, or will all these roommates and different goals and hormones get in the way of a love of the ages. Birthday Sex, surprisingly romantic despite the raunchy title and late night Cinemax air dates.

Tina Hawthorne is rapidly becoming my favorite softcore film writer, to the point where I’m now seeking out some of her films. I don’t know if she’s a real person or just a pen name, but the writing is good, nevertheless. (she also wrote Naughty Reunion, which dealt a lot with the relationships between the various high school stereotypes.) Director Austin Brooks also helmed Sexual Quest, which was another film more about relationships in a marriage than the actual sex, which there was a lot of.

Birthday Sex

The “I Kicked That Guy Out and Now Feel Guilty Pose” is only for advanced yoga enthusiasts.

Mia (Amber Rayne) – Our birthday girl who does the titular birthday sex, then promptly breaks up with her boyfriend and has a sort of quarter-life crisis trying to figure out what she wants in life. Amber Rayne’s acting ability increases with the quality of the actors she’s opposite of. She’s like some sort of acting sponge. Another ear or two and she’ll be holding her own with mainstream stars. Amber Rayne was also in something called Black in the Crack: Black in the Back 2.
Simon (Brandon Ruckdashel) – Mia’s coworker who has been crushing on her since forever. Is a nice dude, thus Sara targets him for destruction. Brandon Ruckdashel continues to be an awesome actor, see more of him in Cougar School and The Sex Spirit.
Kristen (Sadie Katz) – Mia’s roommate who has the hots for her boyfriend, Tyler. Luckily, Mia and Tyler ain’t together no more 15 minutes into the film, leaving a romance option open. Which is sort of bad for Mia, because it happens the same day in the same house, which is her birthday. But it all works out in the end. Sadie Katz wrote the upcoming film Scorned.
Sara (Misty Anderson) – Bitter roommate of Mia who hasn’t gotten over being dumped by her ex and now hates all men. She attempts to prove she’s not so bad by sleeping with and then instantly rejecting her yoga teacher Mike. Then she wants to take down Simon. Will this ice queen ever thaw?
Tyler (Kenneth Blake) – Mia’s boyfriend who isn’t ready to commit or do anything serious, and it takes an act of extreme bravery on his part to even offer her a key. Thus, they’re dumped, he feels sad until Kristen offers to brighten his mood. The Inaccurate Movie DataBase seems to think Kenneth Blake has only been in one other film, Online Crush.
Mona Landers (Tanya Tate) – Owns Mona Landers Publicity, where Mia and Simon work. I’m not sure what Mona does there except have sex with Frank and order Mia and Simon to do work. But I guess it’s good to be the king. She has an odd accent that made it hard to follow what was going on. Tanya Tate is also in Strap Attack 14: The Rules Have Changed.
Frank (Alan Stafford) – Employee at Mona Landers Publicity, whose job it is to landers Mona all the time. Also he’s a messenger or something. But unofficially he’s a dude who gets it on. Alan Stafford is also in Horat: The Sexual Learnings of America for Make Benefit Beautiful Nation of Kaksuckistan.
Mike (Ryan Driller as Jeremy Bilding) – Sara’s yoga instructor, one of those yoga instructors who come to your house to your special yoga room for one-on-one sessions. Does Sara even have a job? How can she afford all this? Anyway, Mike and Sara do some unofficial yoga positions while naked, and despite her rejecting him right afterwards, they end up together at the end because of yoga power. Ryan Driller is also in MILF Massage Team.

Birthday Sex

Extra whip? You pervert!

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