Posts tagged "Nicole Sheridan"

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (Review)

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet


2006
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet
Now this is good scifi! And good softcore! Finding a movie that has both is a rare feat, indeed. And this one is a blast! The plot is the standard Mars Need Women/Devil Girl From Mars fare, except it is Female Aliens Need Sperm. Thus…the softcore. We applaud Fred Olen Ray for this one! Sure, we have done a lot of these films by now, but as every entry is its own different genre, things keep from getting boring. The films are generally entertaining as well, putting them light-years ahead of some of the snooze-fests from Seduction Cinema such as the similarly named Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet or the lethargic thriller-type movies that also show up all the time on Skinimax yet rarely never giving a satisfying viewing experience. These films are fun for everyone! So bring on the fun.
Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet

Kim Read (Nicole Sheridan) – Your average college student with a libido overdrive, Kim realizes meeting two alien girls can probably get her higher grades at school, and maybe even fame. My favorite line of hers is bragging about her C-average to the two alien girls right after meeting them, it seems ad libbed and hilarious. Nicole Sheridan headlines a lot of these films, see her also in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Gary (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – Kim’s man whose method of study doesn’t translate well to making good grades. For some reason Voodoo has a goofy fauxhawk this time, which distinguishes his character from all the other Voodoo characters in these films. Said films are Super Ninja Doll, Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Annie (Syren) – Subordinate officer of the mission to Earth. Needs to be educated about males, but soon gains an enthusiasm for learning. Keeper of the milk jug. See Syren here as well in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, and Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle.
Commander Danow (Christine Nguyen) – Commanding officer of the mission sent to get some Earth jizz. Helps educate her colleague as to the vile habits of the Earth male. Then she has sex with her. Oh, yeah! Do you get the joke in the name of the two Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet? Because it is the reason I listed them in this order. I’m not going to explain it, so there! See Christine Nguyen in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Professor Thomas Quatermass (Brad Bartram) – Professor of Astronomy who gives his students extra credit. He also works with the MIB agency for the government, because all astronomers fight aliens as well. We got a name drop to the British character who has been appearing since the 1950s. Brad Bartram is also in Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes, Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, and Bikini Airways.
Decker (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone camps it up again, this time as a MIB agent assigned to go after the two alien girls. He also has time to get some tail on the side. Name drop is from Blade Runner, for the two of you who didn’t get it. See Evan Stone in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Queen Morganna (Rebecca Love) – Leader of Aqua-Terra, planet of women who love women. You don’t wear shirts when you are the queen. You may have seen Rebecca Love in Itty Bitty Cheerleaders vs. the Big Boob Squad 2 or Debbie Does Dallas: East vs. West, or even # Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre, but you probably did see her in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini.
Audrey Wagner (Michelle Lay) – Audrey Wagner is the 4H teacher at the university. Because all universities need 4H! Michelle Lay is also in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini.
Hobart (Ted Newsom) – Leader of the MIB who orders Decker to take down the Bikini Girls. That’s all he does. Ted Newsom does bit parts in several of these bikini films, see him briefly also in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini and Super Ninja Doll.
Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet
You wouldn’t know it, but this is the filthiest picture on this site!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 31, 2008 at 8:50 pm

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Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes (Review)

Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes


2007
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes
We got x-ray specs that work (unlike those ripoffs in the back of comic books when we were kids) as the basis of another entry into Fred Olen Ray’s Bikini films. The rest of the film falls into a secret agent category that is also visited in Bikini movies The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. and Bikini Royale. I guess spies and bikinis go hand and hand. The title refers to the film The Man with the X-Ray Eyes, and Fred Olen Ray has also directed The Kid with X-ray Eyes starring Justin Berfield.

We remember late night Cinemax fun time as kids, a tradition still alive even with many Cinemax channels to chose from. Kids these days are too spoiled with their 15 Cinemaxes upping the odds of seeing boobs before 3am. Plus, they have the Internet for instant access. Still, movies like this have their charm, and the best thing is, they are entertaining. Too bad so many other films don’t meet that one little requirement of entertainment. For shame.
Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes
Let’s get down and dirty, shall we?

Taffy (Nicole Sheridan) – A stripper with a heart of gold and a brain the size of a walnut. Luckily, she has her man Eddie to watch out for her. Accidentally winds up with the x-ray glasses, which gets her tangled in the middle of spies, creepy dudes, Las Vegas, threesomes, and sinister vixens. Nicole Sheridan has been seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Agent Richardson (Brad Bartram) – A secret government agent who procures the x-ray glasses, only to lose them by accident. He spends the rest of the film making up for his mistake. Brad Bartram was seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini and Bikini Airways.
Eddie (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – Eddie is Taffy’s man, and the brains behind the partnership. Is also known to dress as wealthy Middle Eastern men with ridiculous accents. A fan of Vegas. Voodoo’s hair seems to changer every movie, but this one is the most ridiculous so far, with a highlighted fauxhawk or something. I am waiting for him to show up in a complete Mr. T do. He has been seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Mao Myx (Shannon Kelly) – Mao Myx is the evil mastermind who conspires to steal the x-ray glasses to sell to the highest bidder. To keep from losing out on Ebay fees, she just brokers the deals herself. Shannon Kelly is not the world’s best actress, but looks to be having fun when she is saying the evil dialogue. One of her adult film titles is Oh No! There’s a Negro in My Mom!, which the title alone justifies listing here.
Largo (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone is once again in a goofy costume, this time with goggles and mismatched gloved. He actually looks pretty darn creepy, but luckily sheds some of the creepy gear when he is getting it on, because otherwise the film would veer into scary German porn territory. And no one wants that. There should be a movie where Evan Stone plays all the weird characters he has played in the Bikini films, but such a film would be so crazily awesome the universe would implode.
Kelly (Christine Nguyen) – A blackjack dealer met in Vegas. What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas. What goes in Kelly leaves and enters Kelly rapidly because they are body parts of Taffy and Eddie. Christine Nguyen was seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena, and will be seen again soon!
Natasha Rubikoff (Demi Delia) – Russian agent who delivered the x-ray glasses to Agent Richardson, and was thus imprisoned in Mao Myx’s basement dungeon. Aides in the escape, then skedaddles. Demi Delia is also an adult actress.
Massage Girl (Daisy Marie) – When you are an evil mastermind chick, it is tense, so you need to relax. And there is no better way to relax than a massage followed by lesbian sex. Enter the Massage Girl. You are probably not surprised to learn that Daisy Marie is yet another adult actress.

Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 1, 2008 at 10:21 pm

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Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (Review)

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini


2006
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini
Here we go with another amazing Bikini film from Fred Olen Ray (once again directing as Nicholas Medina) that has a fun time spoofing genre movie conventions and making the production look like it was make for ten times the cost. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini diverges from one of the classic plots of bikini films. Normally a relative dies and leaves a business to be saved by bikinis and boobs, but here the dead relative just leaves a bunch of money, and the plot springboards to a murder mystery with a surprise musical thrown in for good measure! In addition, we get the titular ghost in the teeny bikini (played by Nicole Sheridan) running around amidst the over acting. The film itself is a lot of fun and entertaining, but if you were watching for a quick fix of naked chicks, you’d have to put up with distracting plot elements in between, and I can realize how that would turn off people at 3am flipping back and forth between Cinemax channels looking for a flash of skin. Bikini films are known to be chock full of terrible puns, but the puns in this film are the thickest that I have seen yet.
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini

We have a return of many familiar faces. In fact, I have seen so many of the more recent Bikini films that when I watched a few older ones, I was disappointed that most of the actors were different. Yet, there is no clear line jump between generations, as the casts blend into each other, a continually evolving mesh. Thus some older people run around with newer members all the time. It’s like the Circle of Life, except there isn’t a gay lion tossing Darth Vader off a cliff. That’s in Bikini Lion King, due out in 2011. The title obviously refers to the movie The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, this is so obvious I won’t even point it out.

First, the cast. ROLL CALL!

Muffin Baker (Christine Nguyen) – Yes, Muffin Baker is really the name of her character. Christine Nguyen heads the cast of this Bikini Epic as actress Muffin Baker, who has to go attend the reading of a will of a dead rich uncle, only to be the target of….MURDER!!!! Christine Nguyen was seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Tabitha the Ghost (Nicole Sheridan) – Our title ghost in a teeny bikini, is listed here second because she is sadly only in a small portion of the film. Nicole Sheridan is in so many of Fred Olen Ray’s Bikini movies that she had to give someone else a spin, and it let her be a cool ghost character who can make sarcastic comments. Nicole Sheridan was also seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena, and will be seen here again.
Ted Wood Jr. (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – I wonder what person Ted Wood Jr. could be a reference for? Obviously acclaimed director Ted V. Mikels. I’m good at getting references! Director of B-movies and boyfriend of actress Muffin Baker. Victim of drugged sex. Voodoo is married to Nicole Sheridan, and stars with her in a bunch of these film.
Archibald Weisenheimer (Brad Bartram) – The evil Archibald Weisenheimer is evil, which you can tell from his evil name, evil accent, evil mustache, evil daughter, and evil evilness. And he’s evil. So that’s bad if you aren’t evil, like Muffin Baker, who evil Archibald has decided to kill to get lots of money. That’s what evil people do. See Brad Bartram be not evil in Bikini Airways.
Marsh (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone is in so many of these movies playing goofy characters, you spend time watching them just waiting for him to show up in a ridiculous costume. And here he is, in some sort of emo butler role. Stone breathes life into the role of Marsh, who seems like a simple butler following Archibald’s orders at first, but soon blossoms into a full-fledged independent man. Who gets it on with the maid and the psychic. Boo-yah! Evan Stone was also in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Evilyn (Rebecca Love) – Hey, where is Skeletor? Evilyn has warped over from Eternia and is now posing as the daughter of Archibald Weisenheimer, who is no better of a schemer than the old Filmation Skeletor. Rebecca Love is another of the parade of adult actresses in Bikini films. How can she not have back problems? That’s all I’m saying.
Madame Zola (Syren) – Madame Zola is the psychic brought in to try to contact Uncle Cyrus from beyond the grave. No contact takes place, but Madame Zola’s private parts make contact with Marsh’s after she is possessed by Tabitha looking to score a quick booty call. Syren has become a fixture in the later Fred Olen Ray bikini films, and has been seen her before in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Fuscia (Michelle Lay) – The maid at Uncle Cyrus’s estate. Very enthusiastic about getting it on. Michelle Lay shows up again in Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet.

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - November 3, 2008 at 1:46 pm

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Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle (Review)

Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle

aka Tarzeena: Queen of Kong Island

2008
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Tarzeena Jiggle of the Jungle joins a long line of Tarzan-themed erotic movies. It is an anomaly in this genre, though, because it is actually entertaining and not a complete waste of celluloid. Director Fred Olen Ray manages to craft together a nice little homage to not only the Tarzan films, but those old jungle films where people wander through stock footage and movies with crazy mad scientists. Tarzeena is a great throwback to anyone who has suffered through borefests such as Nabonga. As viewers of traditional jungle flicks know, up to 25% of the film is stock footage (and sometimes shamefully more than that), there are jungle girls worshiped by natives, and there is usually a guy in a gorilla suit. We have all of those things, plus sex scenes. Tarzeena was one of several made at the same time, also including Super Ninja Doll.


Tarzeena (Christine Nguyen) – Tarzeena the Jungle Girl is the Queen of the Jungle and an expert in jungle love. She commands animals and has zero body hair. The missing granddaughter of Uncle Milton and heir to part of his fortune.and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Amanda “Mandy” Sellers (Nicole Sheridan) – Stepdaughter of Uncle Milton and recieves several million dollars after he dies, under the condition that she look for his missing relatives. Often has to urinate. Nicole Sheridan was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Ted Kilton (Voodoo) – Boyfriend of Mandy and getter of lots of money. I sure hope his relationship is an open one, as both of them are bumping uglies with other people before the film ends. Adult film actor Voodoo is credited as Alexandre Boisvert and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Jack Carver (Evan Stone) – Jungle Guide Jack Carver helps our heroes find the wreckage of Bradly’s plane and the mysterious Tarzeena. and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Jed Slater (Ed Polgardy) – Lawyer for the estate of Uncle Milton, helps organize the trip to Kong Island to look for Bradly and his daughter.
Shana (Syren) – Native girl who is in love with Jack Carter, yet also assisting Dr. Mortimer in his mad experiments.and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Dr. Mortimer (Mike Gaglio) – Mad scientist performing the brain control operations. Mike Gaglio was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Tabonga (Don McLeod) – Gorilla and friend of Tarzeena. Captured by the crazed Dr. Mortimer and implanted with a mind-control chip. Eventually freed and can turn on his captor. Tragically, his life is cut short by an exploding evil lair. He will be missed. Pour a 40 for Tabonga!

Tarzeena lives on Stock Footage Island – I mean Kong Island. Tarzeena’s skimpy clothing allows her to keep cool in the jungle heat, but at times she must shed her clothes and get naked. Thus she must take a shower in the waterfall. Luckily, a plane filled with hundreds of shaving blades must have crashed on the island at some point, allowing Tarzeena’s skin to remain smooth as an android’s bottom.


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - October 2, 2008 at 5:56 pm

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Super Ninja Doll (Review)

Super Ninja Doll

aka Super Ninja Bikini Babes

2007
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Super Ninja Doll premiered on cable TV under the title Super Ninja Bikini Babes, but we will be calling it Super Ninja Doll because that is the title that we first were introduced to it as on the Retromedia message board. Director Fred Olen Ray has crafted a mix of cult movie/Japanese comics with softcore elements, resulting in a great film that is both entertaining and memorable. Fred Olen Ray shoots these films several at a time, oftentimes reusing the same sets and actors. (Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle is one of the others shot with this one.) The problem with a lot of softcore fare is it blends together an becomes unmemorable. Stuff you catch late at night on Skinimax or Showtime, then forget about as the next night something completely different is on. These types of softcore movies have been given the name Erotic Parodies, which fits as they have names like The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I., The Erotic Dreams of Jeannie, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes. As Super Ninja Doll is not yet on DVD (as of when I wrote this), the screen captures are taken from a TV broadcast (thus the alternate title screen), but they look better than our previous TV captures because the screenshots weren’t taken off of a VHS tape of the movie.

The artwork for the Super Ninja Doll comic was done by Noel Anderson. There is an actual Retromedia Comics Group, which is making a Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers comic book!

Eriko (Christine Nguyen) – A comic book fan, a big comic book fan. Gets lost in the exciting worlds of the comics she reads. Enrolled in college. Enlisted to have the powers of Super Ninja Doll! Christine Nguyen is a former Playboy Cyber Girl and has a long modeling resume.
Super Ninja Doll (Christine Nguyen) – Super Ninja Doll fights against the evil Tantella and Gorath, as well as having sex because that’s how you get power in the Super Ninja Doll universe. Can fly, shoot energy, and shrink baddies.
Tantella (Nicole Sheridan) – The evil Tantella plots to invade the Earth because she is evil and that’s what evil people do. Nicole Sheridan is the first of many adult entertainment stars that will be making appearances here.
Gorath (Evan Stone) – The vile Gorath is powerful, but gets more powerful after sex. Kidnaps the great minds of Earth to foster an invasion, but runs afoul of Super Ninja Doll. Evan Stone really gets into the part, muttering “Gorath” and other things, you can tell he is having a blast. Stone is another adult entertainment actor and is hilarious.
Marsha Applebee (Beverly Lynne) – A nuclear marine physicist and tuna expert. You wouldn’t be asking how they are connected if you knew the terrible secret of nuclear tuna! Amazingly young for being such a big expert…
Jim (Voodoo) – Marsha’s sarcastic boyfriend, and setter up of menege a trois. Voodoo is yet another actor in adult films and has starred in numerous Fred Olan Ray films.
Megan Rhodes (Syren) – Is said to be in the sexual research department in a newspaper article, but called a rocket scientist in spoken script, therefore she must do both like Marsha. Her mind was blanked from amnesia and she gets captured by Gorath. Syren is the final adult star in the Roll Call, but more will appear throughout the film in the synopsis…


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 16, 2008 at 11:36 am

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