Posts tagged "Grant Harvey"

Stalked By My Neighbor on Lifetime will make you lock your doors!

Stalked by my Neighbor Lifetime

There’s a littler Rear Window to our soul in everyone…


Stalked by My Neighbor has Lifetime break out a masterpiece of genre mashups, with Rear Window, crazy stalker movies, American Beauty, and suspense up the yin yang! The best part is, the actual stalker is the protagonist, Jodi Allen, who is a victim of home invasion caught on Skype and now takes photos of her neighbors all days. This leads to clues to a murder and conspiracies and soon the bodies are piling very high, which means their subdivision will probably have to up the Homeowners Association fees to make up for the slack of the new empty units. That’s just another reason why Homeowners Associations are terrible. Also murder and stalking is terrible, almost as much as HOAs. Almost.

Jodi Allen and her mother Andrea moved to suburbia to help Jodi recover from a traumatic home invasion. But when 18-year-old Jodi, while taking photos out her bedroom window, sees a sinister shadow across the street, she panics. Has her nightmare returned? Determined to take action, Jodi goes on a mission to warn her neighbors and find out the truth, only to discover that the shadow may be stalking her.

Stalked by My Neighbor stars Amy Pietz (Stalked at 17), Kelcie Stranahan (Dirty Teacher), Katrina Norman (Fired Up!), Grant Harvey (Jersey Shore Shark Attack)

Stalked by My Neighbor is written and directed by Lifetime vet Doug Campbell (Sugar Daddies, Death Clique, all the “at 17” movies), and as Campbell’s pedigree is awesome this will be a fun exploitative ride! It airs Saturday, March 28, on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 19, 2015 at 11:16 pm

Categories: Movie News   Tags: , , , , ,

Confessions of a Go-Go Girl

Confessions of a Go-Go Girl

Confessions of a go-go girl
2008
Written by Lenore Kletter
Based on the play by Jill Morley
Directed by Grant Harvey

Confessions of a go-go girl

Nietzsche said “One repays a teacher badly if one always remains nothing but a pupil.” Hence I have stripped off that schoolgirl costume!


Lifetime Channel is a gift to the movie world. It’s been constantly creating and showcasing an array of original dramas and has one of the most prolific content creation legacies of a channel in history. Of course, most of their film output is despised by critics if they even bother to think of them, because most critics wouldn’t know a good film if it married them while after the suspicious deaths of its three previous wives. TarsTarkas.NET is not afraid to do whatever it takes to find cinematic gold, even if we have to watch a channel for….women! I kid, I kid. But people who have an aversion to Lifetime films are just missing out on a whole barrel of fun! From Cyber Seduction to Social Nightmare, Lifetime is magical. Their films are so popular they got their own spinoff network! Even SyFy can’t boast of that feat. Thus, in celebration of Lifetime, we shall now watch this film about go-go dancing.
Confessions of a go-go girl

Post-Modern Times


Confessions of a Go-Go Girl has an amazing title and an amazing plot, following innocent rich girl Jane McCoy as she’s lured into the increasingly sleazy world of go-go dancing, parts of which correlate with your favorite stories about women becoming strippers. But this isn’t stripping, it’s go-go dancing. It’s totally different. Go-go dancing can be shown on tv!

This go-go movie has the decency to be partially self-aware, sections which I’m guessing are legacies from the stage play it’s based on. Because huge other chunks are not self-aware at all. As the play “True Confessions of a Go-Go Girl” by Jill Morley sounds biographical, things were probably enhanced for television dramatics, much as a character attempts to enhance her chest via a character named Dr. Double D. As we shall see, neither option turns out too well, but Confessions of a Go-Go Girl does manage to entertain in a schlocky way, and you can see it as how Jane McCoy gains her confidence. Part of the fun is wondering just when her family is going to find out what she’s doing, and how bonkers their reactions are going to be. Because her family is pretty terrible. Not terrible in a dysfunctional way, but terrible in an afunctional way. Dad is overly controlling and angry, Mom is upper crust oblivious, her brother is a puritanical tyrant, and her boyfriend would faint if he saw a woman in a short skirt. Jane needs these stereotypes as family members, which allows her to set out on her journey where she meets all the other stereotypes in the stri– I mean, go-go dancing world. Jane even becomes a stereotype, but that’s for a purpose. As Jane is in acting school, she creates a character persona that becomes her dancing persona. Soon the lines blur, which is Jane, and which is Dylan? Better keep dancing until you figure it out…

Confessions of a go-go girl

Time to feel guilty for being a perv!


Jane McCoy (Chelsea Hobbs) – Jane is your boring rich girl whose life is all planned out for her. Even Jane’s name is Plain Jane! But Jane suddenly wants to be an actress, and that throws her nutty parents into a tailspin of crazy! She continues in her quest, turning towards the easy money of go-go dancing to pay the bills after she’s cut off, then sticking with the dancing as it gives her confidence. But it’s skirting the line of danger, and Jane may just cross over into doom! Jane dances under the name Dylan.
Angela Lucas (Sarah Carter) – The seductress who lures Jane into the world of go-go, all part of a recruitment scheme to get some of Jane’s tips. Angela doesn’t want Jane cutting in on her action, but also wants Jane to succeed, which leads to weird dichotomies. Angela’s loser boyfriend also steals all her money, driving Angela back to drugs, bad work ethics, a downward spiral that takes half of the film to crash, and a shock ending no one except everyone saw coming. Angela dances under stage name Aurora
Nick Harvey (Corbin Bernsen) – The owner of the go-go club Jane starts working at. Is actually fare and pays his girls a decent wage, which is why he’s a fictional club owner. Probably Corbin Bernsen’s greats role ever (excluding Star Trek)
Donna Mercer (Rachel Hunter) – Veteren dancer who is approaching the expiration date. Gives advice to the new girls, but is also the target of everyone’s ire when they aren’t in a good mood. A single mom of a teenager named Elizabeth. Donna makes everyone’s costumes because she’s a rocking sewer. Has got it going on.

Confessions of a go-go girl

The worst bachelor party ever


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - October 26, 2013 at 1:11 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Jersey Shore Shark Attack

Jersey Shore Shark Attack


2012
Written by Michael Ciminera, Richard Gnolfo, Jeffrey Schenck, and Peter Sullivan
Directed by John Shepphird

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Jersey Shore Shark Attack – The Thinking Man’s Movie!

A SyFy shark attack movie that has bite and legs. And no, not legs on the shark, that a different SyFy shark attack movie (or three). Jersey Shore Shark Attack has legs because people talk about it. Deservedly so. For Jersey Shore Shark Attack is more than just the run of the mill SyFy flick, it’s also a parody of a recognizable reality tv show brand. The Jersey Shore in the title is more than just a reference to the 1916 Jersey Shore shark attacks, it’s because all the main characters are based on real people from MTV’s Jersey Shore. We got a Snooki, a Situation, a J-WOW, and the rest of the crew that you have to think about for a minute to remember.

Not only is this a parody of Jersey Shore, they improve on the formula. The actors portraying the characters are much more real than the “real” people we see on the reality shows. They have hopes, dreams, and goals in life beyond getting drunk and laid. Mostly.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Ecco the Dolphin was a chump!

If anything, I hope Jersey Shore Shark Attack is the beginning of a new subgenre of SyFy flicks, the injecting of actors playing versions of more famous people. Who wouldn’t want to see a killer koala flick where they ravaged the Kardashians? Giant sloths very slowly menacing Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? 19 Kids and Count Dracula? Teen Moms vs. Mothman? John and Kate Plus 8 Legged Freaks?

Jersey Shore Shark Attack works because it’s fun. It’s fun to see people play exaggerated versions of other people, it’s fun to see people chomped by giant monsters, and it’s fun in that the film has fun. The bodies pile high, people get chomped left and right off of boats. There is even a class warfare element, the villains and their real estate plot are straight out of The Goonies! The odd mishmash of everything seems like it wouldn’t work, like the gimmick would get old. But the gimmick is there for the flavor, you could insert your regular SyFy stock characters (hot babe scientist, jaded lifeguard with a scarred past, Sheriff that the mayor won’t listen to) and this would still be a passable flick. But it is elevated to greatness thanks to the Shore. The Jersey Shore.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
It’s me on a typical Tuesday at 11 am!

Jersey Shore Shark Attack even stylizes itself as a fun flick, from the title cards for the main characters to all the soundtrack songs being all about partying (most songs have “party” in the lyrics somewhere, so much so that Andrew WK should probably sue…) It’s hilarious. There is even some dumb “Shore” acronyms like “ASS = alcohol sun sex” or “Backdoor Nooki”. Each scene in the film has it’s own title.

The general tone of the Jersey Shore is copied, as characters bicker among themselves. While at a dock they see a derelict boat, and then argue about which particular guy named Vinny the boat belongs to. The character BJ is constantly saying randomly ridiculous things and being seconds away from being shark bait at any moment, forever making you think they might start taking out the main cast.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
This shark was obviously Wile E. Coyote in a previous life!

Beyond the reality show ripping, there’s also the class warfare element as the working class Jersey Shore folks are in a heated territorial dispute with the rich 1% preps from the yacht club, whose stepfathers are the very ones in charge of the construction projects to “modernize” the shore and are attracting the sharks. The Complication’s father is also working class, but with authority, as a police officer. The business owner/developer Dolan (played by William Atherton, well known as villain Walter Peck in Ghostbusters) oozes sleaze and entitlement, while the Mayor Patrick Palantine (Paul Sorvino, who often plays mob characters) has his fingers in all of the pies. Heck, the mayor is even named after the evil Emperor from Star Wars! The entitled class elders are clearly villains with no hope of redemption. But…and this is an amazing but…their children, the very people that our Jersey Shore crew has direct confrontation and rivalries with, become friends with the heroes in the end. Lead by the example of The Complication and his friends to risk their lives to save both Nooki and the rich children (as TC says, because it’s the right thing to do) grants them friends for life among the upper class. Together, both rich and poor blow away albino sharks to save Jersey. The passion, the good character, and the heroism of the Jersey Shore crew make them respected heroes both because of and in spite of their origins. It’s the American dream.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
I’d take a Jersey Shore Red Dawn remake over the actual Red Dawn remake any day of the week.

You can even argue the sharks are ghost white because they represent the old rich white males that populate most of the upper class. Their deaths both by the working class and the children of the old rich white males is a shedding of the previous norms. Joey Fatone’s quick appearance both as a Jersey native who returns only to be devoured, because he didn’t return to improve the community, he returned because he had been devoured by the music industry and he was reduced to doing concerts in Jersey. His intentions were not pure, and he had to go. Ergo, the sanitized Jersey Shore representatives as characters are also better than their actual representatives in reality programming. Both because it’s easier to be of pure ideals when you are a fictitious character, but because the story demands that there be characters of pure heart and intention leading the charge. The Shore cannot be saved by those who care about themselves first.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Justin Timberlake actually acknowledged the rest of ‘N Sync???!?!

The Complication / TC / Gino Moretti (Jeremy Luc) – So called because when he’s around, things get complicated. As cool as it is to have a catch phrase about your life also be your nickname, TC proves he’s far more complicated than just a juicehead Guido as he leads his crew to defend Jersey from menacing albino sharks.
Nooki / Nicolina Angelique Santamaria (Melissa Molinaro) – TC’s on-again, off-again girl. She is a lot to handle, but isn’t a degenerate and has a good head on her shoulders, even if it is under too much hair.
Donnie (Joey Russo) – TC’s beer hat wearing, buff bod juicehead Guido buddy. Always ready to party and drink and lift weights and rescue people from sharks.
Paulie Balzac (Daniel Booko) – A non-Italian wannabe who respects the Guido lifestyle, particularly the aspect of saving people from sharks. Also probably a DJ.
J-Moni (Alex Mauriello) – Nooki’s pal who comforts her during her trials with TC. Is often prominently displaying her two ample assets.
BJ (Audi Resendez) – Nooki’s other pal who comforts her during her trials with TC. Often drunk and will randomly say ridiculous and awesome things.
Captain Sallie (Tony Sirico) – Bar owner that everyone at the Shore loves because he’s been there forever and knows all the Shore lore. His bar features free walnuts.
Bradford & Spencer (Grant Harvey and Dylan Vox) – Rich preps from the yacht club who have words and fists with the Shore crew.
Dolan and Mayor Patrick Palantine (William Atherton and Paul Sorvino) – The evil developer and the evil mayor who conspire to continue the destruction of the Shore because they’re evil.
Albino bull sharks (Albino CGI) – Albino bull sharks who cause havoc at Jersey Shore thanks to their bloodlust.
Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Get lost, Megalodon! No one is jumping into your mouth today.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 3, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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