Posts tagged "giant snake movie"

Komodo vs. Cobra (Review)

Komodo vs. Cobra


2005
Starring
Michelle Borth as Susan Richardson
Jerri Manthey as Sandra Crescent
Glori-Anne Gilbert as Darla
Ryan McTavish as Jerry
Ted Monte as Ted
Chris Neville as Lerner
Michael Paré as Mike
Jay Richardson as Dr. Richardson
Renee Talbert as Carrie
Delpano Wills as Marsden
Directed by Jim Wynorski

Komodo vs. Cobra!!! KvC!! Giant komodo vs. a giant cobra. This should be a winner! In the name of Boa vs. Python, another fun SciFi Channel monster vs monster film. But what should easily be a winner can often become a chore as cheapness conspires to clutch a loser of a film from the jaws of winningness. What else do you expect when your director is Jim Wynorski and it doesn’t involve naked chicks? Having nothing to do with either Curse of the Komodo or King Cobra, despite Wynorski’s work on CotK, this film tries to set itself in an independent universe. That’s the excuse, then, for making this film 95% identical to CotK. Many of the same major scene reenact themselves, many of the same sets are reused, and at least four actors and the director/writer are the same. This is akin to just taking the CotK film and adding a King Cobra wandering around digitally added to the background in a few scenes and calling it a new movie. Oh, our title characters fight, all right. At the very end of the movie, for about two minutes. That’s it. Despite them saying repeatedly that there are many giant cobras and giant komodo, we don’t even get a hint that they fight each other except one small scene in the flashbacks where they hiss a lot. This isn’t like Naked Lunch, where no one ate a lunch while naked, this is SciFi Channel, we want a damn monster fight. And this movie which promises a monster fight in it’s title is determined to deny us what we so desperately desire. In the end, all it does is tick you off. Really tick you off. Freaking tick you off. Tick you of like a MoFo! GARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!

The movie opens promising enough. Three people are running through the jungle of a tropical isle. It’s Dr. Richardson, his daughter Susan, and a third man we’ll call Orson Welles, because he was The Third Man. Their running is useless, because they are cut off by Johnny Komodo. Johnny Komodo looks a little different from CotK, he’s got a more dinosaur-shaped head. He’s just as immune to bullets, as none of the ones fired seem to have any effect on him. Johnny Komodo shows that the Jim Wynorski watched Jurassic Park, as komodo can now not see you unless you move, like the T-Rex. Orson Welles runs off, which attracts Johnny Komodo and he chomps down on Orson Welles. Dr. Richardson and Susan escape then and set up shop by a lake, looking around for a bit, until Johnny Cobra emerges from the lake, and has Dr. Richardson chops for dinner. Now Susan is all alone…

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 1, 2006 at 2:28 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

King Cobra (Review)

King Cobra


1999
Starring
Pat Morita as Nick Hashimoto
Scott Hillenbrand as Dr. Brad Kagen
Casey Fallo as Jo Biddle
Hoyt Axton as Mayor Ed Biddle
Joseph Ruskin as Dr. Irwin Burns

Hey, it’s another movie that imitates Jaws, except this time they have a giant cobra instead of a giant shark! Great, the world needs more movies that are carbon copies of Jaws. The novelty of this film is the giant snake, he’s not a bad CGI giant snake, he’s a bad animatronic giant snake! So instead of characters looking three feet to the right of a badly drawn snake, now they are looking directly at a stationary snake. Joining the mechanical snake is Pat Morita, who is the headliner. He is the mystic snake handler/herpetologist Nick Hashimoto, who is the leading expert in venomous snakes. Wax on, wax off, wax cobra. No snake running around loose movie would be complete without some redneck hunters, authority figures who don’t believe the heroes, and heroes who save the day in the face of all danger. Throw in Hoyt Axton, Erik Estrada, and even Efren Ramirez and we’re good to go.


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 2, 2005 at 1:51 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Boa vs. Python (Review)

Boa vs. Python


2004
Starring
David Hewlett as Emmett
Jaime Bergman as Monica Bond
Kirk B.R. Woller as Agent Sharpe
Adam Kendrick as Broddick
Angel Boris as Eve
Jeff Rank as Kent Humphries

The undisputed KING of made for Sci-Fi Channel movies. Combiner of franchises, giver of the ultimate battle no one was craving, Boa vs. Python is the answer to everyone’s prayers. No mention is made of the Boa franchise, but the Python movies get a quick mention. That is all we need, this stands alone. For what it is, it delivers the goods, we have giant monsters running amok, a cast of dispensable “cool” characters hunting it and becoming cannon fodder, nudity, and a hot babe scientist (combined with a dorky guy) who help to save the day. These giant snake movies all seem to take place in some alternate universe where giant snakes are 50 feet long, four feet around, and movie with lightning fast speed. Not only are these movies guilty, the older Anaconda does the same thing. In real life, a Boa vs. Python battle would probably just have the snakes sitting there doing nothing. That’s all they do in the zoo. Big snakes are boring. Fantasy big snakes are ultimate killing machines.
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - May 8, 2005 at 4:30 am

Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews   Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

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