2012 Story by Ahmet Zappa
Screenplay and directed by Peter Hedges
Burying this box made out of the bones of 100 sacrificed infants in our garden that used to be an old Indian burial plot won’t have any negative consequences, ever! Also Jumanji is in this box. For some reason.
A family film that is a great thing to bring your young children to, The Odd Life of Timothy Green won’t be earning much street cred from older viewers looking for a dark and sinister turn of a mysterious vegetable child who emerges from the garden of a childless couple to enhance their lives. The film is sugary sweet and mixes the trials of growing up different with the trials of being a parent. And I find Timothy Green guilty…of being enjoyable! Okay, sorry, that joke was awful. Before we continue, I must confess this was yet another free screening that I scored tickets to. In fact, The Odd Life of Timothy Green released so many free tickets and screenings it was hard not to get tickets. Now let’s meet the cast!
She has the magical powers of HGTV!
Cindy Green (Jennifer Garner) – Cindy Green works at a museum for the pencil factory and spends most of the film being various forms of neurotic and reserved. After Timothy enters her life, she trades that in for being more outgoing but also worried. It takes a while for the changes to sink in and transform her fully.
Jim Green (Joel Edgerton) – Working class husband and pencil factory supervisor working under the owner’s nephew. Has resentment issues over his own father not being there much while he was growing up. Both of the Greens carry added stress from being unable to conceive, which just multiplies their personal problems.
Timothy Green (CJ Adams) – A mysterious child who sprang from the garden and a box full of wishes for the fantasy child of the Greens. He’s very casual about the whole thing. Has leaves on his legs.
Joni Jerome (Odeya Rush) – Odd girl at school who has a secret, and instantly spots that Timothy does as well. The pair becomes very close, almost to the point where he spends more time with her than with his parents.
2011 Directed by Patrick Lussier
Written by Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer
Get ready to Drive! Angry! 3D! Except I saw it in 2D because that’s how my TV works. And after testing a 3D TV at the store, we’ll continue to stay 2D forever. But enough of my complaining, let’s get to Drive Angry, a film that is totally awesome in a bad movie spectacular sort of way. Drive Angry knows that it is ridiculous, and it just goes with it.
When Drive Angry 3D was announced, the title alone was enough to say that the movie will be dumb fun, but the biggest concern was if the movie could live up to the dumb fun promised. There have been plenty of films that were built up and ended up being less than promised, and at this point as a jaded cult movie watcher, it takes more that a ridiculous title to impress me. That said, Drive Angry was entertaining and I quite enjoyed myself.
Milton (Nicolas Cage) – Milton throws down the gauntlet for reclaiming the name Milton as a badass and not a stapler-craving, squirrel-watching pyromaniac. Nic Cage doesn’t oversell this role, allowing the viewer to focus more on the action.
Piper (Amber Heard) – Piper is the unconventional tough female main character, who is more of a surrogate daughter than a love interest for Milton, thankfully making Drive Angry less creepy than your standard Woody Allen movie. That’s something we can all aspire to. Piper doesn’t take crap from nobody, even her cheating boyfriend or wacko cult leaders.
The Accountant (William Fichtner) – Who knew being an accountant was so exciting? It’s almost enough to make me want to delve deep into tax laws. Not really. William Fichtner is awesome and for a long time I thought he looked like the Muppet Digit from The Jim Henson Hour.
Jonah King (Billy Burke) – Creeper cult leader who has a thing for sacrificing babies to open portals to hell. Except this time he picked the wrong baby. A baby whose grandpappy is Nic Cage, and Nic Cage barely needs an excuse to bust outta Hell to kill cult leaders.