Posts tagged "Collin Chou Siu-Lung"

Angel Warriors (Review)

Angel Warriors

aka 鐵血嬌娃 aka Five-Star General aka 五星上將 aka The Five aka 5星上將
Angel Warriors
2013
Written by Fu Huayang and Xu Shalang
Directed by Fu Huayang


Break out the pillows, because Angel Warriors will cure your sleep disorders. In fact, you might find yourself reflecting at how you are wasting your brief time here on planet Earth watching something that’s a complete mess of a film. But maybe you’ll then be motivated to go out and achieve something, lest watching Angel Warriors end up your final act.

Angel Warriors

This lady finds more tiger cubs before 6 AM than you do ever!


Angel Warriors began life as Five-Star General, which we actually reported on in 2011, though it sounded completely different and I didn’t even realize this was the same film! But true to my word, I checked it out and now regret saying I would look into it. The two year turnaround to get a release hints at the problem the completed film had. And there are a lot of problems. It is time to address them in list format, because that is efficient, and we’re all about efficiency at TarsTarkas.NET, a site that regularly has rambling reviews that never get to the point. Wait a minute, ignore that last part!
Angel Warriors

I dare you to lick it!


Cinematic Crimes Angel Warriors is guilty of:
Angel Warriors

Just call me Powerglove because I’m so bad!


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3 comments - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - January 15, 2014 at 11:59 pm

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Five-Star General – 五星上将

Five-Star General – 五星上将 – (Just a direct translation for now as I couldn’t find an “official” English title) is a China/Thailand coproduction that’s influenced by Charlie’s Angels, Tomb Raider, and the action in Avatar (I’m guessing from the helicopters and jungle scenes) that is also aiming for 3D action. What we do know of the plot seems to involve a group of female mercenaries or Amazon warriors. Doing something. In the jungle. That is adventurous. And there are some dudes around as well (Collin Chou Siu-Lung, Ryu Kohata, Shi Yanneng, and Andy On Chi-Kit.) Mavis Pan Shuang-Shuang is one of the females, and Renata Tan Li Na is somewhere in there as well.

The director is Fu Huayang of Kung Fu Hip-Hop fame. And now some pictures!
Five Star General Collin Chou
Five Star General
Five Star General - Ryu Kohata
Five Star General Shi Yanneng
Five Star General
Five Star General

Sina via HKMDBNews
Look for more news when they announce the first of what will probably be several Western names until they settle on one.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 22, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Categories: Movie News   Tags: , , , , , , , ,

DOA: Dead or Alive (Review)

DOA: Dead or Alive

DOA: Dead or Alive
2006
Directed by Corey Yuen
DOA: Dead or Alive
DOA: Dead or Alive is not a movie. It is not a video game. It is a music video. A ninety minute music video with no discernable song (except maybe “I like the way you move” as it is used during one montage.) But you don’t need a song, you just need lots of women bouncing around in micro-clothes, and dozens of action sequences with posing shots. Actually, there is a movie a lot like this one, but instead of just being mindless action, Hero went a step farther and goes all commie in the end. DOA goes all “Let’s be friends!” and then goes back to sword-wielding chicks in spandex. That’s not to say DOA is any good. However, I was expecting it to be so horrible, that when it turned out to be passable I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, I’ll never watch it again, but there are many films I won’t be watching again, for I don’t have the time. Speaking of Hero, several of the scenes here are directly lifted from that film, as well as movies such as Crouching Tiger, Kill Bill, and Charlie’s Angels. Just part of the flash in the pan fun of DOA. But the imitations are not complete nor memorable on their own, giving another reason why there is little value in rewatching this film.
DOA: Dead or Alive
DOA: Dead or Alive is based on a series of video games, fighting video games mostly. These games have plots, as much of plots as fighting games can have, and the film chooses to ignore much of it. As I have never played the game nor care about the original story, it is not a big deal to me, but I remember a few people making a big stink when this came out. As some people complain about everything, they were easily ignored. They probably would have attacked the Q*Bert cartoon had it aired while they were alive. One of the main drawing points of the video games is the many teenage girls that bounce around and jiggle while beating the crap out of gigantic opponents. DOA games also spawned the ridiculous DOA Extreme Volleyball games, where you watch the female characters run around on an island, playing mini-games and buying ever-more revealing bikinis for the girls. Obviously a game for very lonely men. Fan service triumphed and there was plenty of volleyball in the DOA movie, but as they are real girls I am not complaining.
DOA: Dead or Alive
The movie plot itself is ludicrous. The DOA tournament is held, which randomly invites the world’s greatest fighters by some sort of flying invitation/blade that always seems to invite people just after a cool action sequence. They are then set against each other for a $10 million prize, but organizer Donovan may have another agenda. Realistic? Of course not, but much of this movie is not, so no bother. Luckily, some Wikipedia nerd has chosen to tell us that one of the major factual errors in the film is that a ninja clan would not be staffed by hundreds of armed soldiers. He seems not to have taken issue with the nanobot/magic sunglasses technology, which should tell you something about Wikipedia. The biggest flaw he found in a movie that opens with a girl fly-walking over hundreds of troops, diving off a sword, flying over a wall, ripping off her clothes to reveal a backpack, which opens to reveal a hang glider, and gets an invitation to the DOA tournament thrown at her by someone who was watching all this. But, yeah, too many armed guards for a ninja clan. Thanks Asperger McVirgin! People with too much time on their hands aside, the film is rife with several other problems, most noticeably the fact no one seems to get any injury at all, despite constantly being punched and thrown through walls. Hardly a bruise is to be found. It’s all fun and games until someone gets a paper cut. This would spoil all the fun, so just ignore the lack of wounds and go with it. Director Corey Yuen is a Hong Kong import, best known in the US for The Transporter, but best known to me for So Close.
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - May 21, 2007 at 12:07 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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