Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
aka 香港艾曼紐之獸性培欲 aka Heung Gong ngaai maan nau ji sau sing pui yuk
2003
Written by Emmanuelle 71
Directed by Dick Lau Tin-Sze
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Sometimes a cigar represents so many things Freud needs to do some cocaine to calm down, okay???
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Hey, you got Eyes Wide Shut on my Story of O! And you got Story of O on my Eyes Wide Shut! And everyone is Chinese and named Emmanuelle for some reason… Thus from this unlikely scenario we have the origin of a really disgusting Reeses product. And also Emmanuelle in Hong Kong!
Don’t be fooled, Emmanuelle in Hong Kong has nothing to do with any of the Emmanuelle series, neither the regular, black, yellow, in space, 2000, vs. Dracula, or any other random series. It is simply a name grab. And by the names of certain producers (Cary Grant!!) they are hiding behind the fake names themselves. Four films seem to have been produced at the same time by the same team, using many of the same actors. My Horny Girlfriend is another one in the series. This is looking more and more like the same model used now for the most recent Emmanuelle series! Unlike a lot of Category III trash that came out at the same time, at least some of these films attempt to do something interesting, even if it is largely copying other media and failing spectacularly. We at TarsTarkas.NET support effort.
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Nerdy Hef and Green Beret Phantom plan their next party
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Emmanuelle in Hong Kong is another of the films produced by “Cary Grant”, a pseudonym so obvious I’m surprised they didn’t just go with Elvis Presley. And let’s not get in to the fact the script was written by “Emmanuelle 71”. The director, on the other hand, we will get into a little. Dick Lau Tin-Sze only helmed six titles, but he managed to helm a wide variety of smut, some of which stands out far and beyond the similar Category III films from the same period. Emmanuelle in Hong Kong was his first film released, followed by Erotic Agent II, then Sex and the Central, Sexy Soccer, Raped By an Angel 5, and finally The Undercover Madams, which has one of the most complex plots I’ve seen in a Category III film and I would even argue it borders on being a halfway decent flick. I don’t know if Dick Lau was a fake name that someone used in rotation or if he was just someone who dabbled in exploitation cinema under Matrix Productions Company and has since gone back to real estate or something. In any event, we wish him well.
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This has become one of the most creepy films of all time…
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I’ll be having NUN of that Emmanuelle stuff!
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Akeno Junko, Ami Sakurai, Category III, Dick Lau Tin-Sze, Eddie Lam Kim-Fung, Emmanuelle, Grace Lam Nga-Si, Hong Kong, Matthew Ng Ting, softcore
My Horny Girlfriend
My Horny Girlfriend
aka Big波誘惑 aka Big bo yau waak
2002
Written by Lee Hai
Directed by Patrick Leung Saan-Bok
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None of these other women made their bathing suit out of old jeans…
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What do you do when you get a Category III film that tries to become a serious drama about malaise of modern life, finding yourself, depression, romance, swimming, and being contrarian just to show up cute guys on vacation? Not wonder why it is a mess, but wonder if the mess is worth checking out. The answer to that is more of if you are used to or willing to deal with Hong Kong Category III drama nonsense. It’s the kind of film that you can find acted and written a dozen times better all over the vcd shelves, but those films will also follow a predictable pattern. My Horny Girlfriend takes more risks by taking less risks. That’s a true statement, because there is a story buried beneath a bunch of junk, but also a lot of fan service that probably came from a clipboard list of what to do.
Grace Lam spends most of the film in a pouty mood, never happy. Not fun to be around at all. So that makes her the perfect leading lady! Her character is clearly suffering from some sort of depression, and she’s not the only one in the film. But she is the character with depression who still goes out and does stuff. And while some of her motives are unethical at best, the interaction, going outside, and just being around other people who aren’t just using her for sex helps Grace grow into a better, fuller person.
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Hello? Nothing, what are you doing?
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In fact, almost every female character in My Horny Girlfriend has some sort of mental issues making them depressed. The only character who isn’t is Pamila, and her personality is extreme in the opposite end where she’s always perky and down for anything. But she also uses sex as a weapon to teach “lessons” to women she doesn’t like. Pamila is the most manipulative character, and her humongous labido drives the plot as much as Grace’s fumbling attempts to continue to get her way in an environment that doesn’t hold her hand. Pamila is a big fish version of what personality Grace is, and her more bubbly personality opens doors and gives her powers that Grace’s sour tone can’t match.
Besides the nudity, the film also features lots of girls in bikinis. Almost every character is in a bikini or less for 90% of their screen time, even the men are often in swimming suits. The director and writer are probably pseudonyms, while producer Cary Grant obviously is. Grant’s other three films are Emmanuelle in Hong Kong, Forbidden Wet Tales, and Tortured Sex Goddess of Ming Dynasty. After that, he either switched fake names again or left the movie business with empty pocketbooks. Who knows? Only “Cary Grant” and possibly the ghost of Cary Grant, who was haunting “Grant” as revenge.
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Not now, my ninja headband slipped down!
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I had a nightmare I was in a movie called “My Horny Girlfriend”!
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Bessie Chan Ming-Kwan, Category III, Chan Chung-Wai, Eddie Lam Kim-Fung, Grace Lam Nga-Si, Hong Kong, Lesbians, Oscar Lam Wai-Kin, softcore, Yumi Ohsako
Girls Unbutton
Girls Unbutton
aka 不扣鈕的女孩 aka Bu kou niu de nu hai
1994
Written by Lam Chiu-Wing
Directed by Taylor Wong Tai-Loi
Girls Unbutton is a story about a woman’s search for love. Along the way she gets naked a lot, as do her friends, so it’s all good! A lot of people now compare it to Sex and the City, but Girls Unbutton came out years before that series. It’s spiritual predecessors are those European erotic journey films where they are narrated by the young lady who has a string of lovers until she finds the one that is best. There was a whole host of these in the 70s, though the genre seemed to peter out in the 80s. Many also featured internal dialogue in the form of diaries (as some were based on actual books!), and the diary aspect is carried over for Girls Unbutton. But not entirely, Jenny has two friends with ideas of their own about love and men, thus giving us external dialogue and conflict and nudity.
Despite the fact it appears to be nothing more than sleazy Category III that hastily straightened up the room before mom barged in, Girls Unbutton actually has seeds of an idea of a better film. It almost does a good job looking into the ins and out of relationships, of a woman’s search for love. But Jenny is thrust into various ridiculous scenarios that quickly take the winds out of the sails for a serious and good movie. Girls Unbutton is its own worst enemy. But also its greatest strength. Just the very fact the producers tried to do something makes it a cut above a lot of the slop. And Girls Unbutton is entertaining.
This is a Loletta Lee vehicle, so the plot revolves around her as our heroine Jenny. Jenny has a busy love life, but each relationship is not right for her. Will she ever find true love? Is there a Mr. Right? Will she and her friends be wearing any clothes in the next scene? We shall find out! This was the last film directed by Taylor Wong Tai-Loi, the talented director and fan of old school Cantonese flicks, which he showed his love with in Buddha’s Palm (1982) and Kung Fu Vs. Acrobatic (1990).
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Fox Ghost (Review)
Fox Ghost
aka Erotic Ghost Story: Flirtatious Pairs aka 聊齋誌異之孽慾孤鬼 aka Liáo zhai zhì yì zhi niè yù gu xian
2002
Directed by Stanley Tong Man-Hong
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This is what happens when you don’t use dryer sheets and the static cling goes to overload!
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From 2002 we have a Category III film of the sexual kind, Fox Ghost. And we must ask one question: Is it any good? No. Actually, two questions: Does it deliver the goods? Not really. If you want a cheap Cat III flick, it does okay, but the film isn’t erotic, is barely entertaining, and much of the film is boring filler. There are a few moments of glory, but other films have done much better, and are far more worth your time. But if you must watch the film, you might as well be prepared. I guess Sophie Ngan fans will be happy, as will fans of Hong Kong films that import Japanese talent to provide extra nudity. 1.3 billion Chinese, and they can’t find more than one to get naked in Fox Ghost? Actually, these two girls are Japanese AV stars, so maybe it is more of a ploy for extra sales overseas. Our version has 100% no subtitles, but when has that ever stopped us? At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinkin’ subtitles! Fox Ghost blatantly advertises the fact it stars Sophie Ngan, the star of My Secret Private Virgin and The Peeper’s Story 2 – The Escape Partner. I will get right on that.
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Despite the fact as ghosts we can be intangible and have all dirt fall to the floor through us, let us now engage in pseudo-lesbian bathing practices to satisfy the 100% male audience!
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As you’ve probably figured out, the story loosely based on tales from The Carnal Prayer Mat (aka Rouputuan aka 肉蒲團) and Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio (aka Liaozhai Zhiyi aka Strange Tales of Liaozhai.) It is sort of a combined version of the tales. The Carnal Prayer Mat was written by author Li Yu in 1657 during the Qing Dynasty. The Sex and Zen films originate from this tale. Liaozhai Zhiyi was written by Pu Songling (1640-1715) during the early Qing Dynasty, first known to be published in 1766 (but probably was published before then.) It is a collection of 431 stories written in classical Chinese, most featuring scholars and female spirits (the Liaozhai, which are female ghosts.) Erotic Ghost Story is one of many other films to spring from that source.
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Boy, you sure are over-thinking this bathing scene!
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Look, I’d like to help, but thanks to this hat I can’t walk through doorways anymore!
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The 33D Invader (Review)
The 33D Invader
aka The Fruit Is Ripe 33D aka 蜜桃成熟時33D aka Mi Tao Cheng Shu Shi 33D
2011
Directed by Cash Chin Man-Kei
33D Invader is like a 1990s Hong Kong Cat III comedy time traveled to 2011 and unleashed itself on the public. And because time travel plays a part in the plot of 33D Invader, perhaps that was the subtle message they were going for. The male characters are direct out of an 80s American sex film. We have the Nice Guy (Lawrence), the Nerd (Danson), the Fat Guy (Stephen), and the Other Guy who has no real personality but is there to fill out the group (Felix). The female characters range from blank slate to blank slate to blank slate with slightly bigger boobs. And though we’re given a quick introduction to them, it is hard to remember which one is loose and which one is a virgin when they’re all running around naked. Only Future and Jeana get any sort of personality, even Xucker No. 2 is nothing but a generic villain.
Granted, the audience isn’t people who care about the plot, it is people who care about seeing naked girls be naked.
It is hard to determine exactly what is going on, because 33D Invader is all over the map. Every sex scene is completely different in tone, from the sensual and erotic, to the rough and filthy, to the rape rape rape, to the gross, to the woman on woman, to the man drugged for sex by a woman, to the guy is so gross you want to hit fast-forward.
33D Invader was originally called The Fruit Is Ripe 33D, betraying its namesake origins as the next The Fruit is Ripe film. Like almost all of the prior films, it has nothing to do with any of the others and was given a namechange makeover. The first film was 1993’s Crazy Love, which featured Loletta Lee being naked. 1997 gave us the second film in the series, which was given the English title The Fruit Is Swelling. It featured Jane Chung Chun as a character named Peach who was given the Big treatment and grew up overnight in a universe where everyone seems to have sex at the drop of the hat. By 1999, they just literally translated the Chinese title of the next sequel, and thus we had The Fruit is Ripe 3, which was confusing for people like me who saw that at the video store (while renting everything in the Hong Kong section) and wondered where the other two parts were, not knowing that I’d already seen them (as there was little information available on Hong Kong film at this point.) The third film features actress Jay Fong Ching as an angel named Peach who has come to Earth to help some loser with his love life, and many people are naked.
The 33D part of The 33D Invader is the lost promise of it being in 3D like 3D Sex and Zen, which at the time of announcement was pouring in the dough. But when The 33D Invader showed up in theaters, it was as flat as a pancake. Coincidentally, some of the actresses…
But let’s hit the cast, and then dive into the plot!
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Sexy Soccer (Review)
Sexy Soccer
aka Sing gum zhook kao aka 少女足球
2003
Directed by Dick Lau Tin-Sze
Warning, this movie has a lot of puns. A lot of bad puns. A lot of bad puns that don’t translate well so things might sound weird. Just go with it!
Hong Kong Category III sex films have gotten cheaper and cheaper. Sexy Soccer represents a last gasp of actual money in a production, films post-2003 seem to be done for 1/10th of the cost of this film. Sexy Soccer sees such things as extras, location shooting, and characters that number more than five. This is from Dick Lau Tin-Sze’s company (probably an alias), and the films he produced decreased in quality and used many of the same actors. It’s like watching them go from real movies down to community theater to dinner theater.
But it’s so damn awful! My goodness, so awful… A large portion of the film comprises of these girls playing soccer, and it’s obviously that they spent more time filming these scenes than the entirety of gym classes during their school years. Bumbling around the soccer field is not believable, but that’s not really the point of the film. The point of the film seems to be watching Matthew Ng Ting get it on with a variety of girls. As Matthew Ng Ting is not very attractive, the film treating him like some sort of lust-inducing superstud is laughable. The situations, the contrived plot, and the weird asides all add up to a wacky film. But at least it is somewhat entertaining. You do wonder what sort of weird thing will happen next. It’s…odd. And since some other films made soon after are just wretchedly bad, Sexy Soccer deserves more praise than it’s going to get. But it’s so damn awful!
The music is not bad, but I like surf music. If you don’t like surf music, than the soundtrack of the film will drive you bonkers! Actors credited that don’t seem to be in any other film include Tong Tong, Cheung Wing, Kam Bing-Man, and Siu Yau. Just which of them are which actresses/actors, I don’t know. And if any of the ??? actresses below show up in other films, again, I don’t know. We’re just chock full o’ knowledge here at TarsTarkas.NET!
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Au-Yeung Hoi-Suen, Carmen Yeung Ga-Man, Category III, Dick Lau Tin-Sze, Grace Lam Nga-Si, Hong Kong, Matthew Ng Ting, softcore
