[adrotate banner=”1″]What in the flying monkey crap is happening to Earth, planet of humans, that makes jokes reality? Are we being zapped with Ironic Reality Rays from the Evil Skeletor and his gang of baddies? Because suddenly, everyone’s favorite joke board game movie will actually be a real movie! Hasbro has signed deals to bring more of their properties to the big screen. In addition to reviving the long-in-production Monopoly flick and optioning Action Man for some reason, Hungry Hungry Hippos is the third property in the deal with Emmett/Furla Films giving Hasbro the dump trucks full of cash it needs to get these films in production through their Universal subsidiary. Don’t worry, each film will cost less than $100 million, that way they will only lose lots of money instead of a ton of money.
Monopoly will be the first of the three films, probably because a lot of the ground work has already been done over the years. Ridley Scott is still listed as a producer, but I do not know if they will continue with the “guy wakes up in a Monopoly world” plot that was rumored years ago. All the films are being marketed as family films.
Emmett/Furla is also bankrolling The Tomb, Two Guns, and Broken City, so they’re posed to become very very rich. Which they will need when no one watches these Hasbro films. I mean, I can’t wait for Hungry Hungry Hippos!
I actually seriously can’t wait.
Image created by Brian Cook
[adrotate banner=”1″]That completely obvious headline is true, there will be a new Jumanji film, reimagined and updated for the present. That’s literally what Columbia Pictures president Doug Belgrad said. He mentioned a bit about the Steve Jobs biopic and how there will probably be a Men in Black 4. But the important thing is they’re rebooting Jumanji. Jumanji! Updated! What, are they going to make it a Facebook app? Jumanji on the iPhone that the kids download illegally and suddenly are playing the jungle game? This is one idea that we need a dislike button on Facebook for. give me the classic Jumanji with Robin Williams bouncing around, CGI fat rhinos that can’t keep up with the herd, the hunter played by the same actor as the father, and the dystopian alternate timeline future created by the game that would totally cause the main characters to go crazy. That’s Jumanji.
This is the wrong Jumanji!
Jumanji cover from this track
[adrotate banner=”1″]Candyland, one of a slate of possible board game movies (including the upcoming Battleship, the rumored Monopoly, and a few others), has gotten some new writers as it inches closer to possibility – Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger, who wrote Kung Fu Panda – which was good, and Monsters vs. Aliens – which was terrible.
[adrotate banner=”1″]So I was thinking I should start doing goofy puns as story headlines because all the big movie sites do that, but then they are never funny and sometimes very stupid, so I probably won’t any more. If you’re like me (and I know I am) than you fondly remember your college days of playing Risk until 5 am with the other people in the dorm who never studied. Oh, should we do the Australian strategy? Or try for South America? Maybe become a bigger target with North America but enjoy the massive army production? How about bad luck getting stuck in Asia? Anyone have a Battle of Britain, where dozens of armies fell to three troops just never losing a dice roll? Anyway, now you can relive all that as a movie. Or not, as the movie will probably be actual war and stuff. No one has ever done a war movie before, so this is groundbreaking material here. Will Risk battle Battleship for board game movie supremacy? No one will ever beat Clue, so it doesn’t matter.