Posts tagged "Asylum"

Ardennes Fury is in the tank for Asylum!

Brad Pitt has an upcoming World War II tank movie called Fury, thus Asylum has their own World War II tank movie – Ardennes Fury!

As the Battle of the Bulge rages on, an American tank unit gets trapped behind Nazi lines. With just hours before the bombs of Operation Ardennes Fury fall, the tank’s commander makes the risky decision to rescue an orphanage.

Tanks and orphans! They even got some World War II rein actors to help, and have a M36 Jackson Tank Destroyer running around. Nazis at the Center of the Earth director Joseph Lawson helms this mockbuster, and contributed to the story along with newcomer writer Stephen Llorens. Ardennes Fury stars William Thomas Stedham as Sgt. Lance Dawson, Bill Voorhees, Tino Struckman, Lawrence Garnell Jr., and Lauren Vera. The street date is November 11, but you’ll probably be able to find it on different distribution channels before that, depending on how it’s rolled out across America.

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via Asylum

Ardennes Fury Asylum

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 29, 2014 at 7:10 pm

Categories: Movie News   Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Kittens conquer Christmas in Asylum’s Santa Claws!

No, this is not the 1996 horror film Santa Claws, this is an entirely different, family friendly Santa Claws. With kittens. Lots and lots of kittens.

The film has existed in at least poster form since 2013, but now it exists in real form for a holiday 2014 release!

Santa is allergic to cats, so he has a policy against delivering them as gifts. But little Tommy has been SO good, and all he wants is one small kitty – Santa says OK. But instead of one, the whole litter climbs into the sack. When Santa has a major allergic reaction, the kitties have to take over and deliver the presents on time.

Kids love allergic reactions, and kids love kittens. I will assume that the kittens talk, unless the entire back half of the film is done in complete silence less a few mews. Which could also work if done correctly. Or maybe the film suddenly gets taken over by a narrator, who lets us into the action but becomes increasingly annoying until the kittens run him down with the sleigh.

Here’s hoping some smart kid left out an epi-pen for Santa!

Glenn Miller directs, he helmed The Co-Ed and the Zombie Stoner, so you know he knows how to handle pussy. I’ve probably made that joke 100 times in the ten years this site has been live. The script is by Anna Rasmussen, who wrote Social Nightmare and Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys, so it will be a fun time until the kittens get cyberstalked and attacked by monsters! Santa Claws stars Nicola Lambo (Barney: The Land of Make Believe), Evan Boynel (Goats), John P. Fowler, Erica Duke (Bikini Spring Break), and Ezra James Colbert.

I think we can all agree that this will be a thousand times better than that Grumpy Cat Christmas movie.

via Asylum

Santa Claws Asylum

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Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 5:51 pm

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274 Amazing Japanese B-Movie Posters!

The Guardians Japanese Poster

The Guardians

If there is one thing we like, it’s Ziggy comics! Ziggy is awesome. We also like Japanese posters of B-movies like those found on SyFy/SciFi Channel, because those posters are awesome as crap. So TarsTarkas.NET has collected 274 posters for your viewing pleasure, because we take delight in having odd numbers of stuff.

Many of the posters are taken from PosRen, which has hundreds of other posters that are probably just as cool, along with some that aren’t as cool. But these are the coolest, guaranteed. Just check out the overly long gallery below for your favorite flicks: Sharknado, Ghost Shark, Snakes on a Train, Nydenion (Okay, they can’t all be winners!) You can also find out which American franchises have been given unofficial sequels thanks to Japanese distributors renaming films! (Answer: A lot!)

FYI: The term UMA stands for Unidentified Mysterious Animal, it is a cryptozoology term that is much more popular in Japan than the US. I can’t explain why there are so many burnt bat outlines unless they are all Batman references for some reason. Maybe they are…

Now if you excuse me, I have to check out today’s Ziggy comic!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 25, 2014 at 7:12 am

Categories: Gallery, Movie News   Tags: , , , ,

Sharknado 2: The Second One (Review)

Sharknado 2: The Second One

Sharknado 2 the Second One SyFy
Written by Thunder Levin
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante

How can the same shark happen to the same guy twice?

The Sharknadoes are back and this time they’re taking on the Big Apple! But New Yorkers aren’t going to just stand by and let their city get destroyed by a bunch of shark-laced tornadoes. Thus the people fight back, and more importantly, returning Sharknado hero Fin leads the fight against the sharknadoes. With Sharknado 2: The Second One, Asylum and SyFy step back into the world of viral creature feature movies, and score a monster hit. Not only was this the highest SyFy original movie ever (with 3.9 million viewers), but it’s also entertaining and fun. The action is bigger and more consistent throughout the whole film, leading to less of the pacing problem that the original Sharknado faced.
Sharknado 2 the Second One SyFy
Sharknado 2 edges its predecessor with more ridiculous stunts and better graphics. The money shots are given a high quality look to better make cool gifs. The well-paced action provides continual entertainment, beginning with a ridiculously awesome plane sequence that just keeps raising the stakes and the body count. The excuses to get people moving around felt more genuine than Sharknado‘s goal post moving search for family. Sharknado 2 has what is the best excuse for not being able to reach someone by cell phone I’ve seen in a movie (the guy shuts it off so he can spend quality time with his son and not be distracted by work! So much better than random “out of service” shots or just ignoring phones altogether.)
Sharknado 2 the Second One SyFy
Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) and his ex-wife April Wexler (Tara Reid), who he is now reconciling with, are on route to New York City, his hometown and where his sister and her family live. But the flight path is right through the latest forming sharknado, and soon the plane is a disasterpiece that Fin has to land himself. Things become a desperate struggle to get his family to safety and to save the city from the sharknadoes, while chomping death flies in the skies and rains down on the people. Only chainsaws, buzzsaw hands, swords, guns, freon tanks, and a host of celebrity cameos can save New York City from nature’s wrath!
Sharknado 2 the Second One SyFy
Read more…

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 3, 2014 at 4:41 pm

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Asylum’s Mercenaries gets a trailer!

Mercenaries has an action-packed trailer, as female prisoners are recruited to rescue the daughter of the President, thus lots of things explode and get shot! We got Zöe Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox, and Nicole Bilderback as the mercenaries, with Brigitte Nielsen as the villainess and Cynthia Rothrock as the lady who organizes the raid. It’s a mockbuster of Expendables 3, but unlike the Expendables movies, it looks like it will be good! The film premieres at San Diego Comic Con July 30th, and released everywhere streaming/VOD/DVD August 8th. How can you not want to see a film that says “Let’s go PMS from hell on this place!”??

A diplomatic official is captured and imprisoned while touring a war zone, so a team of elite female commandoes is assembled to infiltrate a women’s prison for a daring rescue. Starring Zöe Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox, Brigitte Nielsen, Nicole Bilderback, and Cynthia Rothrock. Premieres at San Diego Comic Con July 30th.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 23, 2014 at 1:45 pm

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Sharknado 2: The Second One trailer!

Because we all need full trailers! You’re either already sold or not going to bother, so only board the hype train if you are cool. Choo-choo!

Sharknado 2: The Second One – Wednesday, July 30 at 9PM – In Sharknado 2: The Second One, the sequel to last summer’s global pop culture sensation, a freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado on the population and its most cherished iconic sites – and only Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) can save the Big Apple. The movie, directed by Anthony C. Ferrante from a screenplay by Thunder Levin, also stars Mark McGrath, Kari Wuhrer, Vivica A. Fox and Judah Friedlander, with cameo appearances including Kelly Osbourne, Judd Hirsch, Perez Hilton, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Andy Dick, Robert Klein, Sandra “Pepa” Denton, Biz Markie, Downtown Julie Brown, Richard Kind and Kurt Angle, among others. Sharknado 2: The Second One is a production of The Asylum.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - July 9, 2014 at 1:16 pm

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