Destroy All Monsters (Review)
Destroy All Monsters
aka Attack of the Marching Monsters aka Kaiju soshingeki
1968
Directed by Ishiro Honda
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Godzilla before that first morning coffee.
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When I was but a wee lad first learning about the Godzilla experience, catching Super Scary Saturday showings of G-flicks, buying Godzilla films on VHS that weren’t showing up on tv, recording films airing on the local UHF station, I was also reading up on every monster movie related book I could read. My favorites were by a guy named Daniel Cohen*, who wrote such books as Super-Monsters and Science Fiction’s Greatest Monsters, well-read copies of which still lie somewhere in my mom’s attic. There was also another set of books at the library that were neon orange with a book each for Dracula, the Mummy, King Kong, Godzilla, and a few other monsters. The thing was, every library in the area did NOT have the Godzilla book! I was so angry! Imagine 8 year old Tars so mad he purposefully murdered his entire Oregon Trail travel party. Some say I went too far, but they say so only via their gravestone markers…
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Manda and Godzilla set up their slot car racers!
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But is there a point to that rambling first paragraph? Yes! You see, of the Godzilla flicks and lore of Godzilla flicks, knowledge of a movie containing all sorts of Toho monsters was spread. This mythical, magical movie, had like all sorts of monsters, including monsters I had never heard of, beat the tar out of each other and aliens attack. It was Destroy All Monsters. And it never aired on TV anywhere near me. So sad! It also wasn’t at any video store. Destroy All Monsters became a mocking ghost, forever out of reach. Until one day in college suddenly it was on VHS tape. I was like “HELL YEAH!” and bought me some Destroy All Monsters, watched it, loved it, and now don’t know where the tape is because a DVD version was released shortly thereafter. So yeah. And now I have this cool version, which has the AIP dub merged with a widescreen format custom made by some guy on the internet. Because I’m awesome like that.
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Check out this curve, ladies!
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Was Destroy All Monsters worth the 14 years of questing to find? Damn straight it was! Though it isn’t perfect, it is entertaining. It’s got alien invasions, an awesome monster fight finale, Akira Kubo, alien chicks in silver hoodies and capes, 1960s astromen costumes in bright primary colors, attempts to make rocket propulsion scientifically accurate, lasers, and Minya! The only thing missing from this film is Don Frye, but he pops up in another flick years later to make it all right.
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Gah this water’s too cold! Back to the blanket for me!
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I save the whales….for dessert!
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Monster Roll Call!
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Moonbase Mission Control stole it’s color scheme from TarsTarkas.NET!
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Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews Tags: Akira Kubo, Anguirus, Baragon, Godzilla, Gorosaurus, Japan, Jun Tazaki, kaiju, Kenichiro Maruyama, King Ghidorah, Kumonga, Kyoko Ai, Manda, Minya, Mothra, Rodan, Yoshio Tsuchiya, Yukiko Kobayashi
Monster King Godzilla (Review)
Monster King Godzilla
1980 (yeah, right!)
Directed by Who the Frak Knows!
It’s March of Godzilla 2011, so let’s get right into it with some weirdo Godzilla flicks you probably haven’t heard of!
Monster King Godzilla is a Godzilla movie mashup that is a very truncated version of the movie ESPy mixed with fight scenes of Godzilla from a bunch G flicks randomly inserted. Part of a couple of films (2, really) supposedly from a Hawaiian TV station that edited them for broadcast. Whether or not that is true, I am not convinced at all (this is discussed more in the upcoming Attack of the Galactic Monsters review) but it is probably just a clever fake. Good job trying to make this look like it came from a VHS tape, it might even have been copied onto one. FYI, the title Monster King Godzilla comes from the Japanese name for the 1956 Godzilla, King of the Monsters recut when it was released in Japan in 1957.
The best piece of research I have found on this is a blog entitled Monster King Godzilla that has one post, entitled Monster King Godzilla, that is just a scan of the supposed VHS jacket the bootleg is from with the same text you see everywhere. Huzzah!
Here is the text that accompanied this film:
“Very rare Godzilla film made for Hawaiin TV in 1980 by Filmways TV USA, 99% stock footage and a bizare wrap around plot involving physic powers make this a very strange film. AVI is from a VHS purchased at the Chiller Theatre convention in the mid 90s. I have never found any record of this film anywhere else.”
Ignoring all the misspellings, either this guy purchased what is probably a hoax and released it himself, or he just made up this story after creating the hoax and is feigning ignorance about the film ESPy.
Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter, as this is a frakked up Godzilla film so we’re gonna review it for March of Godzilla 2011!
First of all, since ESPy is used as a template for all the Godzilla mashup footage, let’s take a brief look at the 1975 Toho ESP/spy flick. It was part of their “mutants” series of films, back when Toho was making wacked out 1970s films that are rather freaky to watch today. The UN sets up an organization called Espy filled with psychics and ESP people, to stop a group called Counter Espy, who are evil psychics and ESP people. Why Counter Espy is named first I have no idea, having not seen the film, but I am guessing because they are psychic! Being psychic probably explains all sorts of plot problems with ESPy. How convenient! Counter Espy tries to kill the Prime Minster of Baltonia:
Prime Minster of Baltonia
Espy stops them, and newbie Espy agent Jiro Miki (Masao Kusakari), his dog Cheetah, veteran Espy agent Yoshio Tamura (Hiroshi Fujioka), and girl Espy agent Maria Harada (Kaoru Yumi) must do battle with the evil Counter Espy leader Ulrov/Wolf (Tomisaburo Wakayama) to save the world from evil people who have special powers. No heads explode, which is a failing of the ESPy series, all one entries in it. Jun Fukuda directed this film along with War in Space, the other source film used in a Godzilla Mashup.
Godzilla flicks used in this film include
Godzilla vs. Megalon
Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla
Revenge of Mechagodzilla
Godzilla vs. Gigan
There are lots of quick edits and huge portions of ESPy is skipped as the film moves in in order to throw in all the Godzilla footage. So there will probably be some vary confusing things mentioned in the plot section, but it is accurate. Having not seen ESPy, I was at an even worse advantage, but I persevered because I’m awesome. You can be awesome too, all you need to do is read this review!
Who cares about the crappy humans, it’s Monster Roll Call!
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Anguirus, fan films, Gigan, Godzilla, Hedorah, King Caesar, King Ghidorah, Mechagodzilla, Megalon, Titanosaurus
Godzilland (Review)
Godzilland
Say kids, what time is it? It’s Godzilland time! YAAAAYYY!!
Wait, what the frak is Godzilland? Godzilland was a morning show for the kiddies that aired in Japan around the time Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla 2 came out. Besides that, I know nothing about the show except for this sample episode that will get documented here. There is little to no information about this show anywhere (at least in English) so join TarsTarkas.NET as we sail into uncharted territory! March of Godzilla 4 had to have some crazy surprise, now didn’t it?
The best part of Godzilland is the stylized cartoon kaiju
They are all over the opening sequence, we have larva Mothra, that human who we will see is the host, Mechagodzilla, Anguirus, Rodan, Baragon, Gigan, Godzilla, Moguera, Mechagodzilla, Mothra egg, and more Mechagodzilla
All of those Mechagodzillas probably mean that film either is about to or just came out. The inclusion of Moguera might indicate they already are working on SpaceGodzilla, but might not as SpaceGodzilla is MIA in the opening credits.
King Ghidorah, Mothra as a Moth, and Mecha-King Ghidorah show up in this frame
The top Kanji translate to “bouhan” which means “an exciting adventure” And Godzilland sure is!
Here is our host, I think his first name is supposed to be Russell but I might be wrong.
Russell hangs out with four Japanese chicks who are big Godzilla boosters
They are the Godzilla Chicks (a name I made up for them) and in the beginning Russell asks them questions from a pile of cards.
Interspacing animation time!
Holy Godzilla vs. Bambi, Batman!
Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Anguirus, Baragon, commercials, Gigan, Godzilla, Godzilla Junior, Japan, King Ghidorah, March of Godzilla 4, Mechagodzilla, Mechani-Kong, Moguera, Mothra, Rodan
Godzilla Island – Story Arc 22
Godzilla Island – Story Arc 22
1997
Directed by Shun Mizutani
It’s the Final Countdown! Du-de-du du, Du-de-du-du-du! The last Story Arc of them all! The return of the whole cast, the Secret of Godzilla Island is out and the Xiliens will do anything to get their grubby paws on it! Giant Dark Emperor gets mad, Torema gets sad, and less than a few seconds transpires between this story and the previous one. We get a new monster, but not the giant monsterfest I was hoping for with the final story arc. Oh, well. Things are still good, so let’s get the good goings on going, shall we? New readers, Start here at the beginning of the series, and everyone else get ready for the final chapter. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow there is no tsuzuku!
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Different monster feature in each episode, so we’ll keep track of them in each story arc. The complete Godzilla Island Daikaiju List is located here. We’ll also list any new monster match-ups that weren’t in any film but now exist thanks to this series, such as Mecha-King Ghidorah fighting Hyper Mecha-King Ghidorah or something. The R2 Japanese DVD release is unsubtitled, so most of what is going on will be educated guesses thanks to our limited Japanese speaking ability. But here at TarsTarkas.NET we don’t need no stinking subtitles!
Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews Tags: Anguirus, Baragon, Godzilla, Godzilla Island, Godzilla Junior, Gorosaurus, Japan, Jiro Dan, Kaori Aso, Kaoru Ukawa, Kenichiro Shimamura, King Caesar, Maimi Okuwa, Mecha-King Ghidorah, Moguera, Mothra, Naoko Aizawa, Rodan, Sho Sawamura, Shun Mizutani, We don't need no stinking subtitles, Yutaka Aoyama
Godzilla Island – Story Arc 21
Godzilla Island – Story Arc 21
1997
Directed by Shun Mizutani
President Skroob – Salute! Hail, Skroob! We all hail Skroob, and it looks like the Japanese do as well, because part of the plot of this Story Arc is lifted from Spaceballs! Unfortunately, Godzilla does not fight a giant robotic maid, but we do have an air shield, and the people beneath it lose all their air. Also, the Secret of Godzilla Island is revealed, A new warship is unveiled, and the plot moves towards the final battle as we hit the next to last Story Arc. Anyone new should head over to Story Arc 1, everyone else get to reading. And may the Schwartz be with you….
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Different monster feature in each episode, so we’ll keep track of them in each story arc. The complete Godzilla Island Daikaiju List is located here. We’ll also list any new monster match-ups that weren’t in any film but now exist thanks to this series, such as Black Mechagodzilla fighting Gigan or something. The R2 Japanese DVD release is unsubtitled, so most of what is going on will be educated guesses thanks to our limited Japanese speaking ability. But here at TarsTarkas.NET we don’t need no stinking subtitles!
Read more…
Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews Tags: Anguirus, Baragon, Destoroyah, Godzilla, Godzilla Island, Gorosaurus, Japan, Jiro Dan, Kaori Aso, Kaoru Ukawa, Kenichiro Shimamura, King Caesar, Mechagodzilla, Megalon, Moguera, Mothra, Rodan, Sho Sawamura, Shun Mizutani, We don't need no stinking subtitles, Yutaka Aoyama
Godzilla Island – Story Arc 20
Godzilla Island – Story Arc 20
1997
Directed by Shun Mizutani
Spies are not cool. Unless they are James Bond, Spy vs. Spy, dead Bothan spies, or Bart Fargo. Okay, maybe spies are cool. So of course spies will factor into the story of Godzilla Island, because when you think plastic monsters, you think spies. Camero goes undercover into G-Guard HQ, Lucas gets ignored, and we all learn a lesson to not accept random packages from the Earth’s Government. Earth’s Government is like Nigerian Bank Transfers – Stay away! But we got some monster fights, anyway. So let’s hop to it! Newbies hop to Godzilla Island Story Arc 1, the rest of us can laugh at the N3wbs and start reading away.
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Different monster feature in each episode, so we’ll keep track of them in each story arc. The complete Godzilla Island Daikaiju List is located here. We’ll also list any new monster match-ups that weren’t in any film but now exist thanks to this series, such as Megalon fighting Dororin or something. The R2 Japanese DVD release is unsubtitled, so most of what is going on will be educated guesses thanks to our limited Japanese speaking ability. But here at TarsTarkas.NET we don’t need no stinking subtitles!
