WTF?

Buy your $200 Fat Albert CZ-Encrusted Rule 34 Vore Charm Today!

Have you seen this fan art picture of Fat Albert having eaten Dumb Donald whole?
Fat Albert

Well, now you can get it in cubic zirconium form!
Fat Albert CZ-Encrusted Rule 34 Vore Charm

As the ebay seller says: It depicts Fat Albert in movement, with Bucky caught in the way and against Albert’s wide stomach. From kids to teenagers to adults, this charm is guaranteed to attract any age audience.

Yes, this misinterpreted pervert art can now be yours forever! Give it to your grandkids to let them know grandpa was frakked in the head, but he could still be blinged out!

(Also LOL that Fat Albert looks like Fatal Bert when I read it in all lowercase with no spaces)

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - March 25, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Categories: WTF?   Tags: ,

Nightmare Fuel

Coming for your soul

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - April 17, 2010 at 10:15 am

Categories: Culture Wars, WTF?   Tags:

Proud to be Tim McVeigh

Or at least the Teabaggers all are. So says Sean Hannity when he isn’t pocketing all the money going to his charity. And then he gets applause from the teabagging idiots he just called domestic terrorists. Sigh…


(as an aside, the text ads in this post were about Voodoo Revenge Hexes when I previewed. I don’t know what that means…)

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - April 2, 2010 at 12:56 am

Categories: Culture Wars, Politicians and Pundits, Wingnut Web, WTF?   Tags: ,

FOX News and The FOX Nation: We ARE the Tea Parties

FOX News, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, again and again and again you tell us that it’s completely incorrect to associate the coverage and pundits on FOX News with the actions and protests of the Tea Parties/Wingnut Birther crazy movement. Despite the fact that you ran plenty of promos advertising the Tax Day Tea Party protest, constantly interview Stewart Rhodes of the Oathkeepers, have Griff Jenkins and other FOX anchors whipping up and encouraging protesters, and have hired the crazy princess Sarah Palin to give informed opinions on the network, among so many other infractions, you still dismiss any suggestion that you’re trying to pander to the Tea Party crowd and make money off of them as “left-wing lame stream media propaganda”.

So if everything you’re saying is true (we know what a complex relationship FOX News has with the truth) and FOX News genuinely doesn’t mean to associate themselves with the violent, racist, crazy crazies, then what the fuck was this shit you featured on The FOX Nation to celebrate The FOX Nation’s 1 year anniversary? (Click the link for the video, I can’t embed their content).

Yup, that’s right. Glenn Beck has only been on the network for a year too, but by far, FOX’s worst offender for giving a voice to the crazy is celebrating its first birthday. To me, the tone of FOX fundamentally changed a year ago when they brought on Glenn Beck and opened up The FOX Nation for their loving hateful fans. It also changed pretty drastically when President Obama was elected into office at roughly the same time, but of course a political institution like FOX wouldn’t simply change up its coverage just because a Democratic president is now in office, right? Just to make sure they covered all their crazy bases (FOX Nation would lose a lot of fans if they didn’t happen to feature every single aspect of the nebulous Right Wing crazies to make everyone happy) all of the following are a part of the short “Happy Birthday” video for the FOX Nation:

  • An introduction from Michelle Bachmann
  • Soundbite from Bill O
  • Tea Party protesters and signs
  • Stephen Baldwin blowing a kiss?
  • Glenn Beck juxtaposed with Geraldo (see, FOX News is fair and balanced!)
  • Geraldo saying “FOX believes in the American dream” then immediately cutting to footage of angry Tea Party protests
  • More Tea Party footage
  • Mitt Romney saying how much he loves the FOX Nation
  • Andrew Breitbart admitting how he reads FOX Nation and get upset when they scoop him
  • Juan Williams (didn’t they fire Juan Williams for being too much of a Communist?)
  • More Tea Party protesting
  • A colonial Tea Party guy
  • American flags
  • The “I can cure gay people with therapy” guy, Richard Cohen
  • And a closing statement by Rick Perry mentioning that “FOX Nation is the place for information”

Notably absent from the video:

  • Ron Paul and/or Rand Paul
  • Sarah Palin (she’s their leading talent after all!)
  • Joe The Plumber
  • Pat Buchanan (probably not featured because he’s more of an MSNBC guy these days)
  • Mike Huckabee (FOX News host and potential presidential candidate, very surprised he didn’t make an appearance since that’s like a two-fer)
  • Trig Palin (Trig has had a hard year being in the spotlight, no sympathy from FOX?)
  • Dr. Orly Taitz Esq. (if Palin is the princess of FOX News/the Tea Parties then Orly is the Queen. IS FOX LEGITIMIZING THE OBAMA PRESIDENCY BY NOT HAVING ORLY ON?)
  • Hard-working Americans (FOX Nation is supposed to be for hard-working real Americans, but besides the chants from Tea Party protesters and the Right-Wing celebrity fest, this video features not one regular Joe just trying to get by in America)
  • Black people (also a hard-working segment of America that is notably absent from the video. Juan Williams doesn’t count)

Pretty much just as crazy as the people the video was meant for. But why does FOX News continue to pander to and use footage from the Tea Party movement and protests yet at the same time vehemently deny any connection between the network and this fringe “grassroots” group? Does this mean that FOX News, Roger Ailes, and the rest continually lie again and again straight to people’s faces without any regard or backbone?

Is this behavior by FOX anything new to you? Go FOX Nation, congratulations on one whole year of circular-babbling crazy.

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Posted by skiplogic - March 31, 2010 at 11:09 am

Categories: Politicians and Pundits, Wingnut Web, WTF?   Tags:

Wingnut Web: Let the Tea Party violence begin (continue?)!

A few days ago I posted about all the overtly violent threats and actions the folks over at Resistnet had to offer on the eve of the passage of Healthcare Reform. The world is no stranger to idiots making fiery threats towards others over the internet, some of the power behind websites like Resistnet lies in the fact that it’s a very small community echoing each other’s thoughts to the point that they believe these opinions (shared by maybe a dozen of their compatriots on the site) are in actuality the attitudes of everyone who feels discontented by the things President Obama has done.

Unfortunately for those of us who love the country and want to see it succeed (not secede like these Tea Party “patriots”) no matter who is in charge or what legislation they aim to pass, the populist violence party that used to be contained on the internet is now frothing up and spilling out onto the streets irl. Springboarding from my post a few days ago, I thought it would be appropriate to jot down all the real ACTUAL violence, threatening phone calls, vandalism, and other ironically “patriotic” acts that no doubt those who identify with the Tea Party, Birther, Militia, Oathkeeper, White Nationalist, and other movements are behind. It’s been less than a week since the vote on Healthcare Reform so what you’re going to read here are just the juvenile beginnings of what will prove to be a really ugly time in American History (as if everything since the election of President Obama wasn’t bad enough).

1. Sen. Bart Stupak’s threatening phone calls from loving concerned Christians who wish on him ass-bleeding cancer:

It’s great to hear from these angry God-fearing Christians who value the lives of other people’s unborn children so much that they wish death, anal cancer, beatings, bleeping bleep bleep, and other fun things on a fellow Christian. Its no use trying to talk or reason on a theological level with these people, it’s a wonder what they learn at church every Sunday. I don’t even think God himself could come down from the clouds and convince these people that they are the literal embodiment of brain-curdling migraine-inducing irony.

Rep. Louise Slaughter also received threatening phone calls indicating that snipers would kill her and her family. Oh and speaking of Louise Slaughter…

2. Bricks thrown through the office windows of Rep. Louise Slaughter and Rep. Gabrielle Giffords:

Nothing says “populist rage” like people throwing bricks through the windows of Democratic representatives offices. Incidents of window smashing was reported in New York, Arizona, Kansas, and Alabama, with some possibly linking the Alabama incident to a blogger in that area. Republican Whip Eric Cantor also reported that apparently someone had fired a bullet through the windows at his offices in Richmond, VA but it’s doubtful how true this is seeing as Cantor is a Republican and voted against Healthcare Reform. But hey, Virginians love firing those guns.

3. Gas line cut at Rep. Tom Perriello’s brother’s home

This one is not as big of a deal on the surface. Reports would suggest that Tea Baggers dug through the man’s backyard and severed a natural gas pipeline or something, but in reality they disconnected the propane tank from the man’s outdoor grill and let the gas escape, maybe hoping for God to throw down a lightning bolt and ignite the whole thing.

The fucked up thing about this item however is that Tea Partiers posted online the home address of what they though was Rep. Tom Perriello’s house and encouraged their community members to go to the man’s home address and express their discontent over Healthcare Reform to him personally. I guess “express yourself” to these people means “fuck with that guy’s shit”. If I get a brick through my front window in the next few days I’ll know it’s from these same people with poor address skills.

4. Rep. James Clyburn receives faxes of nooses

The same guy who the same tea partiers were calling “nigger” on the steps of the Capitol building a few days ago are now faxing the offices of of Rep. Clyburn, a man who fought alongside the Civil Rights movement in the 1960s (another movement that was wayyyyy unpopular with the Republican party), receiving images synonymous with lynching and death. Keep it classy Tea Party!

5. “White Powder” sent to Rep. Anthony Weiner’s office in Queens

This one is sort of breaking today, a suspicious package containing white powder was sent to the offices of Rep. Anthony Weiner in Queens. The news isn’t confirming if this is like the many many incidents of people just sending flour through the mail to create some chaos at a government office or if it’s like those two cases of Anthrax or other poisons being sent to a government office in order to kill people (but those were terrorists who did that, these Tea Party “patriots” would never stoop to the actions of terrorists, right?). We’ll see how this one plays out.

But yeah, pretty much those fuming mad Tea Partiers who are fuming mad that their tax dollars might go towards public programs that help other people (unlike where their tax dollars have been spent on years), are now turning their internet rage into real life rage and throwing bricks and threatening people and all the rest of it. It’s unclear who exactly are perpetrating these crimes, but we here at TarsTarkas.net are pretty sure that they follow and post on the same networks as Resistnet.com, TeaPartyPatriots.org, and the same ilk who would love to abort all those lawmakers who helped pass Healthcare Reform.

And the kicker? Those lawmakers on the side of the Tea Parties aren’t condemning any of this. They love it! They support it! They want to see these people throw bricks and threaten and hurt people because it’s good for their politics. Not quite good for the country, but when have guys like John McCain cared about “Country First”?

Oh yeah, and Sarah Palin is declaring open season on hunting Blue Dog Democrats, here PAC releasing this map targeting the congressmen’s home district locations with rifle sights. No one would ever interpret this in terms of guns, right?

SUPER EDIT:

It seems as though I missed a few incidents in my initial post, so here are a few extra Tea Bagging tricks to update you about.

6. Coffin placed on the front porch of Rep. Russ Carnahan’s Missouri home

A coffin is substantially harder to propel through a window than a brick, a concept I don’t think the people behind this act initially realized. Coffins are expensive though! I wonder if this was just a simple pine box that some proud Missourian built or if some lout decided he’d rather die on the battlefield with his Tea Party brothers rather than be buried in the coffin he bought for the coming 2012 apocalypse.

An update to item #3:

The administrators at the Danville Tea Party seem to be the ones responsible for posting the incorrect address of Rep. Tom Perriello’s house where a gas tank line was severed. The AP spoke to the Tea Party group’s leader, Nigel Coleman, who had the following words of remorse:

Nigel Coleman, chairman of the Danville Tea Party, said he re-posted the comment that originated on another conservative blog, including the address, Monday on his Facebook page. The posts were taken down after the mistake was discovered.

“We’ve never been associated with any violence or any vandalism,” he said. “We’re definitely sorry that we posted the incorrect address.”

Thank you Gawker for the updated information and for pointing me to this excellent map of violent outbursts of populist rage that Talking Points Memo has created. There’s a war goin on outside folks!

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Posted by skiplogic - March 25, 2010 at 7:57 pm

Categories: Politicians and Pundits, Wingnut Web, WTF?   Tags:

The 2010 elections are going to make me hurt myself

Here we go folks. With the political fates that have been sealed due to the historic passage of Healthcare reform, this November’s mid-term election cycle is now having they key turned and the engine is slowly starting to turn over into first gear. Why is it going to suck so much? Well, besides the normal barrage of television, radio, print, bus stop, and picket-sign ads that we’ve all come to know and love, the robo-calls and people knocking on your door asking for your support, and this great political climate we’re now entering into the second stage of, a few Supreme Court rulings and recent media trends are sure to damn us all to political hell from now until election time.

First the small point. I keep my television off for many good reasons, rarely turning it to C-SPAN when something really neat is happening like Congress passing Healthcare Reform, but if you need even more reasons to hate your digital set, especially in an election year, you have to look no further than Carly Florina. She is running for the Senate in California and if you haven’t already heard her name you’d surely recognize her campaign from their crazy ridiculous Demon Sheep TV ad. It’s a retarded ad to begin with, but even more so the people behind its production, Fred Davis III of Strategic Perception Inc., understand that in today’s viral video-obsessed internet world the more bizarre and weird the videos you produce are, the more people will talk about how their weird and bizarre your videos are and the person(s) attached to that video, thereby getting people to talk about the person the ad campaign is promoting.

What’s that mean for the American TV watching audience? For one it means you’ll probably be talking to your friends a lot this summer and fall about all the utterly stupid, nightmare inducing, repugnant, fact-less, commercial hallucinations you were seeing on television every day until you decided to put a shotgun to the screen so you could end the madness. Already the Florina campaign has a new epic 10-minute spot where they depict Senator Barbara Boxer’s head as a floating doom zeppelin of bitch coasting through the cities and green valleys of California (presumably where the Demon Sheep graze) to find her next meal in the form of a newborn Republican baby. Maybe this weird political campaign Florina is running is just a product of us wacky Californians and the chemicals in our drinking water, but what if every candidate with as much money as Florina talked to Fred Davis III and asked to get an equally batshit retarded TV campaign going? This balloon ad will not be the weirdest part of a political campaign we see this year, mark my words.

But on to my second and much graver point. With the Supreme Court’s decision in Citizens United v. Federal Elections Committee it was established that corporations can use as much money as they please to fund political campaigns and candidates for elected office. When a business incorporates and becomes a “corporation” they become legally recognized as a “business entity” instead of a company owned by a bunch of people. This incorporation protects the individuals who run the company if someone happens to sue them, the lawsuit is instead directed to this incorporated “person” and the money derived from the lawsuit comes out of the “pockets” of the corporate “person”, the income and revenue of the business not the business owners.

This idea of corporate personhood has now been stretched so far that under the Citizens United ruling the “corporation” is now basically considered to have all the same rights as an average living breathing American citizen, including the right to throw their money around in any direction they choose, and as much money as they choose. In short this means that big business will now be directly influencing politicians and their campaigns to an even more exponential degree than they were before. Rulings like this will make damn sure that Carly Florina, an ex-CEO from a variety of big tech companies, will definitely have the funds to keep making her epic multi-million dollar feature-length campaign ads. A victory for political theater!

Today the first post-Citizens United corporate funded political campaign ad appeared in newspapers across Texas:

Some Republican for State Representative, sponsored by KDR Development Inc. I can’t find the website for KDR, I don’t know what kind of business they are in, but according to this article on The Economist the president of KDR had run against incumbent Chuck Hopson in a previous election. The ad doesn’t even say “vote for this guy we support him”. It simply says “vote for one of these Republicans over this guy in office cause the guy who runs the company who bought this ad lost out to him in a previous election”. I can only imagine how much more fun this ad game will get.

On a related note, through their interpretation of the Supreme Court ruling, the corporation Murray-Hill Inc. has decided that due to their new found corporate personhood their choosing to back the living, breathing, political figure known as Murray-Hill Inc. Murray-Hill Inc. is running for office in Maryland and part of me really hopes that Murray-Hill Inc. will win the race and be able to enact all that political legislation that Murray-Hill Inc. has worked so hard to get across during his (its?) political career. And just so you know, Murray-Hill Inc. is running for exactly the same reasons you might expect Murray-Hill Inc. to run for public office. Let the mockery that is our brave new corporate-funded political world commence!

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Posted by skiplogic - March 23, 2010 at 8:14 pm

Categories: Culture Wars, Politicians and Pundits, Privatization, WTF?   Tags:

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