Kaiju Garden Gnome Slayer!

Who knew gardening could be this monstrous! If you’ve ever wanted to have Godzilla trash a bunch of garden gnomes in statue form, this already exists and you can get it on Amazon! It’s called the Big Mouth Toys The Great Garden Gnome Massacre. But don’t take my word for it, look on!

The Great Garden Gnome Massacre terrifying T-Rex is a defender of humanity with a taste for gnomes. Harness the power of this mighty beast in your home, garden or office. 9-inches tall; 5-inches wide at base. Made of durable cast poly resin.

Godzilla Garden Gnome kaiju

Sure, gardening season is pretty much over in most places, but the fun of a dinosaur in the lawn is year round! Unless it gets buried in snow… Mostly year round! Anyway, I just found it, so I might as well post it, because, that’s how we roll here at TarsTarkas.NET. I like weirdo garden gnomes, and plan on having enough that my less-fun neighbors will get upset. Best to identify those people early, I say!

Lifetime is bringing Whitney Houston to biopic status, directed by Angela Bassett!

Whitney Houson GMA
[adrotate banner=”1″]Whitney Houston. Angela Bassett. Lifetime. That’s all I need to ensure that I’ll be checking out the new Whitney Houston biopic on Lifetime! The film will mark Angela Bassett’s directorial debut, and it’s always awesome when more women start directing, and doubly so when it’s Angela Bassett! The film will begin shooting soon and air in 2014. According to the story on Deadline, the film will cover the whole range of the relationship between Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.

“I have such regard for both Whitney’s and Bobby’s amazing talents and accomplishments, and I feel a responsibility in the telling of their story,” said Bassett. “Their humanity and bond fascinates us all.”

It looks like a fun mix of pop culture biopic and crazy relationship shenanigans, and I’m eagerly anticipating it!

Via Deadline
Image via wikimedia

Getty lets you embed images now, so here are all the Godzilla ones!

March of Godzilla 2014
[adrotate banner=”1″]Getty now lets you embed images in your posts online, because that’s easier than threatening to sue everyone who steals their images. It also means I can use their images without fear of retribution, so it’s high time I abuse that privilege! So what I did was run through Getty’s archive and have embedded all the images tagged “Godzilla” that weren’t awful or dumb. Sadly, a few still aren’t embeddable, but we got enough to fill up an entry, so why not? The Getty Archive has millions and millions of photos, dating back 100 years, so there is just so much there to go through.

And if these embeds somehow turn into annoying brower-crashing ads as some point in the far future, I’ll just kill this post, because I can. I have the power. Nintendo Power.

So let’s go!

Godzilla and his girlfriend who wears too much lipstick fight some big bugs!

More below the fold!
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Catfurnado is an April Fools’ joke that should be real!

Catfurnado Fletch Publicity
Because who doesn’t love a good cat joke? TarsTarkas.NET is Team #Catfurnado! Love the tag line too!

Fletch Publicity has put up this cool mock poster complete with press blurb:


Fetch Publicity are proud to announce in the week of their second birthday the launch of their own production arm: Fetch Screen Entertainment.

The first motion picture from Fetch now entering pre-production is CATFURNADO which will shoot over 6 weeks on location in London.

CATFURNADO is inspired by a real-life event that took place in Chobham in Surrey where a freak weather event lifted cats into the air into a mini tornado as reported by the BBC: bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-25902371

Thankfully the cats were uninjured but CATFURNADO imagines what would happen if a tornado of cats swept through London as global warming creates a vortex of furry vengeance. It’s unstoppable, it’s pussy at one hundred miles per hour!

Cast and director for CATFURNADO will be announced but production is scheduled for summer 2014 with release in 2015.

Also the best way to take down a Catfurnado? Weaponized ALF!

via Fletch Publicity’s Facebook
Fletch Publicity’s site

Firefall game trailer is a B movie of its own

[adrotate banner=”1″]Firefall is a free to play open world MMO Shooter. I don’t play games enough to be concerned about that, but I am concerned about Firefall‘s neat promotional video that looks like a nice 1980s direct to VHS science fiction film (except for the bullet time!) Because it is awesome. Red 5 Studios is the crew behind the game. Whether or not this game interests you, as connoisseurs of bad cinema the YouTube video is required viewing!

Firefall the game official site

Snickers and Fandango gift card giveaway contest!

Hey, who wants some free candy and movie money? Well, enter this damn contest then! You can win five (5) Snickers bars and a Fandango gift certificate worth $15. That’s enough to see a movie and enough candy to sneak in that you’ll be bouncing off the walls and probably be asked to leave by security. TarsTarkas.NET is not responsible if you are asked to leave the theater because you are bouncing off of the walls, but please let us know if you are so we can make fun of you all proper like.

This contest is from PartnersHub and Snickers, and is a cross-promotion with the new Godzilla movie, a movie you have perhaps heard about, what with all the posts about it and the Godzilla banner at the top of this site and all. So basically I can give away the stuff because Snickers is giving it out via PartnersHub in return for posting that app at the top of the post. (aka Snickers Brand is paying for this in free prizes for you and I get nothing!)

As the text sent with the email to me says:

Who hasn’t felt like a rampaging menace at least once in their lives? Because let’s face it, You’re Not You When You’re Hungry! Even Godzilla is a regular, cool guy who can hang with his friends, just watch out for that sudden spell of hunger! Check it out in the new Snickers commercial! Only SNICKERS – and its delicious blend of chocolate, peanuts, caramel and nougat – can provide #MONSTERSATISFACTION and tame the savage beast!

To celebrate the release of the new Snickers “You’re Not You When You’re Hungry” commercial, Snickers wants to hear about your most satisfying movie experience. So tweet with the #MONSTERSATISFACTION hashtag about that incredible first date, or the first time you saw your favorite movie of all time on the big screen.

The Rules: Send an email to tarstarkas [at] tarstarkas.net with your name and address, and “SNICKERS” in the subject line so I know it’s an entry and not someone trying to send me more angry hate mail because I insulted their favorite Pokemon in a review I wrote 8 years ago or something. (You know who you are, Bidoof_Fan_97!) Deadline for entries is March 17th at 11:59 pm PST! I’ll pick a winner via random.org/lists/ and let that person and PartnersHub know. Via the fine print, US only, and no PO Boxes please. I do not save the names/addresses or email addresses I collect via this contest. Also as this prize pack might appear on multiple sites you read, you can only win it once, so let me know if I selected you as a winner and you already won it.

Each household is only eligible to win One (1) Snickers Movie Prize Pack containing 5 Snickers Bars and 1 $15 Fandango Gift Card via blog reviews and giveaways. Only one entrant per mailing address per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you will not be eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification. The prize will be sent via FedEx or USPS. No P.O. Boxes please.

Good luck and may the biggest Snickers fan win! (And drop me a line when you use the card to go see a flick and let me know how it was!)