Sleepy Hollow “The Indispensable Man”
Teleplay by Damian Kindler and Heather V. Regnier
Story by Sam Chalsen
Directed by Adam Kane
It’s the two-hour Sleepy Hollow Season Final Spectacular! The two episodes are not two parts, but two separate episodes that are merged together for a two-hour long finale. A few lines from the two episodes hint that they might have had an idea that the last two would be combined, but there isn’t much more than that. So I’m pretty comfortable with giving them separate entries, because that’s how they’ll appear most often.
All your questions will be answered….Okay, not really. But we learn a lot of stuff, realize we should have picked up on a lot more, and get cliffhangered the frak up until next season. But before all that, things first got to get crazypants!
The big deal in The Indispensable Man is we learn about the mystery of George Washington writing diary entries after he’s dead. Turns out, he’s Zombie George Washington! And that’s far from the weirdest thing that happens in this episode of Sleepy Hollow. It’s not even the weirdest phrase, which goes to “Many a mickle makes a muckle”, which is both real and going into my vocabulary even though I’ll rarely have a use for it!
There are charming moments, such as Ichabod Crane learning to use a cell phone. Ichabod leaves outgoing voicemail messages like my mom, and takes to texting like my mom. Basically, Ichabod is my mom. Ichabod gets caught up in the phone upgrading hype, even after delivering a gigantic speech about the evils of lassie-faire capitalism run amok. So instead of my mom, Ichabod is now a bunch of people I knew in college. Ichabod really gets around! Of course, now Ichabod can be using map apps on his phone (and does!), talks about social networks, and even chats to his virtual assistant. Who is about as helpful as the real Siri, which means not helpful at all and Ichabod gets annoyed with her. No Her romance for Ichabod!
Having Ichabod use a cellphone both digs the writers into and out of holes. Basically, they have to be aware that the character is more technologically literate and work around it, like they do for every other character. How often do cell phones mysteriously not work in horror movies/shows? All the time! Just makes sure you say the phone doesn’t work instead of ignoring the possibility of having a phone.
The Indispensable Man continues the theme from last week about “what would you do to protect your family?” Captain Irving faces repercussions for the dead people at his cabin (the Reverend and Detective Devon Jones – yes, Detective Jones finally gets a first name, the week after he’s killed!) There is fleeting mentions of Detective Luke Morales, but they never allows them to finish what is wrong with him – coma, insane, what? Probably because they don’t want to deal with it now when they can bring him back next season as a crazy person. Or not, if actor Nicholas Gonzalez decides he doesn’t want to return.
Captain Irving and his boss Tom (who doesn’t get a last name…) chat, as Irving tries to protect his daughter without revealing the whole Apocalypse thing that will make him look Looney Tunes. Somehow, they’ve decided Macey Irving is a suspect in the murders, because a teenage girl who can’t walk could totally break bones in two adult men. Captain Irving’s B plot is basically to keep him busy so he doesn’t help with the main story this week (and in the next episode!), which culminates with him confessing to the murders of the Reverend and Jones. Dun dun DUN!
Andy Brooks is back and still dead but alive, once again giving a warning to Abbie about Ichabod and saying only he can protect her because only he loves her. Moloch wants George Washington’s Bible because the bible has instructions on how to find a map that Moloch wants. Also he will protect her by getting her a high-level position with Moloch, which she rejects and handcuffs him to a radiator. Andy breaks his hand to escape, and is later seen arguing with Moloch, begging for another chance to be totally loyal and stuff. Moloch is mocking him (which Andy is very upset at!) and decides to give him another chance…but first he has to be cocooned up by millions of bugs! It’s gross and terrifying, but not as bad as what pops out later…
So George Washington died, but later had some priests bring him back to life so he could secretly still fight the war against evil, and bring back secrets of the dead. He codes this in the biblical story of Lazarus, which in the George Washington Edition has extra verses. Except Washington’s messages are written in invisible ink on the pages, so the extra verses don’t really make sense. Let’s just ignore that for now and get on with the Zombie George Washington.
Ichabod reads that George Washington brought back knowledge used to create a map to Purgatory. Which means he can rescue his wife! But maybe there is danger, because Moloch wants the map, so it might be a trap. Ichabod reads about the witchcraft used to revive George Washington, including a list of practitioners. One name is Reverend Alfred Knapp. If you don’t remember him, he’s a priest who was killed in the pilot episode by the Headless Horseman! Which means Knapp was almost 300 years old when he died. Only a dark magic object could resurrect the dead, and to power and object like that you need sin, which means if they bring along Sin Eater Henry Parrish, he can read the object and get clues as to where Washington’s real secret grave is.
They did up the Reverend (who is perfectly preserved, complete with sewn on head. Important because we learn Ichabod dated Betsy Ross!) and find the magic prayer beads, but Parrish is horribly burned when he touches them. Magic booby trap!! He sees enough to get some clues, and then they’re attacked by naked black skinned Romulan demons!
Who are easily killed, but it was dramatic for a few seconds!
Thanks to the clues, the figure out the grave is on one of the islands in a river. Ichabod uses deduction to find the right one, and soon wanders around the island looking for a clue. Which is a rock. Yep. A rock in the woods that was undisturbed for 200 years. He twists the rock, which after a few seconds (drama!) causes a secret door to open up.
Inside the crypt, it’s a pyramid wonderland! Holy dollar bill, Batman! The big pyramid is another booby trap, but Ichabod figures out where Washington is buried in Washington’s tomb. We see Skeleton George Washington, whose clothes and teeth and wig are perfectly preserved, even if his dessicated skeleton isn’t. We all know that Zombie George Washington was finally killed by Homer Simpson. Washington’s also holding the map, which Ichabod grabs. But…
While they were playing National Treasure, Andy Cobb hatched out of the cocoon, and he’s 100% Alien Nation Andy Cobb now! Bald with a big head, skin patterns, and nude! He bursts into the crypt and demands the map. His new super strength makes him a force to deal with, but Henry Parrish touches him and he has a sin flashback episode. The not evil Andy Cobb regains control of Alien Nation Andy Cobb just long enough to tell Abbie to destroy the map and to beg for her to kill him.
She does! Alien Nation is cancelled again!
It doesn’t stick. So they bury him in debris using the booby trap pyramid, because the alternative is a bunch of tv movies! The crew escapes by the secret secret second exit that’s so secret they only show part of their escape via it.
Outside, Ichabod decides to burn the map anyway, because then Moloch can’t get it, and he can’t be tempted by Moloch to betray Abbie and deliver her soul to him, like a prophecy foretells. Everyone is happy because they’ll defeat evil by the power of working together.
Except later Ichabod redraws the map (he has a photographic memory, remember???!) with tears in his eyes. Dun dun DUN!!
You see when I mentioned then was an extension of what would you do? Because Ichabod has to weigh the possibility he’ll betray Abbie and doom the planet against the love of his wife and his desire to save her. Captain Irving had to weigh his daughter’s future vs. his own, and the fact he can’t reveal what is really happening in Sleepy Hollow.
Without a week to stew on this (in fact, we had just mere moments), the full weight of Ichabod’s inner turmoil over how he can save his wife vs. not betray Abbie doesn’t weigh on us like it should. Granted, I knew as soon as there was a map that Ichabod could just redraw it, but then I thought that would make him the target of Moloch. Or at least just send a mind reader. But Sleepy Hollow‘s strength is that it goes in directions you can’t quite predict, and the next chapter goes above in beyond that. Join us for the final half of the season finale, “Bad Blood“!