Booty Hunter

2012
Written by ???
Directed by Count Matevossian

From the depths of late night cable comes Booty Hunter, a film about hunting booties, I guess. Actually, it’s about some women (one of which is a skipchaser for her bail bonds company) tracking down their old flame to warn him he’s in trouble. And many characters get some booty, and I don’t mean pirate treasure.

Booty Hunter is helmed by a crew of fake names. From director Count Matevossian to producer Mr. Acid to editor Sticky Fingers, the only real names are the actor credits (and even then at least one isn’t credited!) I have no clue who Eros Filmz is, there is no information that I was able to track down that wasn’t people talking about Booty Hunter, and they don’t seem to have any other film out. The entire production is a mystery, a mystery that maybe you can solve, if you like to solve mysteries or are someone who worked on the film and want to spill the beans. Me? I’m just going analyze and review, because I got a million other films to get through.

The weirdness of Booty Hunter‘s creatives hiding their names is amplified by the film having creative sections. There are two keen montages – a “life in the fast lane” montage and a chase sequence deliberately designed to be confusing. Both showed editing and creativity that softcore features often lack. A weirder quirk is the sex scenes having slow motion segments, something that was popular in the 90s but I haven’t noticed as much recently. The number of scenes is frequent, but their lengths are shorter, as Booty Hunter tries to rush through it’s plot while still delivering lots of naked people.

Unlike other films that all seem to take place in the same two or three fancy million dollar homes, Booty Hunter‘s homes look more rustic, more working class dwelt in. They aren’t cleaned up, there is clutter everywhere, old furniture and appliances. They feel real, like the houses the characters would be at. Not everyone has the super expensive stuff, nor keeps the house largely bare. Many people have junk all over the place, and characters who spend all day having sex with random people aren’t going to stop to do some light vacuuming. That just gets in the way of the sex! The realness of the houses adds to the hotness of the sex scenes, because they shatter down the fantasy aspect and bring it back to the real. Booty Hunter could be happening in your living room this very moment. Are you sure someone named Maxx isn’t having sex on your carpet floor right now? Go check, quick!

I am an advocate of a diversity of film production companies in a niche, because that leads to more creativity and a stronger pool of films on the whole. One-off entries like this get my attention because they offer something different, even if it utilizes many of the same actors (who are familiar faces to watchers of Jim Wynorski or Mainline Releasing films) So it’s important to support Booty Hunter‘s existence. The film itself delivers some entertainment, but in the end, it doesn’t come together as well as I would have liked. But I would be interested in more Eros Filmz productions, decided the mystery group wants to continue the mystery…

Nikki (Brandy Aniston) – A skip tracer for BH Bailbonds, hired to track down her old flame Maxx, and does a good job, locating his apartment only several days after she’s hired. Good thing the mob is even worse at their job! Joanie (Angie Savage) – Joanie is one of Maxx’s former flames, who hires Nikki to track him down before the mob. Also she prioritizes having sex with Nikki to tracking down Maxx. And she knows more of what Maxx did than the mob people. Basically, she’s a mastermind, but not evil. Maxx (Dale DaBone) – Maxx is this guy who has sex with a lot of women, but is so lovable that they all love him regardless. He just oozes charisma. Or so the film tells us. Maxx is emotionally immature and a criminal, but by the end of the film he reforms and becomes responsible. That’s our Maxx! Heather (Alia Janine) – Heather is suggested to keep an eye on Maxx by Mob Guy, offering her a large sum of money. She decides the best way to do so is to seduce him. After sleeping with Maxx and explaining he “borrowed” her car, but being extremely unconcerned about it, she disappears from the movie. Ashley The Pizza Girl (Ash Hollywood) – Ashley is the new pizza girl on the block, and increases her delivery time by spending far too long at Maxx’s apartment. Because they’re getting it on! I’d make a joke about not forgetting the bread sticks, but that would make no sense. In fact, why did I even write that? Ignore that writing about a bad joke! Cowboy Hat Dude (Seth Gamble) – He’s a dude in a cowboy hat who thinks he’s gonna score with Nikki, until she reveals she’s bringing him back to jail! Dude, that’s why you should never have sex if you’ve missed a court date. Mob Guy (???) – An angry mob man who has tracked down his former employee, Maxx, who stole a bunch of money. Except he didn’t really track down Maxx, because otherwise the film would be over before it began. No clue who plays this guy. Could he be the editor, Mr. Acid? Yes, let’s go with that.

The opening words say: “This is a story about the man named Maxx, and all the crazy girls that he attracts…”

Except it doesn’t open with Maxx, it opens with “Cowboy Hat Dude” and Nikki about to get it on. She handcuffs him and covers him in a cowboy hat as she goes to “get ready” for their lovemaking session, except by “get ready” she means putting her clothes back on and taking him to jail! This is why you shouldn’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys, mammas!

Joanie calls Nikki because Maxx is in trouble, but she can’t tell her over of the phone, so they meet up. Maxx is in trouble because his old mob bosses are looking for him, and Joanie offers Nikki $100,000 to locate him first. Both women have bad memories with how their relationships with Maxx ended, but Joanie still loves him. Never fear, the two women get it on with each other before Nikki goes searching. Sure, Joanie may love Maxx, but lesbian sex always has priority!

A Mob Guy goes to visit Heather, to get her to watch for Maxx because he’s now a problem. Mob Guy has Jersey mob accent that would make The Situation think he talks funny. Mob Guy tells Heather to go to Maxx’s karaoke hangout to seduce him to keep an eye on him, and she’ll be rewarded with mucho dinero.

We see her arrive at the club, exit the car, and go inside, but instead of anything happening in public, we just cut to a “Later that evening…” and she’s boning who we assume is Maxx on the floor of her place.

After they’re done, Maxx takes her car while he’s asleep (after giving a monologue about how he’s got things to do and he knows she’ll miss him but he has to go — delivered only to himself in the mirror!)

Then things get really arty with a sped up traffic sequence with blurry lights set to fast music with images of lust and fast lane life situations zooming by. This sequence is well done, but it stands out because nothing in the prior 15 minutes pointed to tricky camera effects.

Nikki then visits Heather, who says she hasn’t seen Maxx in a couple of days and he took her car, but she doesn’t want to get him in trouble or anything so oh, well, he’ll bring it back eventually…

That’s like a complete 180 degree turn when she was supposed to be watching him for money. The implication is Maxx is that charming that he can make her defy her allegiancy to the mob just from meeting and having sex with him. And by taking her car. It’s weird, Maxx doesn’t seem as cool as everyone says. Perhaps Maxx can do cool stuff beyond stealing a car and having sex to convince us that he’s cool. Heather mentions to Nikki there was a karaoke bar, but can’t remember anything else at all. So Nikki and Heather have sex, just like in real life.

Across town, Joanie is taking care of her own business when Nikki checks in by phone. Then Joanie finishes.

Nikki spies a hooded Maxx running around a local national park with a stuffed duffel bag, and the chase is on (it’s set to fast chase music and edited like a music video about running or chasing and is sort of cool but maybe slightly too long.) She loses him, and then meets Joanie there. Joanie says Maxx and her used to meet there to watch the sunset, and then get it on. She remembers one such session via flashback because that’s how memories work in this universe, they happen in video montage form to fill out the sex scene quota.

Background revealed: Nikki was engaged to Maxx before Joanie stole him from her! Dun dun dun! Also Joanie knows where Maxx buried all the mob money he stole, but when they find the rock he hides money under, all the money is gone!

Joanie decides to go to try to seduce the gangsters to buy more time, and wants Nikki to meet her in Vegas later. But first they have more sex. Remember: priorities!

Ashley the Pizza girl delivers pizzas to Maxx at his apartment, and he has sex with her. Domino’s has improved their delivery service, I see!

Hold the phone – Maxx has been hiding at his apartment the entire time??? You know it’s an apartment and not a hotel because there are a ton of guitars hanging from the walls.

Nikki barges in (I guess she read the script and figured out where he was hiding!) and handcuffs Maxx and they argue, Maxx seemingly unaware the mobsters want their money back and thinks Joanie is a crazy liar. Nikki insists that she’s going to take him in regardless, but first they can get it on.

Never fear, right after they finish, she takes him away! Maxx starts babbling. His excuse for not returning Heather’s car is because he wrecked it and can’t return it until he gets it fixed. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

It is his words about how Joanie is setting him up and stealing his money that hit home close enough that Nikki lets him go. And it’s true, what with Joanie writhing around naked with stacks of cash, and she takes care of some business of her own because money does that to her. Makes her want to go to business school.

Twists are twistier than they appear, as Joanie drops off the money to Mob Guy, who acts all mobby and threatens to break Maxx’s legs, until she says she recovered the money and that her legs are the ones that should be broken. Then she walks out while Mob Guy does nothing. Way to not be a mob guy, Mob Guy!

Nikki pops by Joanie’s place, and the two girls hop into bed.

After a bit of that action, Maxx strolls in, says he turned himself in for stealing the car and then paid his own bail. That’s just what women love to hear, so soon all three of them knock boots for several minutes until the film ends.

Yep, Maxx sure learned a lesson: don’t steal cars.

Wait! That’s the lesson???? Still, for a movie called Booty Hunter, what else do you expect? Pirate gold? There was a buried treasure, after all.

Despite some neat tricks, Booty Hunter doesn’t rise above the cream in the characterization department. It does keep up a positive view on things, keeping the action fun while being crimped in by the micro budget. It was strong enough I’ll keep an eye out for more Eros Filmz productions, which hopefully will all have crazy titles.

Rated 6/10 (This is secretly a Hawkman movie!, random stuff in the house!, this movie will be good — when pigs fly!, Heading to a parade, the smell of sequels!, art)

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