Lust Sessions

Lust Sessions

Written by April White and Edward Gorsuch
Directed by Dante Giove

Lust Sessions
The name’s Sessions. Lust Sessions.

You ever have one of those friends who always has relationship advice, but couldn’t hold a partner for more than a few weeks? Well, what if that friend was also a sex therapist? That’s the premise of Lust Sessions, where your lustiest desires don’t really fit into the rather straightforward plot. Unless your desires have to due with therapy sessions, hence the title.

What does happen is therapist Kate Williams has problems of her own. She even knows she has problems, even though she doesn’t really do anything about them except run away. But Kate is about to make a huge mistake, which could cost her everything – her relationship, her career, her sweet parking spot – and she must face her problems. And it doesn’t hurt to have people who are about you who are willing to seek out their own revenge!

Lust Sessions
People Watching Big Bang Theory: The Movie

Lust Sessions gets some props for having a female lead with problems, but also for dealing with some of the fallout that would happen in many of these softcore films where fidelity is a naughty word and boning happens at the drop of a hat. There is actual character development here! The major drawback is the whole concept does seem like a film that would be on Lifetime Channel. That’s the complete opposite target audience, but it also recognizes the reality that an increasing number of women watch these films, and many couples watch them together. While that is not a majority of the viewers, it is no longer a rare unicorn.

Kate Williams (Amy Lindsay as Leah Riley) – A Love Coach who helps couples find what they are missing. Which is usually just something simple…or so it seems! But just like them, Kate has her own problems that seem simple to solve, but are anything but. And they lead to the big problems that are at the root of the plot. Amy Lindsay is also in Insatiable Obsession
Ann (Cassie Young) – A lady who has problems being assertive. She was dating Drake despite him being married, but breaks up with him early in the film as she’s practicing standing up for herself. When Drake causes problems for Kate, Ann stands up even more. Cassie Young is also in Bikini Pirates.
Brian (Justin Magnum) – Kate’s boyfriend, who she has problems committing to due to her own issues. Brian is just a cool guy with an accent.
Drake (Danny Pape as Danny Dagger) – Married, but seeing Ann. A compelte arrogant jerk. Danny Pape was channeling Tom Cruise in his performance, which made things seem cooler.
Carrie (Jezebelle Bond) – Kate’s client who likes to be in control of relationships. Helps Kate when she has problems.
Jenna (Katrina Isis) – Kate’s friend who helps her deal with her problems in a sort of problem trade. She’s dating a guy named Nick (Roger Stanford) who commits the crime of liking her, and enjoying sex with her more than jogging. The freak!
Lust Sessions
Oh boy, here we go!

Lust Sessions
This wine comes straight from the box!

Carrie is showing her boyfriend her new undies, which leads to getting it on. Things get a bit weird when we realize the whole thing is being watched on tape by Kate Williams, love coach! Who talks to the tv giving advice, because she’s one of THOSE people who you don’t want to take to the movies. At one point the sex scene goes slow-mo complete with sound, so there is some deep-voiced grunting/moaning happening which is sort of funny. Carrie and Kate were watching together, and Kate is pleased with Carrie’s progress, but Carrie still doesn’t like letting the guy take control just yet. But she let Kate use the remote control. Hmmmmm….

Later Kate speaks with another client, Ann. Ann has problems being assertive, which causes her to date terrible guys. She stops by to let Kate know she’s going to get assertively boned by her boyfriend Drake tonight. And she does. Ann then tells Drake it’s over because he won’t divorce his wife. Drake gets all upset and loses his temper. He commands her to not break up with him, but she kicks him out and in a rage he blames Kate.

Lust Sessions
The Wii Beard Grooming game never really caught on…
Lust Sessions
Let me tell you about thetans…

Kate goes out to eat with her friend Jenna. Jenna is dating a dude named Nick that she is insecure about, though she’s not sure why. There is a flashback to when Nick got up early one day and went jogging, then the two had sex. Later he told her that she’s a better stress relief than running, so she freaks out to Kate! Kate goes all clinical on her to calm her down, which is good advice because this isn’t really anything to freak out about.

Kate is dating Brian, but she hasn’t moved in officially. Because she has commitment issues! Despite her not being officially moved in, they get it on. But you can tell it’s not that exciting for her, she looks bored at annoyed. Yes, there was actual acting during the sex scene, used to convey story points under “show, don’t tell” rules of storytelling. I give credit where credit is do.

Brian is still insistent that she move in, but she evades the topic and they begin arguing about how she can’t take care of her own relationship, so why should she be helping others? Kate storms off to her home.

Lust Sessions
Wait a minute, that’s no beard, it’s just dirt on your chin!

The next day, Drake stops by her work and acts all arrogant and is asking her out every other sentence. He basically sets up the lunch date and she acts like a schoolgirl in love. Their lunch date consists of him showing up and instantly kissing her, then making love on the couch. The couch she uses for love coach sessions. Ew!

After the sex he mentions he’s Ann’s Drake, Kate finally figures out who he is and kicks him out

Kate confesses to Ann, who is too mad to know what to do and leaves.

Later Kate and Jenna have a powwow, where Jenna tells Kate how she doesn’t practice what she preaches and wants her to confess to Brian. Kate is hesitant, but knows it is the right thing to do and she must. She does, and Brian is understandably upset and needs some time to himself.

Lust Sessions
We’re going to be the one film with a group girltalk thearapy session that doesn’t turn into an orgy!

Ann invites Drake back for more sex and secretly tapes it. She then shows him the tape and says she may send it to his wife. Also calls 911 to force him out of the house before he does anything stupid, which I almost thought he was going to do. Word of advice: don’t immediately get up after sex ends and take out the tape to show it to whoever you are going to blackmail. Especially if he’s a crazy mean jerk.

Jenna and Ann then team up to try to give Kate some advice, which is basically apologize and confess your feelings to Brian. And it works. And they have sex which she appears to enjoy. See? The whole acting during the sex scene thing has come full circle. No longer is Kate bound to boredom and commitment issues. The fear of losing everything because you weren’t acting was enough to drive her into finally acting. Luckily for her, Brian was the right guy for her.

Lust Sessions
Stop. Hammertime!

Rated 4/10 (happy boyfriend, happier boyfriend, covering the camera, revealing the camera!)

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!