Vampire Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach

It’s that time again to go over all the stories that I was too lazy to write about when they came out, what with the real world getting in my face with all this Christmas cheer and ODing on candy canes. Well, I’m out of the candy cane rehab clinic and back. We got some awful things that have appeared, some less than awful things, and some curiosities. As usual, I have some links to cool articles, though I am always looking for more cool things, so feel free to suggest for the next roundup! Now, let’s roll!

**The live action film about Acme - the company that Wile E. Coyote gets all his gadgets from, is moving forward and is becoming basically an unofficial Steve Jobs biopic. Producer Dan Lin spoke about how it will allow them to do all sorts of wacky inventions. But without those inventions leading to cartoon violence, I’m not so certain. Who wants to see an actual human plummet off a cliff to his doom? Will it be like Roger Rabbit when a steamrollered Judge Doom gets up and things look freaky? In any event, I’d rather stay at home draining suckers dry when the river gets dealt thanks to a Party Poker bonus code. But we’ll see. Did you know that Broomcorn’s Uncle is an actual poker term? That’s make a good film title…

**The book series Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead is becoming a film, with Heathers writer Dan Waters doing the script and his brother and Mean Girls director Mark Waters helming the film. The books sound just like you think they do, with a female teenage lead and vampire politics. Sadly there is no vampire who makes sound effects with his mouth. What kind of lame Academy movie is that??

Set in the present day against a hidden universe of vampires, half-humans, alchemy, and magic. Richelle Mead shifts the focus from the brooding male vampires of Twilight, “True Blood” and “The Vampire Diaries” to that of a strong, yet flawed 17-year-old female who confronts her world with grit, determination, and lots of moxie. Rose Hathaway is a dhampir, half human/half vampire, and guardian of the Moroi, a race of peaceful and magical mortal vampires who can walk in the daylight, survive by feeding off willing blood donors, grow old and die. Hidden deep in the forests of Montana is St. Vladimir’s Academy, where Moroi and dhampirs learn to take their place in Moroi society.

Rose must master her inherited abilities as a dhampir and earn the approval of the Royal Council, as guardian to Princess Lissa, her best friend and sole heir of one of the twelve Royal families of Moroi. Rose and Lissa share a mysterious psychic bond and sense of destiny, but first they must survive an intense social scene, politics, and the physical challenges of Moroi life at the Academy. Outside the sanctuary of St. Vladimir’s waits their greatest threat of all, the Strigoi, a race of bloodthirsty immortal vampires and predators of the Moroi.

**BleedingCool has some pics of the cancelled Pixar flick Newt, which got the ax when it turned out it was too similar in plot to Rio. Good thing no one told Pixar about Antz
Newt Pixar

**Battle of the Year 3D is The Mighty Ducks, except with b-boy crews. And the Koreans are evil once again, because this must take place in the Red Dawn remake universe. Chris Brown does finally get put into jail, but only movie jail, and he’s seen punching a bag in the trailer. Good job there, guys. You gotta love a dance crew that has a battle cry of “3D!” And by love, I mean go catch a matinee of The Hobbit instead.

**Pre-Code goes gangster for Blondie Johnson!

**OutlawVern hunts down Django Unchained!

**Have you been following the 200 Best Hong Kong Films Ever countdown on LoveHKFilm? You better be!

**The Great White Dope gets spied by the Eyes of a Stranger!

**Radiation Cinema! counts to The 27th Day!

**Carol tells us the comics she liked in 2012 at The Cultural Gutter!

**I got my MOSS Secret Santa swag from Miguel at Monster Island Resort Podcast. The Dredd badge came right after I watched Dredd, which was freaking awesome and has a rad soundtrack too boot. That Tanya flick is famous in the “chick bones an ape” genre of films. And, yes, that is a vintage 8mm Varan the Unbelievable reel, which is awesome for the cover box art alone. Thanks, Miguel!
MOSS Secret Santa
Check out the latest podcast where Miguel discusses the Gillman from the Creature from the Black Lagoon flicks!

**Bill Plympton has a new flick up on Kickstarter raising funds - Cheatin’ – so if you like his stuff and want to throw money at him, now’s your chance!

**Dodging Myths is my new favorite Kickstarter of all time. Remember to watch all the Word Warrior videos, because you will not be disappointed. That is the word.

Until next time, remember to not enroll in any random academies unless they are Police Academies!

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!

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