The Babymakers

2012
Written by Peter Gaulke and Gerry Swallow
Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar

The Babymakers is an uneven comedy that fits some gut-busting grossout scenes and witty banter among some awkward relationship interactions. It is a bank heist film, but the bank is filled with jizz and the goal is to knock up a wife, not get rich. So basically it’s Heat, except funny. Okay, it’s nothing like Heat. Some moments shine so bright they blot out the sun, and some moments leave you bored and wondering when the funny will return again.

If you are familiar with Jay Chandrasekhar’s prior work, you probably know what type of gross out humor to expect from an R-rated comedy of his. They will happen. And not to be left alone, fellow Broken Lizard member Kevin Heffernan is also there as Wade, one of the best friends of Tommy. Despite the cast reunion, this isn’t a Broken Lizard film, though it does feature some similar humor.

	Tommy (Paul Schneider) – Our hero, who fires more blanks than the bad guys in Die Hard 2! Luckily, Tommy gave sperm ages ago which can be used to produce an offspring with his wife. If he can get the sperm before it’s too late…
	Audrey (Olivia Munn) – Tommy’s wife and pregnancy attemptor. Olivia Munn gets unfairly maligned by “gamer” dudes in some sort of “fake geek girl” controversy that’s amusing only in that the people who complain about her are usually awful. Unfortunately, any legitimate criticism of her is clouded beneath this crap. Munn is not awful here, but at times her interactions with Schneider are more forced than other times. I think it’s because they used Audrey as both a “just one of the guys” girl to deliver crass lines, and also as the “loyal wife” character to be betrayed by Tommy’s latest shenanigans whenever the plot needed it. Luckily, “just one of the guys” is there near the end of the film when the heist goes down.
	Wade (Kevin Heffernan) – One of Tommy’s best friends and catalyst to setting up the sperm heist plan.
	Zig-Zag (Nat Faxon) – Tommy’s less intelligent best friend who will bear the brunt of the jokes, especially from Ron Jon.
	Ron Jon (Jay Chandrasekhar) – A former Indian mob man who is hired to help get the spunk. He’s very lonely and very angry. Jay Chandrasekhar also directed The Babymakers.

Tommy and Audrey have reached the point in their marriage where a baby is the next big step. However, months go by and they are unable to conceive, though that isn’t from lack of trying. Despite misgivings, they finally go before fertility doctors to be tested. We see the trials and tribulations trying to produce a sample for the doctors to test, which include religious proselytizers, threesomes with Jesus, very sexy melons, a mad dash to the clinic, and pictures of an ex left on the sink. When all is said and done, it is announced that Tommy is sterile.

Tommy deputes the facts, because long ago he donated sperm for cast to buy an engagement ring for Audrey
after all this time, there is still one batch remaining at the center, but it is scheduled for insemination, and the purchasers refuse to reconsider (actually, one does reconsider, with a catch, a catch Tommy won’t agree to!)

So time for a new plan. A plan that is robbing the sperm bank! Wade sets Tommy and Zig-Zag up with a former Indian mobster named Ron Jon, who agrees to help for a lump of cash. He also isn’t a big fan of Zig-Zag.

The revelation of how Tommy made the money for the engagement ring causes problems at home, and the stress of not producing a kid is already causing problems. Audrey has hit baby fever epidemic and is making plans to adopt. But Tommy wants one last chance to try to knock her up.

Time is running out, and the heist is on! But this isn’t the kind of film to have things go smoothly, so you know there’s gonna be hitches. Gross hitches!

The film is best when it is just the lead male characters talking and interacting with each other. A lot of their dialogue feels improvised or improved from what would have been originally there. The flow just feels natural. The scene where the robbery plan is mapped out via condiments at a restaurant is particularly hilarious. Their chemistry together is very evident, and it better than how well Tommy and Audrey work together at some points. When they’re together, sometimes they both seem forced, and sometimes they seem to be an actual couple. It’s sort of odd.

Tommy’s obsession with manhood fills the film. Fathering a child is presented as the ultimate act of being a man, Tommy becoming increasingly agitated as he fails again and again. He suffers from embarrassment when his condition is mentioned to others, which eventually becomes widespread and he’s given all sorts of old family methods and things to dip his balls into. Even his old rival in love can father children, but he cannot. Tommy’s last batch of sperm in the bank is presented as his lost masculinity, and he must reclaim it. As Wade mentions, he must fuck or be fucked, and the only way to accomplish this while not getting fucked is to go get the sperm himself. The act of the theft is his final virile ejaculation, penetrating the sperm bank with his manliness. The result is hypermasculinization of Tommy, and the many dividends that arrive.

The mix of good vs. not so good mar what could have been a better flick. This would make a great rental or maybe a matinee, but outside of a certain target demographic I don’t think it will do that well. But it probably didn’t cost a lot of money to make, so it won’t be a disaster and might clean up on VOD. Fans of Chandrasekhar’s prior films will love it.

As an aside, we got to see The Babymakers at a free screening, which was tarnished with the DVD skipping near the end of the film. I’m one of those people who gets out of proportionally upset when DVDs skip. Luckily they decided to stop the film and wipe off the disk, hopefully learning to not use it as a coaster for their hamburgers in the future. The digital age is nice, but I much prefer the sight of the filmstrip melting on the screen. It’s just so cool…