Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla

aka Gojira Tai Mekagojira aka ゴジラ対メカゴジラ

March of Godzilla 2012
Written by Jun Fukuda, Masami Fukushima, Shinichi Sekizawa, and Hiroyasu Yamamura
Directed by Jun Fukuda

Godzilla, if you take him out of his original package, he’s only going to be worth half as much!

It’s Godzilla time once again at TarsTarkas.NET, as March of Godzilla 2012 continues into April and stomps right up to the fabulous Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla! Yes, Godzilla fights his metal double, other monsters run around and help, and we find out what happens when damn dirty apes get their hand on robot parts!

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla was one of my favorite Godzilla flicks growing up. I vividly remember buying the VHS tape with my own money (as the film was never shown on TV in my area) and the tape box had an awesome painting of Godzilla fighting Mechagodzilla. King Caesar was nowhere to be found on the cover, which did sort of make me sad. But the film totally made up for that, and this tape spent many days grinding away in the vcr, almost as much as my copies of Godzilla’s Revenge and King Kong vs. Godzilla (both taped off of tv the way nature intended!)

There are some who call me…Tim!

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla is a classic Godzilla film and helps trend the trajectory of Godzilla films upwards from the children’s level entertainment Big G had been stuck in. While there is still a largely kid-safe feel to Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, there are signs of the audience being treated as more mature. Sprays of arterial blood, torture, human characters being blown away onscreen…all things you would be hard-pressed to see with Jet Jaguar running around. Of course, the same year Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla was released, Godzilla was still running around with Zone Fighter violently murdering monsters to the delight of children across Japan. So maybe things aren’t so much mature as they are just bigger budgeted.

They had commercials for energy drinks in 1974 Japan?

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla succeeds partially because the villain is memorable. It is inevitable if a series goes on long enough that evil doubles will show up. Toho even had their King Kong fight his own mechanical double early on, and it is about time Godzilla got into the mix. It also helps that Mechagodzilla just looks cool. He bristles with weapons and is a danger to the good monsters of Earth. Mechagodzilla worked so well as an adversary to Godzilla, he was later reimagined as a weapon to fight Godzilla in both the Heisei and Millennium film series. But here he is pure evil, a killing machine first seen as a disguised Godzilla brutally injuring Anguirus, one of Godzilla’s best buds. We know things aren’t right, the roar is different, Godzilla is mean. Mechagodzilla is fooling no one except the dopes who actually live in this movie world.

There are some weird contradictions in Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. Most notably, Godzilla himself is an allegory about nuclear weapons and destruction, the hubris and violence. But now things get flipped and instead Godzilla is part of a prophecy of ancient Japan, to defend Japan against a technological monster bent on destruction, with the help of a monster that resembles classical Japanese artwork of a lion/dog. Godzilla is now part of the spiritual order of things, a protector spirit to help save Japan and the world. Just ignore all those films where he kill thousands. Godzilla does not escape his role as hero that has been cast upon him by the later films, and instead is integrated more as something that has always been meant to be a hero. His violent origin is hinted at in the film, when the characters sigh that “Of course Godzilla will be the monster to destroy the world…” but that is quickly thrown aside once the truth is revealed. This is probably the seed of how Godzilla would be treated later in the Heisei and Millennium series, as a force of nature and less of an evil or good monster. It is certainly an improvement over his prior films, where he’d be called in to go beat up the monster of the year.

Planet of the Herpes!

A change of direction was needed, as this was the 20th Anniversary film for the Godzilla franchise and something special should happen. It was also the last Godzilla film directed by Jun Fukuda, the man who helmed many of the films during Godzilla’s descent into children’s hero (and a few episodes of the Zone Fighter series!) Though he would still direct The War in Space and ESPy if you need some more Japanese scifi to track down.

By the time it showed up in the US in 1977, Cinema Shares International (who purchased the distribution rights) had renamed it Godzilla vs. Bionic Monster. That ticked off Universal, who said the title was too close to their TV show The Bionic Woman. Although laughable, Cinema Shares went the easy route and just retitled the film Godzilla vs. Cosmic Monster. By the time it showed up on VHS tape, the Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla name was reattached. And though I could drag out my old VHS copy from storage, instead take some remastered DVD action!

No matter how often they redesign the dollar coin, it will never catch on…

Keisuke Shimizu (Masaaki Daimon) – The elder Shimizu brother who helps defend Earth from those damn dirty space apes! Spends much of his time doubting that Saeko can do much of anything. Not afraid to fight aliens for long periods of time. Masaaki Daimon is also in 2009: Lost Memories and returns in Terror of Mechagodzilla as a different character.
Masahiko Shimizu (Kazuya Aoyama) – Zone Fighter??? What are you doing here? Okay, fine, I guess putting the actor in your monster TV series in your monster movie series makes sense. The younger Shimizu who spends time photographing things and finding space metal in caves.
Saeko Kanagusuku (Reiko Tajima) – A girl! She is not only a girl, but a woman who can translate archeological ruins (but not all the way!) and can’t be trusted to keep secrets. Because records of non-cult Japanese shows are dubious at best, Reiko Tajima seems to disappear after this film except for some anime voicework.
Professor Hideto Miyajima (Akihiko Hirata) – The actor who played Dr. Serizawa makes his required appearance in older Godzilla films. His pipe is partially made out of the fake metal astanopkaron (asutanopukaron if you’re Japanese!) because we needed to invent something weird to throw in that is barely used.
Professor Wagura (Hiroshi Koizumi) – Two brothers visit two different professors because that let’s us pack in many characters so we can shoot around their busy schedules! Professor Wagura can translate even better than Saeko, and that’s what he does. Hiroshi Koizumi also appears in Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S., Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster, Godzilla vs. The Thing, Mothra, and Godzilla Raids Again
Godzilla (Isao Zushi) – You may have heard of this Godzilla guy…
Mechagodzilla (Ise Mori) – A Space Ape controlled mechanical double for Godzilla, with many powers and weapons, except the power to not lose to Godzilla.
King Caesar (Momoru Kusumi) – King Caesar lives in a cave and comes out every thousand years to beat up a monster. He’s really lazy.
Anguirus (Momoru Kusumi) – Anguirus shows up to get beat up by the evil fake Godzilla, to show he’s mean! Anguirus’s defeat is a message that this film ain’t going to be like Godzilla vs. Gigan or Godzilla vs. Megalon. No, this film will be a bit more darker, a bit more dangerous. And if any of you peeps think that Baragon was originally going to be in this film because Anguirus was digging, I hope you enjoy being wrong, because you are.
Space Aliens (Various) – People say these guys Space Monkey around! At least space monkeys are an improvement over cockroach aliens, but neither hold a candle (or a banana) to the Xilians.
Now hold still and pretend there aren’t wires attached to you!

Poppies…Poppies will make them sleep…

A desolate, snowy landscape. A lone monster, Angruius, howls in his solitude. Explosions rock a small island, appearing as flashes of light, but an ultimate explosion is so violent it blasts forth the opening title sequence!

Subliminal Ghidorah!
Beverly Hills Chihuahua…3??

Meanwhile on Okinawa, land of tranquil island music, a lady is dancing for tourists. She’s the Azumi Royal Family Princess Nami Kunito, one of the last surviving members of hte former royal family. And she’s played by Beru-Bera Lin, whose appearance in controversial films with homosexual and bisexual undertones gave her the nickname “the Marlene Dietrich of Asia,” according to every site out there repeating the same information. Of course, Ruan Lingyu was also called “the Marlene Dietrich of Asia,” she committed suicide in 1935 at age 24. Beru-Bera Lin was also a singer and later did a lot of anime voicework. She is listed in the cast of two US softcore films, Turn Me On! (1968) and 2069 A.D. (1969), neither of which look like they’ve been released anytime since their theatrical runs.

The Princess’s dancing is enjoyed by the tourists, specifically two guys – Keisuke and Masahiko Shimizu. Suddenly, the Princess has terrible visions of a monster destroying the world – the monster is a stock photo of Ghidorah! Damn you, stock photos! I knew they’d destroy the world, but I never guessed how…

A girl taking photos? Puh-leeze!
Caveman Emoticons!
I hope I get that part in Ghostbusters!

The Princess faints, and when the Shimizu brothers try to wake her, they’re pushed away by the oldest old man who ever old manned, the Azumi Royal Family High Priest Tengan Kunito (Masao Imafuku). Princess Nami tells about her vision of a monster that will destroy the city and trample the people who run. This monster sounds like a real jerk.

The brothers leave and discuss how the family are descendents of the royal family of Azumi before dropping Masahiko off at a cave where he can wander around and take photographs. We all know what happens – he finds some space titanium! Which is like normal titanium…except from SPACE! Also it makes a noise like a Geiger counter…because of SPACE! And it’s already pre-shaped into a tiny Godzilla back plate, which makes me wonder if the Mechagodzilla is missing a tiny backplate piece two inches long. Because that’s some insane amount of surface detailing….no wonder they’re running over-budget!

The other brother Keisuke returns to his job of some sort of engineering thing, and his workers have found a cave…not the same cave, this cave contains a room carved by ancient Okinawan and includes a tiny statue of the stylized lion-dog! With ruby eyes!

William Shatner’s toupee came alive and is now floating over the Pacific…
Mushroom, huh? Now we know where all these cavedrawings came from…

Reporters swarm the area, as this is the slowest news day in the history of Okinawa. You have no idea how long “Unknown Cave Found” was trending on Twitter. Like almost three minutes! The Archeology department sends a GIRL to investigate! Don’t they know girls can’t do archeology? They’ll track their period blood all over the cave or something….

The girl is Saeko Kanagusuku, and she translates the paintings on the wall as a prophecy. Even though she’s really good at translating things that look like gibberish to Keisuke, he still gives her weird looks as she starts reading off the prophecy…

A mountain floating in the sky…
Two suns… (Tars Note: The two suns looks suspiciously like two Target logos! Could the big box realtor be opening locations in Okinawa, thus bringing the end of the world?)
And some monsters she thinks are demons…

Godzilla began his love of body piercing small, but soon will be covered head to toe in metal
You WILL like my secret sauce!
I will use my science skills to determine which of these weighs more!

Also Saeko identifies the lion-dog statue as the Guardian of the Izumis…King Caesar! Keisuke recognizes that King Caesar looks like one of the painted demon monsters, which is odd because she’s the archeologist!

King Caesar saved the royal family long ago, because he hates democracy and is down with families ruling just by bloodline, merits be damned! Saeko goes to work translating the rest of the prophecy at her university. That naturally attracts an enemy agent wandering around the college. And a second weird guy following the enemy agent guy, except this guy has a ring! The camera zooms in on his ring, so you know he has it! A ring! No, it’s not Frodo, we find out much later his name is Nanbara. nanbara is played by Shin Kishida, who played Dracula in two of the Toho Dracula films. He also wrote science fiction stories.

Both Keisuke and Saeko are on the same flight back to Tokyo, where she tells him she’s getting translation help from the famous Professor Wagura. You’ve heard of him, the world’s leading expert on reading things written on lion-dog statues. On the plane, Nanbara works his way into the conversation and claims to be a reporter.

Outside…a black cloud looks like a mountain floating in the sky!


Godzilla ate some asparagus before his fight today
It’s like something out of Freud!

Don’t worry, Saeko also tells us the prophecy continues…when the red moon sets and the sun rises west, two monsters will appear to save the people. That makes sense…NOT!!!! Keisuke takes her to Professor Wagura’s home, then goes ahead and rings the doorbell because he also knows Professor Wagura because he’s his uncle! You just got Punk’d, Saeko!

Meanwhile, Masahiko is taking his metal to Professor Miyajima of Miyajima Laboratory. I’m going to need a flowchart to keep track of all these brothers and professors… It’s Akihiko Hirata! He analyzes it with microscopes and lasers, like how all real scientists analyze metal. Professor Miyajima declares it SPACE titanium!

Earthquake! – There’s been one every day for the last 10 days, says Professor Miyajima’s daughter Ikuko (Hiromi Matsushita).

Godzilla vs. Disco!
Hey, it’s me, a mechanical Godzilla! What should I be called…
Fly like an eagle…

Professor Wagura translates the lion-dog statue while Saeko makes coffee…because she’s a girl! But the home is invaded by a creepy agent guy with a gun, who demands the statue. Keisuke fights him, which is pretty dangerous as the gun is fired randomly in the air a few times. The fight goes on for a fair while, pretty brutal, Professor Miyajima and Saeko do little to help as the two guys brutally fight and punch each other. Eventually the agent guy runs off empty handed.

More explosions at the mountain…suddenly…GODZILLA!!!!

Except…Godzilla must have laryngitis or something, as his trademark roar is gone and replaced with some high pitched squeals that wouldn’t even satisfy sodomizing rednecks demanding their captured rafting group make the noise.

“Godzilla” is like “I’m totally Godzilla, just check me out! Godzilla is declared to be the monster to destroy the world by characters who haven’t read the script or the film title. Keisuke is going to Mt. Fuji to check on his brother, who is hanging out there at Professor Miyajima’s house.

The 1974 ski lodge sweater designs head to the factory!f
In a world without universal health care…

Back in Okinawa, the old royal high priest babbles on about how the only thing that can stop Godzilla is King Caesar, but no one can find the key to open the door. Hmm… missing key, mysterious statue….I wonder… Do you think Grandpa here babbled this same answer to stopping Godzilla every time Godzilla appeared in the past 20 years, except we never saw it because the action was never centered on this island? In addition, Grandpa is now calling on Godzilla to destroy Japan as revenge for their attacks on Okinawan royal family…so he wants to stop Godzilla but also wants to set him loose as a tool of his own vengeance in a matter of two sentences??? Who cares if millions die, revenge for my hurt ego and entitlement issues because of whatever vagina I happened to be ripped out of justifying my “royal blood!” I’m glad this royal family is dethroned. I hope you fall and can’t get up, Gramps!

“Godzilla” is being a jerk and just runs up to an apartment building and punches it down. Then the earth begins to move under his feet, but instead of the sky tumbling tumbling down, instead Anguirus pops out of the ground to fight Godzilla. Godzilla is like “WTF??” and starts pummeling him. Keisuke is worried because Anguirus shouldn’t be attacking his buddy Godzilla.

Anguirus attacks by flying in the air and scraping Godzilla with his back spikes. It’s a pumice stone attack! Anguirus scrapes off a bit of skin to reveal metal underneath….HMMMMMM…… Whatever could it mean.

That guy’s talking about Pokegirls…IN PUBLIC!
Do this to your friends just to make sure they aren’t crazed space monkeys!

Then Godzilla beats him up and thrashes him by his tail. Pay no attention to the obvious wires as Godzilla throws him in the air. Godzilla pounds him a few more times, then rips Anguirus’s jaws open until he’s bleeding orange goo all over the place.


Anguirus runs away, hopefully to an ER because..that’s gross!

Keisuke finds a brick of SPACE titanium lying on the ground by some debris…a brick. A brick in that it is an actual brick painted silver. He takes it to Professor Miyajima, who says it is the same stuff Masahiko found. Professor Miyajima also wants to go to the cave, and he shows off his magic pipe. It’s made up of two metal parts, one part is a fictional metal called astanopkaron. Put the two pieces on either side of an electronics device, the device will freak the frak out! This fake metal is so rare it is only found on that Pandora planet, where Na’vi use it as toilet paper…

“Godzilla” attacks a city, though his breath makes different noises that usual and is now yellow. People are still too dumb to know this isn’t the real Godzilla, even though the youngest kid watching already knows he’s fake. Suddenly…Godzilla pops out of a factory! It’s a Godzilla-in-the-box!

I’m seeing double…FOUR Godzillas!

This new Godzilla has the right roar and the right breath sound effects. And he’s not a jerk. We know he’s the real deal. So, it’s on! Hot Godzilla on Godzilla action!

Hulk of the Apes is the most tragic mashup ever
No one bothered to clean me off? No one?
King Caesar takes “man cave” to a whole new level…
I’m Batman!

The film immediately jumps to an evil alien commander in his base yukking it up because the real Godzilla is here and the Earth People are probably freaking out. And like all real aliens, their outfits are silver foil with black boots. The evil alien commander naturally has a green birthmark on his face to make him look even more alien, in case you couldn’t figure out from all the other subtle clues that he’s evil.

Godzilla fights Godzilla… Godzilla rips off skin from the imposter, revealing more metal below. Professor Miyajima instantly dubs him a cyborg, and calls him Mechagodzilla, and declares he’s made of the SPACE titanium. All this before

Alien Commander flips a switch, and Mechagodzilla burns off his skin in a dazzling show of lights. The music kicks up into a jazz rumba flair as we see how cool Mechagodzilla is with a bunch of quick cuts to all the weapons bristling all over his body, his spinning hands, and his chomping jaws. Mechagodzilla fires his finger rockets, blasting Godzilla. Mechagodzilla’s rainbow eye-rays send Big G reeling into the ocean. Blood is seen staining the ocean red.

Godzilla runs, but Mechagodzilla has been damaged and returns to base for repairs. He does so via flight! He’s got rocket feet, you see. Professor Miyajima declares that Mechagodzilla is being controlled by spacemen on Okinawa in the cave they found the metal in. Professor Miyajima likes to declare a lot of things with no evidence…

You look at this final battle differently when you realize everyone is on acid…
And I mean EVERYONE is on acid!
Doggie play peekaboo?

The space aliens figure that repairs will take a while, and to keep from getting in trouble from their bosses on the home planet, they decide to steal an earth scientist who knows SPACE technology to help the repairs.

Professor Wagura finally gets the statue translated, it is the key (as we knew), but we need to wait until the sun rises in the west, which is impossible so all hope is lost. Might as well just shoot yourself before Mechagodzilla kills you.

Saeko and Keisuke head back to Okinawa via boat, thinking they outsmarted the aliens, but the aliens are on the ship, so their smartness is really dumbness! Also creepy Nanbara is there in the shadows. Professor Miyajima, his daughter, and Masahiko are wandering around the cave and they get captured almost immediately. Professor Miyajima drops his pipe.

The alien boss declares he’s the Commander for Conquest of Earth. From the Third Planet of the Black Hole, Outer Space. Not Innerspace, that’s Martin Short. Though he doesn’t say it out loud, his name is credited as Kuronuma, though when the same actor shows up in the sequel as the Commander again, he has a different name (and somehow rose from the dead. SPOILERS!) The Commander’s silver suit has gold metal feathers on it, something I never noticed until now. They force the Professor to help with repairs under threat of his daughter’s death.

Man, Mechagodzilla, clean out your belly button lint!
My completely different head sculpt in this shot is not a big deal! Stop pointing it out!

So the aliens build a giant mechanical Godzilla, but they don’t have any engineers? Did they order a kit? Are there Godzilla kits all over the universe with various alien morons invading planet after planet.

On the boat, Keisuke and Saeko realize someone is watching them, so they act all suspicious.

Godzilla is on an island getting hit with lightning, which is what Godzilla uses to heal himself now. Try it sometime, it really works!

An alien goon breaks into Saeko’s room and steals the statue, but he is then jumped by Keisuke who demands to know why he stole the statue. Keisuke shoots him in the face with his own space gun, which causes most of his face to melt off an turn into a green space ape!!!

Holy Statue of Liberty, Batman!

Space Ape Goon freaks and runs away with the statue. There is a long chase through the decks of the ship. Luckily there seems to be no one on board the ship at all during this whole long search and chase and fight sequence! Are they on a ghost ship?

When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way…
Look, I said EVERYONE was on acid, is it really that hard to believe?

The goon gets shot in the back by some other guy and falls overboard with the statue. And he didn’t even get any bananas. Nanbara wanders by and mentions it is night, which is odd because it’s daytime. Maybe the filter for night is just not being used, I honestly don’t remember if it is night time on my old vhs tape of this.

But don’t worry, the lion-dog statue was a fake and the real one was in the captain’s safe. Even Raeko didn’t know, because we can’t have girls knowing things!

Keisuke arrives to find out Masahiko, Professor Miyajima, and Miyajima’s daughter are missing. Professor Miyajima finishes the repairs, then the Commander throws him into the cell his daughter and Masahiko are in. Then the room gets gassed! Except it’s not gas, it’s heat! Heat in gas form! Diabolical… Despite the great heat, no one ever bothers to take off any of their clothes, they suffer with their long sleeves and pants.

Keisuke goes searching in the cave, finds Miyajima’s pipe and also a space goon with a space gun, who’s going to shoot him until he’s saved by Nanbara, who reveals he’s an Interpol agent instead of being a reporter who looks and acts like a government agent. They force the space goon to lead them into the base.

The secret password is Santorus! Like Santorum? These aliens are sicker than I thought…

Keisuke and Nanbara bust in and rescue the captives.


George realized just how many movies were in the Air Buddies franchise…
The first instance of a computer multitasking

Everyone gets to the car to escape, but Nanbara is suspicious. The car explodes! Except no one was in it. Even though the Commander watched the whole thing on tv, he somehow missed all of them hiding behind the bushes and remotely starting the car.

Nanbara is going back in to the alien base, Masahiko and Professor Miyajima will join him. Keisuke is to head to the castle with Saeko and Miyajima’s daughter. But space goons are waiting for them at the castle, and Grandpa complains complains complains. Shut up, grandpa! The aliens are shot in the face by another random guy! One of them has some awesome blood spraying out of his face when he’s hit, though it’s green blood. The new guy is Tamura, also with Interpol.

And the sun is rising in the west…because of a mirage! So they place the statue on a rock. The sun causes lasers to shoot from the statue’s eyes! It blasts a hole in a nearby mountain, revealing King Caesar sitting inside asleep! This makes the aliens mad, so they launch Mechagodzilla, who is commanded to kill King Caesar while he sleeps.

How will our heroes wake him? Set the alarm clock!

The alarm clock being the Princess singing. She also has a band as backup, even though they aren’t in the shot or the film. Good thing this ancient Okinawan song is so contemporary 1970s Jpop! By the way, buy the soundtrack to Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla, on sale at Tower Records Tokyo today!

Time to do my impression of that guy from Tron!
Mechagodzilla protects himself with a Jello encasement!

Despite the long long long song, Mechagodzilla is too slow to get there in time, and King Caesar awakens with glowing red eyes and stumbles around, his ears perking up at the sound of Mechagodzilla bumbling around. The best part of King Caesar is his ears popping up.

Mechagozilla’s rainbow lasers do no damage on King Caesar, they’re absorbed and then shot back where they damage Mechagodzilla very much. King Caesar is like “Stop rainbow lasering yourself! Stop rainbow lasering yourself!” But Mechagodzilla’s missile fingers and chest lightning blasts hurt King Caesar, and destroy the rocks King Caesar tries to hide behind.

Where is Godzilla? You’re in the title, guy, try to show up for the final fight…

There is a sequence where Mechagodzilla shoves his fingers in King Caesar’s mouth over and over. Is he trying to get King Caesar to bin and purge? Is King Caesar Tokyo’s next top model?

Looks like someone was on the brown acid!
Sometimes the cigar is just a banana. Because we’re Space Monkeys!

Godzilla finally shows up! Mechagodzilla is ordered to “beat Godzilla to death!” Such specific orders. And since Mechagodzilla did such a good job getting to King Caesar in time…

Mechagodzilla can dodge Godzilla’s atomic breath blasts by flying, and Godzilla can’t be bothered to dodge. Dodging costs money that Toho ain’t paying. Mechagodzilla can twist his head back 180 degrees so he can shoot Godzilla and King Caesar at the same time. Mechagodzilla’s daddy was an owl, and his mom was an iron! Mechagodzilla spins his head around fast and creates a spinning force-field that can withstand atomic breath and touching. The film gets tired of all these individual tricks, and just does a long nonstop sequence of Mechagodzilla blasting Godzilla and King Caesar with all his weapons over and over and over again, set to the jazz pop theme from earlier. We get some pretty graphic arterial sprays off of Godzilla, who is then shot with darts!

Will Godzilla lose? Of course not! That would be ridiculous!

I’m not sure what’s going on here
Our flame decals are so life-like!

Suddenly, Godzilla glows and the darts pop off. Godzilla has sparklers flashing behind him, and he’s suddenly magnetic and pulling in nearby metal, including Mechagodzilla – who is trying to fly away with his rocket feet. It is a battle of metal vs. magnet!

One thing for sure, Godzilla isn’t an ICP fan!

Godzilla and Mechagodzilla tussle, and King Caesar comes to join the fun. It’s fighting and smacking, and then Godzilla twists Mechagodzilla’s head all the way around until it falls off! That’s what happens when you buy cheap alien robot parts instead of buying Earth.

The captive humans escape in the control room, destroying the computers and shooting the Commander in the neck, green blood sprays out like crazy and he dies the way he lived, reverting to the green ape with the biggest yellow warts of them all!

The control room blows up.
Mechagodzilla blows up.
The alien base blows up.
My pager blows up. I got a beep from Kim, and I’m like “stop beeping me Kim, I don’t want a free iPad!”

The day is saved, and the monsters retreat home – King Caesar to his cave and Godzilla to the ocean.

The lion-dog statue is returned to the royal family. Finally, the priest guy will shut up. Maybe.

That’s not what I meant when I said I had power!
Mechagodzilla loses his head over the matter

The end!!!!!!!!! But don’t worry, this film made enough bank they made a direct sequel to it! Mechagodzilla returns in terror form!

Rated 8/10 (Magic glow, magic ring, goo from Anguirus, Professor H.M. Wogglebug???, Mechagodzilla’s arm patch!, Red Lightning time!, Red lightning gives you wings!, explode-o-mountain!)

Please give feedback below!

Email us and tell us how much we suck!

Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla vhs

This is the cover of the VHS tape I have

Godzilla vs the Cosmic Monster

Powered By DT Author Box

Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!