Bikini Chain Gang
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Yep, it’s another crazy Bikini movie! This time, Bikini Chain Gang takes us into the seedy world of women in prison, a sexploitaton genre that is used so often it has its own tropes and subgenres! Starring the usual cast from the 2005-2009 era Fred Olen Ray films, and featuring the usual songs, locations, and props. The only thing unusual is the nudity in the title screen shot, which I had to edit with the magic of free alternatives to Photoshop. We got a respectable family friendly website about bikini prison sex movies here, Bub!
Previous TarsTarkas.NET reviews of Fred Olen Ray Bikini films include: Bewitched Housewives, Super Ninja Doll, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Voodoo Dollz: Lust Potion #9, Bikini Airways, Bikini Royale. Bikini Frankenstein. and Twilight Vamps Lust At First Bite. Most of the crew below show up in one or more of the previous titles.
Lesbian sex! Chilly and Marcy are getting it on in the prison locker room. This is the best prison movie ever! Matron Togar walks in and starts yelling at them. She sends Chilly back to her cell, and wants to know if Marcy learned her lesson about obeying what Togar says. Learned it the lesbian sex way! Thus another round of lesbian sex…..would be happening, but they cut to a bar.
BOOOOO!!! This is no loner the best prison movie ever! The Defiant Ones is back on top. Our waitress is Jessie, while Eric Spudic playing the bartender, and the creepy bar owner Mr. Arst has a one-sided thing for Jessie. She refuses his offer of sex, and runs to the bathroom. Arst follows her in and tries to force himself on her.
Outside, the Living Dead Bandit shows up to rob the place! Having seen enough of these films I already know who the actor is, but for the sake of the review I shall pretend I don’t.
Jessie knees Mr. Arst in the balls and runs outside to the bar, but is caught by the Living Dead Bandit at gunpoint and taken hostage when Bartender Eric Spudic pulls out a shotgun from behind the bar. A police detective bursts in, and the Living Dead Bandit throws Jessie at them and escapes. The detective decides his time is better spend comforting Jessie and ordering a drink at the bar than chasing the Living Dead Bandit, but then Mr. Arst starts to accuse that Jessie is the Living Dead Bandit’s accomplice! Thanks to the magic of a voiceover, she’s found guilty!
Jessie is sent to Wellworth Prison, where Warden Kendrick and Leo the guard talk has sympathy for Jessie’s claims that she never got a lawyer or even a phone call, but can’t do anything about that. The Warden can let her see her boyfriend Tommy one last time, which gives us a sex scene in the warden’s office.
Owens put in a cell with Taffy Manson, who killed her boyfriend with a sledgehammer. The Warden puts Owens on the chain gang to see if her work ethic shows she is innocent. That’s….odd logic, but okay. But the slot Jessie is put in was Taffy Manson’s slot! A guard comes at night saying he can get Taffy back on the list…if she does something for him…a three-way with him and Chilly!
The Living Dead Bandit comes to prison to get Madam Togar to kill Jessie Owens in exchange for a bunch of cash. Togar schemes to shoot her in the back while trying to escape.
The all-female chain gang is Chilly, Marcy, Taffy, and Jessie, and they are sent to break rocks. And they will change from their already skimpy outfits to bikinis, because this is Bikini Chain Gang, don’t you know?
The convicts are already planning an escape, especially after Togar mentions a farmhouse nearby with a truck with a full tank of gas and keys there, which isn’t very suspicious at all. Togar drags guard Leo to the back of the van for a little guard on guard fun time, if you know what I mean.
The governor calls the warden, Jessie is getting a new trial…but she has escaped with the other girls! Jessie is chained to Taffy by legs, and Marcy to Chilly. The Warden calls Togar, who is upset at the news and says Jessie is dangerous and she doesn’t want to be taken alive.
The escapees find a guy working on a broken SUV, so they’re gonna steal that SUV via seduction distraction. Which means Chilly and Marcy take the guy to the back of the SUV for some prison loving. The car is fixed, but still won’t run…because he’s out of gas! D’oh! Hey, buddy, you’re supposed to try the out of gas routine before you have sex with the girls!
They tie him to the car then split up in twos to better lose the pursuers. The Warden and Jessie’s boyfriend Tommy drive in the area and begin to search for the girls. Jessie and Taffy hide in a barn, and explains to Taffy how she’s innocent. Just then, Leo walks in to capture them, and tells Jessie she is getting a new trial. But Taffy KOs him with a rock. Taffy goes to make a call, while Leo reawakens and one thing leads to another and soon he and Jessie are getting it on, barn prison escapee and guard style!
Hey, Taffy on is on the phone with the sausage on one side, pepperoni on the other one joke that is in Bikini Royale!
Tommy runs into Taffy, so she takes him to Jessie, but by the time she is inside she is a captive of the Living Dead Bandit!
Gee, I wonder who could he be…
Yep, it is Tommy, who is going to shoot them all, Pokemon! Plus, Jessie’s body will have the Living Dead Bandit mask on, framing her. Tommy also plans to kill Togar, but Togar is right behind him, and now he is captured as well. Now Togar is going to kill everyone…until the Warden is right behind her, and now she is captured as well.
Luckily, no one is behind the Warden, so there is no more capturing as well.
The Warden and Taffy split the pizza that has now arrived, and the Warden also reads a bunch of politically incorrect words for describing the female prisoners.
Hey, where are the other two girls, Chilly and Marcy? Why, whipping a handcuffed Mr. Arst, of course! And they lived happily ever after…
Rated 8/10 (AIP, martini time, Peter Spellos, many torture devices, plain white van, Trevor Zen, cow pies, framed bandit)
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