Abro Ne Bayie 2 (Review)
Abro Ne Bayie 2
Directed by C’emeka Uba (Don)
Written by Samuel Nyamekye, Fred Asanti Kotoko, and C’emeka Uba (Don)
Abro Ne Bayie 2 is the sequel to the original Abro Ne Bayie, filmed at the same time and featuring most of the same cast (except for characters who were witched away in the last film!) It is the same quality of script and special effects that we had last time, except now the plot moves forward a tad bit more. Hooray for that! But it is still badly written, badly subtitled, and a bunch of rambling crazy stuff instead of a coherent story. Don’t expect character development or answers to the question “Why?” You will never know why, because there isn’t a why. It just is. It’s just Ghana, man. Go with it.
For now, we’ve exhausted our supply of Ghanaian films, but we’ve still got the Ghanaian documentary Ghanaian Video Tales coming soon, and that’s like watching 50 Ghanaian films at once. For now, enjoy this next entry in the MOSS Theme Month!
Abro Ne Bayie 2 opens where the last ended, with the frantic pigeon battle of Pastor Joseph, the prayers in the name of Jeuss, and the morphing into the naked Natasha.
Then Dufie warps into the room and throws Natasha a towel, and claims that Pastor Joseph was raping Natasha! She brings in a bunch of random people to help yell at the Pastor, and they drag him out of his house. The next day, Pastor Joseph tries to go to Vincent to explain, but Vincent is upset and tells him to get lost.
The witches have a coven ceremony, and while the witches are still wearing their ridiculous costumes, Natasha is in a wedding dress, and Sunsum emerges from a pot holding a mewing kitten.
I’m not liking the direction this is going…
Magic and roar voiceovers cause the kitten to morph into…Vincent wearing a suit? This is exactly how my wedding went… Natasha declares that Vincent is now her pet, and Vincent morphs back into the cat, and Sunsum crawls back into the pot he was in. I think this guy likes hanging out crouching in pots! Keep in mind the whole time the kitten just wants to play. The witches dance and chant and do general witchery.
The couple then gets actual married in a non-witch ceremony not seen on camera. Vincent collapses one day at work and is now hospitalized. The doctor is stumped, Owusu is confused. Dufie and Natasha feign sorrow with Owusu, but laugh when he leaves the room. Owusu calls in a faith healer to exorcise the demons. But Queen Witch warps in and signals that if the faith healer talks, he’s dead…so he says nothing except that Vincent is evil and leaves.
Owusu takes Vincent to a revival tent prayer meeting faith healer show. “In the name of Jesus” is spoken around 20 quadrillion times during this scene. This faith healer is less horrible, because he’s told the names Dufie and Natasha by spirits. A subtitle says “He likes breaking groundnuts and eating them” and I have no idea who they are talking about. Jesus?
Owusu takes to his wife of 24 years being a secret evil witch and Natasha as well very quickly and easily, vowing what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Owusu immediately goes home and reveals he knows what is up, then rebukes the two women in the name of Jesus. A vulture stops by and morphs into Queen Witch, and she throws a fireballs at Owusu until he’s knocked on the ground. Though he’s still writhing around at this point, later in the film it is implied that he’s been killed at this time. Complete failure to make a dramatic death, a wasted opportunity and a symbol of the poor writing and direction throughout this series.
The women go to reclaim Vincent and try to use the witch powers on the faith healing group, but the prayer group fights back with prayer and digital fire and fireballs. Dufie runs, but Natasha stays and is constantly barraged for several minutes until Queen Witch warps in and sends digital censoring effects to cover Natasha’s mouth. Those dastardly witches, turning Natasha’s mouth into Japanese porn!
The God Squad starts firing balls of fires at Queen Witch as well, her attacks are ineffective. She gets blasted, and mutates into a humpbacked witch with a dimestore Halloween mask on!
“No weapon fashioned against us shall prosper” says the prayer group.
Queen Witch is covered in exploding fire, then turns back into a vulture and flies off. The best part of these battles is all of the group is miming tossing fireballs, but the digital effects only have one come out of the main guy’s hands every few seconds.
The group celebrates with song and dance, but completely different songs and dances than what the Witches celebrate with.
Vincent gets well enough to get up and look around confused. There is no effort to even try to show him confused or recovering or dealing with the experience. Who wants to watch actual things happen?
Dufie returns to witch camp, where only Sunsum and the Queen Witch are. Queen says Dufie and Natasha betrayed her, which is just sour grapes because they were just grossly incompetent, not betrayers. Hire better help, and don’t be such a fail whale yourself, Queen Witch! Or at least buy some fireproof underpants.
The very next shot is Queen Witch beating Natasha with a horsewhip in each hand. Then two angels beam in via Star Trek The Next Generation transporter effects. Like before, they’re black with blonde hair and white clothes. They grab the whips and start beating the Queen, and then start prayer working over Natasha, while the lead faith healer does more prayers at night over…..something….with apple juice?? Something is wrapped up that he’s blessing, I only guess it is the vulture from earlier because it squawks, but this isn’t the Queen Witch, just Natasha, so maybe Natasha can turn into a chicken or something. Their prayers to send the fire of the holy ghost to set Natasha free end in them actually setting the bundle on fire, which we are implied works and Natasha is free. But we don’t see Natasha being free and recovering from her ordeal.
Instead, we see Vincent gives prayer guy all his money.
Some Years later
What?? This is like when Battlestar Galactica was suddenly one year in the future. Remember that? Because I’m referencing it, and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it. Dufie returns to harass Natasha, who is still married to Vincent and now a mother to Vincent’s young son, about age 6. Natasha tells her to get lost. It looks like mom is coming to live with them, and Vincent is unaware that she’s a witch, despite all the crazy crap that happened, like her being outed as a witch. But this plot point is easily dismissed and her stay at the house is revoked by Natasha off camera and only referred to in a later scene highlighting marriage trouble. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves again.
The witch coven is still active, and a young lady demands she be send for the seduction of Vincent. She’s dressed up like she’s going clubbing, and is by far the worst actress in the movie so far (a high honor, indeed!) I’m about 99% sure she’s someone’s girlfriend. But in warps a second young lady to demand to be sent for the seduction, claiming to be the new hotness and that first girl is just old school failure. She wins the plumb assignment, though it looks like they also send the original girl as well. From what I can guess, the second girl is named Basheba, and the original one was named Sheena.
In the intervening years, Vincent has become a jerk! He’s acting tired and angry, refuses to go to prayer meetings, while Natasha is 100% pro-Jesus. You’d think Vincent would be for Jesus since he was saved by Jesus, but he’s not. Maybe he’s suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, since we didn’t see him deal with his problem in any way ever. Vincent then yells at the Pastor over tithing, which is almost as much fun as watching the angry couple yell at each other. GET ON WITH THE WITCHCRAFTERY!!!!!!!
It’s church time, everyone dancing and singing and getting the holy spirit, dressed in white, and a guy with a giant cross is leading things. He talks like a garbled pirate. Basheba is there, speaking in tongues, and she mentions Natasha. This freaks out Vincent, who tries to ignore it, but is caught and steps forward. This is where we find out that his dad is dead. Thanks for telling us, movie! He’s then told his wife is an agent of darkness by Basheba.
To be continued in Part 3!!!!
Which we don’t have. Oh, well, no clue how this will end. But it will be dumb, because we’re going around in circles. What has happened before will happen again. It IS Battlestar Galactica….
Rated 3/10 (Miracle, vulture time, Japanese censored mouth!)
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