Pachinko Queen Explosion (Review)

Pachinko Queen Explosion

Directed by ???

There are lots of shots of pachinko in the film. If you love pachinko, then Pachinko Queen Explosion is the film for you! If you have no idea what the frak pachinko is, you will be fast-forwarding or surfing the web until the sex action happens.

While trying to find more information about this film than just one actress’s name, I discovered that there are a lot of gambling-themed softcore flicks in Japan. It’s like a whole subgenre. And they’re films you will feel better about watching than Train Molester 9 or something similar.

Like me, you’re probably already familiar with pachinko and all the terminology and controversy around it. But for those one or two readers who aren’t down with the kakuhen system, koatari, or even senpuku kakuhen, let’s do a quick pachinko terminology lesson:

Pachinko – Pachinko is a game of chance played at machines similar to a slot/pinball machine, or the Plinko game on The Price is Right. Balls go down a peg board, and if they hit the center a slot machine type mechanism is activated. Players attempt to win more balls, which are exchanged for prizes or tokens. Tokens can then be exchanged for cash at a different location (direct trading for cash is illegal in Japan!) A pachinko establishment is called a parlor. Pachinko is also popular in Taiwan.

Payout mode – If the pachinko machine hits the jackpot on the slot machine portion, payout mode begins, where a slot opens and the player must get as many balls into the slot as possible, because they win tons of balls for each one.

Kakuhen system – After hitting jackpot, many machines use the kakuhen system, which makes the chances of hitting another jackpot much more likely. A string of jackpots is known as fever mode. Another type of kakuhen system is the special time (or ST) kakuhen, where the player automatically gets the next jackpot, but you don’t get a payout unless you hit certain odds.

Jitan mode – If the player fails to get kakuhen, the player enters jitan mode, where the speed of spins increases and the slot size increases.

Koatari – Koatari became popular in 2007, it is where the jackpot slot opens randomly, even when no balls are in play. It is possible to have jackpots that pay nothing. Use primarily to bump up the displayed payout stats.

Battle-type machines – Type of Kaotari that when opening randomly, causes a player to have to “battle” and “defeat” enemies (aka reach specific goals) in order to get the jackpot and reach the next kakuhen. When you fail battle mode, the machine reverts to jitan mode. The excitement from battling has caused this type to be very addictive.

Senpuku Kakuhen – A hidden kakuhen that happens in koatari, the player unaware of the timing, but usually knowing the approximate odds of getting it. Experienced players can score swooping in on machines that have had consecutive loses without a payout, and the senpuku kakuhen encourages players to stay at one machine for a long time to win the payout.

Now that everyone is a pachinko expert…too bad, because you don’t really need to know much of anything about pachinko for the plot! Just know that you win balls. So let’s get started!

Mari (Karen Kisaragi) – Pachinko employee who works at the Pachinko center Seven, as her father that she only saw when she was little was fond of playing pachinko at that location. Karen Kisaragi is an AV star whose films you can find easily online.
Hiroshi (???) – Mari’s boyfriend and an expert pachinko player. He earns enough that they make a living off of it.
Yamazaki (???) – Businessman who buys places and tears them down to build better places. His latest target is the run down pachinko joint Seven, which he wants to replace with a gourmet amusement center. One thing he doesn’t buy is condoms, which is why he has a daughter running around. You may have heard of her, her name is Mari.
Mika (???) – Yamazaki’s Trophy girlfriend, whose life is an utter bore except for when she’s given expensive gifts or winning at Pachinko (thanks to the power of cheating!) Not particularly faithful, as she has no qualms boning Mr. Kitamura.
Mr. Kitamura (???) – Boss of the Pachinko place SEVEN. and looking for a sellout.
Buddy Referee Guy (???) – His small but pivotal role is the most important of the whole film. He’s the scorekeeper-referee of the final match! And he’s sort of friends with Hiroshi and works at SEVEN along with Mari. He’s my favorite character.

Hiroshi is woken by Mari to go to the Pachinko center SEVEN to get his pachinko on. Hiroshi knows the odds on Pachinko and can make a living off of it. He’s the Pachinko King. After a hard day winning pachinko balls, Hiroshi returns home late. Mari is mad until he kisses her in a surprisingly not-terrible manner (a Japanese film without bad kissing? This earns an extra rating point just for that!) and the sex begins.

Here comes the businessman Yamazaki and his trophy girlfriend. No, not in the sex scene, this is later. The businessman wants to buy the Pachinko place SEVEN, while his trophy girl is smoking and pachinkoing. The businessman refuses to play Pachinko with his girl.

Mari confronts her boss, Mr. Kitamura, who refuses to talk about the buyout. Mari is upset (and wearing a Jesus sweatshirt) Mari reveals to Hiroshi the story of how her dad used to play pachinko every day at SEVEN when she was a kid before the divorce and she forgot what her dad’s face looks like. As we know, the Japanese never take photographs.

Okay…Yamazaki is her dad, we’ve already figured it out. Spoilers.

But we have an hour to go, so just pretend you don’t know. Mari and Hiroshi have more sex. Meanwhile back at the hotel, Mika is showering away, especially her breasts. She likes to be clean. Mari is still sad, and thus the film can have her be all sad and depressed like all of Japanese cinema.

Mari tries to show the pachinko business is still viable by getting new customers with promotions, but nothing impresses her boss. Mr. Kitamura rigs a pachinko machine for Mika and then takes her out to dinner. This leads to him offering her a job and then sex at his place. Long and loud sex. Mika must love dudes who are three times her age.

The next morning Mari is energized and on a mission. She is going to meet Mr. Yamazaki without an appointment or anything, but he says he is busy. So now she is sad again. Happiness destroyed, dreams crushed, your usual stuff.

Mika is playing pachinko again, Hiroshi asks her to try to convince Yamazaki to stop the deal, but she won’t. Then he tries to blackmail her with his knowledge of her playing private pachinko with Mr. Kitamura, but she won’t budge, and instead challenges him to a game of pachinko over the issue. Mari hears all of this and wants to play pachinko against Mika instead of Hiroshi.

Thus, Mari and Hiroshi argue back at their apartment. She will end up playing, so now Hiroshi has to teach her how to play since she has no idea. That was helpful since I have no idea how to pachinko, either. But now I am a pachinko master. Mari is becoming the Pachinko Queen, but first we need a sex scene with Mika and Yamazaki. Because, why not?

I wonder if this porn actress specializes in banging older dudes.

The Pachinko showdown begins. Mika is in the same machine that is rigged for her to win. Totally rigged. A pachinko tournament is three hours long, btw. Mika is pachinkoing the frak out of Mari thanks to the rigged machine. But Mika told Yamazaki why Mari was working at that pachinko place. He arrives there and recognizes her as his daughter by her heart necklace. Yamazaki calls up the boss…and suddenly Mari is getting the SUPER LUCKY!

Just wait until kakuhen mode! Seriously, Pachinko is weird.

Mari wins, because she is the pachinko queen and explodes and all that fun stuff. Mika leaves in disgrace with Yamazaki. Mika finds Yamazaki’s pipe and realizes he’s her dad, or maybe.

But we can’t end without yet another sex scene with Mika and Hiroshi. They get it on, pachinko queen explosion style. And he probably explodes all over her, but this isn’t X-rated, so we only pretend he explodes all over her.

Then back to work in pachinko town, and we’re outta here, because it’s time to go play some pachinko!

Pachinko Queen Explosion isn’t a bad film, it’s just a limited film. The overall plot is nice, but once again it is about 20-30 minutes of real plot and the rest is just filler. Karen Kisaragi plays a good protagonist, and her reasons for being so pachinko-absorbed are believable.

Rated 4/10 (ra rg rn rt)

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