Warrior
Warrior
2011
Directed by Gavin O’Connor
Warrior is an MMA film about a family torn apart by alcoholism and abuse by their father, and the consequences on the family. It is also about brother against brother, with father against both sons as he seeks redemption. The film doesn’t father the traditional narrative, there is no real villain, both brothers have their motivations to fight and both makes sense in their own way.
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Categories: Bad, Movies Tags: Bryan Callen, Denzel Whitaker, Gavin O'Connor, Jennifer Morrison, Joel Edgerton, Kevin Dunn, Kurt Angle, martial arts, MMA, Nick Nolte, Noah Emmerich, Tom Hardy
Kunoichi
Kunoichi
aka Kunoichi Ninja Girl
2011
Directed and written by Seiji Chiba
A woman working the fields and tending to her baby is ganked by a neck rope thrown by an unseen kidnapper. Thus is the world of Kunoichi!
As you probably know by now, TarsTarkas.NET is a fan of martial arts films, particularly female martial artists. And as Rina Takeda is one of the up and coming women taking the films to the new decade, we’ve been following her career closely. From High-Kick Girl! to KG – Karate Girl, Takeda has matured as an actress and martial artist. And Takeda has taken on more and more projects, keeping herself busy. But Kunoichi is a step back in the quality department, and I was disappointed at the final project.
Kunoichi is marketed as a period martial arts piece. We know it won’t be a giant spectacle, and I fully expect a low-budget affair. It’s set in the woods, a familiar place for fans of low budget films, as that way they have an excuse for no extras running around. And permits are easier to get for running around in the middle of nowhere (if they even bothered!) But Kunoichi is surprising in how low budget it looks and feels. It’s a martial arts film with barely any martial arts. That’s not what I signed up for! The only decent fight is around the 40 minute mark, and is over with 10 minutes to go on our hour-long film. Besides a few teases of fighting and some kicking, there is little else, and nothing that is choreographed for more than one move. Disappointing is an understatement.
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Stop for me, it’s the CLAW!
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Director Seiji Chiba has put out numerous low budget films in recent years. Alien vs Ninja garnered some praise, and probably made funding of Kunoichi easier. But while Alien vs Ninja was a mix of comedy and action, Kunoichi is stoically serious in tone. You don’t get the sense that anyone is having fun here, and that hurts the film as well. I don’t expect Giggles Ninja Girl, but one or two goofy things wouldn’t have hurt.
And once again, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Japan, Kentaro Shimazu, Kotono, Masanori Mimoto, Mayu Onomura, Mitsuki Koga, Rina Takeda, Seiji Chiba, Shiho Fujisawa, Women who kick butt, Yuichi Sato
Treasure Inn
Treasure Inn
aka Choi San Har Jan aka 財神客棧 aka God of Fortune Inn
2011
Directed by Wong Jing and Corey Yuen Kwai
Written by Wong Jing
Wong Jing scores with Treasure Inn, a blend of action and comedy with just the right ratio for a pleasant viewing experience. Like most Wong Jing movies, Treasure Inn borrows from a variety of sources, the most obvious are the classic King Hu wuxia films that revolve around inns (Dragon Gate Inn, The Fate of Lee Khan, and even A Touch of Zen) Jing makes the most of the sweeping desert landscape and the cinematography and nature shots are among his best work. Jing wisely brought in Corey Yuen Kwai (DOA: Dead or Alive, So Close) to direct the action sequences, giving them the fanciful look that Yuen brings to his projects. But before we get to the inn, we have the journey along the way.
At this point, I’m no longer impressed by opening credits animated in Flash. Luckily, the credits are quickly over, and we jump into the film proper as good guys are slaughtered and villains strike a deal. But let’s meet the cast!
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Sexy Soccer
Sexy Soccer
aka Sing gum zhook kao aka 少女足球
2003
Directed by Dick Lau Tin-Sze
Warning, this movie has a lot of puns. A lot of bad puns. A lot of bad puns that don’t translate well so things might sound weird. Just go with it!
Hong Kong Category III sex films have gotten cheaper and cheaper. Sexy Soccer represents a last gasp of actual money in a production, films post-2003 seem to be done for 1/10th of the cost of this film. Sexy Soccer sees such things as extras, location shooting, and characters that number more than five. This is from Dick Lau Tin-Sze’s company (probably an alias), and the films he produced decreased in quality and used many of the same actors. It’s like watching them go from real movies down to community theater to dinner theater.
But it’s so damn awful! My goodness, so awful… A large portion of the film comprises of these girls playing soccer, and it’s obviously that they spent more time filming these scenes than the entirety of gym classes during their school years. Bumbling around the soccer field is not believable, but that’s not really the point of the film. The point of the film seems to be watching Matthew Ng Ting get it on with a variety of girls. As Matthew Ng Ting is not very attractive, the film treating him like some sort of lust-inducing superstud is laughable. The situations, the contrived plot, and the weird asides all add up to a wacky film. But at least it is somewhat entertaining. You do wonder what sort of weird thing will happen next. It’s…odd. And since some other films made soon after are just wretchedly bad, Sexy Soccer deserves more praise than it’s going to get. But it’s so damn awful!
The music is not bad, but I like surf music. If you don’t like surf music, than the soundtrack of the film will drive you bonkers! Actors credited that don’t seem to be in any other film include Tong Tong, Cheung Wing, Kam Bing-Man, and Siu Yau. Just which of them are which actresses/actors, I don’t know. And if any of the ??? actresses below show up in other films, again, I don’t know. We’re just chock full o’ knowledge here at TarsTarkas.NET!
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Au-Yeung Hoi-Suen, Carmen Yeung Ga-Man, Category III, Dick Lau Tin-Sze, Hong Kong, Matthew Ng Ting, softcore
Crying Fiddle
Crying Fiddle
aka แว่วเสียงซอ
2004
Directed by Jarin Parnsain
Time once again for some Thai shot on video horror! It’s when the guessing game is the horror in the film…or the film itself??? Usually it’s the film. Will it be the case this time? Duh!
This time we have the story of a girl who dies and comes back as a vengeful ghost who also happens to be green. Why green? Why the heck not? It’s not like we’re treading new ground with green ghosts, remember Slimer? But there will be no Ghostbusting…oh, there IS Ghostbusting, by a few Thai Buddhist priests, but they are the ones who get busted instead! Bustin’ doesn’t make them feel good, I tell you what.
For 73 minutes of generic ghost gunk, the film is okay. But it is the type of film you finish, go “Oooooookay…”, and then immediately start another film and never think about it again. Unless you write reviews on the internet, in which case you spend 30 minutes writing up a review and then never think about it again. You see what I go through for TarsTarkas.NET?
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Jarin Parnsain, Koontira Sattabongkot, long black haired ghosts, Ninnart Sinchai, Thai
