Zone Fighter Episode 09 – Oe! Reddosupaidaa-no Himitsu

aka Search for the Secret of the Red Spider! aka Find the Secret of the Red Spider!

1973
Directed by Kengo Furusawa
Written by Juro Shimamoto

Zone Fighter is back and he’s on a murder spree! Zone Fighter and the rest of the Zone Family have come to kill innocent animals that the Garoga have infected. Curing them is not an option, only MUUUURDER!

We at TarsTarkas.NET do not condone murder, especially of innocent animals. We however do condone the murder of the Zone Family, and are officially Team Garoga! Now, if you’re reading these in chronological order, we’ve skipped a few. That’s entirely the fault of the disks, because technology is dumb. What happened in those missing two episodes? Probably nothing important. In any event, if you are confused as to who’s-who in the Zone Fighter universe, check out the Zone Fighter Splash Page for all your questions to be answered.

Hikaru Sakimori (aka Zone Fighter) still hasn’t bothered to kill all the Garoga, and instead is just sitting around Earth chasing Garoga signals. Lazy, lazy Zone.

Holy crap, a foot long red spider! Flying in the air on it’s web or something. It’s Creepies all over again! The spider floats to a truck just sitting at the side of the road…

Garoga agents! Hikaru gets into a big fight with them. The Zone Fighter theme plays, it’s all very Zone-ish. But Hikaru hasn’t bothered to turn into Zone Fighter, because he’s lazy, and although he’s kicking their butts, Zone realizes he needs to transform to sell more toys.

The Zone Family gets a signal and transform to go help. The Garoga attack with black and white candy cane weapons! Weapons they are too dumb to use properly and soon the Zone Family have grabbed their candy canes and are killing them with their own weapons.

The Garoga goons taunt that their spider is evil, and then run away. Why you would yell that as a taunt I have no idea, as it’s stupid! Way to spoil your plans, Team Garoga. We’re no longer Team Garoga, as both teams are stupid.

But the Zone family doesn’t bother to stop or attack the spider RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM and instead they go back home to ask Grandpa Zone what is up. Okay, that’s so stupid we’re back on Team Garoga!

Baron Garoga taunts the Zone Family more at home while a disco strobe light effect plays. The Zones seem less concerned that the Garogas can see in their house, control the lighting, and issue vague threats, and instead discuss what Baron Garoga said, like he interrupts them every day at dinner time or something. Maybe he does, every dinner is Baron Garoga bitching about how his job sucks, how the Hanshin Tigers were screwed over by the Curse of the Colonel and the Yomiuri Giants only got lucky during their many victories over the Tigers, how his wife left him because he spent too much time at work, how his no good son dropped out of school to become a clam diver. Eventually, you blow you brains out and the Garoga conquer another planet.

The Zones hit the zoo to defend animals against the Garoga, as Baron Garoga threatened to transform animals into monsters in his taunting. I guess the taunting from the other Garoga goons was too complicated for Team Zone, and Baron Garoga had to spell it out for them. Idiots.

This zoo trip lets us have lots of animal stock footage and have the cast wander around an actual zoo to pad the show. Forget stock footage animals, a guy in a gorilla suit pretending to be a gorilla rips a glove off of a zookeeper to reveal his webbed fingers…he’s a Garoga! And the big red spider is there!

The Garoga let the gorilla out (a guy in a suit…awful, awful suit. One of the worst gorilla suits I have seen. And I’ve seen gorilla suits from five continents!) Luckily the gorilla wanders into a huge abandoned dirt park or something nowhere near actual buildings, and as Zone Fighter beats up more Garogas the big red spider heads toward the gorilla. The gorilla gets bit….and gets Creepified!

Now he’s a evil gorilla…….Garoga Gorilla!

Imagine King Kong did it with an orc from Warcraft and their baby is Garoga Gorilla. Remember that the Zones were supposed to be protecting the animals? Good job, Zones!

Then another monster shows up…Spideros !

He’s a spider! Spideros wears Spideroos, which are like underoos, only with eight legholes. Zone Fighter fights him, while Zone Angel, Zone Junior, and dad fight the Garoga goons.

I guess Garoga Gorilla is on a smoke break or something. Oh, there he is. Zone Dad just shoots him in both his eyes! Then Zone Dad, Zone Angel, and Zone Junior all shoot at the same time and Garoga Gorilla blows up dead. Wow, that was quick. And brutal. Poor gorilla. Horribly murdered by the evil Zone Family. I will avenge you, noble beast…

The other Garoga run. Who can stand and fight in the face of such evil?

Zone Fighter grows big to fight Spideros. Spideros swings around on his web like an idiot, but the plan works because Zone Fighter is even dumber and gets knocked over. Then Zone jumps onto Spideros’s back after Spideros sets himself into a position and waits for Zone Fighter to jump on him. Of course it’s a trap, idiot!

Spideros shoots web from his mouth. Zone just yells “Zone!” a lot and gets trapped like an idiot. Idiot idiot idiot. Have I mentioned Zone is an idiot? Because he is! Idiot!

Zone Angel an Zone Junior arrive, blast Spideros, and free Zone Fighter, who is now out of energy. Maybe Zone Angel and Zone Junior should just fight the monsters, since they are better at it. They reenergize Zone, who then punches Spideros a lot.

ZONE FIGHTER NEW POWER OF THE WEEK – Zone Fighter flies around in the air for 20 loops or so, then crashes into Spideros, who hasn’t bothered to do anything defensive the whole time.

Zone Fighter then uses his meteor guns, and Zones Angel and Junior fire their weapons, so Spideros blows up. Once again, Zone Fighter is useless and this time his two siblings are what’s needed to blow up this monster. Zone, you’re slipping, pal!

The day is saved, and everyone lives happily ever after…until next week!