Yod Manut Computer (Review)

Yod Manut Computer

aka Computer Superman

Directed by ??? (maybe Sompote Sands?)

Yod Manut Computer is a Thai comedy about some wacky guys with wacky powers who have wacky adventures in Wackyland, Wackyland being Thailand, which is pretty wacky. Thailand has an awesome film industry which is in complete disarray because most of their film heritage is disintegrating as no one cares, and most of their modern films are being chopped up by censors from the various governments Thailand has over the years. It is possible if you read this in the future (hello from the past, by the way) that Thailand will have several more governments from the current one, which recently killed a bunch of people and there were riots in the capital. See, Wackyland!

So Yod Manut Computer made it onto vcd because it was made by Chaiyo Productions and Sompote Sands, as opposed to some random production company. You might have heard of Chaiyo productions thanks to Chaiyo’s theft of the Ultraman franchise and the resounding lawsuits that Chaiyo finally lost decades later. This film still looks like garbage what with the fullscreen cropping, vcd compression, and film stock degradation. Heck, even the title screen seems to be gone, or maybe the film never mentioned its title as the credits do roll but without anything that I can recognize as a film title, and I spend literally over an hour trying to read every credit in the beginning and comparing it to words in the title. The things I do for this website…

The Roll Call has a grand total of one person with their actual name. This is not because of a lack of trying, this is because of a lack of information on older Thai film in English. If you want to do something about it, learn Thai, then translate a lot of Thai film credits into English, launch a website dedicated to identifying Thai actors in film, and stop complaining that I am not doing it because I already have a bunch of other languages to learn before Thai. So whoever Duangchewan and Choosri are will remain a mystery for now.

Pilam (Yodchai Meksuwan) – Pilam is a freak who was born with a tail. Many people are born with tails, and a few of them aren’t human/demon hybrids but normal people like you and me! Pilam is one of them Pilam eventually loses his tail thanks to a crazy lady, but quickly becomes computer enhanced thanks to Crazy Professor Guy. Yodchai Meksuwan was one of the Thai movie superstars in the 1970s after the death of Mitr Chaibancha but left film in 1977, though he occasionally pops back up, but he’s mainly an artist now.
Snotty (Thep Tienchai) – James Band!! Snotty produces gooey goo from his nose that acts like glue, but only when the script calls for it, otherwise it acts like snot.
Hands (???) – Hands has giant hands, thus the name I gave him since I couldn’t figure out his real name. Maybe I should have called him Manos… He was the inspiration for the Foo Fighters video of Everlong!
Ears (???) – Ears has big ears, which act like radar dishes and allow him to hear things that he shouldn’t hear. Like your secrets. Ears knows what you did. You better confess to the cops now, Ears is writing them an email to tip them off as you read this. Ears can grow the ears even bigger if he wants to, which will allow him to hear into your very soul, and the darkness that resides there. Poor Ears, as you got some nasty stuff going on deep in your soul. Maybe you should talk to a psychologist. Or an exorcist…
Crazy Professor Guy (???) – He’s crazy, he’s a professor, he’s the Crazy Professor Guy! Obviously his real name and not one I just made up for the review.

There is some sort of lightning storm causes women to pop out babies like corks exploding off of campaign bottles. These babies have some sort of problem, and we don’t get to see what it is. But enough of that, let’s cut to a stone elephant with a broken tusk. Now that’s good movie! The broken tusked beast has nothing to do with anything and won’t be seen again. The various dads of the various cork babies are talking to the local witch doctor guru guy, who explains their kids are freaks. There are four freak kids, and one of the dads has a Hitler mustache. Just so you know, TarsTarkas.NET is aware of the large community of people who keep track of Hitler mustaches in Thai films.

It is now years later, so let’s meet the Freaky Babies, who make their dreams come true. Freaky Babies, they’ll do the same for you! We got a guy named Pilam who has a tail (or a horn) growing out of his butt. He’s also lazy and his parents yell at him. In fact, all the the Freaky Babies get yelled at by their parents, because despite their special skills, their parents think they are screwups. The other Freaky Babies are: Snotty – a man who produces massive amounts of snot from his mouth, which has a glue-like quality. Hands – a dude with big hands. Like really big. Ears – a nerdy guy with giant ears that grow even gianter when he wants to listen to stuff very far away. You would think the government would be interested in that last guy, but no…

The Freaky Four go out on their fishing boat to go collect some fish. Hands is very good at scooping in tons of fish without the need for nets. Unfortunately, the four are not immune to the factors of hormones, as evidenced when a boat with two women sails right over, and the women drop their clothes to reveal that they are wearing skimpy bikinis! The Four are so enamored they soon start scooping all their fish into the ladies’ boat, and by the time the bikini women leave all the fish are gone. Freak fail!

And then the boat is trapped in a lightning fast lightning storm. The crew calmly tries to move to shore but doesn’t make it. They escape by having Snotty plug a leak in the ship with a big ball of snot, and Ears grows his ears all huge and using them as a sail. On shore, their dads yell at them for being dumb. Pilam is upset and leaves the other three.

Song time…Thai song time. Holy Bollywood, Batman! A town celebration has become several minutes of weird singing.

The song number is finally ended when a bunch of pirates storm into the town celebration and say they are taking over. If that means no more musical numbers, elect these pirates mayors for life. They take all the town’s young men hostage as slaves. I guess we know what kind of pirates they are! Keep in mind the four freak buddies aren’t in town, so they ain’t captured. The fathers get together to try to figure out a plan of action.

One of the town girls goes to see Tails, who is busy chopping wood, and tells him what is up in the city. The girl who visits him was also in James Band 007 as the Villain’s girlfriend. Here, she gets mad, and that night she’s red blood crazy mad (with an actual red light shining on her eyes that go psycho crazy) and she chops off his tail with a machete. There is blood everywhere! Holy reverse Lorena Bobbit, Batman.

Pilam runs off and is found in the woods by a crazy old military guy who is also a Mad Scientist. Pilam is taken to a room where lots of computer stuff blinks and beeps by the two assistants to the Mad Scientist. Meanwhile, the two bikini girls muse with machete girl and Pilam’s severed tail as to where Pilam is.

As for Pilam, the Mad Scientist is going to fix him thanks to the powers of computers. They will rebuild him. Stronger, faster. Mad Scientist spends a long time arguing with his two helpers about just exactly what they will do to poor Pilam. I am sure that it is probably funny if you are into that sort of thing, but I demand action, not low-rent Three Stooges!

Operating on Pilam looks like a game of Operation. Suddenly Operation became all too real! Lots of robot parts inside as the doctors attach them all. Luckily, no one in Thailand has blood, so don’t worry about bleeding, despite all the blood that was everywhere when the tail got cut off.

Pilam wakes up as the bikini girls are outside calling his name while looking for him. He somehow knows he has super strength and bends a metal door away to get out. Then he goes back in for a minute and the Mad Scientist explains how he is a comptuer now and super strong. Then they go. Pilam has Six Million Dollar Man special effects as he runs to go save the day. But first, he must gather his crew! We’re getting the band back together!

Pilam finds Hands working as a dishwasher who breaks all the dishes. A bunch of angry farmers are going to kill Ears until Pilam shows up and busts them all up. Snotty is working for Lok Tor! Lor Tok previously seen here in James Band 007 and The Golden Nun. Here, he owns a repair shop and has hired Snotty to repair leaks in tires and pots and things with his magic snot. Snotty quits as soon as Pilam arrives and tells him what is going on. Interesting here is that some kids there want their Ultraman toys fixed, which is interesting because this is the Chaiyo production company.

The Four Heroes beat up some guards and then plan what to do with their dads. Father and son, coming together, to fight pirates. It’s beautiful. The bad guys planning an ambush to shoot up the heroes, this is overheard by Ears. Instead, the pirates just end up killing some of their own men who were captured earlier and then are captured themselves.

Pirate Boss and his bald henchman then have a fight for a bit while arguing,, but are soon good buddies again. Thanks for wasting five minutes of film! Then they gonna rape some captive women! Nice to know they finally got around to collecting all the young women in town.

Our heroes are out in a field digging ditches or gardening or something. Pilam uses his bionic commando vision to see that the baddies are trying to go rapetown on some women, so he sprints over. Pilam bursts in, punches the guys, and is then shot in the shoulder so he limps out, damaged. He staggers to the Mad Scientist’s place. While he is getting fixed the baddies are preparing to ambush the good guys.

I guess all the gardening they are doing is preparing defenses or something, but as they are doing it at the bottom of a hill and are digging trenches six inches deep I question their tactical know-how. At this point the guy with giant hands is carrying around a rifle like he is going to use it, just how is he supposed to pull the trigger?? This is the Keystone Cops town defense!

Mad Scientist cuts open Pilam’s face and chest to work. But he doesn’t finish fast enough, the battle is on and people get shot left and right, especially since the pirates have mortar shells and machine guns vs. the rifles the townspeople have. The women are all just bored back in their cage. Give the cage women some magazines! Stupid pirates!

Pilam repairs are done, and it is time to save the day. Because of their battling, the three heroes still with random mutant parts lose those mutant parts and are now normal! They don’t get shot off, they just go away. Pilam beats up everyone and is now impervious to gunshots. The two ringleaders run away, stripping off all of their clothes. I guess now they will just take over some other town, this time a nudist colony! Too bad that sequel probably won’t pass the censors.

The town is happy! No one seems to care that dozens of people in the town died, it’s party time! Get drunk, get krunk, and get laid!

What is the message of Yod Manut Computer? The message is that even if you are born a freak, you can do great things, at which time you will magically become normal and lose all the special abilities you were born with and that allowed you to succeed, thus if the town is in danger again it is screwed. Also if you aren’t special enough you can go to a doctor to get enhanced, so take steroids or eat a computer or something. I ate a computer, but it gave me a virus! Just kidding, that joke was so lame. Actually I had to go to the hospital for emergency surgery after eating it and it cost $237,000. Thank you, Thailand!

Rated 4/10 (Hitler!, Almost Hitler!, Totally not Hitler!, Also Totally not Hitler!)

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!