Predictions for Massachusetts

Here at we’ve all been busy wearily counting down the few remaining days till January 19th, 2010. It’s not a countdown we’ve been anxious to keep track of, but on January 19th, 2010 Massachusetts (which hereforth will be referred to as Mass. because the former is too hard to spell) will hold the first general election of the year. Fortunately for us though, this vote is only a special emergency election to pick who will fill the seat Ted Kennedy left behind when he died last year (and was buried with Obamacare). The real 2010 election cycle won’t really heat up until March, but the passing of January 19th marks the day when the media will never start shutting the fuck up about election news (bringing loads of 30-second campaign ads between the news programming with it) and also resembles an Armageddon-like coming of time for us who pay attention to such things.

However, this race is also kind of a Waterloo moment for the Tea Party/Birther crowd since they, for the first tangible time, will have the opportunity to put an R-MA into the Senate thus very discretely slightly tipping the scales in favor of the minority party. Now, I could sit here and give you my opinion about the state of Mass. and all the people who live there and the ways it’s divided politically and how things are pretty close in the race to begin with and who I think might win, but that’s not what is important to me with 9 days to go before people start casting ballots (some of them possibly the undead as registered by ACORN so watch out).

Given the way most Tea Birthers usually react to bits and pieces of seemingly important news (oh boy they were not happy when Orly got her lawsuit thrown out of court) I am instead going to focus my efforts more towards making some Nostradamus shit happen here and predict just how people will react to the results of the election. As I gaze into my magic crystal ball I see two possible outcomes of the 2010 Mass. election:

I. Republican candidate Scott Brown will win one of the longest held Senate seats by a Democrat (and a Kennedy, in Mass. the dynasty’s home court!) in the United States and will be lauded as the savior to the Conservative cause and there will be much rejoycing. Most people will probably go on with their lives after that, but Tea Partiers will hale this as a God-sent victory to their movement and use it as a motivation to push candidates from other states elections on their family and friends, and most importantly people on online message boards! This isn’t so hard to imagine since Brown has a 48% of the vote according to an article on Talking Points Memo and there has been a lot of enthusiasm put behind this guy by the Tea Party crowd who are probably going to turn out to vote for him. You can probably imagine what the positive reaction will be like.

II. Democratic candidate Martha Coakley wins the heated race and is hailed as a real leader we can believe in and there is much rejoicing. Mass. continues to be the same haven of liberal ideals it has always been and people more or less go on with their lives. Stunned and disappointed by their candidate’s close but shocking loss Birthers/Tea Partiers immediately go on the offensive accusing the nebulous “Democrats” of coordinating with ACORN to rig the election and demand a run-off election or a vote recount be considered in light of the heinous robbery of freedoms that has just taken place. With the amount of enthusiasm on the Right for these elections I would not be surprised if the results of every important race this year are contested by these people, but just like with every other cause Birthers have taken up, they are laughed in the public and in the media due to their claims. Dr. Orly Taitz possibly files a civil lawsuit against every branch of the Mass. state government.

One thing we can be sure of in advance is that the reaction from the Birther/Tea Party community will be mixed in opinion and will most certainly be an angry and bitter one. There will definitely be some complaining to do in their camp. As our countdown to Mass. election day continues here, we at toast to you, our readers, and urge you to take advantage of your radio and television news before the 19th comes around and election season coverage and constant campaign commercials render it unwatchable by human standards until the summer. Cheers!

Written by skiplogic