Secret Undercover Agent: Honey & Bunny (Review)
Secret Undercover Agent: Honey & Bunny
aka Himitsu Sennyuu Sousakan: Honey & Bunny
Directed by Keiichi Kobayashi
Written by Yoshiyuki Morita
From the land of Japan comes the first of the Secret Undercover Agent films, what is basically a showcase for two gravure idols. For those of you who don’t speak Japanophile, gravure idols are models that pose almost naked, but not quite naked. Thus we have no nudity and have to make due with implied nudity. Don’t blame me for the lack of naked chicks, this is purely a Japanese phenomenon. The two gravure idols are Haruna Yabuki and Yuuri Morishita.
The plot of this and the sequel is there is a secret organization whose name I haven’t ever figured out that does James Bond-type work in the fashion industry. So I am guessing Zoolander was also an inspiration. This allows for the girls to wear lots of skimpy outfits, while at the same time there being action and other things happening. What makes the Secret Undercover Agent movies stand out is they are beautifully shot. They seriously have some of the best cinematography I have ever seen in what is essentially an exploitation film. The film was written by Yoshiyuki Morita and directed by Keiichi Kobayashi, so they get the majority of the credit and blame.
The DVDs come lacking English subtitles, so there will be certain things we are guessing at. At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles! Another guess is at some of the character names, our rudimentary translation skills were put to the test and found lacking (partially because I didn’t want to devote three times the amount of time trying to find out a character’s name than I was spending writing the whole review!)
Now, we must try not to let exploitation films speak for a culture as a whole, though it does speak for a subculture of the main culture. Do you want Japan judging us based solely on The Hills Have Eyes 2? As far as exploitation flicks go this is pretty tame and would barely even qualify, if it wasn’t so blatant on showing off the gravure girls it could even pass itself off as a comedy.
We start out at a strip club! Honey is on stage and Japanese Andy Capp is in the audience, they are speaking to each other via small transceivers. Honey is apprehensive of stripping off more clothes, mostly due to her lack of confidence of her small bosom. They see the transaction going down, so Honey tosses her shoe at the culprits, but hits Capp instead! She grabs a second shoe from a hostess who is dressed as a Playboy bunny and hits the goon who is selling merchandise. The briefcase he has opens and it is filled with falsies stuffed with cotton and NASA logos, so I have no idea what in the world just happened. Capp then introduces Honey to her new partner, the hostess dressed as a Playboy bunny who is named Bunny. Honey is less than enthused that her new partner is some girl with ample cleavage. Roll credits!
The credits are pretty neat with some cool stylizations showing their James Bond influences…
The movie resumes as the team is meeting in their undercover base of operations, a high-end clothing store. Capp has some special earrings with microchips in them (one pair is heart shaped and one pair is bunny shaped) that will factor into the plot later, but first Capp must fantasize about Honey for a bit. Time to get to work on the new investigation, where Honey is still less than thrilled to be teamed up with Bunny, who is far too sweet to even notice her partner’s displeasure.
Bunny has a job interview at a lingerie with Shitagi. The interview involves some sort of fantasy sequence with Bunny the sensei of a young student (who isn’t so young) where sensual things happen and the interviewer narrates. So the organization hired a gravure model to go undercover as a gravure model? Honey is there undercover, checking up on an evil dude, she gets his attention by pouring hot coffee in his lap, then showing off her legs. Thanks goodness she isn’t McDonalds, or he would just sue her over the coffee. A janitor spoils her hypnotic control of the man, but it does make you wonder how often these two girls will keep running across straight guys in the notoriously gay fashion industry. I will share a secret with you now: No one they meet in this or the sequel is gay at all! I find that way more unbelievable than there being a secret fashion spy group.
Meanwhile, Bunny’s interview has switched from the teacher fantasy to a bondage tennis player fantasy, as that is what clothes she has been hired to model right now are. And the fantasy is in the same hallway with the same guy who was the student earlier. I’ve been on some weird job interviews but nothing like this. Sweating is a prominent part of this fantasy, so I guess there must be a large contingent of Japanese males who like sweaty bondage tennis players?
Back at the base, Honey and Bunny give massages to Capp and Nervous Guy. The other female, the receptionist Saki, is nowhere to be found. What kind of job is this where top spy agents are pretty much required to give massages to their superiors? Now this will result in a lawsuit someday. Capp is being massaged by the object of his lust, Honey, but instead spends his massage being jealous that Bunny is far more into giving a fun massage. His attempts to try to get Honey excited about him fail spectacularly. Capp has some serious problems and will probably be brought in for behavioral review by his spy superiors one day.
Honey and Bunny dressed as school girls! Bunny is bouncing along, Honey is annoyed at the bouncing. The whole sequence is a scam to lift a guy’s wallet to take a picture of his ID and then return it.
As Honey and Bunny jog, Capp tries to get Honey to get it on with him via microchip earring commands, but this time it backfires and Nervous Guy accidentally makes Capp compelled to strip off his clothes. By the way, not only is Capp trying to sleep with his subordinate, he’s trying to do it against her will which is pretty much attempted rape. Japan wins again.
Honey is now following a guy who gets all excited about panties, because he had to wear them as a child as his family was poor. That makes sense….WHAT?? Bunny is captured by the evil lady Shitagi for some reason (don’t worry, pervs, it is after more bondage photos!) At the Honey and Bunny massage session, they are worried about the missing Bunny, and Honey seems upset when it is pointed out that she is worried about someone. It spoils her tough character, see.
Bunny is bound up by her wrists (now there’s a change…NOT!) and Shitagi is dresses as an evil villainess complete with a fascist hat, bikini top with dollar bill signs, and a military-style overcoat. She gives her an evil villain speech, then it is time for torture…with a vacuum cleaner!!!! That’s the cleanest torture of them all.
Time for the clothing premier for the Shitagi Collection; Capp, Saki, and Nervous Guy are undercover along with Honey as they search for Bunny and whatever the evil thing Shitagi is doing. This whole clothing premier is just an excuse to parade hot models out in skimpy clothing, which I am not complaining about. Suddenly…one of the models comes out wearing only underwear and her hands!! Everyone is surprised for reasons I do not know. I guess they didn’t know about underwear. Then Bunny is spotted backstage.
Bunny is forced onstage in by the bad guys wearing a bunny bikini. With wires on it. BOMBU? BOMBU! I guess the new fashion trend for fall is Playboy Jihad! Capp makes a scene over Bunny being strapped with explosives, but he is dragged out of the show by security. Don’t worry, this bomb strapped to the bunny bikinied Bunny is controlled by a carrot detonator, because we’ve drifted into preposterous land! What’s next, will someone pull out a Hello Kitty machine gun?
The guy with the detonator is spotted, so Honey has to hit him with her shoes. Toss one hits Capp, toss two hits Bunny. Honey needs to work on her aim. She can only use…her falsies! She tosses them… It is good for her (and Bunny) that the bomb detonator guy is doing the most slow and dramatic bomb button pushing ever in the history of mankind. He gets falsied the frak up, and captured. But the masterminds get away, probably because Honey and Bunny had to change outfits into skin-tight leather catsuits. Not that I am complaining much. Bunny doesn’t even bother to zip up the front.
They get captured immediately by Shitagi. Now both of them are hung up, and I can guess this is the scene why this movie was made. Shitagi and her two female goons (one of which is the topless underwear model from earlier) give another villain speech and prepare for more vacuum cleaner torture!
The two girls wake up next morning alone and still hanging. They manage to distract Shitagi enough to get loose, via a very contrived way I can’t even describe right. Shitagi just walks off, the two female goons enter, but then they run off when the two Secret Undercover Agents get into attack position. At this point I finally noticed that Honey’s belt buckle is a silver gun shape. Capp storms comes in, wearing just his underwear and a tie. I guess they are saved and the plot is foiled, but darn if I could tell you what the evil plot even was.
Shitagi must report to her cloaked and hidden female boss at the Blood Diamond secret base that she failed in whatever the hell it was she was trying to do in this film, so she gets vacuum cleaner tortured!
Back at the Secret Undercover Agents hideout, bunny shows off the new bikini-shaped dynamite she invented called Sexy Dynamito! Those two idiots Capp and Nervous Guy manage to light it, and we fade out as it explodes.
Let’s all sing the Honey and Bunny theme song Mambo over the closing credits! Mambo Mambo Mambo!
To be continued? Well, a least for one sequel. Any more and they haven’t been announced yet. Things will change a bit for the first sequel, but I’ll go over the changes in that review. Having viewed the film without subtitles, this comes off as one of the more difficult films to follow mostly because I couldn’t figure out what the villain’s evil plot was (besides trying to blow up Bunny.) There didn’t seem to be anything overtly evil going on, except maybe an affront to fashion as a whole. But then real fashion puts out stuff way worse than what they were coming up in this film, so maybe not.
In Japan it is not uncommon for great directors to have cut their teeth pumping out a lot of cheap exploitation fare like the older Nikkatsu Roman Porno or Detective films. Many of those exploitation films look great, putting US films to shame. I don’t know the budget of the Secret Undercover Agent films, but they are probably higher than average for these types of pictures. Even still, I bet the picture looks way beyond its means and if director Keiichi Kobayashi can keep up the quality work he’ll have a bright future shooting amazing-looking films.
Rated 7/10 (Painting, Earring 1, Earring 2, Totally nervous, stare guy, stopped by a heel, dynamite bikini!)
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