Sharks in Venice
Sharks in Venice
aka Shark in Venice
2008
Directed by Danny Lerner
Written by Danny Lerner and Les Weldon
Sharks in Venice (or Shark in Venice, as the film’s name changes versus the DVD box and the title screen) sounds like it should be one of the best shark films ever. The idea is so obvious and yet so not obvious that no one came up with it. It should be an instant win. But… Someone didn’t tell Nu Image films, who instead of making an awesome film decided to just add some sharks to a mediocre treasure hunt film. The sharks serve so little purpose in the film if they were removed entirely no one would notice. It is one of the greatest shames of the made for SciFi Channel genre. And that is a genre with a lot of shames.
We got the least talented Baldwin brother running around Venice with Scarlett Johansson’s sister while someone who is not related to famous people menaces them and there are sharks who may be related to Jaws, but only on their mother’s side. And Stephen Baldwin dives for a lost treasure.
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Bashar Rahal, Danny Lerner, Giacomo Gonnella, Hilda van der Meulen, Les Weldon, SciFi Channel, shark attack mania!, Stephen Baldwin, Vanessa Johansson
Neko Ramen Taisho
Neko Ramen Taisho
aka Pussy Soup
2008
Directed by Minoru Kawasaki
Written by Minoru Kawasaki and Masakazu Migita
Minoru Kawasaki makes some of the weirdest films to come out of Japan since the last weird film to come out of Japan, which was like last week or something. Okay, Japan has a LOT of weird films, but at least Minoru Kawasaki’s are entertaining. And usually not insane enough that you can talk about them with strangers and they won’t think you are insane. If you disagree with this, try explaining the plot of Tokyo Gore Police to the person sitting next to you on the bus and see if they start looking disturbed. Minoru Kawasaki specializes in films where animals do people’s jobs. Usually, the animals are human sized, but in this film the cats are cat sized, even if they are played by puppets. Besides the animal films, Minoru Kawasaki also directed The Monster X Strikes Back: Attack the G8 Summit.
Neko Ramen Taisho started life as a Flash anime series. Then it became a movie with puppets, thus being superior because puppets>anime any day of the week. The English subtitlers decided to call it Pussy Soup, which is clever, but as I learned all about it and eagerly awaited it as Neko Ramen Taisho, that’s what I call it and that means I will ignore the Pussy Soup jokes.
There are some famous Japanese cats in this film, so if you enjoy famous Japanese cats, this is a sure bet winner!
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Japan, Kazuki Kato, Masakazu Migita, Minoru Kawasaki, Nao Nagasawa, puppet time, Seizo Kato, Toru Furuya, Toshio Kurosawa
Thrilling Sword
Thrilling Sword
aka Shen jian dong shan he
1981
Directed by Cheung San-Yee
Written by Shing-Ming Huang
This film rules!
It is a Taiwanese take on Snow White, which needed giant monsters, guys turned into bears, demon worship, and crystal swords. Take that, Disney! The film is filled with fantastic elements, just when you think the film has exhausted its supply of weird wonderness, it shows that Thrilling Sword has barely scratched the surface. Parts of the film remind me of He-Man, to the point where I suddenly became interested in He-Man again after years of not being interested and now know all sorts of new stuff about He-Man.
Thrilling Sword is one of many awesome fantasy films that came out of the Taiwanese film industry. At the time, they were competing with the Shaw Brothers and their elaborate and expensive productions. No Taiwanese company could compete in making their films look just as good, but that didn’t stop them from trying or from going over the top with the fantasy aspects. And that makes the films that came out of Taiwan from the 1970s and 80s some of the weirdest and most fun films. It is a shame that so many of the films are hard to find or even lost. Many of the surviving films are only found on fullscreen VHS tapes that are running on thirty years old (luckily, most have been archived digitally, so even if the film never is released again it won’t disappear.) This particular rip is taken from a TV broadcast, which is supposed to be more widescreen than the fullscreen VHS releases of Thrilling Sword, but then I saw a VCD case while looking up cast info on the film, so there is at least VCD copies around, which means there might be a DVD somewhere, but who knows how good that copy is. But this is one film I would put extra time into hunting down an upgrade for.
Thrilling Sword has also been released under the titles Heaven Sword and Thrilling Bloody Sword. So now you know. Director Cheung San Yee also directed a few classics such as Lady Constables and Snaky Knight Fights Against Mantis. He also wrote Island Warriors and came up with the story for Challenge of the Lady Ninja.
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The Dwarves!
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Raising the roof!
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Categories: Bad, Movies Tags: awful monster costumes, Chang Yi, Cheung San Yee, Devil Worship, dragons, Elsa Yeung Wai San, Fong Fong-Fong, Ha Ling-Ling, Hui Bat Liu, Lau Seung-Him, Shing-Ming Huang, Taiwan, Taiwanese kaiju, Weird Asia
K-20: Legend of the Mask
K-20: Legend of the Mask
aka K-20: Kaijin niju menso den
2008
Directed by Shimako Sato
In a world where Japan avoided going to war with the US, the Meiji Era nobility continues to exist in 1949. This has created a huge divide between the rich and the poor in the capital city of Teito. Yes, Teito. Stay with me here. No social mobility leads to a massive poor underclass and a tiny fraction of superrich. This playland for the rich is not without costs, as a masked villain known as K-20, the Fiend with 20 Faces, drives fear in their hearts as he steals their money. K-20 is not a noble thief or a Robin Hood, he is just a jerk who robs jerks.
There are also police zeppelins that drop police gyroplanes, because that always happens in comic books.
Series creator Edogawa Rampo is a popular horror and mystery writer whose work has been turned into cinema since 1927. After WWII, most samurai and similar films were banned, and Edogawa Rampo’s vast contemporary work was quickly put on the big screen. The K-20 stories originate in a Boy Detectives series launched in 1936 that lasted 26 years. Edogawa Rampo’s character of The Fiend With Twenty Faces is a mysterious master of disguise, and Detective Kogoro Akechi is called Rampo’s alter ego. Other early Rampo films include 1946′s The Palette Knife Murder (Palette Knife no Satsujin) and 1947′s Ghost Pagoda (Yurei To) and Phantom With Twenty Faces (Kaijin Nijumenso), which is the same Phantom story that inspired the novel this film is based on.
Said novel is the 1989 work from playwright Soh Kitamura, which updates the classic Rampo Akechi tales. Kitamura’s completely new take on the tale caused much controversy among Rampo Edogawa’s fans, much like many remakes.
More about Edogawa Rampo: Yes, Edogawa Rampo is not his real name, Taro Hirai named himself after Edgar Allen Poe! His first writing successes were in 1923, his erotic horror style is called eroguro-nansensu. Other Rampo stories on film include 1969′s The Blind Beast (Moju), 1969′s The Horror of Malformed Men (Kyofu Kikei Ningen), 1976′s The Stroller in the Attic (Yaneura no Sanposha) and 1968′s Black Lizard (Kurotokage). Rampo eventually became a character in mystery films of his own, in the movie Rampo (and this film has two wildly different versions.)
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Detective Kogoro Akechi, Edogawa Rampo, Japan, Jun Kunimura, Kanata Hongo, Shimako Sato, Takako Matsu, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Toru Nakamura, Yuki Imai
