This entry chronicles commercials starring Godzilla-like creatures and other kaiju. We got some wacky-looking monsters and some just different enough to not get sued monsters both trying to get us to buy their wares. Check out Part 1 for more commercials, and stay tuned for Part 3, which will be where I totally nerd out so much it will frighten some of you.
Bembos – I had no idea what Bembos was until I saw this
not only is there a King Kong creature running through the city, but a Godzilla-ish monster shows up at the end!
Bembos is a hamburger chain somewhere in South America, and make big hamburgers. The only thing big enough to satisfy this gorilla, who grabs one and bites and bites, finally getting stuffed. Too stuffed to play with the raspy Godzilla clone at the end. That Godzilla clone has the most demonic voice I have ever heard. It is crazy. I like it!
Ladders Monster X Commercial – Ladders is a job website that claims to be only for top talent. So of course they hire lame-o Guilala (just off resurfacing in The Monster X Strikes Back: Attack the G8 Summit) instead of a monster I don’t have to tell the name of to everyone who sees the commercial. Tiny Guilala run around and fail to impress, until the giant Guilala arrives to smash up the city!
BC Dairy: Giant Monster – Stop motion animation makes a rare appearance here, despite the fact the King Kong films originated with the technique. Here, the monster tries to terrorize a city, but his poor health and brittle bones from lack of good nutrition puts a damper on things. He slinks to the sea while lamenting “Must drink more milk!”
Goody Godzilla – Goody smashes up the city and gets attacked by the army, but then the director yells “cut!” You see, as the announcer explains, Goody is an immigrant actor in Thailand to do a movie role, and he needs to cash his check and send money back home to his mom (another monster) and his wife and kids (normal humans.) Goody is a good monster, and use whatever cash transfer service this was an ad for.
Godzilla in Thailand – Godzilla here has braces, horns, and a big tongue. His rampage on the city comes to a halt as he runs out of fire breath fluid, and is quickly made a laughing stock. No matter, he gets a refill from some gasoline, and is soon firing away again. Problems arise because the gasoline is powerful, and soon Thailand Godzilla is blasted into space.
King Kong vs. Ford Trucks – A truck loaded with bananas is yanked, but soon the truck is being smashed into a cliff again and again by Kong. It turns out that this is Son of Kong, who is soon yelled at by dad for playing instead of eating. Dad has the angriest face I have ever seen. he smashes the truck, and Son of Kong starts to cry. Dad pulls out the truck (still unharmed) but then tosses it away, back to where it was, and it still ain’t hurt. Ford tough!
Hummer Monsters – A hairy Godzilla clone meets a giant robot, and it is love at first site! Soon, Godzilla clone is pregnant, and gives birth to a baby Hummer! Buy Hummers. A classic Super Bowl commercial.
Pepto Bismal Pepto Max Commercial – This is my favorite of the lot, I loved it when it was on TV. We got
monsters. A robot, Paul Bunyan, a giant fly, a Godzilla-like monster, the 50 Foot Woman (in Goddess gear)
Now we have done our commercial retrospective (yes, we are missing commercials, but this is enough for now. we had to leave some for next year. And if you don’t like it, I’ll send a whole horde of these commercial kaiju to your house! Just to prove our nerd cred, we will do an analysis of these commercial kaiju; their powers, weaknesses, and biographical information. Because only TarsTarkas.NET is crazy enough to do it!
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