Godzilla is known for two things: destroying cities and kicking monster butt. One thing Godzilla isn’t as well known for is selling out. Yes, even Godzilla has to eat, so he’ll endorse all sorts of wacky stuff. We call him the Krusty the Clown of the giant monster world. TarsTarkas.NET begins an overview of Godzilla and other giant monster commercials because only we are so crazy (or stupid!) to do so. The current site motto might be “Obsessively stupid about stupid films” but now it is “Obsessively stupid about stupid commercials”!
The commercials range from Godzilla cameos using stock footage to independent productions with new footage of Big G. They also range from terrible to awesome, so it will be hit or miss.
Honey Nut Cheerios –
I remember this one from Saturday mornings. Using footage from Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster among others, Godzilla is rampaging again, and only the delicious taste of Honey Nut Cheerios can satisfy him and make him go back into the sea. Highlights include Godzilla yelling “Delicious!” and the iconic “bowl being tossed down the gullet” scene as Honey feeds the beast.
Konica Film Ad circa 1984 –
Ad for Konica film with a Japanese guy taking lots of photos of Godzilla tearing stuff up, described as “everyday events” by the narrator. We are told that the film is available here now, as in the USA, thanks to a picture of a guy with a camera in front of the World Trade Center Twin Towers in New York City. This is from 1984, so it isn’t some post-September 11th potshot. I am not sure which Godzilla film the footage is taken from, but the suit looks mid-to-late-1960s.
Yellow Tail –
The most recent Godzilla commercial is for the wine Yellow Tail. Thus he has a yellow tail. That’s about it. And he smashes stuff, but it is from a movie. Oh, well.
Godzilla 1998 vs. the Taco Bell Dog –
The crappiest of all Godzillas vs. a tiny dog. My money is on the dog. Especially when he gets a bigger box. Here, leezard leezerd..
Godzilla and Son family council commercial –
This is the best of the lot, because it always makes me smile. The fact they use Minya and scenes from a movie I watched dozens of times as a child also helps. I hope I am half the dad Godzilla is. It is a public service announcement from the National Fatherhood Institute. Yes, that is Tom Selleck doing the voiceover at the end.
Godzilla vs. Charles Barkley by Nike
There are two of these commercials – the trailer commercial, and the actual basketball game commercial. The commercials even spun off a comic book based on the events. Charles Barkley is the famous NBA star most recently in the news for getting arrested while drunk driving, telling the officers he was in a hurry to get some oral sex from some skank. Remember when he was going to run for governor? Oh, well. I shall never look at Space Jam the same way again. Nike was in the middle of their commercial heyday, so these things are pretty clever.
Let’s look at these things:
Trailer – An announcer gives us the overview, and a brief history of Godzilla defeating foes. But now he has to face Charles Barkley! Get ready to see a real monster jam! The Charles Barkley scene and Godzilla putting on eye guards are the only new footage, the rest is clips from the movies
Commercial – Godzilla is smashing, Barkley balls up, the game is on! Barkley shoves Godzilla aside and brings it to the hoop. The end of the game, and Big G and Big C walk off together discussing how the Lakers are looking for a big man. The end.
Gee, the trailer was better! Maybe there is a longer version, I am not sure. This one was only 30 seconds, and was a bit underwhelming. But the comic will be better, I am sure!
Godzilla Dr. Pepper Ad 1 –
black and white, re are referencing the original Godzilla here, but with a much inferior costume. The reporter is not Raymond Burr as Steve Martin, but some girl as some girl. Godzilla needs to be appeased, but gasoline and lemonade just ain’t going to do it. Only Dr. Pepper can make Godzilla happy and thus go away. Hold out for Dr. Pepper!
Godzilla Dr. Pepper Ad 2 –
This takes place right after the last commercial, except everything has changed from 1954 Japan to 1960s color japan! What? Anyway, a Female Godzilla stumbles up, and Godzilla needs to find something to appease her, because of love. Only Diet Dr. Pepper can save the day! And it does. So they go off, probably to pop out Minya.
The next Commercial article will focus on Godzilla-like creatures, and other kaiju who aren’t the “official” monsters.