Archive for November, 2008

Kizil Maske (1968 Dir. – Tolgay Ziyal)


Kizil Maske

aka The Red Mask aka Turkish Phantom

1968Sinematurk Link
Directed by Tolgay Ziyal
Written by Alpay Ziyal

Another Turkish version of the Phantom, and another film called Kizil Maske! It looks like Turkey was so busy ripping off intellectual property that they started double-dipping! A different movie means everything changes, so now Kizil Maske is actually in Africa like the comic. We know this thanks to the very racist African natives who beat drums. Kizil Maske’s costume is completely different, and now he has a loyal dog companion instead of several employees. Kizil Maske changes into three costumes through the course of the film, which is two more than the other Kizil Maske.

As I mentioned in the last Turkish Phantom review, there are three Turkish versions of the Phantom, two of which are entitled Kizil Maske and were released in 1968, the third is KIZIL MASKE’NIN INTIKAMI, which came out in 1971. As the third movie has little to no information about it, I cannot say if it is directly related to either of the originals. As this is the second Kizil Maske, it is sometimes designated Kizil Maske 2 or Kizil Maske (2) when both are listed. We live to be confusing, so we won’t. Nyeh! Director Tolgay Ziyal also directed the Turkish version of Captain America called Binbasi Tayfun (1968). His sister Tora Ziyal was Gul Dukat’s daughter, but was killed by Damar during the Dominion retreat from Terok Nor. And now you know the rest of the story.

If you want to learn more about the real Phantom comics, go to Google or something, we have better things to do than be your personal information specialists. Okay, maybe we don’t, but we still ain’t gonna do your work for you! Just kidding. Time for some more patented Phantom Phacts: The Phantom’s Skull cave is guarded by members of the Bandar tribe, who shoot people with poisoned arrows. Totally not racist. The Phantom’s costume is colored blue in Scandinavia, red in Italy, Turkey, and formerly in Brazil, and brown in New Zealand. Celebrate diversity. Kit Walker is the given name of the current Phantom (Number 21). One more Phantom and they go bust, so the Dealer will win. There is a Phantom TV series that was produced in India in 1997 called Betaal Pachisi. Okay, that’s enough Phantom Phacts. Thank goodness.

With a whole new cast, we get a whole new plot, in which Kizil Maske is recruited to help after something gets stolen and it turns out to be a conspiracy. What is stolen? I have no idea. It is very hard to tell, and the lack of subtitles kept the plot from being explained. So my theory is they stole the MySQL database for TarsTarkas.NET, because that is very valuable and worth hiring a super hero from another continent to sort out the mess. I remember when The Jokester stole our database in 2005, luckily we hired Starman to kick his butt!

So the plot explanation will be filled with conjecture, speculation, and outright lies due to the lack of subtitles. Just like usual! At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!

Kizil Maske aka Fantom (Ismet Erten) – They will call him both Kizil Maske and Fantom in this film, but we will stick with Kizil Maske because it is used most often, and using a consistent name is less confusing. He is a different character than the other Kizil Maske, most noticeably he keeps his secret identity secret, instead of parading around his face like an idiot. He also has a completely different costume, and a secondary costume for detective work (plus a aquatic third costume seen at the end.) Got to make those different actions figures. Kizil Maske brings his faithful dog Sheeta with him, because dogs are cool.
Diana (Nebahat Çehre) – Diana is some hot chick who knows Kizil Maske somehow, gets him hired, and gets kidnapped by the bad guys who are really people she trusts. Then Kizil Maske leaves her to go back to Africa. Sorry, Diana, you were just this week’s woman.
Semih Bey (Erol Tas) – Semih Bey is a friend of Diana and involved in the plot somehow. His house had a safe that gets robbed, you see. Erol Tas not playing the villain? That can’t be right!
Gülgün (???) – He is sleepy a lot. He also uses a gun because he is one of the villains in disguise. Not that I was fooled. You can’t trick me, Gulgun! I see through your niceness. Just handcuff yourself and go to the police station.
Ahtapot (???It is a Mystery!!??) – The evil villain who is secretly one of the other characters! Another film with a mysterious bad guy who’s face isn’t seen (because he is a main character) with a hot babe in skimpy clothing. We have seen this before. All he needs is a cat…
Crazy Girl (Gulgun Erdem) – Ahtapot’s main squeeze, and a bona fide psychopath. Enjoys hanging out in a bikini, petting the cat, and burning tied up girls with cigarettes! She also enjoys getting killed by her boyfriend, at least I hope so because that’s what happens…
Cat (???) – YES!! All villains need a cat! Ahtapot became 10% cooler, which I admit only puts him at 3.28% cool, but still… The cat is so cool he just gets petted by the hot chick all day. Yes, this film has hot chicks petting pussy! (Here come the weird Google search strings…) The secret joke there is cats like to play with string. Okay, it isn’t a joke, but just pretend it is.
Sheeta (???) – Sheeta (I think that is the name) is Kizil Maske’s loyal dog, who doesn’t really do anything in the film. I believe he is supposed to be the mountain wolf named Devil from the comic strip.


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - November 22, 2008 at 11:37 pm

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Kizil Maske (1968 Dir. – Çetin Inanç)


Kizil Maske

aka The Red Mask aka Turkish Phantom

1968 SinemaTurk Link
Directed by Çetin Inanç

The Phantom was pretty much the first costumed super hero to have a daily strip in the newspapers. Created by Lee Falk in 1936, the strip continues yet today. The Phantom’s base of operations is the Skull Cave located in the African nation of Bangalla. The Phantom passes down his mantel from father to son for several generations. There is a 1943 serial, which is probably the inspiration for these films, as well as an unofficial follow-up The Adventures of Captain Africa, which was originally going to be a Phantom serial until it was discovered they didn’t have the rights anymore! Check your contracts before you pour money into a project. This is your tip of the day. More information on The Phantom can be found on the internet, maybe you should Google it or something. This isn’t a website that gives you stuff on a silver platter, it is TarsTarkas.NET!

Okay, fine, here is some more Phantom Phacts for you: The Phantom was created by Lee Falk after the success of Mandrake the Magician (who also appeared unauthorized in a Turkish film where he fought Kilink: Mandrake Killing’e Karsi), Falk continued to work on the strip (with brief interruptions) until his death in 1999. The Phantom was the first superhero to not have his pupils show up when wearing a mask. The Phantom operates out of the Skull Cave, and all the previous Phantoms are buried there. Never leave a Phantom behind is their motto. Semper Phantom. The Phantom has three helpers, a mountain wolf called Devil, a horse named Hero, and a trained falcon named Fraka, who must love Battlestar Galactica. He also has dolphins, but dolphins are only good as bonus meat in tuna cans. The current Phantom is #21. The Phantom has two rings, one on each hand. One ring is used to mark his friends, while the second marks his enemies (marks made by punching the enemy in the face!) I am not sure how the friend ring marks work, but I am guessing not the same way.

There are three Turkish versions of the Phantom, two of which are entitled Kizil Maske and came out in 1968. If you think that is confusing, just remember that most of this information I had to decipher from articles written in Turkish! This is the first Kizil Maske, and the other 1968 one is sometimes designated Kizil Maske 2 or Kizil Maske (2). The second film seems to be made to try to bite off the first one, in some sort of Antz/A Bug’s Life or Deep Impact/Armageddon contest. The third Kizil Maske movie is KIZIL MASKE’NIN INTIKAMI (The Phantom’s Revenge), which came out in 1971. As the third movie has little to no information about it anywhere, I cannot say if it is directly related to either of the originals. If you have a copy, send it to me, because that will save me a lot of time looking for it. We are all about being lazy here at TarsTarkas.NET.

This entry was produced, directed, and written by Çetin Inanç, the protege of Yilmaz Atadeniz (who gave world the Kilink films.) Inanc went on to produce a whole ton of Turkish films, both craptacularly awesome superhero fair like this, and more modern stuff that includes violent action films. Kizil Maske translates to Red Mask, in case you were wondering. Remember how in old serials fights would break out all the time randomly, and last like five minutes? That’s pretty much this film. Long fights, lots of manly action, and Turkish men being men. No subtitles, either, because who needs those? At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinkin’ subtitles! It is not like you need a flow chart to follow the plot: The bad dudes are bad, and the Phantom punches them for an hour or so. The end.


Let’s meet our exciting cast:

Kizil Maske ‘The Fantom’ (Irfan Atasoy) – Kizil Maske comes to Turkey from Africa to beat the crap out of bad dudes who are up to no good, making trouble in the neighborhood. Kizil Maske gets in fight after fight after fight and Memo gets scared. But Kizil Maske saves the day instead of moving to Bel Air, because that is the coward’s way out. Kizil Maske doesn’t bother to keep his real face hidden, which is pretty weird at times. But you get used to it. Irfan Atasoy was in a lot of the Turkish pulp films including two Kilinks, Casus Kiran, Kara Cellat, and Maskeli Seytan.
Sezer (Sezer Güvenirgil) – Daughter of the Professor, because all wizened old professors have incredibly hot daughters who date heroic super hero types. Thus, she is the love interest! Gets kidnapped, because that’s what happens to women in Turkish films.
Panter (Faruk Panter) – Hercules is alive and working for Kizil Maske. As Robin to Kizil Maske’s Batman, Hercules gets into scrapes and battles along side his friend, beating up countless goons and creeps. I am guessing he is named Panter because he pants like a dog while fighting his foes. Or the fact he doesn’t wear pants. Either one.
Memo (Sami Hazinses) – A comic sidekick/butler character who is like Alfred, except incompetent. Too bad for him. He is our comic relief, but in times like these relief is the last thing you want. I’d prefer Turist Omer over this guy.
The Professor (????) – The Professor who has created a magic formula that makes plants grow o full size with just a drop. Thus evil dudes want to kidnap him, for some reason. Maybe they work for some evil agribusiness. He may be named Professor Bennin, but then may be not, as it is very hard to decipher that crazy moon language the Turks speak in. I am not sure who the actor is.
Danyal (Ahmet Danyal Topatan) – A bad guy who wears a goofy hat most of the time. Helps Al Kapon Arif kidnap and kill all over Turkey. He is secretly a cop who is good, so don’t hate him too much. And spoilers.
Al Kapon Arif (Yildirim Gencer) - Head bad guy. I don’t know if he is supposed to be the real Al Capone or just an admirer. He is evil, and also tries to rape girls on trains. Because he is evil. Yildirim Gencer is in so many films your brain will explode. To prevent damaged craniums I am not listing any here.
Suzi (Suzan Avci) – A bad woman who is bad. Because even the evil dude needs a woman. There is someone for everyone, even Match.com has a section for women looking for criminal masterminds. Suzan Avci was in several of the Kilink films and a billion other films, sometimes being the hot evil babe, and sometimes just the hot babe.

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - November 19, 2008 at 8:59 am

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Angel Enforcers


Angel Enforcers

aka Wong ga fei fung

1989
Directed by Hoh Chi Mau (probably Godfrey Ho)

Another in the long line of female action movies from Hong Kong, this uses the Angel name in its title despite being unrelated to Angel. The 1989 release date puts it near the beginnings of the movement, so it was released before the genre became fully saturated and the public moved on to different interests. That doesn’t mean it is a good film, but it is entertaining, lots of people end up getting shot, and main characters don’t even make it through the end of the film! What is weird is the film seems billed as a group of four female cops, but two of them have roles that are less substantial than minor characters in the film. It is what we would call “crazy”. The film is directed by Hoh Chi Mau, but this is the only film he is listed as directing, and on the dubbed trailer Godfrey Ho is listed as director(!) so this is probably just another of his pseudonyms. Previous Godfrey Ho encounters on TarsTarkas.NET include Robo Vampire, Catman in Lethal Track, Catman in Boxers Blow, and Deadly Target; so you can see why we are not too pleased to run into him again. Keep in mind that sometimes Godfrey Ho’s name showed up as director of films he didn’t do after Joseph Lai’s company released them (one noticeable example is Wolf Devil Woman, really directed by Ling Chang.) Angel Enforcers is supposed to be out on DVD, but all we have is a subtitled, tore up VHS (and as those DVDs are just sourced from VHS, so we aren’t that far behind in quality) so that’s what we got screencaps from. Heck, maybe I’ll upgrade to Laserdisc next! The Inaccurate Movie DataBase is all over the map on the cast listing here, throwing in all sorts of actors and actresses that are nowhere near this film. But that’s what happens when you let the general public edit things. Enough complaining, we must get with the non-stop Hong Kong action! Cops shooting, criminals being evil, people dying, and women kicking butt!

First let’s meet our characters….

Yvonne (Sharon Yeung Pan Pan) – The main character does the best stunts, including unrealistic jump work during gun battles, and falling off of moving cars. When her partner is killed, she goes for revenge. Pan Pan Yeung starred in many action films through the mid-1990s, and was also seen here in Deadly Target
Marianne (Aan Lee) – Female cop and a real Angel Enforcer. Partner and friend of Yvonne, and committed to justice. Shoots Lethal Weapon 1, thus inspiring Lethal Weapon 2 to try to kill her. Is the daughter of police officer Uncle Dan and has a sister named Winnie. All three of them get exploded at various parts of the film.
Lethal Weapon 2 (Dick Wei) – Partner of Lethal Weapon 1, LW2 doesn’t get a name during the entire film! What the heck, as he is the main villain! That’s lame. LW2 is on a vendetta against Marianne for killing Lethal Weapon 1, despite Mr. Big trying to make him wait for things to cool down a bit before seeking revenge.
Lethal Weapon 1 /Larry (Phillip Ko) – One of the two hired guns recruited by Mr. Big to kill undercover cop Ben, LW1 tries to do the job himself to protect his partner and ends up getting killed, inspiring Lethal Weapon 2 to seek revenge. Prolific actor Phillip Ko was also seen here in Deadly Target
Mr. Big (Ha Chi Chun)- Mr. Big is the mastermind of crime in Hong Kong. Mr. Big is also a girl! There is a bird skeleton on Mr. Big’s desk, which probably is an interesting story in itself, and adds to the character’s charm. Ha Chi Chun is also known as Ha Chia Ling or Ha Chi-Jan depending on which translation you use, and is probably best known for being in Erotic Ghost Story.
Topless white girl (???) – She’s white, she’s topless, she mixes drinks with her breasts, and she invites gay porn stars to rape local businessmen. She’s an Angel Enforcer of her own, except she’s enforcing evil!
Cop girl 3 (Chiu Wai-Ling) – Member of the Angel Enforcer B Squad, Cop Girl 3 gets no real name (except one spelled out in Chinese characters that I can’t read) and is barely in the film after the opening scene, until returning for the ending. Absolutely nothing interesting about her.
Cop girl 4 (Kitty Meng Chui) – Member of the Angel Enforcer B Squad, Cop Girl 4 gets no real name (except one spelled out in Chinese characters that I can’t read) and is barely in the film after the opening scene, until returning for the ending. And a random fight in the park. Absolutely nothing interesting about her.
String Bean Sodomist (???) – One of the “blue movie stars from Hollywood” called in to ravage Mr. Cho. Looks like someone excavated his body, leaving only a skeleton. His hair has seemed to have slipped off the top of his head and is hanging on in beard form. Mr. Cho is never seen again after encountering String Bean Sodomist and his black partner, one can only assume the three moved to the Bay Area to settle.


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - November 9, 2008 at 1:00 am

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Ghost in a Teeny Bikini


Ghost in a Teeny Bikini


2006
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini
Here we go with another amazing Bikini film from Fred Olen Ray (once again directing as Nicholas Medina) that has a fun time spoofing genre movie conventions and making the production look like it was make for ten times the cost. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini diverges from one of the classic plots of bikini films. Normally a relative dies and leaves a business to be saved by bikinis and boobs, but here the dead relative just leaves a bunch of money, and the plot springboards to a murder mystery with a surprise musical thrown in for good measure! In addition, we get the titular ghost in the teeny bikini (played by Nicole Sheridan) running around amidst the over acting. The film itself is a lot of fun and entertaining, but if you were watching for a quick fix of naked chicks, you’d have to put up with distracting plot elements in between, and I can realize how that would turn off people at 3am flipping back and forth between Cinemax channels looking for a flash of skin. Bikini films are known to be chock full of terrible puns, but the puns in this film are the thickest that I have seen yet.
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini

We have a return of many familiar faces. In fact, I have seen so many of the more recent Bikini films that when I watched a few older ones, I was disappointed that most of the actors were different. Yet, there is no clear line jump between generations, as the casts blend into each other, a continually evolving mesh. Thus some older people run around with newer members all the time. It’s like the Circle of Life, except there isn’t a gay lion tossing Darth Vader off a cliff. That’s in Bikini Lion King, due out in 2011. The title obviously refers to the movie The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, this is so obvious I won’t even point it out.

First, the cast. ROLL CALL!

Muffin Baker (Christine Nguyen) – Yes, Muffin Baker is really the name of her character. Christine Nguyen heads the cast of this Bikini Epic as actress Muffin Baker, who has to go attend the reading of a will of a dead rich uncle, only to be the target of….MURDER!!!! Christine Nguyen was seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Tabitha the Ghost (Nicole Sheridan) – Our title ghost in a teeny bikini, is listed here second because she is sadly only in a small portion of the film. Nicole Sheridan is in so many of Fred Olen Ray’s Bikini movies that she had to give someone else a spin, and it let her be a cool ghost character who can make sarcastic comments. Nicole Sheridan was also seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena, and will be seen here again.
Ted Wood Jr. (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – I wonder what person Ted Wood Jr. could be a reference for? Obviously acclaimed director Ted V. Mikels. I’m good at getting references! Director of B-movies and boyfriend of actress Muffin Baker. Victim of drugged sex. Voodoo is married to Nicole Sheridan, and stars with her in a bunch of these film.
Archibald Weisenheimer (Brad Bartram) – The evil Archibald Weisenheimer is evil, which you can tell from his evil name, evil accent, evil mustache, evil daughter, and evil evilness. And he’s evil. So that’s bad if you aren’t evil, like Muffin Baker, who evil Archibald has decided to kill to get lots of money. That’s what evil people do. See Brad Bartram be not evil in Bikini Airways.
Marsh (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone is in so many of these movies playing goofy characters, you spend time watching them just waiting for him to show up in a ridiculous costume. And here he is, in some sort of emo butler role. Stone breathes life into the role of Marsh, who seems like a simple butler following Archibald’s orders at first, but soon blossoms into a full-fledged independent man. Who gets it on with the maid and the psychic. Boo-yah! Evan Stone was also in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Evilyn (Rebecca Love) – Hey, where is Skeletor? Evilyn has warped over from Eternia and is now posing as the daughter of Archibald Weisenheimer, who is no better of a schemer than the old Filmation Skeletor. Rebecca Love is another of the parade of adult actresses in Bikini films. How can she not have back problems? That’s all I’m saying.
Madame Zola (Syren) – Madame Zola is the psychic brought in to try to contact Uncle Cyrus from beyond the grave. No contact takes place, but Madame Zola’s private parts make contact with Marsh’s after she is possessed by Tabitha looking to score a quick booty call. Syren has become a fixture in the later Fred Olen Ray bikini films, and has been seen her before in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Fuscia (Michelle Lay) – The maid at Uncle Cyrus’s estate. Very enthusiastic about getting it on. Michelle Lay shows up again in Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet.

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini
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Posted by Tars Tarkas - November 3, 2008 at 1:46 pm

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