Archive for August, 2008

The Women Kicking Butt Project

A celebration of women excelling at the sport of kicking lots of butt. This project is ongoing, open scope, and has no set completion time. Previous films reviewed before the project start have been grandfathered in. Enjoy a collection of films showing off women throwing men through the glass ceiling, glass doors, and then shooting them in the balls. This is real girl power!

Current list:

Alley Cat

Angel Enforcers aka Wong ga fei fung

Angel’s Mission aka Xian fa zhi ren

Asian Charlie’s Angels

Assault Girls aka Asaruto garuzu

Black Rose aka Hei mei gui

Bloodrayne

Catch the Heat

Catwoman

Chocolate

Challenge of the Lady Ninja aka Nu ren zhe aka Never Kiss a Ninja

Clan of the Amazons aka Xiu hua da dao

Come Drink With Me aka Da zui xia

Cool Dimension aka Kûru dimenshon

Coweb

Cutie Honey aka Kyuutii Hanii

Dangerous Flowers aka Chai lai

Deadly Target aka Hong tian mi ling

DOA: Dead or Alive
The Evil Karate aka 鬼門太極
Female Convict Scorpion — Jailhouse 41 aka Joshuu Sasori — Dai 41 Zakkyobo
Female Prisoner #701 Scorpion aka Joshuu 701go: Sasori
Flying Swordsgirl aka The Flying Killer aka Nu fei xia aka 女飛俠
Geisha vs Ninjas aka Geisha Assassin

Godfather’s Daughter
Gold Button aka 金鈕扣
Golden Skeleton aka Jin ku lou aka 金骷髏
High-Kick Girl! aka Hai kikku garu!

High School Ghosthustlers

Insectocidal
Intimate Confessions of a Chinese Courtesan aka Ai Nu

Island Warriors aka Yang yang jun
Jakkalan aka This Girl Is Bad-Ass aka จั๊กกะแหล๋น
Lady Black Cat aka Haak Ye Maau

Lady Iron Monkey aka The Ape Girl aka Zui Hou Nu

Lethal Angels aka Mor gwai tin si

The Machine Girl aka Kataude Mashin Gâru

Midnight Angel aka Ng ye tin si

My Girlfriend is an Agent aka 7-geup gongmuwon

My Kung Fu Sweetheart aka Ye maan bei kup

Naked Weapon aka Chek law dak gung

Ninja Cheerleaders

Raging Phoenix aka Jija Deu Suay Du

Revenge of Lady Fighter aka Buhawi
Revenge of the Zebra Miniskirt Police aka Zebura Minisuka Porisu no Gyakushuu aka ゼブラミニスカポリスの逆襲
Secret Undercover Agent: Honey & Bunny aka Himitsu Sennyuu Sousakan: Honey & Bunny

Secret Undercover Agent: Wild Cats in Strip Royale aka Himitsu Sennyu Sosakan – Wild Cats in Strip Royale
Sector 7 aka 7 gwanggu aka 7광구
She is on Duty aka Jambok-geunmu

Sister Street Fighter aka Onna hissatsu ken

Spy With My Face aka Hei mei gui yu hei mei gui

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Sukeban Fighter Misaki

TNT Jackson
Tomb Raiders aka Ba hai hong ying

Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl aka Kyuketsu Shojo tai Shojo Furanken

The Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy aka Las Luchadoras contra la momia
Yo-Yo Girl Cop aka Sukeban Deka: Kôdo nêmu = Asamiya Saki

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 28, 2008 at 9:52 pm

Categories: Cinema Articles   Tags:

The Machine Girl

The Machine Girl

aka Kataude Mashin Gâru

2008
Directed by Noboru Iguchi

One day people will be able to detect awesomeness with a Geiger counter type device. When this Awesomeness Detector is used to measure DVDs of The Machine Girl, it will overload by so much, the explosion will destroy half the universe. This film simply rocks. It is beyond cool. We have a girl with a machine gun for an arm, evil ninja yakuza, and more blood than a Red Cross warehouse. There will be blood. Lots and lots of blood. Blood that sprays forth at like a firehose. Let’s just say that if any woman in this universe ever had her period, the force of the blood exiting her body would cause her to launch up into the air like a rocket and she’d crash into the moon. There’s that much blood.

Much of this film is beyond description, only pictures and video will be satisfactory. It’s an explosion of visual images and over the top-ness that will make your jaw drop and your pants moist. A low-budget original film from Fever Dreams/Media Blasters, hopefully the first of many awesome productions. It was actually released in the US before Japan, which is a first I can get behind. The DVD has both subtitles and an English dub, so of course we will jump right to Japanese with subtitles. Because we are out and proud geeks.

Ami Hyuga (Minase Yashiro) – A normal basketball-playing girl becomes the instrument of vengeance known as The Machine Girl after her brother Yu is murdered by the son of Yakuza. After losing her arm, she is aided by fellow victims and given a machine gun as replacement, which allows her to blast her way to total vengeance. Ami’s parents killed themselves when they were framed for murder.
Miki (Asami Sugiura as Asami) – Miki was in a biker gang with her hubby. Her son Takeshi was killed by Sho, and afterwards helps Ami on her quest of vengeance. Married to Suguru. Asami is an AV actress, for those of you who don’t speak Japanophile, that means she’s a porn star (Mosaic only.)
Yu Hyuga (Ryôsuke Kawamura) – Ami’s little brother, who is killed by Sho Kisuma, son of a Yakuza boss. Appears as a ghost helping Ami and applauding her efforts. Thankfully, not as a scary long-haired ghost like most Asian horror films.
Sho Kimura (Nobuhiro Nishihara) – Killed Yu and Takeshi for kicks. Snotty and sarcastic. Has a flair for wearing outfits that make him look like a gay pimp. He and his mom are almost like they share brains…
Ryuji Kimura (Kentaro Shimazu) – Dad Kimura is head of a ninja clan that is the Hatori Hanzo clan, which now is yakuza. Crazy. Wears his hair in demon horn style. Uses the flying guillotine, mouth masks, swords, and intense praying powers.
Violet Kimura (Honoka) – Mom Kimura is formerly of the Kanto Beasts, this woman beats her husband for being soft, kills maids as punishment, makes a chef eat “finger food”, and wears metal undergarments. Just your average Japanese woman!
Suguru (Yûya Ishikawa) – Takeshi’s dad, Miki’s husband, mechanic, and builder of machine gun arms. The son of a surgeon, and a former biker gang member (where he met his wife.) He doesn’t seem to have the temperament of a biker gang member, unless they are much calmer in Japan, which I doubt based on their many other depictions in movies. He’s a nice guy, so of course he gets killed violently.
Abraham Lincoln (???) – Abraham Lincoln is alive and well, living as a Yakuza bodyguard in Japan. Until he’s killed in the movie, so I guess he is dead. Damn you, Japanese John Wilkes Booth!!!


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Posted by Tars Tarkas -  at 9:41 pm

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Starship Troopers 3: Marauder


Starship Troopers 3: Marauder


2008
Directed by Edward Neumeier

Would you like to know more? Because we got more! More bugs, more troopers, more kill them all! Get your war on and suit up, trooper! You want to live forever? Johnny Rico is back! That alone makes this film rule. Plus, Edward Neumeier returns to help bring this franchise back on track. He wrote the first two films, but directs this one. Starship Troopers 2 wasn’t very good, mostly limited due to the budget, and also kept the satire to just bookend portions while the bulk of the film was just people talking in dark rooms. Now we have less talking and more killing, which is just what we like here at TarsTarkas.NET! Join the Federation today, the Federation of citizens who read this review of Starship Troopers 3: Marauder! Don’t drown in the satire!

Colonel Johnny Rico (Casper Van Dien) – Johnny Rico is back! Where would we be without Casper telling us to “Kill ‘em all!”? Nowhere, that’s where. And that is where the previous DTV sequel went. Johnny Rico is now a Colonel, and has been on the front the entire time. This makes him more sympathetic to the plight of local farmers.
Lola Beck (Jolene Blalock) – She’s the personal pilot for the Sky Marshall, and a tough broad who is entertaining as well. Has a thing for Dix. T’Pol is here doing her best imitation of Angelina Jolie and Denise Richards morphed into one.
General Dix Hauzer (Boris Kodjoe) – Johnny Rico’s old friend is now a bigwig in the government. They still dress in very Nazi-esque clothes. In love with Lola Beck. The guy who replaced Doogie Howser is Dix Hauzer…
Sky Marshall Omar Anoke (Stephen Hogan) – Psychic and a singer, the leader of all human-kind. Yes, seriously. Eventually wanders into a gigantic mouth vagina.
Admiral Enolo Phid (Amanda Donohoe) – Some random Admiral, she’s probably not important, even though she’s pretending to be the missing Sky Marshall and imprisoning people who blab. Oh, wait…


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - August 18, 2008 at 11:50 pm

Categories: Movies, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,