Archive for December, 2007

Roundhay Garden Scene


Roundhay Garden Scene


1888
Directed by Louis Aimé Augustin Le Prince

Roundhay Garden Scene is one of those movies that you hear about but just need to experience. It is a visual sensation unlike any other. Oh, wait, no it’s not, it is just some people walking around for two seconds. However, as it is the earliest film made, it has a place in history that no other film can match. That will not save it from getting its just desserts here on TarsTarkas.NET!

Louis Aimé Augustin Le Prince – The director isn’t getting out of this easily. He has a long name, and that’s just ridiculous. Plus, he’s French. The biggest thing is how he went and vanished off the face of the Earth. Yep, he did a Houdini, except didn’t bother to make himself reappear. Many people have speculated what happened to him after he disappeared on a train in 1890, but a photo found in 2003 in the Paris police archives of a drowning victim looks a lot like Le Prince, so we’ll just call it case closed. Obviously he drowned on a train.
Adolphe Le Prince – Director Louis Le Prince’s son has the most prominant part in the film, walking about like a thing that walks about. Adolphe Le Prince was named for the famed German dictator thanks to his father’s other famous invention, the time machine. Le Prince also shares his father’s interest in having a mysterious death, because he turned up shot dead in 1902 in Fire Island, New York while duck hunting. Called a suicide, he was actually secretly murdered by Thomas Edison over the Equity 6928 brief. (Look it up!)
Sarah Robinson Whitley – This black-coat wearing old biddy is walking backwards, showing that even the earliest film has failed jokes. This joke was so bad it proved to be her undoing, as on October 24, 1888 (ten days after being filmed) she died at age 72. She was director Le Prince’s mother-in-law.
Joseph Whitley – His coattails are flapping because he’s a dancing fool! Joseph Whitley is also director Le Prince’s father-in-law, which would make him the husband of Sarah Robinson Whitley, and he seems awfully happy for someone who is about to be a widower in ten days. Very suspicious.
Harriet Hartley – Virtually nothing is known about this woman. Therefore, we will make stuff up. Harriet Hartley was the long-lost cousin of Harriet Tubman, she escaped on the Underground Railroad all the way to France. Hartley was instrumental in the dissolution of the Prussian government in post-WW1 Europe, and even discovered the element Hafnium. Hartley was killed in a tragic dirigible accident when someone thought it would be a good idea to bring a chimp on a dirigible.

Some people think I’m crazy for going after a 119-year-old film with no sound. “It’s the first film made, cut it some slack!” they insist. Well, they’re wrong, why should it get a free pass just because no one knew what they were doing back then? They should have known better! Director Louis Aimé Augustin Le Prince should have considered his role in cinematic history, and the fact that generations later we would still have to look at the mess he made! Garbage, complete garbage! Where is the plot? The characterizations? The color? The sound? The length beyond two seconds? Is this what passed for entertainment in 1888, right before you died of the pocks or consumption? Well, those ragamuffins and mudsill who spend their coppers to see some moving pictures deserve better. Maybe someone should use an Arkansas toothpick to give someone Jesse, which would add some excitement to the film. That would make it a huckleberry above a persimmon, instead folks are likely to go to the quilting bee or the husking frolic.

Sorry for slipping into 19th century slang there for a moment, feel free to Google those terms to find out I wasn’t just honey-fuggling you with nonsense vocabulary. So the film is basically just Adolphe Le Prince walking while Sarah, Joseph, and Harriet mill about in the background. Filmed on October 14th, 1888, it was recorded on 1885 Eastman Kodak paper base photographic film with Le Prince’s single-lens combi camera-projector. The original film does not survive, all current prints are copies made around 1930, so this is like a second generation VHS dub. Bootleg city. Not that I would ever do that.

Le Prince’s disappearance pretty much set the stage for Edison to become the only person people think of when they think of who invented the movies. It is very suspicious. One would think Edison invented the first light bulb just so he could have it flash on above his head as he got the idea to have Le Prince have an “accident.” All the mysterious deaths surrounding this film is just proof that the movie industry was created morally bankrupt, and it’s been downhill from there!

That’s it, it is history, and we are all better for it. Without Roundhay Garden Scene we wouldn’t have Casablanca. We wouldn’t have The Marx Brothers. We wouldn’t have King Kong. We wouldn’t have Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. We wouldn’t have Catman in Boxers Blow. Damn you, Le Prince!

Director Le Prince went on to make Leeds Bridge, which was a failure at the box office and began the movie slump of 1888. The MPAA blamed internet downloaders and their iKinetoscopes.

Thanks to the magic of public domain, you can watch this classic film in its entirety!


And when you’re done with that, check out all these neat remixes done by the Something Awful Forums! Roundhay Garden Scene Deleted Scenes

Rated 4/10 (Roundhay, Garden, Scene, 1888)




Please give feedback in our forums!

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 26, 2007 at 2:57 pm

Categories: Good, Movies   Tags: , , , ,

Return of the Ghostbusters


Return of the Ghostbusters

Return of the Ghostbusters
2007
Directed by Hank Braxtan
Return of the Ghostbusters
The Ghostbusters are back, and they’re now in fan film form! Wait a minute…. A Ghostbusters fan film? Feature length? That’s crazy! What’s even crazier is it is a sequel! The original production was a half-hour fan film entitled Freddy Vs Ghostbusters, and that spawned this stand-alone sequel that attempts to remain true to the themes of the original Ghostbusters films while still trying to be not a carbon copy. Now, as this is a fan film, we can expect some of the acting to be a bit off. I won’t focus on wooden performances, but if someone is so bad they actually make it painful to watch their scenes I am going to point them out, because that’s what I do: be a jerk on the internet. But back off, man, I’m a scientist. Really, I am, which is great because I can use that line ironically and nonironically at the same time.

The film was produced by
Braxtanfilm, a small company out of Denver. Directed by Hank Braxtan, who also co-wrote it along with star Tim Johnson. Being that they are small time, I don’t have any cool trivia to pad out part of the review with. The visual effects were done by Ryan P. Wilson and Justin Rader, who donated their services for nothing if I am correct. This helped the film save a lot of money. In fact, the film only cost around $2000 while it looks like it cost considerably more. Lots of props were donated by Ghostbusters fans, which helped make the Ghostbusters equipment look like they had actual props and not leftover toys from The Real Ghostbusters line.

I am a fan of the Ghostbusters franchise. I grew up with the films, I watched the cartoon, I drank the Hi-C, I own some Ghostbusters kids books. When the movie was released on DVD I rented it to watch the commentary, and my roommate at the time had never seen the film, so we watched it regularly. He was from China, and didn’t understand the term “ghostbuster” which wasn’t in his dictionary, but I explained what was going on and he enjoyed it.

We’ve had a fan film here before (Star Wars: Revelations) and will have some more later, but for now this Ghostbusters fan film is our focus. So whip out your Ecto Cooler, leash up your class-5 full roaming vapors, and prepare for a ride into fanfilm land with the Ghostbusters! Just remember not to cross the streams.

Read more…

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 14, 2007 at 1:06 am

Categories: Movies, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Erotic Misadventures of the Invisible Man

The Erotic Misadventures of the Invisible Man


2003
Directed by Rolfe Kanefsky

An out of work actor becomes invisible, and erotic hijinks ensue in the butterscotch-scented Erotic misadventures of the Invisible Man. Based on comic books by Milo Manara entitled Butterscotch, they were made into six films with three directors (two films each, possibly to be divided up into half-hour segments.) The only one released at the time of this writing is Erotic Misadventures of the Invisible Man, so that’s the one we are doing. Two versions of the film exist, the unrated version we are going through, and an R-rated version with added footage from the other, unreleased companion film Rolfe directed. Director Rolfe Kanefsky was previously encountered here with Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise, another skinimax movie which was made from what was intended to be half-hour shows. The concept of an invisible man has been used in dozens of films, and originated in popular science fiction form with HG Wells’s 1897 novel.

Norman Parent (Scott Coppola) – He’s invisible, he’s a man, he’s the invisible man! Sure he’s not the crazy HG Wells/Claude Rains type, or even the Ralph Ellison type, but just an out of work actor who is down on his luck. One freak accident later and he’s invisible, but has a new girl and goes on ghost-hunting adventures, when he’s not having invisible sex with non-invisible girls.
Kelli Parkinson (Gabriella Hall) – Actress Kelli Parkinson is your typical actress trying to make it big, despite having to deal with a sleazy agent. She lives with a psychic who specializes in sex spells, and is currently dating an invisible man by the name of Norman. Just your average Hollywood biography. Gabriella Hall was previously seen here in Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise.
Paul (Craig Peck) – Norman’s friend and amateur special effects guru. Another struggling actor who also takes catering jobs on the side. He doesn’t have any erotic misadventures.
Robert Bull (Doug Merril) – Robert Bull is a sleazy agent who thinks he has the perfect part for his female clients. Kelli Parkinson would disagree, but fellow client Becky Lovey has no qualms with auditioning on the couch, or even in the basement as the case was here. Also becomes invisible, but is foiled on his revenge plot against Kelli by Norman.
Becky Lovey (Stacey Leigh Mobley) – Another aspiring actress, who has no qualms on being naked or having sex with her agent. Also has sex with her European model friend. Doesn’t seem to do any acting, though. Hmmm…. Stacey Leigh Mobley is better known as porn star Holly Hollywood where she has over a hundred movies, pictures of which are easily found on Google.
Madam Nirvana (Kim Dawson) – All in all is all we all are, except Madam Nirvana, as she is also a sex psychic. Don’t ask, just agree, especially since sex psychic involves potion making and ghost hunting. She smells like teen spirit in her heart shaped box, so come as you are and accept all apologies. Yes, I deserve to die for all those song title jokes I crammed in there.
The Duck (Joey Chang) – A running gag through the last part of the film involves a duck coming into a bar repeatedly asking if they have grapes. This is an actual joke and we added a copy of it to the end of the review. The duck is played by a real person, and this is his only role on IMDB. His parents are proud.


Read more…

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 5, 2007 at 10:51 am

Categories: Movies, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,