2007 Tarsies Nominations

The Razzies are a disappointment to say the least. They’ve dropped all pretense of rewarding the worst of the worst, and nominated anyone they could to get into the scandal mags. Well, enough is enough. We need real leadership. We need real decisiveness. Therefore, TarsTarkas.NET has sprung into action, and started our own award. Named the “Tarsies” we strive to bring respect back to Bad Movie Awards. This is the second year straight, and we hope to go on until we outlive those Razzie bastards. So, without further ado, we shall begin with our nominations. The winners will be announced in a week or so, because we can’t keep the world in suspense for so long…

Worst Movie

BloodRayne Boll’s best film, but he’s finally recognized by the Razzies. For once worse things were projected this year…
Wicker Man All I got to say: YouTube link
The Marine The movie where everything explodes, even explosions!
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector The movie for people who marry their sister.
When a Stranger Calls I’ve coughed up things that can act better than main lead Camilla Belle.
Ultraviolet (Bonus Nominee) Stylized comic book turns into a complete mess, all flash and no pan.

Worst Sequel

The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift Only a white man can teach them Japanese how to drift race in Japan.
Basic Instinct 2 This was years too late, but at least I’m not five years old and call it “Basically, It Stinks, Too” like the Razzie people.
Scary Movie 4 What’s scary is #5 will be coming soon.
Date Movie Well, there wasn’t that many bad sequels this year, okay? This one sucked so bad it’s not even in the right category!
The Grudge 2 When will J-Horror go away? It’s like I’m being chased by a Grudge, who forces me to watch films with spooky Asian girls with long black hair.
Worst Unnecessary Remake

Wicker Man Again – YouTube link
When a Stranger Calls 90 minutes of just a dial tone? That would be an improvement.
Pulse Let’s remake the most boring Japanese horror film ever, and make it even worse!
The Omen I had an omen, but it was the trailer for…
The Pink Panther WHYYYYYY?????
Worst Direct to TV Movie

Caved In Far too uninteresting and average for its own good, there must be something wrong!
Savage Planet Bears in Space! Bears that don’t share the same scene with the actors.
KOMODO VS. COBRA Real title: Free Trip to Hawaii for director Jim Wynorski!
A.I. ASSAULT Real title: ANOTHER Free Trip to Hawaii for director Jim Wynorski!
FATAL CONTACT: BIRD FLU IN AMERICA Special non-SciFi Channel entry! The movie not afraid to tell you we’re all going to die!
Worst DTV Movie (thanks to Foywonder’s List for a few reminders)

Bratz: Babyz the Movie Bratz are the worst toy ever created, and their existance in Babyz form is an affront against God.
Bloodz VS. Wolvez Suckz vs. Blowz. Whoever winz, we loze.
Hillside Cannibals If I had a hammer, I’d smash every copy of this movie in existance.
KOMODO VS. COBRA So disappointing it makes it to two categories! 30 whole seconds of Komodo fighting Cobra action.
Curse of Halloween This is the movie from Hell. Satan’s Blockbuster carries only this, and Baby Bratz – The movie
Worst DTV Sequel

Glass House: The Good Mother I barely even remember the original, and it is now sequelized.
Roadhouse 2 Let’s make Dalton dead, and a deadbeat dad. Yeah. Pain don’t hurt, but that insult to Dalton sure did.
DARK HARVEST 3: SCARECROW Your backyard home videos are not a sequel to a terrible franchise.
LIKE MIKE 2 Like Mike 2: Mike Harder! Everything gets a sequel now, and this is more fuel for the fire.
THE PRINCE & ME 2 The dumber the movie, the more likely it gets a DTV sequel! I think I’ve broken the formula…
Best Worst Asylum fake movie

Snakes on a Train Just one letter off!
Halloween Night Based on a true (not true) story!
666: THE CHILD Donald the Devil takes over the world!
WHEN A KILLER CALLS Just one word off! Only Asylum film to eclipse what it was imitating!
Dragon TarsTarkas.NET and FantasyFilmscapes.com had to team up to slay this Dragon!
PIRATES OF TREASURE ISLAND The public domain novel that can imitate the summer blockbuster!
THE DA VINCI TREASURE That darn Da Vinci!
HILLSIDE CANNIBALS Crap. If they took crap, ate it, crapped it out, ate that, crapped that out, and ate it again, then crapped it out again, it would still not be 1% as crappy as Hillside Cannibals.

UPDATE!!! Winners announced here!!

Komodo vs. Cobra

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!