Archive for December, 2006

Battle Beast Files – Laser Beasts, Part 2


Who are the Battle Beasts? Let’s get to know each and every one personally!
Laser Beasts, Part II!

Laser Beasts were the next line introduced, which were pretty much only released in Japan (with a few making it to the States or Europe really briefly.) As the propaganda says: “The Laser Beast army is a group of 36 warriors who made Tigerburn their great leader. They develop Battle Machines and Powerful Weapons using modern science!” The Lasers seemed to function as an Evil Horde-style group of second villains with their own motivations, except they weren’t really that evil, just a really old race that got sick of the upstarts screwing around with their planet. Perhaps you shouldn’t have gone underground or where ever you were, Laser Beasts.

Number: 89
Name: Brown Lion
Position: Land Offensive Captain
Weapon Name: Super Commotion Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Lion (Tan w/ Red Armor)
One of Tigerburn’s most loyal friends, Brown Lion commands respect by friends and foes alike. Brown Lion is the ancestor of the House of White Leo, from which Pirate Lion is a member. Members of the House are forbidden to engage in battle, so Pirate Lion and Brown Lion can only stare at each other from across the battlefield, or else they forfeit their right to the royal house, and are stripped of their honor, their weapons, and even their Element Symbol. Brown Lion sees in Pirate Lion the fighting spirit of his own grandfather, Grand Lion, one of the legends of the Laser Beasts, who has even passed into Battle Beast mythology as a great warrior about which little is known. Grand Lion was the last known Beast to carry the power Sunburst, until Pirate Lion recently emerged with the power. Brown Lion has a custom shield battler car and defensive shield with his crest on it, but is seldom seen using them in battle, preferring to be on foot and ready to rumble. His Super Commotion Laser causes several types of damage mixed together, allowing it to penetrate many types of armor. Battle Beasts fear Brown Lion, intimidation from knowing they are facing him has won the Laser Beasts battles without firing a shot.
Number: 90
Name: Grencats
Position: Special Organization Unit (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Iron Claw Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Snow Leopard (White w/ Blue Armor)
As one of the Shield Battlers, Grencats commands respect. The elite fighting squad is infamous, and has turned the tide of many battles. Their rapid-fire movements and coordination swarms over Battle Beasts driving slower Tiger Chariots, giving much damage to the Battle Beasts’ armored units. Grencats is proud of being a member of such an elite squad, to the point of even not associating with non-Shield Battlers. Losing his hand in battle to Eager Beaver was a tough blow, especially since Eager Beaver wasn’t even on a vehicle at the time. Replacing it with some yellow claws, he longs for the day he can have revenge, sinking them deep into Eager Beaver’s chest. Grencats spends all his spare time practicing his Shield Battler maneuvers, to the point where leader Strong Hurricane has to remind him to rest and relax. Grencats’ former friends note how he has changed so much, becoming a stranger. Designed the Grencats emblem on his shield himself.
Number: 91
Name: Fight Horn
Position: Special Organization Unit (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Tear Hunting Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Elk (Brown w/ Green Armor)
A Proud Beast, Fight Horn is proud of his magnificent horns. He constantly preens and sharpens them, polishing them to a shine. Fight Horn spends more time on his appearance than he does keeping up with his fighting ability. Luckily for him, he is a natural at both, and is poured into his Shield Battler. Fight Horn is noted for trapping 50 Beasts single-handedly with his Shield Battler during the battle of Wood Pass. After numerous costly defeats of his forces, Deer Stalker has vowed to take him down, the two have met several times, but always end in a draw. Deer Stalker said he would decorate his Chariot with Fight Horn’s antlers, while Fight Horn desires Deer Stalker’s drill hand to trade to Anarchy for a new mirror. Fight Horn’s shield design was created for him by the famous Laser Beast artist Metalfeather, who did not go into suspended animation and now is lost to the ages. Fight Horn once spent six days in the bathroom preening, not for a special occasion, but just because he wanted to look his best. His striving towards excellence also follows into his hand to hand combat styling, which resemble breakdancing in the fluid movements.
Number: 92
Name: Hustlebear
Position: Land Offensive Unit
Weapon Name: Strong Claw Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Bear (Black w/ Maroon Armor)
One of Tigerburn’s best men, Hustlebear is a fierce fighter who dreams of one day uniting all the Bear Beasts into a single unit, regardless of affiliation. Unfortunately, his dreams may not come to pass, as Hustlebear isn’t the most personable character, remaining aloof and quiet in company. Is from the northern regions, and specializes in arctic combat, earning him several enemies such as Pugnacious Penguin. His weapon is solar powered, due to Hustlebear’s environmental passion, but can be in a disadvantage during the several months of darkness periods in the polar regions. Hustlebear recently found out that Shool wasn’t killed, and is plotting against Tigerburn with Skull Grotess, but is being chased by several of Grotess’s goons in an attempt to silence him, permanently. The chase of Hustlebear has been noticed by Run Amok Duck and his men, as Hustlebear attempts to make it through the country of Tel Es Sawan alive.
Number: 93
Name: Battle Fennec
Position: Special Organization Unit (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Trick Super Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Fennec Fox (Brown w/ Black Armor)
A member of the elite Shield Battlers squad, Battle Fennec is a strong warrior who is glad to be part of such an honored unit. He modified his Shield Battler himself, boosting the speed in sacrifice of more armor. The newest member of the squad, replacing the fallen Golden Claw, who was ambushed by Bludgeoning Bulldog and some of his cadets. Battle Fennec beat out Jeerer Monkey for the spot on the squad, who has become resentful. Fennec can be a bit of a hothead, and is usually racing or spending time trying to enhance the speed of his Battler. His Trick Super Laser causes those who have been hit by it to see multiple images of their attackers, providing extra cover as his victims go after the wrong image. Battle Fennec wears special modified armor parts that enhance the effect; to the victim it looks like a kaleidoscope is flying up. Battle Fennec also attempts to create his own specialized energy drinks, but most of his concoctions are undrinkable, some are even dangerous.
Number: 94
Name: Killer Hound
Position: Special Organization Unit Vice-Captain (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Hound Bio Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Collie (Tan w/ Blue Armor)
Killer Hound is on a mission: marry Lassie. It doesn’t matter that Lassie is a fictional character, that they are on Lassie number 10 or something, and that some Lassies are dudes, Killer Hound is obsessed. He modified his television to receive transmissions from the far away planet of Earth, just to keep updated on the latest Lassie news. Killer Hound also maintains one of the biggest Lassie fan sites on the net, and his enthusiasm for Lassie knows no bounds. His drive to impress Lassie pushes Killer Hound to the limit, making him a better warrior and fighter. Strong Hurricane tolerates the obsession for this reason. Killer Hound got his name from his mentor, Killer Hound, who was also not a hound but a Scottie Dog. The name Killer Hound has been passed down for hundreds of years, started with the original Killer Hound, a Basset Hound who was one of the greatest Laser Beasts of old. He fought mysterious forces that threatened Planet Beast, the opponents have passed into legend and there is no record of who they were or what happened to them after their defeat. Killer Hound’s Hound Bio Laser Weapon blasts the victim with a type of rabies that makes them attack their own allies, this rabies can only be cured after many weeks of treatment, so even victims who survive getting hit are forced out of the fight for months at a time. Killer Hound is secretly building a rocket ship for a clandestine trip to Earth.
Number: 95
Name: Dragon Seahorn
Position: Underwater Construction Unit
Weapon Name: Drill Turning Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Narwhal (Gray w/ Green Armor)
Dragon Seahorn fights for aquatic rights! Whether destroying fishing ships or modifying secret bases to run energy efficient with no toxic runoffs, Dragon Seahorn is a tireless worker out to improve the planet. Dragon Seahorn’s passion was one of the influences for Tigerburn to strike out and try to reclaim Planet Beast after it was devastated in the Great War. Dragon Seahorn is one of the most passionate followers of Tigerburn due to his support of his cause. Zariganian is beginning to grow tired of Dragon Seahorn’s non-stop modifications to the secret bases, as well as his plundering of a Battle Beast oil field only to shut it off to never be used. Zariganian spoiled Dragon Seahorn’s recent attempts to synthesis more efficient biodiesel from seaweed, secretly spiking the mixture in retaliation. Dragon Seahorn is too focused on his work to pay attention to the bigger picture, not realizing the forces swirling around him. Dragon Seahorn is famous in the Laser Beasts circles for attacking three different Kingdoms simultaneously while confused Battle Beast squadrons ended up inflicting heavy friendly fire casualties. The resulting fallout caused Pirate Lion to retool the entire incident response protocols for the entire Beast Army. Recently his shield has gone missing…
Number: 96
Name: Strong Hurricane
Position: Special Organization Unit Captain (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Power Blaster Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Horned Owl (Brown w/ Olive Armor)
Strong Hurricane is the leader of the Shield Battler 6. A wise commander and experienced warrior, Strong Hurricane has seen much more action than most Beasts. Strong Hurricane developed tactics over the years of speed and surprise, forming the Shield Battler Group to aid in swift victory. He formulated the perfect squadron size (six) and many of the tactics used to help his group win engagements far more rapidly than would be possible on foot. The Shield Battler 6 is the most decorated unit in the Laser Beast army, turning more defeats into victories than records are able to keep track of. The only constant of the Shield Battlers over the years, as many members have come and gone, either promoted or lost in the line of duty. Strong Hurricane predicts he will die of old age piloting his battler into another mission, and keep on fighting long after he’s dead. Strong Hurricane is a proud owl, and is dismayed at some of the reckless actions his fellow owls Knight Owl and Snowy Owl have done. He feels he must redeem owlkind by besting them in battle, but so far both have eluded him. Knight Owl feels that Strong Hurricane’s relentless hunting of him is eroding his willpower to resist the darkness, and is debating whether to go into hiding to to face him outright, with Knight Owl’s reckless behavior leaning him to the latter. Pirate Lion has responded to the Shield Battler problem with development of special teams each assigned to take down a specific member of the Shield Battler 6, and Knight Owl has a free slot as captain of the team to get Strong Hurricane if he wants it. Strong Hurricane also senses that Skull Grotess is up to something, and is suspicious of mysterious new orders from him to immediately ship out to a far away area where no Laser Beast base is.
Number: 97
Name: Sea Panic
Position: Marine Offensive Unit
Weapon Name: Fish Gobble Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Baleen Whale (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
Sea Panic is one of the strongest fighters of all the Beasts. He has brute strength that has yet to meet it’s match, as well as knowledge of tactics that keep him from becoming overwhelmed. Even with all that, Sea Panic prefers to spend his days idling in the ocean relaxing to the sounds of whale tunes than to involve himself in any disputes. It was with great reluctance that he was dragged into the battle to reclaim Planet Beast from the Battle Beasts, and he has yet to regain his fighting spirit. Only his loyalty to Tigerburn made him return from his self-imposed exile in the ocean. Sea Panic’s long listens to whale song allow him to get all sorts of news from across the planet faster than traditional networks or even the internet. He has developed a friendship with Rainbow Sam because of his information, and trades tales with the parrot to give him information to sing to his cetacean brethren. Sea Panic’s Fish Gobble Laser filters plankton with ease and floats it right into Sea Panic’s waiting mouth, thus not bothering him to have to move to where the food is. This allows more time for listening to the whale song, as well as getting a few quick bites in the middle of a fight. Plankton floating in mid-air was at first worrisome to the Battle Beasts, and now the site alone let’s them know Sea Panic is nearby, their fear of facing him sometimes does more damage that Sea Panic can do to them himself. Pirate Lion is rumored to have some whales of his own being trained, and they may soon divide the whale song community into two separate camps. Sea Panic has no time to investigate those tales today, as he has a bigger problem, whale songs have reported odd troop movements for the Laser Beasts while Tigerburn is away from the capital on business.
Number: 98
Name: Puzzlecolor
Position: Special Information Unit
Weapon Name: Hide Color Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Three-Horned Chameleon (Green w/ Blue Armor)
Now you see him. Now you don’t. Now you’ve just been stabbed in the back by him! Puzzlecolor is a stealth fighter and information officer, one so good at being hidden his existence is only known to a few key people. Even Tigerburn is unaware, as are most of his supporters and many of Skull Grotess’s. Rainbow Sam and Sea Panic know of tales of an invisible stalker, one who’s movements don’t match up with Delta Chameleon’s. Delta is aware that he has competition, and is tracking Puzzlecolor as we speak. Their fight could be the most epic ever on Planet Beast, but no one would be able to enjoy it, as they’d all be invisible the entire time. What a waste! Delta’s goons are attempting to get more information about Puzzlecolor, and they’ve learned that he has his own custom Shield Battler and Shield, and his Hide Color Laser both fires invisible disintigration rays, but also can be tuned to make targets he hits turn invisible for a short time, such as the Shield Battler and Shield. Delta is trying to create his own shield to help with defense, but so far Rocky Rhino has been able to smash all of the prototypes, as they are not strong enough yet. Puzzlecolor is trained in several combat styles, but prefers to use Crane-style kung fu to dispatch enemies in close quarters fighting, and bombs if he has advanced planning. Delta Chameleon no longer rides in vehicles for fear they will explode, and eyes every garbage can, every tree, every rock with suspicion. Puzzlecolor knows Delta plays unfairly also, and has become paranoid as well. If one doesn’t kill the other, they both risk going insane.
Number: 99
Name: Mantfrenzy
Position: Special Organization Unit (Shield Battler 6)
Weapon Name: Spy Commando Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Snow Monkey (White w/ Dark Blue Armor)
Mantfrenzy longs for the cool, unspoiled snow-covered Yutoranta Mountains of his youth, imagine his surprise when he found a ski resort had been build on his family’s land! Several dozen explosions later, and Torrential Tapir’s Ice Pleasures Resort was a pile of rubble. Vowing revenge, Torrential Tapir has threatened to “devour the inner soul of Mantfrenzy, leaving only an empty husk of a Beast as a walking dead reminder of ultimate vengeance.” Ha ha, good luck with that, Torrential Tapir, for Mantfrenzy is a member of the Shield Battler 6, making him an elite specialist in combat. Plus that means he won’t be fighting alone, Torrential Tapir will have to take down the entire squad, something armies of Battle Beasts have failed to do before. Mantfrenzy prefers a solitary life, but recognizes the importance of working in a team to achieve a difficult goal, in this case the elimination of the Battle Beasts as rulers of Planet Beast, and the return of the Laser Beasts to power. However, he is saddened by the massive damage to the environment, especially his beloved Yutoranta regions. Mantfrenzy has dedicated his life to restoring areas back to their natural habitat, and is prepared to do it again once the war of reclamation ends.
Number: 100
Name: Scopecougar
Position: Special Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Roast Laser
Series: Laser Beasts
Species: Cougar (Tan w/ Blue Armor)
Scopecougar is a ruthless assassin who never misses a shot. He’s the best marksman of all the Laser Beasts, and even designs his own modified guns with longer range and better accuracy. Scopecougar’s ruthless efficiency impresses Skull Grotess, who has made him a very generous offer for his support in a power struggle. Scopecougar has accepted the offer and is already composing a list of those that will need elimination. Scopecougar has mysteriously picked up a British accent, despite never have being on Earth, or even hearing of Great Britain. Scopecougar is known far and wide on Planet Beast due to his hunting skills, he’s hunted all types of Beasts. Usually, Scopecougar gives them warning and a three minute head start, then moves in. Toying with his prey gives Scopecougar joy, but not as completely as the feelings of pleasure when he’s making a kill. Scopecougar has become addicted to the feeling of having power over others, the power to decide who lives and who dies. His Roast Laser has the farthest range of any Laser Beast weapon, and can fire a ray so powerful it completely cooks its target at thirty miles out, with pinpoint accuracy. Scopecougar’s Shield Battler is emblazoned with his family crest; he likes to brag it is the oldest noble family on Planet Beast, despite little evidence.
Laser Beasts, Part ILaser Beasts, Part III

Special Thanks:
White Leo’s Site
Beastformers.com
Master List (Aratak’s Plastic Warriors)

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 30, 2006 at 12:31 pm

Categories: Battle Beasts   Tags:

The Host


The Host

aka Gwoemul

2006
Starring
Song Kang-ho as Park Gang-du
Byeon Hie-bong as Park Hie-bong
Park Hae-il as Park Nam-il
Bae Doo-na as Park Nam-ju
Ko Ah-sung as Park Hyun-seo
Directed by Bong Joon-ho

The Host is one of the best monster films to come out in years. End review.

Okay, I’ll continue. I’ll be doing this two-fold. First, a general review up top, and then a full recap of the film after a break with warning, so if you wish to avoid spoilers, you will know when to stop. As the American release has been pushed back again, and based on many other films might never show up in American theaters outside of film festivals, so TarsTarkas.NET is plowing ahead and taking it on ourselves. Take that, terrible American foreign film distributors!

The delightful opening sequence when the monster runs amok is a nice change from the films that spend forever building up and then end up insulting the audience with disappointing action sequences and a creature with no personality. Godzilla from 1998 is a good example, and why that monster is called GINO (Godzilla In Name Only.) As people run around in panic, the sense of chaos is portrayed by the handheld camera shots and the people running for their lives. The monster is not always in view, at times we don’t know where it is, as the scenario would be like to anyone caught in the middle of the action.

With actors who’ve played characters in great Korean treasures such as Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance and Memories of Murder (the latter was done by the same director), The Host has collectively some of the best actors in South Korea. The characterization and acting in the film are top notch, another thing missing from many monster films (the too numerous to mention Sci-Fi Channel films would be a major contributor.) Song Kang-ho is Park Gang-du (or Kang-doo or Kang-du, depending on which translation scheme you use) who is a single father working in his dad’s food shop by the Han River. Gang-du had a tough life growing up, and now spends lots of his time sleeping. His professional archery competitor sister Nam-ju is played by Bae Doo-na (or Bae Du-na), one of Korea’s best young actresses. Her hesitation costs her at tournaments. The third sibling is Park Hae-il as Nam-il, a burnt out college graduate who has no job besides crawling into a bottle to forget his unemployment, and is a die hard pessimist. The father of the clan is Park Hie-bong, played by Byeon Hie-bong, who is great as well. Relative newcomer Ko Ah-sung plays the young daughter of Gang-du, Park Hyun-seo, who is trapped in the Creature’s lair.

Read more…

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 18, 2006 at 12:08 am

Categories: Bad, Movies   Tags: , , , , , ,

Yo-Yo Girl Cop


Yo-Yo Girl Cop

aka Sukeban Deka: Kôdo nêmu = Asamiya Saki

2006
Starring
Aya Matsuura as Saki Asamiya
Rika Ishikawa as Reika Akiyama
Shunsuke Kubozuka as Jirou Kimura
Yui Okada as Taie Konno
Erika Miyoshi as Kotomi Kanda
Yuki Saito as Saki’s Mother
Riki Takeuchi as Kazutoshi Kira
Directed by Kenta Fukasaku
Yo-Yo Girl Cop
The power of my yo-yos cannot be denied. From their first appearance around 500 BC, the designs have improved and become more deadly. Now, they are the most powerful weapon in the world today, and may treaties limit their use on the battlefield. Wait, all that is a pack of lies, unless you live in the universe that Yo-Yo Girl Cop takes place in! Based on a manga named Sukeban Deka by Shinji Wada that became an 1980′s Japanese TV series, it’s now been updated for the 2006 audience. In fact, the movie is a continuation of the old TV series, as the previous Yo-Yo Girl Cop is the mother of the current titular character. There also has been three previous live action movies, some of which are on Amazon so hopefully I’ll see them at the rental places. Being that this is Japanese fantasy, this film is packed with Pop Idol girls, many of which beat the crap out of each other. This has the only yo-yo chick fight I have seen in a movie to date, so it stands out in that respect. The movie is a turn your brain off type movie, but also deals with the issue of bullying, which has become a controversial topic in Japan recently, as it has lead to a few suicides. Yo-yos are not a prevalent.
Yo-Yo Girl Cop
Pop Idol Aya Matsuura is Saki Asamiya, the Yo-Yo Girl Cop. Saki Asamiya is the code name for the special agent yo-yo girls, who are not police but a different unofficial agency. Aya Matsuura (nickname Ayaya) has many albums and even hosts a weekly radio show. Following Japanese famous girl tradition she has a bunch of photo books as well. Her personality style of bubbly and happy is a stark contrast to Saki Asamiya, who is a tough street girl. She pulls it off well, I am curious to see in her a happier role now. The evil yo-yo girl Reika Akiyama is played by Rika Ishikawa, another J-Pop star. She’s a former member of Morning Musume (along with 90% of the women in Japan) and currently in the female trio v-u-den when not hosting the TV show Hello! Morning, which is one of the shows of the Hello! Project, the megaconsortium behind Morning Mesume and 9000 other girl acts in Japan. She’s joined by fellow v-u-den member Yui Okada, who plays the bullied girl Taie Kono. Rika Ishikawa must have had lots of fun spending the entire film teasing her coworker Yui Okada, where else can you strap bombs to someone you work with and not get arrested? The last v-u-den member is Erika Miyoshi, who spends most of the film not talking as Kotomi Kanda. I hope it is not because she’s a terrible actress, but you can’t find out from just this film. This is all brought to us by Kenta Fukasaku, son of famous director Kinji Fukasaku, he finished up the abomination that was Battle Royale 2. This film is far less an embarrassment to cinema. The use of yo-yos allows such wonderful terms as yoing, yo-yoing, yoed, yo-yo attack, you got yoed, and yo-yo Joe!
Yo-Yo Girl Cop
Read more…

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 11, 2006 at 12:23 am

Categories: Bad, Movies   Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Escape from Hell

Escape from Hell

aka Femmine infernali

1980
Starring
Antonio De Teffè as Doctor Farrell
Ajita Wilson as Zaira
Christina Lai as Vivienne
Cintia Lodetti as Katie
Luciano Pigozzi as Warden
Serafino Profumo as Martinez
Yael Forti as Marika
Anna Maria Panaro as Marie Antoinette
Directed by Edoardo Mulargia

Women in prison (WIP) movies have a special place in many people’s hearts. The shining stars of exploitation cinema, they can be incredibly entertaining pieces of filth, or so poorly made you wish flaming death to reign down upon its creators. Which one is this? Let’s just say I’m cooking napalm in my backyard and taking flying lessons. Escape From Hell is a complete pile of junk. Made when Italy was pumping out films faster than you could blink, the directors there were bridging into areas that pushed the boundaries of good taste (including cannibal films with real footage of animals being slaughtered.) There is no animal death here, but there is plenty of brutality, rape, and disgustingly greasy people both male and female (and she-male as it turns out!) If you’ve suspected from that list that Troma is involved, you are right, as they produced the most recent DVD release. You expect a deal of filth in WIP flicks, but there is a limit that when crossed turns it from a naughty pleasure into a disturbing look into the director’s psyche. The major flaw of this film is the fact it takes itself far too seriously, not letting us have fun with the violence, lesbianism, or other nonsense. The serious tone makes the film far more depressing than it should be, as the exploitation factors become troubling to sit through.

Another film called Savage Island was spliced together from both Escape From Hell and Hotel Paradiso with 10 minutes of new footage starring Linda Blair. The two original movies shared some of the same actresses, but they were playing very different roles, and thus when combined together it makes an incoherent mess. Which means it’s only slightly less coherent than Escape From Hell is by itself. Escape’s few attempts at a good plot pop out with the alcoholic doctor, who became so embittered by the horrors around him he crawled into a bottle and never came out. The rest of the film seems to be the standard WIP cliché list. We have lesbians, a sadistic warden, rapist guards, an evil female turncoat guard who used to be a prisoner, beatings, lesbians, women tied up and left to die, the one good employee who helps the escape, posses, lesbians, gun battles in the jungle, and lesbians.

Read more…

Be the first to comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 4, 2006 at 12:22 am

Categories: Movies, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,