The Night of a 1000 Cats
The Night of a 1000 Cats
aka La Noche de los mil gatos
1972
Starring
Hugo Stiglitz as Hugo
Gerardo Zepeda as Dorgo
Christa Linder as Christa
Teresa Velázquez as Woman who shoots doves
Barbara Angely as Barbara
Anjanette Comer as Cathy
Zulma Faiad as Dancer
Directed by René Cardona Jr.
True Title: Night of 30 Cats repeated on loop! What’s scarier than one cat? One THOUSAND cats! That’s still not scary, since cats aren’t very scary. At most, you run across some cat who’s a jerk and hisses at you, but in general cats are too busy sleeping to become a 1000-cat army menace. Sure, Hugo feeds his caged cats human flesh, but many cats won’t even eat 9 Lives with Morris on the label! Humans taste terrible; the 1000 cats probably go on a rampage to find some nice fish or birds to eat. More likely, the many many minutes of helicopter footage drove them insane, and they left in search of some catnip to clear their mind. I know I feel like some after viewing Night of 1000 Cats. The DVD contains the cut down 63 minute version, of which only 61 minutes consist of Playboy Hugo flying around in his helicopter harassing women and single-handedly getting stalking laws passed throughout the country. The VHS version contains fond memories, having discovered it back in college, lured in by it’s bright yellow tape casing, still a unique color for films. The yellow VHS tape was the sole point of imagination used in the film. NO1KC (as those of us in the “biz” call it) does have a crazy, Asian manservant named Dorgo. Dorgo, no relation to Torgo, is played by the not very Asian Gerardo Zepeda, showing a second example of a Mexican film using Mexicans for Asians, after The Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy (which, coincidentally, was directed by René Cardona Jr.’s father, René Cardona!) Night of 1000 Mexican Directors.
A montage opening with a topless woman waking, a bikini girl, and other images of Acapulco run by, as the film opens in Confus-O-Vision, finishing with horse riders riding into the ocean to cool off. These montages are not important, as the only thing you need to remember is a couple waking up. The man is Hugo, crazed millionaire playboy, who is a helicopter pilot and rich because of his family’s artifacts. Hugo has a collection himself, of the local girls who he seduces using his dirty beard and lack of normal social skills, as he’s just soooo rich that the girls overlook it for the lump in his pocket (and I don’t mean his package, but that gets some using as well!) His latest trophy girl tells him “I would like to stay with you…” and he replies they agree, but he wants her to “Stay where no one could touch you, like a crystal cage!” Hugo is wearing a goofy pair of glasses and is decked out with a pipe and a scarf while he delivers this line. the fashions in this film are very 1970′s, there will never be any confusion for when it was made.
Read more…
Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: 1970s boredom, Anjanette Comer, Barbara Angely, Christa Linder, creepy giant sevants, Gerardo Zepeda, Hugo Stiglitz, Mexico, René Cardona Jr., Teresa Velázquez, Zulma Faiad
Catman in Boxers Blow
Catman in Boxers Blow
1993 (probably really 1990)
Starring
Jonathan Isgar as Catman
Bruce Fontaine as ???
Kenneth Goodman as ???
Mark King as ???
Kenneth Woods as ???
Directed by Godfrey Ho
There is no boxer in this film. There is Catman! Catman! The savior of Thailand who helped defeat the evil Father Cheever and his gang of jugglers and headbangers while a completely different movie happened in the background is back, while once again a completely different movie happens in the background! This is the second Godfrey Ho Catman movie, after the abysmal Catman in Lethal Track, one would think you can’t sink any lower. One would be wrong, as Godfrey Ho not only takes us to the depths of Hell, he goes deep inside to Hell’s Hell. From confusing characters to seizure-inspired editing to 1/3 of the movie being shot at night on a moonless night with characters wearing black, Catman in Boxers Blow is a marvel of bad filmmaking. A spectacle that shines as a beacon of muck, inspiring films to ramp up the levels of loathsome, greasy, unlikable characters and situations just to compete in the world of trash. Godfrey Ho and Joseph Lai have truly outdone themselves with this entry.
The Movie B of Boxers Blow is a Thai action/heist movie, but is very confusing. For 80% of the time I was watching it I had little to no idea what was going on. They have a massive, massive amount of characters that are introduced with no name or explanation and disappear for 30 minutes at a time, few of which are distinct enough to even remember. Even making a chart like I will do of the characters is confusing, as many are left out in the cold due to their vagueness. The fates of some of these characters is unknown, thanks to the poor filmmaking of the Thai film and the even poorer editing of the Godfrey Ho parts. The resulting mess is less of a hodgepodge and more of a junkpile, with a few recognizable pieces of trash, but the majority has spoiled and rotted away so much you can’t stand to look at it.
Read more…
Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Bruce Fontaine, Catman, Godfrey Ho, Jonathan Isgar, Kenneth Goodman, Kenneth Woods, Mark King, Pipop Pupinyo, super heroes, Suriwan Suriyong
Catman in Lethal Track
Catman in Lethal Track
1990
Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Blue Moroney, Catman, Danny Lau, Godfrey Ho, Johnanna Brownstein, Jonathan Isgar, Kenneth Goodman, Pipop Pupinyo, super heroes, Suriwan Suriyong, Tas Lehoczky
Bruce Lee in New Guinea
Bruce Lee in New Guinea
aka She nu yu chao aka Bruce Li in New Guinea
1978
Starring
Bruce Li (Ho Chung Tao) as Chang Wang-li (aka Bruce Lee)
Chan Sing as Great Snake Wizard Guru
Danna as Ann Kawa
Chin-kun Li as Chin Sang
??? as Tu Yung – one of the guides (shorter)
??? as The crosseyed guide
??? as Cheng Pow
Directed by C.Y. Yang
Bruce Li is Bruce Lee is Chang Wang-li in Bruce Lee in New Guinea, part of Bruce-ploitation Mania of the 1970′s and 1980′s. Bruce Li (real name Ho Chung Tao) was one of the dozens of Bruce Lee imitators renamed Bruce Something or Something Lee in the wake of the death of the King of Kung Fu. Bruce Lee ended up doing all sorts of wacky things once every other movie coming out of Hong Kong was patterned after him to make a quick buck. This is not as wacky as some of them (The Clones of Bruce Lee anyone?) but is still pretty silly. The real question is, would the real Bruce Lee bother going to New Guinea? I think not! Bruce Lee (Li) does end up on Snake Worship Island, I don’t want to give away what they worship there, but it isn’t King Kong. Let’s just say Wacking Day would be a sacrilegious event. It’s important to note that Bruce Li is not supposed to be Bruce Lee, but some guy named Chang Wang-li, an anthropologist who is not a former 1970′s martial arts star, thus the “Bruce Lee” in the title is a complete lie. Not that the producers would care after they got your hard earned money. Sometimes this film is more truthfully titled Bruce Li in New Guinea. Co-starring is the lovely Danna as the Princess, who was being pushed as an international sex symbol at this time, but soon faded to obscurity. Much like this film, except it was never pushed as anything more than a cheap buck, and it shows that, in spades.
Read more…
Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Bolo Yeung Sze, Bruce Li Shao-Lung, Brucesploitation, Chan Sing, Dana, giant snake movie, Hong Kong, Larry Lee Gam-Kwan, mad monkey time, martial arts, San Kuai, To Siu-Ming, Yeung Gat-Aau, Yue Tau-Wan
