aka All Monsters Attack aka Godzilla-Minya-Gabara: All Monsters Attack! aka Gojira-Minira-Gabara: Oru kaiju daishingeki
Tomonori Yazaki as Ichiro Miki
Eisei Amamoto as Toy Consultant Shinpei Inami
Sachio Sakai as Bank Robber Senbayashi
Kazuo Suzuki as Bank Robber Okuda
Kenji Sahara as Ichiro’s Father
Machiko Naka as Ichiro’s Mother
Shigeki Ishida as The Landlord
Directed by Ishiro Honda
SUPER SCARY SATURDAY! BOOOoooOOOoooOOOooOOOOooOOO! Once again, Super Scary Saturday will be our guide through the world of Godzilla! This is the greatest Super Scary Saturday intro of them all! It’s only ironic that it’s on one of the worst Godzilla movies of them all! It’s got stock footage, more stock footage, annoying kids in short shorts, even more stock footage, even more annoying kids in short shorts, and oddly enough was one of my favorite G films as a kid, probably because this movie is marketed for kids (though I suspect the Super Scary Saturday intro also helped.) The stock shots of Godzilla are pulled from several films, so you see Godzilla’s head change shape a few times. We got our grubby paws on the Japanese version as well as the American TV dub, so we’ll be contrasting both as we go along. It’s the same storyline, but there are a few key differences, most notably, the kid in the Japanese version is about twenty times less annoying! He’s almost respectable! It’s amazing. Minya famously talks in this film, and shrinks down in size to have chats with little Ichiro, the Boy of Monster Island. Speaking of Monster Island, this film was the immediate follow-up to Destroy All Monsters, where all the monsters were living on Monsterland, but from this movie forward they all live on Monster Island. Also, Destroy All Monsters took place in the far off future of 1999, while this film is set back in 1969. So either Monster Island becomes Monsterland, or Monsterland is another name for Monster Island, possibly due to Monster Island being really a peninsula.
I hope I didn’t bore you off with that over-analysis there. It’s time to not care about technicalities anymore, as we’re going to be visiting the mind of an 11 year old boy, his monster playmates, a crazy toy inventor, two bumbling master thieves, and two bullies named Gabara! All of this hosted by Al Lewis, Grandpa Munster himself! It’s the last March of Godzilla film until the next March of Godzilla (ignore that this is May and we’re still putting up films) and the last Super Scary Saturday film I have on tape. So let’s Celebrate, Celebrate, Super Station TBS! And bring on Super Scary Saturday!
After the famous Super Scary Saturday commercial scares it’s way by again, we get the opening. “It’s Me, Grandpa!” we get our familiar greeting as Grandpa Munster awaits us sitting in the Super Scary Saturday theater. He’s excited to have us there: “Do I have a treat for you! This is better than having your own Red Cross Blood Bank franchise!” It sure is. Grandpa Munster rules! Grandpa continues: “You heard of Wrestlemania? Well, we have MONSTERmania!” It’s Godzilla vs. All Comers!
Grandpa then jumps to Crazed Grandpa Announcer Don King mode to promote the upcoming fight! Behind him at the podium are cartoons of Godzilla and Gabara, Godzilla in a wrestling suit giving his pointing finger, and Gabara doing his hair! We cut to Gabara for his view of the upcoming fight, and his Godzilla-taunting, which I will transcribe in it’s entirety for your reading pleasure: “Listen up you giant water lizard! I’m the prettiest monster and the meanest Godzilla. You’re going to get the shock of your life when you step on the Monster Island with me, Gabara, the giant cat from Monstermania! I’m the one, the only, the true world champion!”
How can you argue with trash talk like that? The answer is, trash talk of your own, which Godzilla replies! “You may be pretty, Gabara, but you’re also a sissy! Even my little boy can whip you! You’re gonna flip when you see my new moves for Monstermania! I’m gonna recapture my title, and there’s nothing you can do about it! Whooo!”
This is the greatest thing in movie hosting history!
Back to Grandpa, who proclaims “Godzilla is out to destroy all monsters!” After the trash talking with accompanying shots from the movie (some of which are edited in quite nicely) there’s nowhere to go but straight into the film. So, as Grandpa continues: “Super Scary Sports is proud to present to you: Monstermania! And….Godzilla’s Revenge!”
Ding! goes the starting bell.
This whole intro is available on YouTube right here.
We jump right into Godzilla’s Revenge, or All Monsters Attack, or Godzilla-Minya-Gabara: All Monsters Attack, depending on which version you own. From the opening note we see that the American and Japanese versions differ, as the Japanese opening song is much less fast of a surf rock song. The American version also is lyrics free, which is a blessing, as the Japanese are cursed with a female screeching high pitched lyrics at you like your girlfriend yelling when you just came home with lipstick all over your face. This song is played again later (ARRRGGGG!!!!) so we’ll give the lyrical translation then, but as for now it sounds just like a sack of cats thrown in a washing machine recorded for your listening pleasure.
We jump right into the city, the grimy, industrial city. Young Boy Ichiro is walking home from school with his friend Sachiko, who is a girl, in case you missed the “-ko” at the end of her name. They’re pushed aside by the local gang of 11 year olds, who say some sort of insult that the subtitles don’t bother to translate. On a traffic overpass, a truck hitting it’s breaks for half a second is fascinating enough that both Ichiro and Sachiko jump up to see what’s going on. Is truck maneuvering that big in Japan? Ichiro starts talking about how the brakes of the truck sounded like Minya (they do not, Ichiro is delusional) and Sachiko is less than impressed. Well, in the American dub, she’s a little more impressed. Ichiro will be playing the part of Kenny, in case you’ve not figured this out yet. He’s decked out in a yellow baseball cap, short shorts, and a backpack, all of which he’ll be wearing throughout the film. He fits in perfectly with the Kenny credo, of being friends to monsters who kill people, being obnoxious, whiny, microshorted, and the character you want to die the most. No one does die in this movie, which is unfortunate, as there are several good candidates. Ichiro is played by actor Tomonori Yazaki, who went on to the Kamen Rider TV show and then to be torn apart by hungry wolves in the Siberian wilderness. Okay, maybe that last part is a lie.
The kids continue to walk home as the shots jump to many views of the industrial park they live in. Factories belch thick smoke into the air. We get a song accompanying this post-credits montage. For us Yanks, we get some nice surf music that drags on during the many shots. The Japanese got something more, a message, as their version of the song has lyrics. Lyrics screeched at us by a crazed sounding Japanese woman. TarsTarkas.NET has translated these lyrics for your pleasure. These are the real lyrics:
The Monsters are roaring
The Earth is no fit place to live
Godzilla wonders why
Minya wonders too
Bash, Bang, crash, clang
Monsters destroy everything
but smog and exhausts
Destroy even worse
They are the real monsters!
So Godzilla’s Revenge suddenly has become a pro-environmentalism movie! I had no idea! This could have movie spawned Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster and Godzilla vs. Gigan‘s plots! That’s…..disturbing. America wins again, with a better song and no shrieking Japanese woman’s high-pitched wail about dirt. Toho sure hates progress, I guess.
Ichiro chats with his dad, a train operator who is never home and will never be home this entire movie. Ichiro then finds a valve (I guess it’s a vacuum tube, but the subtitles say valve and the American dub doesn’t even give the item a name) and puts it in his pocket. Meanwhile, Ichiro’s dad has a heart to heart with his coworker about how his son is alone a lot and daydreams often, so that might be worrisome. Us Americans don’t put up with worrisome fathers, so in our version, the dad is content with his son while the coworker is worried. All of this is quickly forgotten as they read in the newspaper about thieves who stole 50 million yen ($23.45) and are at large. If you think this will have no impact on the plot, you’re sadly mistaken. Ichiro decides fun will be playing in an abandoned factory, but Sachiko doesn’t want to. She’s saved when her mom comes by, but Ichiro is alone when Gabara’s gang pops out. Gabara (or Gavara as the subtitles have christened him) is perpetually wearing a red Indy 500 sweatshirt, a sideways baseball cap, and very short pants. Shorts so short they’re scary, and will scare us at the end of the film. Gabara’s the gang leader, and he and the rest of his gang is all dubbed by what sounds like the same woman. They grab the valve from Ichiro, telling Ichiro the only way he’ll get it back is if he honks the horn of a man who is painting a billboard. As this would cause him to get distracted, it’s the most dangerous task you could ask the kid to do, so he refuses. I must note here that Ichiro is about 900000000 times more whiny in the American dub, the woman who does his voice is over the top and back under again.
Ichiro heads home, valveless (if you’ve read A Confederacy of Dunces than you probably know some dirty valve jokes) and gets his keys to his empty apartment, which are at the local apartment complex’s crazy toy inventor’s house, hidden in a jack in the box. Excuse me, a Giraffe in the box. Toy Inventor Shinpei Inami is a crazy eccentric old man who loves kids and lives alone in a house full of toys. Uhhhhhhhh….yeah….I wouldn’t let my young boy hang out with this man. We’ll just call him Toy Man because Shinpei Inami is confusing and boring. Toy Man is played by Eisei Amamoto, probably most famous to G fans as Dr. Who in King Kong Escapes. Toy Man is working on a new Kiddie Computer, for looking up Kiddie Porn on the Internet! Just kidding, it’s so kids can learn. As this is pre-internet, kids probably could use computers to learn, instead of looking up lyrics to the latest J-Lo song and posting about how much they hate their parents because they won’t let them stay up until 3am playing XBox Live. Ichiro uses this as an excuse to talk about monsters again. Ichiro has a one track mind, and it’s derailed at Monster Island. Ichiro spends the next few minutes explaining about how Monster Island is better than the Moon (what the computer was computing) and then says they should add monster cries to the computer. Ichiro also complains about Gabara, and the American dubbers allow Ichiro to say “Golly, it sure is murder when you’re so small!” During this time we also find out Gabara’s last name is Sanko, so he’s Gabara Sanko. Sanko…Everything You Love About Coffee!
Oh, wait, we get a comic relief scene. So…get this….the Toy Man…..burns his foot! And then he yells…..IN PAIN!!! This makes Ichiro think that…..wait for it….Toy Man is making MONSTER SOUNDS!!! Isn’t that a great joke?
Ichiro arrives to his apartment alone, with only a note from his mother for company. He grabs some food and turns on the TV, which soon has a new report about the robbers of 50 million yen ($23.45) who may or may not factor in the plot eventually. Ichiro changes channels, and we get a romantic show. Now here the two movies diverge again, with the Japanese version playing a soap opera where the male character is also named Ichiro. The American version decided to have a little fun, and cheesed up the dialogue a bit:
Geraldine: Hubert, don’t leave me, I love you!
Hubert (In Adam West voice): Geraldine, I have to leave you!
Geraldine: But Hubert!
Ichiro says “BLEEAH!” as do I. Ichiro moves from sad to depressingly sad as he pulls out his “computer” from the closet, a bunch of wires with fake dials drawn on them, that makes a noise when turned on, and has a pipe cleaner for an antenna. He uses the computer to radio Monster Island to go pick him up for a flight there. Ichiro then dreams that he’s on his way, by plane, Pan Am plane, and it’s packed! Well, it was, but a negative effect wipes out all the other people, including the pilots, and Ichiro is Plane Alone! Another negative effect jumps him onto Monster Island. Monster Island is a jungle land where all the monsters live, so Ichiro soon sees lots of giant beasties. Right off the bat we get to see Godzilla! He’s fighting three giant Mantises, called Kamakiras or “Gimantises”, and this battle looks strangely familiar. Perhaps because it’s the battle that took place in Son of Godzilla! The first of many stock footage fights is playing right here, right now! We even see the newborn baby Minya during one of the Kamakiras’s body slams. Intercut is reaction shots of Ichiro, like he doesn’t know how it’s going to end. So, yeah yeah, two Kamakirases are killed, and the third flies off. We’ve seen it before. The music jumps to the cooler surf music post-fight, and Ichiro looks at other monsters. Gorosaurus! Manda! Angillas! Okondoru! They all get ten seconds shots! Except Okondoru, we see his entire 20 second fight with Godzilla directly taken from Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster. So Okondoru gets burned and crashes into the sea again. Loser.
Kamakiras (or Gimarkurus as Ichiro calls it once during the American dub) is tired of reruns and tries to hunt down Ichiro. Ichiro runs, and manages to fall into the VORTEX OF TIME! At least that’s what it looks like, but he just falls down a big hole, and somehow slows down to slower than a feather drops. He’s trapped underground, and can’t climb out. Soon a vine lowers to pull him up, and it does. We don’t see the mysterious rescuer, until Ichiro is back on the surface. Then it’s discovered, it’s Minya, the son of Godzilla! Hooray!!!
Minya is awesome.
Minya also has a girl’s voice! Well, Japanese Minya has a girl’s voice; American Dubbed Minya has a knockoff Barney Fife voice. Minya’s managed to shrink himself down to Ichiro-size, and says he won’t hurt him, so the two begin to become fast friends. Their springtime romance is interrupted by Gabara! This Gabara is a giant cat lizard monster who regularly beats up Minya, so the pair hide. The whole fantasy then comes crashing down as Ichiro is warped out of his dream by a ringing phone!
Ichiro must be a really light sleeper since it’s Toy Man’s phone ringing, and he lives several apartments down! I’m surprised Ichiro could even have a five second long dream if he’s that light a sleeper. Ichiro’s mom calls Toy Man to say that she’s not coming home, as she has to cover the shift of someone who’s sick. To further drive home the point of THIEVES OF 50 MILLION YEN ($23.45), cops visits her work while Mom is talking. Why is Mom calling Toy Man and not Ichiro, anyway? Is she and Toy Man having an illicet affair, she plays with his toys while Daddy goes and plays with his trains? I think so, because I have a dirty mind. Ichiro is still asleep, so how did the phone wake him up, anyway? Okay, I’m going to stop trying to figure this out. Ichiro starts whining some more, so Toy Man offers him some dinner later. Never mind that Ichiro already had a dinner that his mom left him.
SUPER SCARY SATURDAY!
Grandpa Munster Returns! We see clips of Godzilla tossing around one of the Kamakiras, and then cut to Grandpa, who says “I don’t know. Praying’s not going to help that mantis!”
GODZILLA’S REVENGE TIME!!!
In the meantime, Ichiro wanders outside where he joins the Yakuza and is slain by Beatrix Kiddo. Okay, that DIDN’T happen, but should have. Outside he does run into Gabara and his gang, who seem to be perpetually outside and up to no good. My kind of gang. Ichiro runs off, and hides in the abandoned factory. Ichiro finds headphones here that he’ll be wearing at his computer from now on. He also finds something weird, which us Americans find out much later is a drivers license. I thought it was a matchbook at first, Japan has weird licenses. Air sirens blare, which scare Ichiro back home. Allied Bomber attack! It’s revenge for Pearl Harbor as death rains down from above on an unsuspecting Japanese populace! Well, that’s what should happen, we never know what does happen, but probably Varan or Rodan or someone trashing up the city.
Remember those burglars? Well, they were hiding in the factory and one lost his license, the one Ichiro now has! So his partner orders him to follow Ichiro to get it back. Burglar Number 1, who stays behind, loves his sunglasses, even at night, and secretly drinks from a flask. He’s played by Sachio Sakai, and usually plays bad guys in movies. Burglar Number 2 is a bumbling fool who is dubbed by the same guy who dubbed Minya. He’s played by Kazuo Suzuki, who’s been Showoff Door-Opener Assassin in Ghidrah, an Xian in Monster Zero, and Escaped Slave in Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster. Now he plays another moronic bad guy, who can’t even follow Ichiro home fast enough to intercept him. He sees where Ichiro lives, but before he can go up, he’s interrupted by a neighbor who thinks he’s interested in the car that Toy Man has for sale. This neighbor has the keys to the cars and knows an awful lot about the car. It’s very suspicious. It’s even more suspicious since the American dubbers decided to make him incredibly gay. He has the most homosexual voice imaginable, giving both his and Toy Man’s characters a strange new dynamic. This film must have been dubbed in San Francisco is all I’m saying. Plus, it’s hilarious. Passing cops scare off Burglar Number 2.
Inside, Toy Man is giving Ichiro his dinner, and tells him he wants Ichiro to be his new Toy Tester. Ichiro likes that idea, because he can get some more meat in payment. He eats so he can fall asleep and meet Godzilla. Interrupting this crazed story are two Japanese detectives, who just walk into the apartment uninvited (huh?) to warn the citizens that the thieves are probably still in the neighborhood and may steal cars. Exciting stuff, except the police are dressed like construction workers, which may just be what Japanese cops looked like then. Except I think that all other movies I’ve seen like this that have had cops have had them all dressed similar to ours. So, whatever. On the way out, they touch a glove, which speaks as it crawls along on the table. The Japanese version says “Thief! Thief! Call the Police!” while the American version says “Support your local police, support your local police!” as the American dubbers are 100% pro-America and pro-Law and Order.
Ichiro’s lazy butt dreams of Monster Island again. GABARA ATTACK! Gabara chases Ichiro for a bit as Ichiro runs for his life, representing Ichiro’s running from the real life Gabara, for those of you who can’t make the connection. After escaping, he runs into Minya, who’s off being bored because he has no friends. Godzilla scolds him if he gets too close, wanting him to learn how to take care of himself and learn how to fight. Ichiro calls him “A real father!” showing just how messed up family life is for the Latchkey Boy. Stock shots of Godzilla now reenact the battle against Ebirah from Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster. Ichiro and Minya watch like they don’t know who will win, and then get splashed by water at one point! Minya even yells “Punish him!” as a cheer, for reasons I won’t guess at. After the battle is over, we jump to another movie’s stock shots, Godzilla fights Kumonga from Son of Godzilla. This hot Godzilla on Spider action is less exciting as a rerun, so we’ll move on from there. Minya is so excited over the fighting that he tries to shoot some atomic breath, but can only manage atomic smoke rings. Minya says Godzilla couldn’t do it at first, either. In the American version, he goes even farther, saying that his breath will get worse, and that “Godzilla is the one with the real bad breath!” Ichiro also is dubbed in as saying the current fight is “Pretty boss!” Just as Godzilla wins, Gabara shows up. Minya doesn’t want to run, less Godzilla think he’s a coward, so he must go ahead and fight Gabara. A few harmless smoke rings later, it’s Gabara’s turn, where he stomps on Minya for a bit until he can run off.
Now more stock footage invades! The jets from Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster fly in to attack Godzilla. Minya says they’re “coming to occupy this island!” which is pretty sinister, much more than the American’s “They sure are scary” cryptic remark probably made to instill fear of jets in America’s Viet Cong enemies, who watch Godzilla films all the time. The jets attack, Godzilla smashes them all. Next up, it’s the scene from Son of Godzilla where Minya is taught how to shoot flames, only able to do so when Daddy steps on his tail.
Plant Man Attack! Ichiro is captured by Plant Men! Actually, the plant man is just in his dream, in reality it’s the two thieves, who are now kidnapping him in real life!
SUPER SCARY SATURDAY!
Grandpa Munster Returns! We see clips of Godzilla tossing around one of the Kamakiras, and then cut to Grandpa, who says “I don’t know. Praying’s not going to help that mantis!”
MuHAHA– Wait a minute, that’s the same joke! Ripoff! Booo!
GODZILLA’S REVENGE TIME!!!
Ichiro’s taken to the abandoned factory and tied up as Thief Number Two goes to steal a car, Toy Man’s car! Toy Man just happened to take a walk at this time, getting some food at the local join run by the Crazy Old Man Ikio Sawamura from Ghidrah, Monster Zero, Godzilla vs. Mothra, and Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster. This guy is in all of these films! The two cops are eating there also, and every talks about the robbers, because the movie forgot that we’ve already been introduced to them! Back in the factory, Ichiro covers up a big hole in the floor with newspapers while chanting “Die villains, fall in this hole!” over and over. In the Japanese version, that is! In America, he just covers the hole, and isn’t a firebrand dealing death from his 11 year old bench of justice. Ichiro then decides the best plan of action is to go to sleep again!
So he does.
In dreamland, Minya is getting his butt kicked by Gabara again. Gabara is certainly not very sporting, picking on monsters half his size. Gabara shows off his secret power, his horn glows red and he emits electricity from his hands, shocking Minya into submission, than punching him clean in the face. He calls that move “The Shock-Sucker Express”! Or he would if he was real. Only in the dreams of Ichiro and me…. Gabara keeps hitting Minya while he’s down, until Ichiro knocks a rock off a cliff, landing on Minya’s tail and letting him shoot atomic breath right on Gabara’s forehead! That angers Gabara, but Minya is now in enough control he can use his smaller size to agilely dodge Gabara’s lunges for a bit, ducking and weaving as Minya tries to Rope-a-dope him!
Godzilla arrives! 100% real non-stock footage Godzilla! The real deal! Big G himself! Minya runs to him for help, but Godzilla pushes his kid back out there to fight his bully. Minya resists, so Big G kicks him! Reluctantly, Minya lets loose his fighting roar (or fighting squeak), then heads to fight Gabara. Gabara has the upper hand again, and then uses one of those hands to do another shocking maneuver. This lasts for a little bit, until Big G fires a blast of atomic breath across Gabara’s toes. This lets Minya go, and makes Gabara yell at Godzilla, but Gabara doesn’t do anything about it. Minya uses his distraction as an opportunity to run up and bite Gabara on the hand! Minya then runs off for a bit, and gets some brief advice from Ichiro, which is to jump on an overturned log when Gabara steps on it. Minya succeeds, flipping Gabara up into the air and sends him way flying!
Minya has won the fight! It’s a victory! V-G Day! Godzilla is happy and a proud papa, until Gabara bites Godzilla’s leg! Oh, Gabara, what have you done now? Now it’s your turn to get a Godzilla patented G-Style Whomp that will put you in intensive care for decades. Decades! I guess we should get the whomping started! Godzilla even pushed Minya back, wanting to clobber Gabara on his own. Godzilla stomps Gabara harder and faster than he’s stomped anyone before, with maybe the exception of Okondoru. Gabara does his electric hand trick, but Godzilla flips the tables by flipping the Gabara over his shoulder and across the screen. Gabara runs off, Godzilla wins, and Ichiro chants “Gabara is crippled!” in the Japanese version, while chanting “You are a loser!” in the American dub.
Godzilla then gets his “pervert eyes” again, but instead of perving on Kumi Mizuno, he’s now fixated on Ichiro! Godzilla has be turned into Michael Jackson! Godzilla reaches toward Ichiro, who backs away crying “No!” and saying he’s Godzilla’s friend. He then wakes up, as Thief Number One awakes him as he’s screaming out loud. Thief Number Two has finally stolen Toy Man’s car, and they take Ichiro down to it. The cars has engine trouble again, and as the Thieves mess around with the engine, Ichiro remembers the words of Minya (helped by Minya in a thought balloon that’s cropped off in the TV full screen dub.) Minya tells him that he needs to fight by himself, which inspires Ichiro to get out of the car and run. Ignoring the fact that both Godzilla and Ichiro helped Minya at various points, it’s a good lesson. The Thieves are less than happy that their insurance policy captive has run off, so they try to chase him down. Number One grabs Ichiro, but Ichiro bites his hand, accompanied by shots of Minya biting Gabara’s hand. Ichiro then runs into the abandoned factory, and the movie turns into Home Alone. Well, since Home Alone came out many years later, now we know what movie it ripped off! The Thieves trip over everything, and Number Two manages to fall down the hole that Ichiro covered with newspapers.
Toy Man is returning from dinner and notices his car running on the side of the road. He looks inside and sees the bags of money, which we all know Toy Inventors do not have, except for maybe the guy who made the Slinky. By now Thief Number One has pulled his knife on the unarmed kid. This is Japan, which is why the thieves just didn’t kill the kid the first time he wandered into the factory. Thief Number One manages to trip over nothing, and his fall is captures in slow-motion for some odd reason. Ichiro uses this to his advantage to grab a fire extinguisher, which he uses to spray Number One with as we gets shots of Godzilla shooting his atomic breath. Ichiro runs outside, where cops are waiting, and they arrest Number One, followed shortly by Number Two as he tries to sneak away. Toy Man says he’s brave for facing the robbers alone, and Ichiro say “I had to!” in the Japanese version. This exchange is altered in the American version to Toy Man saying “Let’s go home now” and Ichiro replying “No one’s there.” I don’t really see the point of changing it, but oh, well.
It’s the next morning and Ichiro’s mother is finally home, feeding him breakfast. Despite her not being there, Ichiro still understands that she has to work, and still wants her too despite the fact he has to be alone. She cries when he leaves. Outsides, reporters are waiting to ask him questions. Ichiro tells them that he wasn’t scared because Minya was with him. This confuses the Reporters until Toy Man explains that Minya is “like a god, a kind of religion.”
Godzillalogy? The American dubbers weren’t happy with the religion explanation, and changed it to a longer schpiel about how people are inspired by heroes, so the kid is inspired by the monsters. Ichiro is heading to school, meeting up with Sachiko on the way. Soon they are stopped by Gabara and his gang, who want Ichiro to join his gang. Ichiro refuses, saying “No, you are a bully, I hate you!” This tough talk is taken out of the American version in their pussification of Ichiro. Gabara instead just demands to know where Ichiro is going, and Ichiro tells him he’s not scared of Gabara or his gang. Either way, Ichiro and Gabara are now fighting! Gabara gets his sorry behind handed to him (and we see entirely too much of his underwear thanks to his short shorts. The horror….the horror…..) Ichiro again taunts Gabara in Japanese “I hate you, you bully!” while in Americanese he says “All bullies are alike, you can’t take it!” which is a perfectly American thing to say. After Gabara’s defeat, Ichiro stomps over to the motorcycle horn of the sign painter, which he begins honking. This upsets the sign painter so much he falls off his ladder yelling at Ichiro, and gets white paint all over his face, much to the delight of the school kids. They laugh and call him “A ghost painter!” and run off. The painter chases after Ichiro, and Ichiro runs by his father in a train engine, asking his dad to apologize for him. His dad calls him a “naughty boy” and then goes to talk to the painter, offering to pay for his laundry. In America, Ichiro instead just tells his dad “Whatever he said, I did it, an I’m sorry” and the dad says “Okay, keep moving!” then goes to talk to the painter. In the end, the kids all walk off together as friends, and we leave Monster Island and Ichiro’s imagination, better for the journey.
SUPER SCARY SATURDAY!
We get the post-match wrap-up with Grandpa Munster conducting an exclusive interview with Godzilla! Well, a blow-up doll of Godzilla, but Godzilla nevertheless! Grandpa has his special “Super Scary Sports” microphone which is used to conduct the interview.
Godzilla comments: “Thanks, Grandpa! Once again I proved I’m the King of the Monsters. Giant Insects couldn’t take me. Giant Birds couldn’t take me. And that sister Gabara couldn’t bring me to my reptilian knees, either! They attacked me from the land, the sea, and the air, and I’m the only one still standing! I said going into Monster Mania what would happen. They can all eat Monster Island dirt. From now on this Monster Mania will be known as Godzilla’s Main Event! Back to you, Grandpa!”
Grandpa replies that Godzilla has to do something about that breath of his! “Next time, gargle with a gallon of it!”
Well, it’s time to go again, so Grandpa closes up. “Join me next time for another Monstrous Edition of Super Scary Saturday! Be there….or Be…ware!” pointing to Big G, as we close up.
Sadly, this is the last of the Super Scary Saturdays I have on tape, so no more of this fun. If you have any other ones, I’d be glad to know about it!
When I was a kid, this was my favorite Godzilla movie. I don’t know why, I knew that the fight scenes were ripped off of other movies, I knew the kid was overly whiney, but somehow, the movie just worked. I’ve read other people speak of it the same way, and their children enjoy the movie just as much as they did. I’m confident my sons will be as crazy about Godzilla’s Revenge as I was. Since this is a children’s movie, the producer succeeded better than they could possibly imagine. This is why I’m giving the film such a high score despite its awfulness. Because the movie does its job full blast, entertaining kids.
And now TarsTarkas.NET brings you another in the Series of Interviews with Daikaiju All Stars! This episode: Gabara!
|You little troll! How dare you speak to me, the one, the only, Gabara! I’ll kick your Hop on Pop reading butt across this great nation, from sea to shining sea!|
|Now, Gabara, be nice! We’re here to interview wit-|
|Nice, Schmice! Gabara ain’t nice! Gabara kicks butt!|
|So why did Godzilla defeat you so easily?|
|Man, that fight was rigged! Rigged! He hit me with a chair when the ref wasn’t looking!|
|“Rigged?” There wasn’t a chair, or a ref! This was just a monster brawl on Monster Island!|
|Shut your mouth! Fool! I’ll kick your shrimpy Barney-looking tater tot tush!|
|“Tater Tot Tush?” In the words of an idiot, “Bring ‘em on!”|
|You’re about to be Gabarized!|
|OOOooooowwwwwWWWW!!! Cheater! Cheater! You set me up! I’m telling Mommyra!|
|Goodbye, Loser. TarsTarkas.NET out. We got no more Super Scary Saturdays for you kind people, but hopefully can come up with something else cool real soon. Peace!|
Rated 7/10 (Key in the box, Gimantis looks down the hole, talking glove, Grandpa plus fighters x2, Closeup of the SSS mike, SSS Skull)