Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster (Review)

Godzilla Versus the Sea Monster

aka Gojira, Ebirah, Mosura: Nankai no daiketto aka Ebirah, Terror of the Deep


Akira Takarada as Yoshimura (Robber)
Kumi Mizuno as Daiyo
Hideo Sunazuka as Nita (Flattop)
Toru Watanabe as Ryota Kane
Chotaro Togin as Ichino
Toru Ibuki as Yata Kane
Akihiko Hirata as Captain Yamoto
Jun Tazaki as Red Bamboo Commander
Pair Bambi as The Mothra Twin Fairies

Godzilla returns again (Godzilla is always returning….) to fight the greatest threat the world has ever known, giant shrimp! The King of the Monsters versus the King of the Krill in a battle royale! Still, I can pump it up all I want to, but it doesn’t make Ebirah any more exciting a villain, for he is stuck in lame-mode. Instead, we’ll go for broke, and say Godzilla is a prophet, fighting something that decades later America herself would be fighting: A international terrorist organization. The real villains of the film is Red Bamboo, the terrorist organization that took root on the island that Godzilla just happened to be hanging out in. The American dub doesn’t bother to call them Red Bamboo, but the American dub has a lot of other problems. In addition to Godzilla and King Shrimp, we have Mothra making a cameo appearance. Cameo is the right word, as the Mothra suit looks like it would disintegrate into dust had it been used for one second longer in the film. A fourth monster shows up, a giant bird known as DaiKondoru (though I’ve only seen it listed as Okondoru, so that’s what we’ll call him) who is even lamer than Ebirah. There are some well-known G-Movie actors along for the ride, who we’ll get to when they show up in the film.

This movie is different from many of the other Godzilla movies, as Godzilla acts a little different. Mainly because this film was written for King Kong, but some rights disagreements scuttled that idea, and a few minor changes (aka substituting “Gojira!” for “Kong!” in the dialogue) made this the newest Godzilla film. This probably explains why Ebirah is so lowly powered, had he been able to shoot laser beams or heat waves or something, Kong would have had a tougher time. It’s also why Godzilla gets the hots for the lovely Kumi Mizuno, despite being a lizard. Godzilla’s sleeping in a cave is another artifact from the older script, but Godzilla shows his love for sleeping in Son of Godzilla, so it could happen. The version MST3Ked was from Film Ventures, which used shots from Son of Godzilla in it’s opening titles, but the most common versions here don’t have the Film Ventures credits. It still has all the bad, all the good, and all the lobster. Sit back, relax, and get ready to fight…the Sea Monster!

A stormy sea, a tiny ship was tossed, were it not for the courage of the crew…doesn’t matter, the ship gets Giant Lobster Clawed! The vessel Yahlen is no more.

TWO MONTHS LATER!!! says the announcer, who will never speak again. Why? Because there is no announcer in the Japanese version, it opens with real credits and then starts right here. A mother is meeting with a psychic, who tells her that her missing son Yata isn’t in the land of the dead. Yata was on the ill-fated boat from the opening, since the boat was supposed to be a different boat. Two extra guys who are not introduced try to convince her that her son is dead, but she doesn’t buy their logic. She knows he’s alive, despite only pieces of the boat having been found. Her other son Ryota has a plan to rescue his brother. And that plan is…

Telling the Government! Yes, Ryota goes to the police, and asks for another boat, only to be told they don’t have jurisdiction. Suddenly he’s not in the police hall anymore, he’s in a newspaper office, for the obligatory reporter character who is in almost every Godzilla film. Well, he’s only in this one for a minute, because after complaining about Ryota in the next room, Ryota is gone, having seen a poster on the wall for his new cunning plan! And that plan is…

Dance Marathon! Well, not exactly, it’s showing up to a dance marathon three days late! He can’t even enter, but Ryota’s two friends have just gotten knocked out. They are Nita and Ichino, but Ichino’s name is never spoken. Unfortunately, Ichino is completely unrememberable. Nita, on the other hand, has a goofy flattop do, so he’ll be called Flattop from now on. In addition, the goofy dance marathon uses music that mixes the Batman TV theme with Surf Rock. The whole dance marathon subplot reminds me of when there was a dance marathon on an episode of The Muppet Show, and they kept giving them breaks, but no such luck here. Ryota has now become obsessed with boats, and drags his two friends to the docks so he can look at boats. The viewers have all figured out that he’s going to steal a boat, but Flattop and Uninteresting Guy don’t seem to have that figured out yet, even when Ryota insists he must have a boat, tonight. Ryota had TWO MONTHS to come up with a plan, and he doesn’t figure out he needs a boat until now? I wonder what his rejected plans were. They probably could have filled a whole movie with his madcap adventures in failing to rescue his brother.

The trio pick a nice looking boat and go aboard, this boat is named…Yahlen! Hey, continuity nightmare! But only in the American version, the Japanese film is nightmare free, as they didn’t have the boatwreck pre-title sequence. Japanese films: More efficient. Only TarsTarkas.NET dares to review two versions of this film simultaneously. Three versions if you count the recorded off TV version I used to grab the title screen from (I grew up with this as Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, and no stupid thing like it’s proper title is going to change that!) The trio go through all the parts of the boat, shamelessly trespassing. They’re surprised by the owner of the boat, who brings his gun upon them. They panic, and he yells at them, until they convince him it’s all the fault of their crazy friend Ryota. The owner chastises them, and tells them to spend the night for some reason. Just so you know now, the owner isn’t really the owner, but a Thief. The thief named Yoshimura (though I swear they never call him that during the movie, so we’ll call him Robber) is Akira Takarada, one of the most famous Godzilla-series actors, from the original up to the current final film, Godzilla Final Wars. He’s only been in six total(plus two related but not Godzilla films,) but is one of the best recognized actors from the series. But for here, we have a criminal telling three young boys that they have to spend the night on his boat without any adults. Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

Next morning, Robber will be eating his words, as his gun is missing. He starts banging around Flattop, until Ryota tells him he looked at his gun, and since it was a toy gun, it fell to pieces. Why does Robber have a toy gun, and not a real one? Anyway, Ryota decided to take the boat out to sea and go brother searching, without bothering to tell the rest of the group. So they’ve been kidnapped! Ryota says the boat was a “gift from the gods” so he couldn’t refuse it. The radio gives news of a stolen rich American’s yacht (hmmmmm….) and then follows with news of a daring robbery of 4 million yen (HMMMM!!!!) which makes the boys suspicious.

The group is out to sea for a long time, a montage shot of their cabinet emptying over time is shown, and through it all, it looks like Ryota is the only one who knows anything about boating, so the other three are along for the ride. Also, the voice actor for Flattop in the Japanese dubbed version is the most annoying voice actor alive, Flattop is much less annoying in the older, 1960’s TV dub. Despite this boat section being very boring, it at least has a few good shots of the ocean, letting the director get arty, because nothing else is going on. Robber decides that the three will cooperate with Ryota, that way they can find out how to operate the boat, and turn it around. Robber also mentions he’s making a skeleton key, because that’s his hobby. “Gee, you’re the Robber!” Good work, Sherlock! Too bad for us they’ll keep declaring this throughout the film. This is also back in the days skeleton keys worked more often than now. Please remember the skeleton key, it will be a plot point later.

Ryota calls for help, for there are strange clouds, and they head upstairs. It’s storm time! The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship is tossed, what with it being a model in a bathtub. Soon, they are doomed, for a giant claw appears! Below deck, Robber’s suitcase full of money falls on top of a game of chess, spilling yen all over. The yen is soon soaking in ocean water, and the boat itself is destroyed.

The gang awakens upon a rocky beach, all still alive, and Robber finds part of his suitcase but no money. He’s quick to realize it wouldn’t do him any good, anyway, and leads the group up a tall cliff. At the top, Flattop finds a giant knife, and quickly deduces “Savages!” because savages use factory made knives with polished metal blades. In the Japanese dub, Flattop yells “Cannibals!” instead, which is even more of a stretch! Basically, Flattop has a wild imagination, which keeps him afraid. After a quick discussion, they see a ship arriving into the docks of the island. Because the movie won’t until much later, I’ll just go ahead and explain that the yellow liquid prevents the giant lobster Ebirah from attacking them. Tribal music accompanies the ship for reasons I can’t figure out, maybe because it’s full of slaves stolen from Infant Island, home of Mothra. The group heads toward the docks, but run across a giant plant run by a bunch of guys with guns. This will also have to be explained now. You see, the nefarious terrorist organization Red Bamboo runs this island, and this is their weapons facility. Red Bamboo is not mentioned in the American version; they’re just some nameless idiots. They get a full explanation by Daiyo in the Japanese version, except I haven’t introduced Daiyo yet, so forget you read that. Leading the group on the dock is Captain Yamato.

The one-eyed Captain Yamoto is played by Akihiko Hirata, who is one of the most frequent actors in Godzilla-dom. He made his start in the very first film, playing another one-eyed character, the tragic scientist Dr. Serizawa. Hirata would go on to star in dozens of films put out by Toho, including most of the Godzilla series. He died in 1984, after the announcement of the thirtieth anniversary film (Godzilla 1985), for which he sported an eyepatch again for the press conference. But here, he’s evil, and takes out the slaves from the ships. He also announces “X-12 is now delivered!” Well, whoop-de-freaking-do! Five natives try to run for it as machine guns blast from the guard towers. Three of the natives are cut down by fire, but two make it to the canoe that is left on shore by some careless Red Bamboo guy. The two paddle out to sea, as Red Bamboo troops chase after along shore, firing their guns in such proximity and aimed so badly it’s a surprise they haven’t gunned down half their number. The natives get away to deeper sea, but their escape is short lived, as a giant claw emerging from the water announces the arrival of Ebirah, horror of the deep! Ebirah smashes the canoe, then skewers the two natives on his thin claw, and slurps them down for suppers. During all this chaos, a female slave runs off.

Said female slave is Daiyo, played by the lovely Kumi Mizuno. Kumi is a fan favorite, despite only being in a few direct Godzilla films (she’s in some of the related Toho films as well) and is also a monster favorite, as they keep getting obsessed over her, just as Godzilla will in a few minutes. Daiyo is making her way through the forest when Commander Yamato is yelled at by his boss. He tells him “you must be losing your sight!” which is a hilarious insult, proving they are evil. Daiyo runs across our heroes, and she pulls a knife from her waist (shouldn’t she have been searched when captured?) At first our heroes try to talk slow and “natively” but she speaks good English (or Japanese, as the case may be.) Their talk is short lived, as it’s interrupted by a spy balloon, and Red Bamboo soldiers attacking from two sides. Our heroes run, and head up a cliff, trapping themselves, except for their plan of jumping off the cliff! relax, there’s a ledge two feet below, and they hide under a curve in the cliff. Yamato and his men think they all fell into the ocean, and don’t even bother to look for bodies. They head off, as the heroes go into a cave, as the wind indicates there is a second opening, and to get out of the rain. Inside, Daiyo mentions there is a Japanese guy named Yata on her island, and Ryota is convinced it’s his brother, but there could be numerous 23 year old Japanese fishermen who were lost at the same time named Yata in the south pacific, because Yata is like John over there. After talking about the Red Bamboo and Ebirah, Daiyo finally notices the sword Flattop has been holding the entire time, and that she’s looked at directly before, and declares it belongs to one of her people, who was killed trying to escape. How do you know that, since you just got to this island, you just said no one escapes, and the sword was found on top of a cliff?

Let’s jump to the natives trapped on the island, who are making the yellow liquid for the Red Bamboo. Commander Yamoto yells at them, because he’s a jerk! Daiyo tells that Mothra is asleep, but will wake up soon. A jump to Infant Island shows more natives dancing before Mothra, who is asleep. We also see the Mothra twin fairies, who are NOT played by the Japanese sing group the Peanuts, but instead are a different Japanese twin girl singing group known as Pair Bambi. Pair Bambi’s claim to fame is this movie, while the Peanuts were famous before their first Mothra film. Mothra must use the natives as her alarm clock, and they’re currently on snooze mode. Back in the cave, the heroes vote to see if they will rescue the girl’s companions. At least in the American version they’re rescuing, in the Japanese version, they just decide to get a look at the enemy, but without specifically saying it’s a rescue plan. Either way, both Ichino and Flattop don’t want to go. Flattop throws a rock, and it falls down, down, down, and hits…..Godzilla! Luckily, Big G is sound asleep, inside the cave, which has no opening big enough for him to enter.

Is Red Bamboo the stupidest terrorist organization on the planet? They set up their base on an island with a giant monster, who they need a constant supply of yellow liquid to tame. Therefore, they need a constant supply of slaves, to make the liquid. You have to feed said slaves, and get the fruit for the yellow liquid. You also need to build a base, get all the materials there, and as we find out in a bit, they are building a nuclear bomb there. After all that, they pick the one island in the pacific Godzilla is sleeping on, and there’s also a giant bird who shows up for a lame appearance.

Now the group has their turn at doing something stupid. They head toward the base, with a few branches held up in front of them as cover, like a moving bush. This blast from Saturday morning cartoons never works in real life. Well, down by the Pier 39 in San Francisco there is a guy called The Bush Man, who hides behind tree branches and scares people for money. He’s hilarious. Back in the film, Robber gets a look at the lock on the door, and pulls out his skeleton key. “You are the Robber!” Duh, morons, you already figured that out like nine times already! Robber says they’ll fight them with their brains, and Flattop says he sounds like a stupid politician after one of the characters falls, the spotlight shines on them, until Daiyo releases a white dove she has for some reason. (They don’t even explain that in the Japanese version!) They break into the facility, with the Robber picking the lock. Inside, more lock picking! Robber works on a door that is designed after a wagon wheel or something.

“Is breaking into places really this easy?” asks Flattop. “Only Amateurs think that!” responds Robber. (Flattop’s line is about safecracking in the Japanese version.) The insides of the compound look like a Star Trek spaceship set. The place is full of evil scientists doing evil sciency things, such as making nuclear bombs and proving Fermat’s Last Theorem. They stumble across some smoke grenades, and Daiyo finds some copper wire, which she puts around her neck as a necklace. Ichino reveals he is a junior science student, but not big enough to know what is going on here. They wander into a bigger lab, but soon some evil scientists are heading their way. Robber finds a safe, and starts to crack it. He opens it just in time, and they head to hide inside, but…inside is a nuclear reactor! Red Bamboo is like Iran! They figure out that the Red Bamboo are making nukes, and hide in a different part of the lab. Boy, Red Bamboo is really going to pay once George W. Bush finds out about this! Osama bin Bamboo will have to go underground!

They try to sneak out of the lab by posing as two evil scientists carrying two mirrors that the rest are hiding between, but they are caught! Machine guns fire (and miss) as they scatter. Ryota is caught by his foot on one of the spy balloons, which flies up into the air. Flattop tries to rescue him, but is caught by some Red Bamboo agents. The rest of the group return to the cave to hide. They hear the heartbeat of Godzilla, which proves he’s still alive. The problem is, bigger animals have slower heartbeats, so giant animals like him should have one beat a minute, and not be beating at human pace. Flattop befriends the captured Infant Islanders, and they explain the yellow liquid I explained earlier.

More Mothra praying, and Mothra singing, for those of you who are into that sort of thing. It’s interrupted by Ryota falling into the middle of their formation, with his balloon. The first thing he says, before he’s even untangled from the balloon, is “I’m Ryota, where’s my brother?” Thank goodness he hit the right island. Yata, the brother, comes running up a few seconds later, and they are reunited. Ryota says he was captured by the Red Bamboo, and Yata asks who they are. The Twins explain that they are the enemy and live on Devil’s Island, and have stolen many of their people. Including the people they just stole yesterday, while Yata was on the island, and yet didn’t figure out that they were just raided, or that there were previous raids, because living on a freaking island where all you do all day is pray to a moth, when you’re invaded, people are going to talk about it! Yata must live to be ignorant.

Back on Devil’s Island, the Red Bamboo are walking around shooting at random hunting for the missing heroes. What are they, Dick Cheney? That’s probably how Yamato lost his eye. The heroes get a brilliant idea, wake Godzilla! They will use the sword as a lightning rod, and the copper wire that Daiyo had will be used to make a like down to Godzilla. This dialogue will show how they came up with this plan:

“They’re liable to destroy the world, won’t they?” —
“Then Godzilla would do that.” — Robber
“No, he wouldn’t, I know that!” — Ichino (Japanese version: “Godzilla wouldn’t want to do that!”)

Brilliant logic there. As this happens, Flattop convinces the natives to make fake yellow liquids, and the two brothers are sailing for Devil’s Island. They were given yellow liquid by the Twins, and told to tell the islanders to build a giant net. Now it’s suddenly three days later, and still no rain. The soldiers trouncing around the island shooting everything have somehow missed the cave on the tallest mountain that has a shiny sword perched atop it. Finally, some storm clouds decide to come, but the three left on the island should have dehydrated to death by now, trapped in the cave. The storm kicks up, and the model of the rowboat the brothers are using must have been made by a first year woodshop student. Luckily, we won’t be seeing it long, as Ebirah stars to surface, and smashes the rowboat. Ebirah readies to eat the brothers, to the audience’s joy, when lighting starts to strike the sword. It strikes it a few times, and also has a few near misses. Finally, Big G gets woken up. Godzilla busts out of the mountain, again begging the question of how he got in. Godzilla is NOT a morning person. The screams of Godzilla distract Ebirah, and Godzilla instantly moves into the sea to fight Ebirah, knowing he’s there by some sort of Monster Psychic Powers.

It’s Monster Battle Time! Big G vs. Big E! Big G opens by kicking a big rock at the big shrimp. Ebirah knocks it back, and Big G catches it. Godzilla tosses it again, and Ebirah knocks it aside. Godzilla is not happy, and grabs a second rock, which he tosses at the shrimp. Ebirah knocks it back, then Godzilla knocks it himself via smacking it with his head! This goes back and forth a bit, until finally the rock is hit into part of the base of Red Bamboo. Godzilla walks into the water and starts frying Ebirah with his radioactive breath. Red Bamboo panics, and calls headquarters (there’s more Red Bamboo bases?) Godzilla tosses Ebirah a bit, who then pulls Big G underwater. Big G grabs another rock, and bashes Ebirah in the head a few times. Ebirah lets Godzilla go, and then swims off. Looks like a technical win for Godzilla here!

Score: Godzilla 1, Ebirah 0

The heroes find the two brothers hanging upside down in a booby trap. (heh heh, booby!) Now Yata goes berserk to try to help free the islanders. Yata is played off as someone who’s crazy to help people in need, except for the two months he lived with the islanders, who were constantly attacked, where he didn’t even notice. He’s an idiot savant for helping people, with an accent on the idiot. After spying on the base, and seeing the Red Bamboo using the islanders to help repair the base and build an electric fence, they try to figure out what to do without Yata rushing directly into the base and getting shot. Red Bamboo notices them thanks to a hidden microphone, and they’re chased, splitting up to try to escape. Daiyo is about to be shot up, until Godzilla wanders by. Big G scares off the pursuers, but suddenly takes a shining to Daiyo. He leans in with his perv lear, as Daiyo trembles in fear. Godzilla killing thousands when attacking cities is fine, but now he’s committing sexual harassment! That monster! This is all because this was an old King Kong script, this would be the point where Kong picks up Daiyo, except they don’t have a giant lizard hand for Godzilla to do this, so he has to settle for his Perv Leer. The rest of the group watches, as they see Godzilla start to nod off. Godzilla, King of Narcolepsy!

Finally, he nods of, and Daiyo makes her way away, until…

OKONDORU ATTACK!! Yes, a giant freaking bird comes out of nowhere to start pecking at Godzilla’s head for whatever reason I can’t imagine! Godzilla is understandably ticked off, and starts fighting the offending idiot bird. Okondoru is in this film for one reason: to make Ebirah not the lamest monster in this film. Okondoru does his job, for his few pecks annoy Godzilla enough, that he just blasts the bird with his radioactive breath, burning it to Kentucy Fried Okondoru, and causing it to crash into the ocean, never to be seen again, until this scene is used again in Godzilla’s Revenge.

Score: Godzilla 2, Ebirah 0, Okondoru 0

Godzilla rubs his nose, in a reference to some Japanese show, when Red Bamboo jets attack! At least during the jet strike they finally rescue Daiyo. Red Bamboo is pretty well funded, they’re about as well armed as most second world nations. Several of the jets fly directly at Godzilla’s mouth and hands, showing they must have saved money on pilot training. During all this time, the soundtrack of the Japanese version has switched to happy jazz music for some reason! It comes off as really goofy. Godzilla is sick of this crap, and goes over to the Red Bamboo base to smash some stuff up. The base starts machine gunning him as he tears the model of the base to shreds. Finally, the order is given: “Turn on Atomic Power!” They try to fry him with electricity, which is a callback to King Kong vs. Godzilla, but this just ticks Godzilla off even more. Godzilla is a fountain of rage. Maybe he’s like Old Faithful, never stopping with the rage, and can always be counted on to rage away every few years. Godzilla stars tossing some rocks around at the base, because he’s King Kong again at this point.

Yata uses this time to run off to try to rescue the natives, as the Red Bamboo set their base for “nuclear” which will destroy the base! What a waste of money! No wonder Red Bamboo filed for Chapter 11 in 1974. They abandon their base, and grab the yellow dye, taking off in their ship, leaving the natives behind. The natives are trapped! Luckily Robber is there to break them out (as he was chasing Yata) also, Flattop calls him Yoshimura, so they do say his name during the film. In the base, the Evil Scientists are setting the lab for “Nuclear.” When the good guys come in, one threatens to blow up the base if they don’t let him go, which doesn’t really let him escape, but whatever, as he’s crushed in a few seconds. His dying words tell that the island will blow up in two hours. At this point I’d like to point out the alarm system for the nuclear device is completely identical to my alarm clock. One day I had the MST3K version of this movie playing, I fell asleep, and was awoken by the alarm in the movie! So I hate this part, as it reminds me of waking up.

The Heroes cannot reach the off button under the crushed lab, so must give up. Flattop tells that the Red Bamboo are using phony yellow liquid. He sound so much more sincere in the old American TV dub than the Japanese version. It’s odd, because the cheap TV cuts usually suck. Ebirah emerges, and smashes up their ship, and Red Bamboo is now Dead Bamboo. Godzilla sees the shrimp, and returns to the sea to smash him up. The natives start to build their giant net, because of reasons to be seen soon. Godzilla and Ebirah fight, parts of which happen underwater to surf-rock meets James Bond music. Robber is still trying to reach the nuclear timer, which looks like a thermos, but to no avail. Ebirah tries a headlock type attack, which fails like all his attacks. Suddenly they only have 20 minutes left of the two hours. Time flies when you’re having fun. More underwater fighting and more Infant Island dancing. All the dancers pause, and Mothra wakes up! Maybe he had the same alarm clock I did, and that nuclear timer woke him up. Anyway, he gets off his lazy butt, and flies off, giving you a good view as to why he’s only getting a cameo appearance, as the Mothra marionette is about five minutes from crumbling into dust.

Godzilla is tired of Shrimp nonsense, so he bites off the skewer claw of Ebirah, and then snaps off the giant claw. Ebirah runs away as Godzilla snaps his big claw. Mothra flies by just then, and Godzilla eyes him, having been attacked constantly by things in the air, he’s not too keen on this new flying beast. The Twins are somehow on Mothra, and tell everyone to get in the net, and are somehow heard despite being 100 feet up in the air and one foot tall. Godzilla comes over, and after he talks some smack to Mothra, who tries to diffuse the situation, Godzilla spits a warning shot. Mothra gets up and starts flapping away at Godzilla, driving him off for long enough to grab the net full of natives.

Score: Godzilla 3 1/2, Ebirah 0, Okondoru 0, Mothra 1/2

Mothra flies off, as the heroes decide to yell warnings to Godzilla. Between the yelling, the alarm clock warnings, and the lack of anything to fight, Godzilla figures out what’s happening, and leaps off the island. Seconds later, it explodes in a fiery cataclysm of death and destruction! It’s a happy ending, as Robber will go straight, and Godzilla lives to fight again! Plus lame monsters are dead, like Ebirah and Okondoru. Well, Ebirah ain’t dead. But he should be. We have to wait until freaking Godzilla Final Wars to see him killed. Ebirah sucks. Luckily, the next Godzilla film was an improvement over this one, Son of Godzilla.

Rated 4/10 (Lifesaver, Model Man, Not the Peanuts, Yellow Fruit=Lobster Poison)

And now a special interview! Exclusive talk with OKondoru!

Hello, Okondoru, and welcome to TarsTarkas.NET
Why thank you!
So, what have you been doing since your big break in Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster?
Well, after the stunt scene in Sea Monster, I was in intensive care for weeks!
Yes! They told me I’d be fighting King Kong, that’s who I rehearsed with, and the ending was supposed to be him throwing a rock at me and I crash into the sea. However, at the last moment, they told me it would be Godzilla I was supposed to peck. No one bothered to tell me that Big G changed the ending of the fight so he’s be fire breathing me! I had third degree burns over 97% of my body, 98% of my feathers had been burnt, and saltwater in fresh burn wounds is not pleasent, plus I almost drowned.
That’s terrible!
Afterwards, I was in rehabilitation for ten years. My stint in the movie did wonders for popularizing condors, but it backfired when some rich billionares started getting addicted to condor eggs. Our numbers reduced drastically as poor mothers sold their eggs for gold watches and limos. My first wife left me during the rehab process, and took our eggs with her, who soon wound up on the plate of Howard Hughes. When I got out, he was the first person I visited. Luckily, codeine does wonders on reclusive billionares.
You killed Howard Hughes?
He was practically dead already, I just finished the job.
What are you up to nowadays?
After I was unable to reprise my role in Godzilla’s Revenge, and they just reused the footage, I started a foundation for Condor preservation. I met my current wife, Kumiko Fujikawa-Okondoru, and we currently have five children. My oldest was a stunt double for Rodan in Godzilla Final Wars, so the Okondoru family will soon be back! He’s the third generation of Okondorus in show business, my father starred in The Giant Claw.
That’s great! We hope to see more Okondoru action in the future!
Thanks for having me!
Tune in next Big G movie, for our next interview!

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!