Raptor Island
Raptor Island
2004
Starring
Lorenzo Lamas as Hacket
Steven Bauer as Azir
Hayley DuMond as Jamie Cole
Michael Cory Davis as Marcus
Peter Jason as The Captain
Sci-Fi Channel has aired some stinkers. I know that, you know that, TarsTarkas.NET knows that in spades. Even with some of the junk they air, most of the films have a few redeeming points, money shots, or one or two enjoyable scenes. Sometimes, such as Frankenfish, the movie is actually very enjoyable. Usually, it’s 90% junk. Once in a while, a movie comes along….a movie of such caliber….that 100% junk does not do it justice. Raptor Island is well over 8696843% junk, and still climbing. You can take that to the bank, after all, I am a scientist. Much of the junk in Raptor Island is so bad there isn’t words to describe it. It’s terrible. Terrible. TERRIBLE! There is nothing redeeming about this film. From Lorenzo Lamas being out acted by rocks and trees, to CGI monsters so badly rendered a kid with crayolas would do better, to action sequences involving people standing still shooting while their targets stand still and take fire. You won’t believe the origin of the raptors. I’d rather watch the Toronto Raptors trapped on an island than see this film again. You couldn’t pay me to watch it again, and I’ve seen Manos two dozen times. There cannot possibly be a worse Sci-Fi Channel movie than this one. Read on, if you dare…
Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: CGI trainwreck, Dinosaurs, Hayley DuMond, Lorenzo Lamas, Michael Cory Davis, Peter Jason, SciFi Channel, Steven Bauer
TNT Jackson
TNT Jackson
1975
Starring
Jeanne Bell as Diana “TNT” Jackson
Stan Shaw as Charlie
Pat Anderson as Elaine
Ken Metcalf as Sid
Directed by Cirio H. Santiago
Writing credits Ken Metcalf and Dick Miller
It’s the Seventies! Let’s get some Malaise and impeach Nixon! Disco down now! The Seventies is not complete without some Blaxploitation, so we got that too! Turn down your radio and it’s cranking out of the seventies hits of Stray, Patto, Bakerloo, Frumpy, Gnidrolog, Cressida, Gong, Budgie, Osibisa, Klaatu, Gypsy, Cactus, Audience, Mandrill, or whatever other rare Seventies songs you like, for it is time for action. Black action. Blaction! It’s Sista Blaction as our star is October 1969 Playboy Playmate of the Month Jeanne Bell, who is TNT Jackson, flying to Hong Kong to search for her missing brother. Jeanne Bell’s martial arts training seems to be entirely composed of the rehearsal scene, but she has a double ( a suspiciously male-looking double) who takes care of some of the problems. Afros abound, and Jeanne Bell takes up the sassy black girl quota entirely herself. “Hong Kong” (aka somewhere in the Philippines) seems to be populated with every kind of ruffian and rogue on the planet, giving us plenty of fight scenes. Cirio H. Santiago directs (previously seen here helming The Destroyers and Wheels of Fire) and one of the writers (the one who didn’t write himself into the movie) is Dick Miller, famous for being in Gremlins and The Terminator. Will this Kung-Fu Sista kick some butt and find her bro? Will she get drowned in a sea of afros? What scene from this film did Quentin Tarantino “homage” (rip off)? All these questions and more can be answered by reading onward!
Read more…
Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Blaxploitation, Cirio H. Santiago, Dick Miller, Jeanne Bell, Ken Metcalf, Pat Anderson, Stan Shaw, Women who kick butt
